• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

I am driving and paying for HIS car and I'm trapped in the payment -- advice please

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

geniusjoe

Junior Member
Texas
I am engaged to a man who is in his 50s and when I we met he was making good money. He convinced me to move in with him and leave my career, as well. He lived 3 hours away and he told me that he would take care of me and let me do my own thing — and whatever I made was “extra”.

It was very clear within a few months that this was a big mistake because he was trying to control everything I spent and shaming me for spending money on myself. (hair, manicure, make up)

I QUICKLY got a job and started giving him the income - thinking he would stop hounding me over what I was spending. But it didn’t change much. He took all my paychecks and still gave me crap about what I was spending.

We broke up and he left me with very little and I had to rebuild fast. I got an apartment and signed a lease back in my old city and my income was better — I felt very blessed that I was able to rebound.

Well, he came back to me and we got back together and I control my own money. However, he lost his cushy income and he is struggling to meet his own bills. I pay most of everything when we go out etc. And I’m still paying the lease on my apartment. Because I got a client back in that location after he left me, I need to stay there on and off. And to be honest, I really like the apartment and having a sense of strength there. I built myself back in that apartment and it’s hard for me to just say goodbye to it.

Well, I am losing a client who I have on contract in 2 months. I currently spend the majority of the time in his house - - his town. Like i said, I pay my own bills plus his food and entertainment and my own lease — where we both stay when we visit that town. When he travels there to be with me — I typically pay all of of his meals and his gas, as well.

Today he suggested that I give notice on the apartment to conserve on money so I can continue paying all my own bills. (and his, i’m sure).

I said well, in a couple of months (when I lose that contract) couldn’t you help me if I fall short with meals etc? He said NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! He said that he is doing poorly with money right now and that he is in no position to be counted on — by anyone. We are in a state with common law marriage and he says he has made it very clear on his quicken books that any money I have given was for "gifts" and NEVER went toward his house and that I will never get a piece of it, even if it sells. He said he's not "stupid" and that if I give money for meals etc -- I am doing it willingly and that will never be replenished if we were to break up again.

However, he owns the car that I drive. I had my own but he hated that my ex husband’s name was on the lease and that I had to pay something associated with my ex. This was when he had a lot of money — so he turned in the car —used the income I made when I got my job back — paid off the car and surprised me with a NEW car in HIS name. My credit was rough, so he felt he would take out the loan in his own name and have me pay the car payment with my income.

I have been paying on HIS car for nearly 2 years now and I have spent a ton of money on car repairs and insurance….more than a car that I would normally pick for myself. I don’t change cars because I would leave him upside down on this car and I know he bought it for me…and counted on me to pay. But, If he left me tomorrow or next month — I would have to return the car — receive no equity or any of my maintenance upkeep back.

The car is a used car and expensive. It also requires special tires — I replaced the back 2 last month and I just saw that the front tire is about to go now too. he requires that I keep all the tires the same — so THAT tire will be at least 300 bucks. And YES, I will have to pay it.

Am I not seeing the forest through the trees here? I have friends who are living the life and I’m paycheck to paycheck…. HOPING this will turn around…and it’s not.

I know this is a bit too much "relationship" stuff -- but legally -- am I being an idiot in driving his car? I would really screw him over if I told him I wanted him to take it back since it has negative equity and he can't afford to pay it.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
Texas
I am engaged to a man who is in his 50s and when I we met he was making good money. He convinced me to move in with him and leave my career, as well. He lived 3 hours away and he told me that he would take care of me and let me do my own thing — and whatever I made was “extra”.

It was very clear within a few months that this was a big mistake because he was trying to control everything I spent and shaming me for spending money on myself. (hair, manicure, make up)

I QUICKLY got a job and started giving him the income - thinking he would stop hounding me over what I was spending. But it didn’t change much. He took all my paychecks and still gave me crap about what I was spending.

We broke up and he left me with very little and I had to rebuild fast. I got an apartment and signed a lease back in my old city and my income was better — I felt very blessed that I was able to rebound.

Well, he came back to me and we got back together and I control my own money. However, he lost his cushy income and he is struggling to meet his own bills. I pay most of everything when we go out etc. And I’m still paying the lease on my apartment. Because I got a client back in that location after he left me, I need to stay there on and off. And to be honest, I really like the apartment and having a sense of strength there. I built myself back in that apartment and it’s hard for me to just say goodbye to it.

Well, I am losing a client who I have on contract in 2 months. I currently spend the majority of the time in his house - - his town. Like i said, I pay my own bills plus his food and entertainment and my own lease — where we both stay when we visit that town. When he travels there to be with me — I typically pay all of of his meals and his gas, as well.

Today he suggested that I give notice on the apartment to conserve on money so I can continue paying all my own bills. (and his, i’m sure).

