• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

My Boss is a Bully. I Don't Know What to do Anymore.

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

sownyuh

Junior Member
Texas

I work as a Project Engineer in Construction, an industry well known for the salty, old-school roughnecks that accompany the territory. I recently graduated Texas A&M with a Masters Degree in Land & Property Development and am just starting a career in this industry.

I have served in the Navy, worked and helped support my family since I was 16, and own/run a small Property Management company on the side. I am not your typical millennial that is stereotyped today. I've sacrificed and given up a lot to get to where I am at today. I don't mind working hard, and I don't expect things to be handed to me.

From the military, I battle Major Depression/Anxiety. Something I deal with daily, and can overcome most days.

All I want is to have the ability to do my job, without having to spend 70% of my energy in dealing with my superintendents consistent, unrelenting battery of harassment and verbal assault. I can be really wordy, so Im going to make bullet points on what I go through on a daily/ weekly basis.

- Lunch/Breakfast. If I do not buy my superintendent lunch or breakfast each day, in return I am met with harassment, unrealistic work requests and often have to work Saturdays as punishment. No Joke. I am already pulling 10-11 hour days, even though I am salaried. Doing the math, I make $13/hr based off of the time I put into this job on-site. Saturdays? I'm not even OSHA certified... I should not be here, the superintendents whose job it is to be in the field should be here.

- Unrealistic work requests : My job is a junior management position. I work directly under a Project Manager from Dallas. When he gives me instructions the super doesn't like, he will often have me do the exact opposite and then will make it seem as if I were the one to make that choice. I am new, and am not going to doing something out of the blue, on my own. Unfortunately, the PM is a little naive... I then get chewed out by my PM while the superintendent gets off without a slap on the wrist. 14 People have quit and this project is only 9 months old, all going back to this one guy because of things like this.

- Sexual/Verbal Harassment : This is the thing that gets me the most. . There are random days he asks about my sexual life. He will ask things like, "Are you going to plow into your fiance's P*** when you get home??" or ask if I ever have to rape her or anything like that. Since we are in a college town, there are tons of younger girls that walk around and he will say things that are incredibly derogatory. Locker room talk??? Yeah right! This is way beyond that. I can't begin to describe how infuriating it is when he says those kind of things. This guy is a pig, and is disgusting. I have values and morals that I believe in. I carry those from Texas A&M, the Freemasons and the military. This one person challenges those values every day.

- My Bonus : He sabotaged my end of year bonus. I asked what he said to my PM that resulted in a poor bonus and his response was " You're a millennial, green and don't deserve an end of year bonus." I am the first one here, and the last one to leave. I do and figure things out that this guy with 20 years of experience can't seem to grasp or comprehend. Don't get me started on technology and the use of it in the workplace.

- He disrespects me in front of all of the subcontractors and other field superintendents, resulting in bullying from them as well. I can handle locker room talk to an extent. There are some lines you don't cross though, my mom would have torn my behind up!!! The repetition and consistency of the verbal harassment I receive from these people is relentless. It doesn't stop. Every single day, I get called gay, or some obscure joke is made at my expense about how much I love male body parts. My nickname on this site is the Millennial, Somalia (Yes like the pirate), dumba**, or kid.

- This guy has a CHL and carries a gun to work every-day. To be honest, there are some days I am scared to be here with him because of that. He has never threatened me directly, but has mentioned he wanted to be a hit-man for the mafia when he was in his 20's. That he wanted to feel the warmth of someone's blood all over him. How am I supposed to feel comfortable in an environment with someone like that?

I'm beyond over this. I just want to arrive at work, do my job, and go home to my fiance. I've complained to my PM about his behavior, multiple times. I've complained to one of the owners of our company about it.

I have been on the hunt for a healthier work environment for the last 3 months and have not been able to find any jobs in Land Development, where I should be. Everyone says I'm over-qualified, or don't respond at all. I can't quit, I have a mortgage, bills, a car-note. Some student debt thanks to grad-school. I've spoken up, questioned, even freaked out and nothing has changed.

