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Difficult marriage question. Young and pregnant

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JiaWu

Junior Member
Indiana

Very difficult legal question. Marriage. But there are some complications


Okay I've been in a long term relationship with my partner I met during HS. We planned on marriage when we could even if others disagree with it 'so early on' What we didn't plan on, is pregnancy. And the harder thing to talk about is the fact she's 3 years younger when I'm 19. In HS people dated like this all the time, 2 grades apart wasn't a big deal. She's of consent age as well. Marriage has always been on our plate. When she's 17 that was the plan with parents consent which I have over and over. If I was 28 and. She was 25 its no big deal or flipped but I'm sure you can see my predicament. The idea is to protect the child and our relationship we get married now. Is. This possible? I believe I read that if pregnancy comes into the question the courts would possibly grant a marriage license. How often and is it likely? No mother is fit or ready for. Their 1st child, but certainly not one who's a minor. But neither of us her and her family especially are willing to give it up or abort it's too late for. That as well I'm working on getting my own place as well although I do not have one yet sadly We both have jobs as well. Another thing to worry about is dcs /cps. Her mother has been involved with them before and some are worried that since she is pregnant even though we should have abstained until she was 18 I guess and was on BC at one point it will look like negligence on her mother's part for now hawkeyeing her when I was over I was homeless after I moved out of a 'friends' house and actually lived with them for a while, so when I wasn't working yes I was there often What can we do? I know it's an situation easy to disapprove of, I certainly understand that, but that aside, how can I protect the one I plan on being with for life and the child we are likely to bring into the world even if it isn't a 'rainbow and sparkles' type of situation?
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
Indiana

Very difficult legal question. Marriage. But there are some complications


Okay I've been in a long term relationship with my partner I met during HS. We planned on marriage when we could even if others disagree with it 'so early on' What we didn't plan on, is pregnancy. And the harder thing to talk about is the fact she's 3 years younger when I'm 19. In HS people dated like this all the time, 2 grades apart wasn't a big deal. She's of consent age as well. Marriage has always been on our plate. When she's 17 that was the plan with parents consent which I have over and over. If I was 28 and. She was 25 its no big deal or flipped but I'm sure you can see my predicament. The idea is to protect the child and our relationship we get married now. Is. This possible? I believe I read that if pregnancy comes into the question the courts would possibly grant a marriage license. How often and is it likely? No mother is fit or ready for. Their 1st child, but certainly not one who's a minor. But neither of us her and her family especially are willing to give it up or abort it's too late for. That as well I'm working on getting my own place as well although I do not have one yet sadly We both have jobs as well. Another thing to worry about is dcs /cps. Her mother has been involved with them before and some are worried that since she is pregnant even though we should have abstained until she was 18 I guess and was on BC at one point it will look like negligence on her mother's part for now hawkeyeing her when I was over I was homeless after I moved out of a 'friends' house and actually lived with them for a while, so when I wasn't working yes I was there often What can we do? I know it's an situation easy to disapprove of, I certainly understand that, but that aside, how can I protect the one I plan on being with for life and the child we are likely to bring into the world even if it isn't a 'rainbow and sparkles' type of situation?
Define "long term relationship". Thanks.
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
There is absolutely nothing you can do, if you mean what I think you mean. As long as she is even one minute under 18 (not 17, 18) her parents OWN her. Getting pregnant at 16 does not give her any extra rights and it does not give her permission to run away from home with you. She lives exactly where her parents say she lives until she turns 18 or her parents give her permission to move out. The law is 100% on her parents' side when it comes to who has rights to her, and 0% on yours.

Don't even bother coming back with all your reasons why this should be an exception and all the factors I don't know about and why you think if I REALLY understood the situation my answer would be different. I've answered too many hundred posts just like this one and there isn't any exception. The law says what the law says. There is no state in the US where a minor under 18 can get married, pregnant or not, without permission of their parents, permission of the court, or both. No, a judge is not going to countermand her parents and force them to allow her to get married now. Why should they? There's no compelling reason for them to allow it - she's just one more pregnant teenager.
 

JiaWu

Junior Member
There is absolutely nothing you can do, if you mean what I think you mean. As long as she is even one minute under 18 (not 17, 18) her parents OWN her. Getting pregnant at 16 does not give her any extra rights and it does not give her permission to run away from home with you. She lives exactly where her parents say she lives until she turns 18 or her parents give her permission to move out. The law is 100% on her parents' side when it comes to who has rights to her, and 0% on yours.

Don't even bother coming back with all your reasons why this should be an exception and all the factors I don't know about and why you think if I REALLY understood the situation my answer would be different. I've answered too many hundred posts just like this one and there isn't any exception. The law says what the law says. There is no state in the US where a minor under 18 can get married, pregnant or not, without permission of their parents, permission of the court, or both. No, a judge is not going to countermand her parents and force them to allow her to get married now. Why should they? There's no compelling reason for them to allow it - she's just one more pregnant teenager.

No no, her parents are accepting of the marriage. The law in Indiana states that if she's 17,she requires parents permission for marriage which we have any way, but that's nit the case for this one.

I've seen in some law/cases or something where a judge would grant a marriage in this case.

Source A: "The court can approve the marriage if the female is pregnant (or is a mother), the person she wants to marry is the father of the child, and the persons who are 15 or 16 have received the consent of their parents or guardians" (I don't know if or how this applies when the father of the child is not a minor but allowing 2 15 year Olds seems more concerning)

Long term as in over a year. If we just started a relationship I'd see it as a much more concerning problem. But there's the Romeo&Juliet law / an age gap of less than or equal to 4 years.

