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Legal aid for special needs child?

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LdiJ

Senior Member
That, of course, would be the first and most important question, as many states are nicer, many are less nice in the number and scope of programs that they have.

What I am not seeing here is any change in circumstances that would precipitate a valid request for a change in custody arrangements. And of course, who knows? When one actually spoke with the directly involved parties, things might sound a whole lot different than it does when strained through a sheet of what mother is telling the daughter who lives somewhere else. Therefore I am going to try to reserve judgment.

If this child's medical providers, doctors, social workers, etc. are not standing on the sidelines actively encouraging and advising the mother that she needs to contact this or that agency, that she needs to see this or that happen, that the care of the patient is compromised by this or that that the father is doing and this is how we are going to try to change it.......then I doubt if the free Legal services, whatever state they are in, is going to have any interest in....let's see, is there something like, just send the money, don't question what Mom is doing?

That this child's doctors are so easily corrupted and willing to take their orders from a distance about a child they are in direct care for, oh come on! Do you really thing this bad Dad could corrupt and bully doctors if they felt that the child's care would in any way be compromised by their not doing something he objected to?

The whole idea of the father being so well money-ed and so persuasive that he can get the care providers to (1) file a CPS complaint against the mother and (2) refuse to speak to the mother while they are treating the child is VERY far fetched. Most care providers in this type of situation do it at least to a small extent because they enjoy doing it, and care about people with severe disabilities, (else they don't do it long) and that they are all so corruptible and easily bought off by the dad is a very strange sign to me.

I doubt that we can get within a thousand miles of this one without a whole lot more information. And I do not see, do not think of a way that an attorney could approach it with the limited information that we have here. Frankly I'm not seeing where a change of custody is necessary or would be beneficial, but perhaps someone closer could. What exactly does/do this mother and daughter want to happen?

OP, why can you not help your mother from a distance by sending her to speak with an attorney you might help her pay for? Or going with her to speak to the free Legal services in her area?
I actually knew a dad that acted like that, out in the real world. He just automatically objected to absolutely everything. What he wanted was for the doctor to explain everything to him, separately, without making an appointment and without paying for the doctor's time. He was too busy to attend doctor's appointments and just expected the doctor to be available to him at his whim. Therefore, he objected to everything. The child (who was only 3 or 4 at the time) actually ended up with a burst eardrum because would not permit her ear infection to be treated.

Mom ended up going back to court and getting sole decision making for medical issues. The burst eardrum clinched it.
 

commentator

Senior Member
I don't get the feeling that Dad is at a distance.
This is true, as it mentions that he does take his other children, and this is the only time Mom gets to herself. She feels that if they went back to court, he might somehow "take the children" and that would.....I don't know, of course we are too far away to understand exactly. But careful reading tells me very little, somehow, the mother is wanting more care for the child. more of something that the father can object to, and the doctors do not insist, push it, etc. if he objects. As I said, I don't quite understand exactly what they are wanting. You can't just say, "He must stop being emotionally abusive and controlling." You can't just say, "He will stop being involved in the child's care." You can't say, "He will have to take the child and take direct care of him for certain periods of time." I am unclear as to what exactly they would like to see happen. That would be the first step on any change of custody, change of court orders movements.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I agree that one or the other of the parents should be given sole decision making with regard to medical care.
 
Thank you all for the responses, and sorry for my lateness in returning to this thread. The child and his parents are located in Colorado.

I thought this was implicit, but yes, the father's interference is detrimental to the child. He objects to necessary medical care that would improve the child's quality of life - necessary adjustments to medication, nutritional changes, and programs that would improve his functioning. The kid is miserable, my mother is trying to find different avenues of treatment for him, and the father objects to everything she attempts on principle. She has attempted to discuss different avenues of medical care with him, in case he truly does have an issue with the way he's being treated, but he ignores these conversations. I understand that withholding medical care information from the father is not appropriate, but she started doing this recently because of his interfering with care - and it hasn't worked anyway, because he re-routes and gets the information from the child's care managers. There is no great, grand conspiracy against this man. We do not have any kind of sinister ulterior motive. My mother is simply trying to seek necessary medical care for the child without him objecting to it, because he needs medical care and the father will not allow it.

I should also mention that they live in a smaller city, and the medical care there is subpar, so it is not that surprising that doctors are not advocating for her to do things to change her situation. Several doctors in their town have flat-out told my mother that they don't know how to treat the child, and have either sent her away with nothing or given her a referral to another office that eventually does the same thing. I understand how that might sound unbelievable, but that's really the way it is over there. Recently, she's been unable to seek medical care for the child both in the city and beyond it because of the father's interference.

