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Wife stopped providing financial support to household

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I am in the process of interviewing lawyers starting this week but there is something I want guidance on. Here are some facts:
  • Married for 12 years in the State of Florida
  • Wife stayed home 9 of those years raising our kids
  • We have 2 kids together (12 and 10) and one from her previous marriage (18 years old)
  • We live in a home that I owned prior to getting married
  • Most of the marital assets are in my name (Home, my 401K and my pension)
  • We are still living in the same home.

This past January after always depositing her paycheck into our joint account, she stopped. This was around the same time she asked for a divorce for the first time. We had conversations about trying to work things out which we did but now in the month of July we have decided to pursue a divorce.

What are the legal ramifications for her (and me I guess) stopping to contribute to the family expenses? She still uses our joint credit card to purchase family and personal things for herself instead of using the account that she has been depositing her paychecks to. So the way I see it, her money is her money and my money is her money also (I am sure you have heard this too many times already). Because we are a dual-income home which means we need both incomes to meet our financial commitments, we have started to accumulate some debt because I can’t pay it all with my salary. I had to start pulling from our saving to pay for the difference but we no longer have that to fall back on. I did some research in various legal sites and I came across something called “Marital Abandonment” and that is what has brought me here to seek some guidance. During the divorce proceedings, can I or should I pursue those moneys she has earned and has not made available for paying the household bills? What legal ramifications does her actions have on the divorce itself? In my favor or hers.

Here is an excerpt from one article: “The financial consequences of marital abandonment can be difficult if you, as an individual, rely on the financial security that a dual income household creates. The time spent working at your regular job can take away from the time needed to develop a sound legal strategy, but without the time spent at the job, you would not have the money to afford a sound legal strategy. This puts your financial future in jeopardy. In creating the uncertainty of the situation by deserting the family dynamic, they also have create the possibility of returning at any given moment, changing any semblance of normalcy or routine that may have developed in their absence. That means any spending routine developed in their absence can be cut into by someone that may wish to have a piece of the pie.”

Thanks for your help in advance!
 


xylene

Senior Member
Perhaps it is time for you to more aggressively pursue divorce on your own and in a more adversarial fashion. You need to be working with a lawyer before agreeing to anything.

You'll have to make some hard choices on your lifestyle and home if it is beyond your means as a single wage earner.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I am in the process of interviewing lawyers starting this week but there is something I want guidance on. Here are some facts:
  • Married for 12 years in the State of Florida
  • Wife stayed home 9 of those years raising our kids
  • We have 2 kids together (12 and 10) and one from her previous marriage (18 years old)
  • We live in a home that I owned prior to getting married
  • Most of the marital assets are in my name (Home, my 401K and my pension)
  • We are still living in the same home.

This past January after always depositing her paycheck into our joint account, she stopped. This was around the same time she asked for a divorce for the first time. We had conversations about trying to work things out which we did but now in the month of July we have decided to pursue a divorce.

What are the legal ramifications for her (and me I guess) stopping to contribute to the family expenses? She still uses our joint credit card to purchase family and personal things for herself instead of using the account that she has been depositing her paychecks to. So the way I see it, her money is her money and my money is her money also (I am sure you have heard this too many times already). Because we are a dual-income home which means we need both incomes to meet our financial commitments, we have started to accumulate some debt because I can’t pay it all with my salary. I had to start pulling from our saving to pay for the difference but we no longer have that to fall back on. I did some research in various legal sites and I came across something called “Marital Abandonment” and that is what has brought me here to seek some guidance. During the divorce proceedings, can I or should I pursue those moneys she has earned and has not made available for paying the household bills? What legal ramifications does her actions have on the divorce itself? In my favor or hers.

Here is an excerpt from one article: “The financial consequences of marital abandonment can be difficult if you, as an individual, rely on the financial security that a dual income household creates. The time spent working at your regular job can take away from the time needed to develop a sound legal strategy, but without the time spent at the job, you would not have the money to afford a sound legal strategy. This puts your financial future in jeopardy. In creating the uncertainty of the situation by deserting the family dynamic, they also have create the possibility of returning at any given moment, changing any semblance of normalcy or routine that may have developed in their absence. That means any spending routine developed in their absence can be cut into by someone that may wish to have a piece of the pie.”

Thanks for your help in advance!
That is talking about actual separation. You have not done that yet.

Marital savings and marital debt (accrued during the marriage) are normally split in a divorce. However, any money she ends up spending on reasonable expenses, including a lawyer, is legit spending.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I am in the process of interviewing lawyers starting this week but there is something I want guidance on. Here are some facts:
  • Married for 12 years in the State of Florida
  • Wife stayed home 9 of those years raising our kids
  • We have 2 kids together (12 and 10) and one from her previous marriage (18 years old)
  • We live in a home that I owned prior to getting married
  • Most of the marital assets are in my name (Home, my 401K and my pension)
  • We are still living in the same home.

This past January after always depositing her paycheck into our joint account, she stopped. This was around the same time she asked for a divorce for the first time. We had conversations about trying to work things out which we did but now in the month of July we have decided to pursue a divorce.

What are the legal ramifications for her (and me I guess) stopping to contribute to the family expenses? She still uses our joint credit card to purchase family and personal things for herself instead of using the account that she has been depositing her paychecks to. So the way I see it, her money is her money and my money is her money also (I am sure you have heard this too many times already). Because we are a dual-income home which means we need both incomes to meet our financial commitments, we have started to accumulate some debt because I can’t pay it all with my salary. I had to start pulling from our saving to pay for the difference but we no longer have that to fall back on. I did some research in various legal sites and I came across something called “Marital Abandonment” and that is what has brought me here to seek some guidance. During the divorce proceedings, can I or should I pursue those moneys she has earned and has not made available for paying the household bills? What legal ramifications does her actions have on the divorce itself? In my favor or hers.