I'm not asking to have her "run away with me", but to see if an exception would be made to a marriage, not only for our benefit, but in a conservative state, "to ensure the safety of the child, and the it continues to grow up with both parents"


You included a lot in your reply that I didn't include or imply. I never asked without her parents permission as a matter of fact I tried to ensure that it was understood that we do have her parents permission. Long Before the pregnancy and even after.
 
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Just Blue

Senior Member
No no, her parents are accepting of the marriage. The law in Indiana states that if she's 17,she requires parents permission for marriage which we have any way, but that's nit the case for this one.

I've seen in some law/cases or something where a judge would grant a marriage in this case.

Source A: "The court can approve the marriage if the female is pregnant (or is a mother), the person she wants to marry is the father of the child, and the persons who are 15 or 16 have received the consent of their parents or guardians"

Long term as in over a year. If we just started a relationship I'd see it as a much more concerning problem. But there's the Romeo&Juliet law / an age gap of less than or equal to 4 years.

I'm not asking to have her "run away with me", but to see if jagen exception would be made to a marriage, not only for our benefit, but in a conservative state, "to ensure the safety of the child, and the it continues to grow up with both parents"


I know how you feel about the subject, but can anyone provide facts / laws rather than opinions? Because you put a lot in your reply that I didn't include or imply. I never asked without her parents permission as a matter of fact I tried to ensure that it was understood that we do have her parents permission. Long Before the pregnancy and even after.
Again...Please define "long term relationship" Thanks....
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
No no, her parents are accepting of the marriage. The law in Indiana states that if she's 17,she requires parents permission for marriage which we have any way, but that's nit the case for this one.

I've seen in some law/cases or something where a judge would grant a marriage in this case.

Source A: "The court can approve the marriage if the female is pregnant (or is a mother), the person she wants to marry is the father of the child, and the persons who are 15 or 16 have received the consent of their parents or guardians" (I don't know if or how this applies when the father of the child is not a minor but allowing 2 15 year Olds seems more concerning)

Long term as in over a year. If we just started a relationship I'd see it as a much more concerning problem. But there's the Romeo&Juliet law / an age gap of less than or equal to 4 years.

I'm not asking to have her "run away with me", but to see if an exception would be made to a marriage, not only for our benefit, but in a conservative state, "to ensure the safety of the child, and the it continues to grow up with both parents"


You included a lot in your reply that I didn't include or imply. I never asked without her parents permission as a matter of fact I tried to ensure that it was understood that we do have her parents permission. Long Before the pregnancy and even after.
How are you going to support a 16 year old CHILD and a baby? By impregnating her you...YES YOU AS THE ADULT ...have screwed up her potential future. Congrats.
Frankly if I were this CHILD'S Mom?....You would have to wonder where and when "it" would happen. jus' sayin'.;)
 

JiaWu

Junior Member
How are you going to support a 16 year old CHILD and a baby? By impregnating her you...YES YOU AS THE ADULT ...have screwed up her potential future. Congrats.
Frankly if I were this CHILD'S Mom?....You would have to wonder where and when "it" would happen. jus' sayin'.;)
Alright so nothing to actually add intelligently.

Of course I feel at fault. Should have used protection. I am not the one though who took it in my own, capable of thinking hands, and decided to stop the birth control because I had (and I self quote) "baby fever and wanted a baby" although yes I should have been more careful either way.


Thanks for the replies I guess, I'll just see how it goes!
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Alright so nothing to actually add intelligently.

Of course I feel at fault. Should have used protection. I am not the one though who took it in my own, capable of thinking hands, and decided to stop the birth control because I had (and I self quote) "baby fever and wanted a baby" although yes I should have been more careful either way.


Thanks for the replies I guess, I'll just see how it goes!
LOL...Darling....Start thinking with the top head and not the bottom. YOU were the LEGAL ADULT in this situation. She was a LEGAL child. And despite the idiotic R&J law i your state ...YOU were responsible for this mess.
 

cbg

I'm a Northern Girl
As I said, just another pregnant teenager. No valid reason to issue a marriage license early.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
At the end of the day, if the parents are willing to give their consent to the marriage, a court may allow it. MAY, not WILL or probably will, but might.

MY issues as a parent would be several:

# First off - you BOTH should have been using protection. The Pill is not 100% effective, even less so when in the hands of a child. And it does not protect at all against STDs - so both of you were effectively having sex with every other partner you each had - as well as their other partners, and so on and so forth.

# Since she is now 16and you have been together for at least a year - she was likely more like 15 when you (18?) became intimate. Which...

# A girl (let's be realistic) who becomes pregnant often either does not complete high school, or does not go on to college until later in time. Either of those will seriously impact her ability to support her child. And please don't tell us how you'll be able to support the three of you.

# Young marriages like you are contemplating have a tendency of not lasting - both spouses often wind up feeling resentful of having lost those early adult years and the ensuing "adventures".

# Lastly (for now), I have to ask... Based on your user name, are you here legally, and what is your status? You're not, uuhh, looking for permanent status based on a child & marriage, are you?
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
You INTENTIONALLY got your 16 year old girlfriend pregnant. You are a horrible human being. She should terminate the pregnancy and her relationship with you and save her future.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
I think I misread your post, that it was your girlfriend who wanted to get pregnant and not you, but that you allowed it to happen (unprotected sex) shows that you are not mature enough for a sexual relationship at all, let alone marriage or parenthood.
 

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