I don't know what to do, and am really struggling here. It is affecting my health, sleep, eating habits, relationship, life, and outlook on pretty much everything. I am out of energy. I don't have any hope, I don't have any self-worth. Depression and Anxiety... Often viewed as a crutch unless you've experienced it yourself. It is debilitating. I have endured many trials and tribulations through the 28 years I've been alive. I've met thousands of people through the military, and bouncing around to 26 different homes before turning 18. I have never experienced or met someone as destructive as this human being.
 


cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
You haven't asked a question, or if you did I missed it. But I assume you want to know what legal recourse you may have?

To start out, I am by no means unsympathetic. I've worked under a bully. I can tell that this is a very miserable situation. But the problem is, most of what you've described (not all, but most) is simply not illegal. It is not illegal to make you work Saturday. It is not illegal to have unrealistic work expectations. With limited exceptions (and we'll get to them) it is not illegal to "disrespect" you. Even in front of others. It is not, for the most part, illegal to have nicknames for you (exceptions exist here, too). Depending on your bonus structure, that may or may not be an issue but it will depend on the terms of the bonus agreement.

However, I do see a few things that you can do. I don't know if you've talked to HR or not but if you haven't, start there. It might help and if it doesn't, it'll only serve to strengthen your claim later. What you want to focus on is the sexual harassment. Male on male harassment is just as illegal as male on female harassment, and that is where the strength of your case is. Discuss it with HR, and give them a reasonable length of time to investigate and take action. If nothing changes, then get thee to the EEOC. It probably wouldn't hurt to run the entire picture past an employment law attorney, who can look at things like the bonus agreement and maybe address the lunch/breakfast buying issue (which is not technically illegal but potentially raises some wage and hour questions nonetheless).

Good luck.

ETA: Just saw that there is no HR. In that case, see the employment attorney now.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
You haven't asked a question, or if you did I missed it. But I assume you want to know what legal recourse you may have?

To start out, I am by no means unsympathetic. I've worked under a bully. I can tell that this is a very miserable situation. But the problem is, most of what you've described (not all, but most) is simply not illegal. It is not illegal to make you work Saturday. It is not illegal to have unrealistic work expectations. With limited exceptions (and we'll get to them) it is not illegal to "disrespect" you. Even in front of others. It is not, for the most part, illegal to have nicknames for you (exceptions exist here, too). Depending on your bonus structure, that may or may not be an issue but it will depend on the terms of the bonus agreement.

However, I do see a few things that you can do. I don't know if you've talked to HR or not but if you haven't, start there. It might help and if it doesn't, it'll only serve to strengthen your claim later. What you want to focus on is the sexual harassment. Male on male harassment is just as illegal as male on female harassment, and that is where the strength of your case is. Discuss it with HR, and give them a reasonable length of time to investigate and take action. If nothing changes, then get thee to the EEOC. It probably wouldn't hurt to run the entire picture past an employment law attorney, who can look at things like the bonus agreement and maybe address the lunch/breakfast buying issue (which is not technically illegal but potentially raises some wage and hour questions nonetheless).

Good luck.

ETA: Just saw that there is no HR. In that case, see the employment attorney now.
If the OP has not brought this up as a concern with the company at all, then it might be time to do so. Since he was informed that the PM "is HR", then he should take his concerns higher.
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
If the OP has not brought this up as a concern with the company at all, then it might be time to do so. Since he was informed that the PM "is HR", then he should take his concerns higher.
Perhaps, but it still can't hurt to consult with legal counsel.

Poster, what is the "command structure"? Who is above the PM?
 

sownyuh

Junior Member
You haven't asked a question, or if you did I missed it. But I assume you want to know what legal recourse you may have?

