Stepmother Changed Joint Trust - Refuses to Disclose - Autistic Granddaughter will get nothing I fear

[SadSon]

My father remarried about fifteen years ago and shortly thereafter created a Joint Trust with his wife (my stepmother). I was sent a copy of this Joint Trust at that time. I have a wonderful daughter who is autistic in that she's intellectually and emotionally disabled and it will be very hard for her in life after I'm gone as she will never be able to hold more than a minimum wage job. My mother died very poor and I have been hoping that my father's estate would provide funds for his only granddaughter's special needs trust as I can only provide so much and it's not enough.

I assumed no changes had been made and the way the Joint Trust was worded, I didn't understand at the time that it had been worded such that all assets of my father, if he predeceases her, would go to into two pots -- one pot where she could use the money on anything she wanted and another which is supposed to be more controlled and not allowed to be spent (or given away) as she sees fit.

My Dad is now ninety and has early dementia but although he easily forgets the present but understands very well when you talk about any topic in the present (he still reads the NYT and other papers every day and is able to write short emails). My stepmother is in her mid 80s and is legally blind but is still mentally very sharp.

This past summer, my wife went to help my Dad for a brief period and, while there, saw papers left out (presumably by their bookkeeper) detailing that changes had been made to the Joint Trust back in 2010 and that two years ago, my stepmother managed to have my Dad sign a Letter of Resignation to his half-control of the Joint Trust. I was never told that any changes had ever been made to the Joint Trust.

My fear is that my stepmother is arranging it so that all of what my Dad has saved and earned over the course of his life will go solely to her and then, upon her passing, she will will it to her two daughters who are highly-paid in their professions and have significant savings and nothing will be left for his only grandchild.

As of today, she has told her lawyer to tell my lawyer that she is unwilling to sit down at a table to talk about the Trust. My lawyer says that either she will have to do so or we will proceed to have a conservatorship hearing to determine then, in court, if she is doing well with his funds. However, my lawyer says that will cost a lot of money and I don't have an unlimited supply of that.

My stepmother and I were never really close but we were writing emails quite often when it became harder for my Dad to write emails regularly. However, last year she got upset at me as I wasn't agreeing with her that my father should be put into assisted living as he now irritates her. I saw the assisted living rooms and felt they were very small and that he would be incredibly lonely there (I'm 3000 miles away and cannot visit that often). I did go out and get a lawyer when I found out that changes had been made to the Trust by her and that she had him sign a Letter of Resignation as I needed to understand how this legally affected things. She became, of course, upset that I had done that.

I have told my Dad about all this but he doesn't want to fight her as he's too afraid to do so as he is very dependent on her. I feel so sad and angry that she has done this and is not willing to sit down at the table and at least explain why she's done it.

My lawyer has asked if they have any documents certifying that my father is incapacitated but her lawyer hasn't provided anything but to say that they are taking him for another mental diagnosis (it was a year ago that I was out there and went with my Dad to a doctor's office where he received his "early dementia" diagnosis).

At the time, it was odd as his Aging Advocate, a woman whom he doesn't like and was hired by his wife, met us there and had us sit in the doctor's office lobby for about ten minutes while she met with the doctor privately before we were led back to have him give my Dad the diagnosis. I've always thought that she did something illegal as why should she need to talk to him privately ahead of time?

I hate that is happening to my father and he wants some of what he has to go to his granddaughter but there is nothing he can do, it seems.

 

[Dandy Don]

What state is this applicable to?

Does the trust mention what type of trust this is--a revocable trust or an irrevocable trust?

Since your father resigned as trustee, who is the trustee now--is it the stepmother?

If the trust does not name your granddaughter as a beneficiary, then you should not expect to be receiving any monies from this trust to help with her support. Your can leave your daughter funds for her special needs trust from YOUR monies. Right now do you even know if YOU are named as a beneficiary in the trust that changes were made to? Ask your lawyer if you have the right to request, in writing, a copy of the trust after the changes were made. If you are not named as a beneficiary in it, you will find out that you do not have the right to receive a copy of the trust. I'm hoping that you are still named as beneficiary, since your father probably loves you enough to do that. If he wants to leave most of his assets to his wife, then that is his decision and you will have to live with that fact and there is nothing you can do to change that.