I said well, in a couple of months (when I lose that contract) couldn’t you help me if I fall short with meals etc? He said NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! He said that he is doing poorly with money right now and that he is in no position to be counted on — by anyone. We are in a state with common law marriage and he says he has made it very clear on his quicken books that any money I have given was for "gifts" and NEVER went toward his house and that I will never get a piece of it, even if it sells. He said he's not "stupid" and that if I give money for meals etc -- I am doing it willingly and that will never be replenished if we were to break up again.

However, he owns the car that I drive. I had my own but he hated that my ex husband’s name was on the lease and that I had to pay something associated with my ex. This was when he had a lot of money — so he turned in the car —used the income I made when I got my job back — paid off the car and surprised me with a NEW car in HIS name. My credit was rough, so he felt he would take out the loan in his own name and have me pay the car payment with my income.

I have been paying on HIS car for nearly 2 years now and I have spent a ton of money on car repairs and insurance….more than a car that I would normally pick for myself. I don’t change cars because I would leave him upside down on this car and I know he bought it for me…and counted on me to pay. But, If he left me tomorrow or next month — I would have to return the car — receive no equity or any of my maintenance upkeep back.

The car is a used car and expensive. It also requires special tires — I replaced the back 2 last month and I just saw that the front tire is about to go now too. he requires that I keep all the tires the same — so THAT tire will be at least 300 bucks. And YES, I will have to pay it.

Am I not seeing the forest through the trees here? I have friends who are living the life and I’m paycheck to paycheck…. HOPING this will turn around…and it’s not.

I know this is a bit too much "relationship" stuff -- but legally -- am I being an idiot in driving his car? I would really screw him over if I told him I wanted him to take it back since it has negative equity and he can't afford to pay it.
You need to totally get away from this guy. He is a control freak and a loser and you just need to be done with him.

Can you check into refinancing the car into just your name? You also need to immediately stop the spending on food and entertainment. You can cook at home or he can. You need to save as much of your money as you can.
 

geniusjoe

Junior Member
I could re-fi the car but it would drag about 10k of negative equity into it. And I honestly would rather another car that I can afford with a better warranty.

Of course he wants me to take over the car loan -- but he wants me to take the entire balance --- it was his stupidity that got him into the negative situation...I have paid EVERY single month.

I asked him to co-sign with me to improve the rate and take it over -- he said no. He said he wasn't going to do that ...


QUOTE=LdiJ;3533156]You need to totally get away from this guy. He is a control freak and a loser and you just need to be done with him.

Can you check into refinancing the car into just your name? You also need to immediately stop the spending on food and entertainment. You can cook at home or he can. You need to save as much of your money as you can.[/QUOTE]
 

HRZ

Senior Member
BUt the core issue remains you need to cut the cord and be gone gone.gone ....like by noon tomorrow !

I won't debate issues of if it's your car but he holds title .you drive itnas it pleases you and upon clear demand to return it..you return it. THe car is NOT worth a discussion...YOU are.
about

Common law marriage is not automatic simply by living together ..look it up...but getting out of there reduces the odds you step into a pile of stuff that can be made to smell like " common law " marriage .

BTW if you get "married " to a deadbeat you might be stuck to care for said deadbeat ...unwise .

I would be out of there today even if I had to couch surf for a while .
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I could re-fi the car but it would drag about 10k of negative equity into it. And I honestly would rather another car that I can afford with a better warranty.
Then give him his car back and boot him (or hit the road yourself.)
 

xylene

Senior Member
equity and a used car with an outstanding loan needing frequent and now unfinished repairs don't go together.

you sunk money into something. there is nothing to salvage.
 

HRZ

Senior Member
YOu have a right to keep driving the car as long as he does not clearly demand it back....if he demands it back... or clearly revokes your permission to drive it ...well you need to get it returned . How quickly he does whatever...no clue ...

If the car has about -10K of value....then you would be smart to not buy into a hole in the ground ...let him solve it ...
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
YOu have a right to keep driving the car as long as he does not clearly demand it back....if he demands it back... or clearly revokes your permission to drive it ...well you need to get it returned . How quickly he does whatever...no clue ...

If the car has about -10K of value....then you would be smart to not buy into a hole in the ground ...let him solve it ...
Yes, she may have that right, but why continue involving herself with the guy by hanging on to the car?
 

justalayman

Senior Member
1. Stop paying for his car. His loan; his problem
2. Get your own car- only in your name, financed only in your name

3. Tell him to get lost and to never darken your door again
 

geniusjoe

Junior Member
Thank you for your replies. I realize this isn’t just a legal issue regarding the car. I neee to make a major decision to leave and prepare for the fall out.

He has told me he would sue me to th negative equity in the car, but i realize that’s probably bullshi8. He can’t do that....correct?
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top