To start out, I am by no means unsympathetic. I've worked under a bully. I can tell that this is a very miserable situation. But the problem is, most of what you've described (not all, but most) is simply not illegal. It is not illegal to make you work Saturday. It is not illegal to have unrealistic work expectations. With limited exceptions (and we'll get to them) it is not illegal to "disrespect" you. Even in front of others. It is not, for the most part, illegal to have nicknames for you (exceptions exist here, too). Depending on your bonus structure, that may or may not be an issue but it will depend on the terms of the bonus agreement.

However, I do see a few things that you can do. I don't know if you've talked to HR or not but if you haven't, start there. It might help and if it doesn't, it'll only serve to strengthen your claim later. What you want to focus on is the sexual harassment. Male on male harassment is just as illegal as male on female harassment, and that is where the strength of your case is. Discuss it with HR, and give them a reasonable length of time to investigate and take action. If nothing changes, then get thee to the EEOC. It probably wouldn't hurt to run the entire picture past an employment law attorney, who can look at things like the bonus agreement and maybe address the lunch/breakfast buying issue (which is not technically illegal but potentially raises some wage and hour questions nonetheless).

Good luck.

ETA: Just saw that there is no HR. In that case, see the employment attorney now.
I contacted an attorney 3 weeks ago and he explained I didn't have ground for a case at all, which kind of blows my mind. The only question I have is what can I do? I have gone on a few interviews with no success. I feel stuck, kind of trapped. I can't quit or lose my job. Part of me feels like I should delete this post, accept this is just the environment, and do my best to persevere and move forward. It is tough though. The drive to work alone is a mental battle in itself.
 

sownyuh

Junior Member
Perhaps, but it still can't hurt to consult with legal counsel.

Poster, what is the "command structure"? Who is above the PM?
The "partners" are above him. They are pretty much 3 guys with even less construction experience than myself that have more money than they know what to do with. I've talked with one of them when they were on site, briefly, because he asked if our superintendent was causing this job to fail. I told him that he wasn't intentionally doing anything, but his behavior towards others is causing subcontractors to quit. I told him that I struggle with him in the office. I have not mentioned anything regarding the sexual stuff, because I don't want to be labeled as "that guy" in this industry. When you do something like that, you can kiss your career in construction good bye. I've told another superintendent that his comments about my fiance and myself make me really uncomfortable and doesnt sit well with me. I have to be careful with what I say about things to others here. It is a somewhat small company.
 

PayrollHRGuy

Senior Member
Well if you aren't willing to speak out for yourself any more than you already have what do you expect anyone else to do?
 

xylene

Senior Member
Can you get your own handgun permit?
Since its seem to be part of why you are having a hard time standing up to this jerk.

Because if you really think he's gonna kill you, maybe your car payment can wait.
 

xylene

Senior Member
The "partners" are above him. They are pretty much 3 guys with even less construction experience than myself that have more money than they know what to do with. I've talked with one of them when they were on site, briefly, because he asked if our superintendent was causing this job to fail. I told him that he wasn't intentionally doing anything, but his behavior towards others is causing subcontractors to quit. I told him that I struggle with him in the office. I have not mentioned anything regarding the sexual stuff, because I don't want to be labeled as "that guy" in this industry. When you do something like that, you can kiss your career in construction good bye. I've told another superintendent that his comments about my fiance and myself make me really uncomfortable and doesnt sit well with me. I have to be careful with what I say about things to others here. It is a somewhat small company.
Be change you want to see, especially since you didn't punch him in gut for asking about how you rape your wife, which would have been part of the old school crappola you are talking about.

Personally I would have done both things.
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
The sexual stuff is your only hope of legal recourse, though. I can see why you don't want to mention it but that's the ONLY thing that's in any way illegal. If you don't want to use that then your only option is to suck it up until you find another job.

I'm sorry to be so blunt and again, I'm not unsympathetic. But it is not illegal to be a bully.
 

xylene

Senior Member
I would NEVER buy this guy anything to eat ever again whatever the reason.

I might get him maybe a knuckle or a s*** sandwich.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top