The stepmother's request for assisted living for her husband is a reasonable request, since the strain on an elderly lady (or on anyone else) of having to assist in taking care of an elderly husband is taxing. If the trust can afford to pay for those assisted living expenses, ask your stepmother if she is willing to look for a different assisted living place (with larger accommodations) where they can live.

Is there a stipulation that anyone who contests the trust will not receive anything from the trust?

The main thing you need to find out is the date that the changes were made to the trust and whether the early dementia diagnosis was done before the changes were made or after the changes were made, so that you and your attorney can decide whether you should contest the trust or not contest it.

 

[t74]

An 80 year old person is likely to have difficulty caring for a frail, mentally impaired person.

Many state have agencies to protect the elderly and disabled from abuse. Financial exploitation as well as physical abuse or neglect can be abuse addressed by the agency. Some have "hotlines" to discuss your concerns. Do this while he is still alive because little can be done after death. Look at his state's website to see how they might assist you in protecting him from abuse. He should not be afraid of his spouse.

Assisted living is a good option for an elderly person. They do not need a large room or suite; fewer things to maneuver around is safer. They are generally well cared for (as long as their physical care is straightforward). They will not be lonely. Both mother and mother-in-law were in facilities. Both were reluctant to enter but adapted well and preferred it to being home mostly alone all day while child caregiver worked. The recreation (or forced fun as I called it) keeps them physically and mentally engaged. The receive a custom diet for their needs and medications as prescribed. In the event of a loss of utilities due to a weather crisis, these care facilities fare much better than personal residences. In my area, this can be a concern when the elderly person uses electrically powered medical equipment.

From experience, I would not recommend assisted living for a person needing more advanced physical care. Both mother and mother-in-law were physically frail at end of life; mother in nursing home had much better care than mother-in-law in assisted living. Nursing homes are more strictly regulated. There should be an independent social worker/nurse who can assist in determining the most appropriate placement. Check the credential of the advocate. A geriatric psychiatrist or psychologist is better suited to assess an elderly person's mental capacity. As I discovered the hard way, an elderly person can be adversely affected by some regularly prescribed medications; one in particular made her totally loopy. My parent was much improved once the offending ones were discontinued by the psychiatrist; it took a hospital stay to get her stabilized without some she had used long term.

Good luck with the legal and financial issues. Don't wait too long to address them as things become far more difficult after the person dies.

 

[SadSon]

What state is this applicable to? CALIFORNIA

Does the trust mention what type of trust this is--a revocable trust or an irrevocable trust? REVOCABLE

Since your father resigned as trustee, who is the trustee now--is it the stepmother? YES -- SHE IS NOW THE SOLE TRUSTEE

If the trust does not name your granddaughter as a beneficiary, then you should not expect to be receiving any monies from this trust to help with her support. Your can leave your daughter funds for her special needs trust from YOUR monies. Right now do you even know if YOU are named as a beneficiary in the trust that changes were made to? Ask your lawyer if you have the right to request, in writing, a copy of the trust after the changes were made. If you are not named as a beneficiary in it, you will find out that you do not have the right to receive a copy of the trust. I'm hoping that you are still named as beneficiary, since your father probably loves you enough to do that. If he wants to leave most of his assets to his wife, then that is his decision and you will have to live with that fact and there is nothing you can do to change that.

I DO HAVE MY DAUGHTER (AND MY WIFE) AS THE BENEFICIARIES OF MY LIFE INSURANCE BUT THAT IS ABOUT 50K EACH -- ADDITIONAL INSURANCE IS EXPENSIVE AND I WORRY THAT IT WON'T BE ENOUGH. MY WIFE DOES NOT WORK (HER CHOICE) SO I AM THE SOLE PROVIDER FOR OUR FAMILY.

THE TRUST NAMED ME (ALONG WITH STEPMOTHER'S THREE CHILDREN) AS BENEFICIARIES. BUT SHE DISOWNED HER ONE SON AS HE HAD DRINKING PROBLEMS FOR MANY YEARS AND DIDN'T VISIT HER IN THE HOSPITAL WHEN SHE WAS ONCE HOSPITALIZED.