Somebody in the thread already said this, but my mother takes care of four children under the age of 10 on a regular basis, and she works. She does not have time to reach out in this kind of manner. I understand that I am removed from a legal perspective, but I have always participated in care of the child and my other siblings (I moved very recently). I do not feel that I'm out of place reaching out for help on her behalf.

My mother's concern is that, if she were to successfully revoke medical custody from the father, she would either lose his court-ordered visitation with the child - which she uses on weekends to work and do other things - or that he would counter and try to take the child away entirely. She understands that a revocation of medical decision-making is necessary, however, and my question was largely asking if there are legal resources or programs for special needs children that could help her pursue that avenue - because neither her nor I have the money to hire an attorney. We are both saving up to hire one, but that could take months. I have told her to speak with the city's legal services in the area, so that's a possibility, but we're worried they won't want to touch it because of the complexities involved.
 
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"Renegotiation" is the wrong term to use here. What your mother wants is to be given sole decision making for medical issues. The father will never agree to that, so what your mother needs is to file for a modification giving her sole medical decision making and let the judge make the decision based on the best interest's of the child. Unfortunately, if the father is as manipulative as you make him out to be, then your mother is going to need an attorney, and a strong one, to get anything done.

An abuser will do a lot to keep control of their victim. What you are describing is pretty classic.
Thank you for this. It's hard to convey somebody's abusive nature, and how it plays into this situation, over a forum. My post was badly worded, we know this is what needs to be done, and are more looking for resources to get it done in the absence of funds.
 
It is all about what is best for the child. My heart aches for this family - or any family with a special needs child. Obtaining appropriate services is difficult enough when all are on the same page. I would not know who to suggest to OP as a resource given the sibling's disabilities. I hope someone more familiar with the state or situation can suggest both a legal resource and a state agency to assist. It sounds like there are services being provided already so there would seem to be a good chance of accessing what is needed.
Thank you. This is exactly what we're looking for - legal resources or state/local agencies that can assist. The service he's being provided with already has been largely ineffectual in pursuing this.
 

t74

Member
Decision making for medical and education are not tied to visitation. It is certainly possible to have decision making to one parent and the other maintain or even increase visitation.

I suggest that mother contact your state university's medical school or one of the major national medical schools doing research in the area of the child's disabling condition. With any luck they will have a children's specialty hospital. She should speak with a social worker there to see what services are available. I am disappointed that the medical professionals caring for the child have not been better advocates. If the condition has a national organization supporting it, individuals there may be helpful. Try the federal Department of Health and Human Services - especially the NIH for resources. Look also at Shriners Hospitals; I cannot tell from your description of the problem if it falls within the conditions they deal with.

Please do some research and report back on your progress. Hugs to you for trying to help.
 

torimac

Member
Also check out social media for potential referrals. I live in a major town and I still have trouble finding specialist. I belong to a few groups on facebook that focus on my condition. When I am at a dead end regarding doctors, I ask for a referral in the group. I then have a name that I can follow up on. I also belong to the forums that are hosted by a website specializing in my condition and ask there for referrals.
 
UPDATE: Per @t74's advice, we've gotten in contact with the state director of human services for Colorado, and they're reviewing both the child's case file and the company that manages his care. This won't help us take the father back to court, but we're hoping that it will deal with some of the incompetency + unwillingness to help that we've experienced with his care managers.

We've also submitted their case to the city's legal services, and to a pro bono project we found in the area. These are definitely a start, but both have hefty waiting lists, so I am still open to advice or suggestions for legal assistance. I am looking at the NIH now and haven't found anything yet.

Thank you guys again for your advice and support. I appreciate it so much.
 

t74

Member
https://projectreporter.nih.gov
I searched for septo and dysplasia and found two active research awards - at University of Michigan and Virginia Tech. Search including old added University of Pennsylvania and Georgetown, Browse through the entire folder on a project will point to other potential resources (like the funding agency for one of the projects: https://www.ninds.nih.gov/ which leads to resource organizations: https://www.ninds.nih.gov/Disorders/Support-Resources/Patient-Organizations, ...)

You get the idea... I am not above calling the researchers lab and talking to their assistant for ideas of places to look for patient help, clinicl trials for drugs, etc. You may just get lucky.
 

t74

Member
OP, I am glad you seem to find the resources I found useful. I wish you luck in finding the help your family needs.
 

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