Here is an excerpt from one article: “The financial consequences of marital abandonment can be difficult if you, as an individual, rely on the financial security that a dual income household creates. The time spent working at your regular job can take away from the time needed to develop a sound legal strategy, but without the time spent at the job, you would not have the money to afford a sound legal strategy. This puts your financial future in jeopardy. In creating the uncertainty of the situation by deserting the family dynamic, they also have create the possibility of returning at any given moment, changing any semblance of normalcy or routine that may have developed in their absence. That means any spending routine developed in their absence can be cut into by someone that may wish to have a piece of the pie.”

Thanks for your help in advance!
Before you file for divorce, cancel the joint credit card. Start your own bank account and have your checks deposited into that. Separate as much as you can. Any of the 401k/pension that was earned during the last 12 years is considered marital -- as is the equity on the home in the last 12 years. The one child from her previous marriage is not a child and has nothing to do with you.
 

HRZ

Senior Member
As above , And in the meantime you might be smart to close out all joint accounts and cards and deposit your earnings into just your account ....and use a lot of common sense as to which bills must be paid...and which can simply be allowed to pile up...divorce should also address marital debt .
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
As above , And in the meantime you might be smart to close out all joint accounts and cards and deposit your earnings into just your account ....and use a lot of common sense as to which bills must be paid...and which can simply be allowed to pile up...divorce should also address marital debt .
I have to disagree a bit here...messing with his own credit by not paying bills is not wise, and messing with her credit by not paying bills might be frowned upon by the judge. If he is not going to pay some of her bills (in her name only) he should say so up front so that she can pay them.
 

HRZ

Senior Member
The date of equitable distribution is a creature of state law and what the judge may decide it is in FL....ergo it may make a lot of sense to close up accounts and not pay another's bills as early as possible and well ahead of any actual separation or filing for divorce . OP would be wise to get some FL divorce lawyer input darn soon ...it may be that STBX is two steps ahead of him and he needs seasoned legal assistance to protect "his" things as best he can .

I agree with others that appreciation of home value and pension value is in the equitable distribution pot
 
Perhaps it is time for you to more aggressively pursue divorce on your own and in a more adversarial fashion. You need to be working with a lawyer before agreeing to anything.

You'll have to make some hard choices on your lifestyle and home if it is beyond your means as a single wage earner.
I have my first appointment with my potential lawyer next Thursday. I will bring this up at the consultation to get guidance. I haven't agreed with my wife about anything. As a matter of fact, I plan to have the first divorce conversation tonight to get a sense of what I am working with. We are two ships in the night trying to avoid a collision.
 
That is talking about actual separation. You have not done that yet.

Marital savings and marital debt (accrued during the marriage) are normally split in a divorce. However, any money she ends up spending on reasonable expenses, including a lawyer, is legit spending.
What do you mean by "legit spending"? Are you saying that I am responsible for her reasonable expenses and her lawyer retainer and fees (if she has incurred those)?
 
I have to disagree a bit here...messing with his own credit by not paying bills is not wise, and messing with her credit by not paying bills might be frowned upon by the judge. If he is not going to pay some of her bills (in her name only) he should say so up front so that she can pay them.
I am paying all the bills with the exception of the credit cards which I pay what I can. Before January, we never carried a balance on our credit card so it is easy for me to show that what has been accrued to date as a balance is due to her spending and not providing funds to pay for it. The question I still have is, her voluntarily and willfully deciding not to contribute, affect her case (whatever it may be). I know morality is not legality but I can't see how her putting our finances in jeopardy should go unpunished sort of speak. Thanks!
 
The date of equitable distribution is a creature of state law and what the judge may decide it is in FL....ergo it may make a lot of sense to close up accounts and not pay another's bills as early as possible and well ahead of any actual separation or filing for divorce . OP would be wise to get some FL divorce lawyer input darn soon ...it may be that STBX is two steps ahead of him and he needs seasoned legal assistance to protect "his" things as best he can .

I agree with others that appreciation of home value and pension value is in the equitable distribution pot
I am opening new accounts TODAY and closing the others ones at the same time. There is going to be some pissed person pretty soon! OHBOY HERE WE GO, GAME ON :)
 
One last question for you and thanks for the help. I have already closed all the bank accounts and the credit cards. Considering that she has provided zero funds to pay for any bills since January of this year, can I also tell her that she has to get her own auto insurance, cell phone plan and things like that? I don't see why I must continue to pay for this when she has income to pay for them.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
One last question for you and thanks for the help. I have already closed all the bank accounts and the credit cards. Considering that she has provided zero funds to pay for any bills since January of this year, can I also tell her that she has to get her own auto insurance, cell phone plan and things like that? I don't see why I must continue to pay for this when she has income to pay for them.
Don't mess with any insurances until after the divorce is final. That is a no-no. The cell phone might be ok, but if its not much, then its probably not worth messing with. If there are any credit cards in just her name, or other bills that are in just her name you could give her warning that she has to pay those.
 

HRZ

Senior Member
At the very least I'd want my attorney's advice up front ahead of time on dropping payments on a car which may or may not be marital property ..and for a modest premium it may not be a useful puddle to step into, just pay it monthly until smoke clears
 

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