Hi. I am no attorney, but I felt compelled to answer this because I was in a similar situation recently myself.
I have 2 of my cousin's (by marriage) 4 children that live with me. She is a drug abuser and so is the father. She would take her welfare checks and food stamps and buy drugs with them. The kids never got to eat. They were constantly filthy. They were never supervised. They were sexually abused. It is/was a really sad situation.
The kid's grandparents begged me to take these boys. No one else would. They have alot of problems! I have had legal custody for a year and a half. They have lived with me for over 2 years.
I know many other family members, including myself, tried really hard to help the mother out of her situation. She continued on the same path tho.
Actually, she lost her kids for a year and then got them back and then lost them again. Father is also in and out of jail. He's just a deadbeat.
My advise to you is to LET THE SYSTEM WORK FOR YOU. Realize that you cannot change someone that doesn't want to change. Keep doing what you are doing with caring for the children.
I had to realize that the only good I could do in the same situation is TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THESE BOYS. I had them in councelling for a year, but took them out for a while. I know when they are teens that they will probably need to go back.
The youngest boy was 4 when he came here. He could only say 2 words together at a time. He has a speech impediment. He is also ADHD. He was very violent when he first came, but after only 3 days here, he wasn't attacking anyone anymore. He also couldn't look people in the eye. Now he does. He never smiled before--he had a constant "mad" face. NOW HE SMILES. This boy was severely neglected. Now he gets all that he needs and then some. He is a very sweet boy and is very loved. I have him in therapy for his speech. He was held back in school last year--which I also supported. He is doing great now!!
The older boy is 8 now. He was 6 when he came here. He was acting out sexually and was also very violent. He only weighed 20 pounds. He had a habitual lying habit. He was extremely fixated on money. He had got in trouble at school for swindling other kids out of money and toys. OH WAS HE A MESS! I had him in therapy as well. He JUST RECENTLY told me about what happened when he lived with his mom and dad. I know in my heart who it was who had sexual contact with this boy, and its only a matter of time till I prove it. He is a smart boy. He is doing very well in school and is no longer violent and aggressive. He has alot of friends. He has stopped acting out sexually. He is trying to heal. He is happy here...he calls me Mom. He hugs me alot (and visa versa) and tells me all the time how much he loves our "family".
Both boys want me to adopt them, and they want my last name. They call mom and dad by their first names now. They don't care to see either one.
What I am saying is that the kids that you have deserve a chance to have love and stability in their lives. Maybe you should just focus on the kids and let mom fend for herself. If she REALLY wants them back, she will get them.
Skyspirit
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