The stepmother's request for assisted living for her husband is a reasonable request, since the strain on an elderly lady (or on anyone else) of having to assist in taking care of an elderly husband is taxing. If the trust can afford to pay for those assisted living expenses, ask your stepmother if she is willing to look for a different assisted living place (with larger accommodations) where they can live.

YES NORMALLY i WOULD AGREE THAT IT IS A STRAIN ON AN ELDERLY PERSON BUT SHE COMPLAINED THAT HE WAS LEAVING OUT DIRTY UNDERWEAR AND NOT TAKING SHOWERS REGULARLY. MY VISIT OUT THERE THIS PAST JUNE (AND MY WIFE'S PRIOR VISIT) PROVED THAT THIS WAS NOT THE CASE. SHE IS SIMPLY IRRITATED BY HIM AS HE FORGETS A LOT OF WHAT IS TOLD TO HIM (ALTHOUGH HE WRITES IT DOWN IN A SMALL BLACK BOOK AND REFERENCES THAT) AND HE WHISTLES AND HE TIRES EASILY COMPARED TO HER. ALTHOUGH SHE IS LEGALLY BLIND, SHE IS GETTING AROUND A LOT MORE THAN HIM AS MY FATHER HAS TROUBLE WALKING (NEUROPATHY) AND ONLY HAS FEW TRIPS OUT (SHUTTLE VAN TRIPS TO SEE OPERAS AT THEATER, FOR EXAMPLE). HIS DAYS ARE USUALLY VERY SEDATE IN THAT HE SPENDS TIME READING NEWSPAPERS AND WATCHING THE NEWS ON TV. HE IS NOT DIFFICULT TO LIVE WITH! I HAVE OFFERED FOR HIM TO COME LIVE WITH US BUT HE DOES NOT WANT TO DO THAT.

Is there a stipulation that anyone who contests the trust will not receive anything from the trust? NO

The main thing you need to find out is the date that the changes were made to the trust and whether the early dementia diagnosis was done before the changes were made or after the changes were made, so that you and your attorney can decide whether you should contest the trust or not contest it.

CHANGES MADE TO THE TRUST WERE EVIDENTLY BACK IN 2010 WE BELIEVE WHICH WAS BEFORE HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH EARLY DEMENTIA (SEPTEMBER 2018). HIS RESIGNATION FROM THE TRUST WAS MADE IN AUGUST 2017. IN REGARDS TO BOTH, HE DOESN'T REMEMBER AS HIS MEMORY IS NOT GOOD ANYMORE FOR THAT TYPE OF THING BUT HE DOES NOT BELIEVE THAT HIS WIFE (MY STEPMOTHER) WOULD DO ANYTHING WRONG.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY AND FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.

 

[SadSon]

An 80 year old person is likely to have difficulty caring for a frail, mentally impaired person.

NORMALLY YES, BUT MY FATHER'S WIFE IS QUITE ABLE TO DO THINGS FOR HERSELF AND GET AROUND AND IS QUITE ACTIVE FOR SOMEONE HER AGE EVEN THOUGH SHE IS LEGALLY BLIND AND USES A GUIDE DOG. MY FATHER IS ABLE TO DO THINGS FOR HIMSELF AND ACTUALLY IS THE ONE THAT PREPARES HER BREAKFAST AND HER MEDICINES MOST DAYS. HE IS THE ONE THAT MAKES THE DAILY TRIP TO THE SENIOR CENTER'S DINING ROOM AND HAS HIS BREAKFAST THERE AND THEN BRINGS BACK HERS (SHE PREFERS TO EAT IN THE CONDO).

Many state have agencies to protect the elderly and disabled from abuse. Financial exploitation as well as physical abuse or neglect can be abuse addressed by the agency. Some have "hotlines" to discuss your concerns. Do this while he is still alive because little can be done after death. Look at his state's website to see how they might assist you in protecting him from abuse. He should not be afraid of his spouse.

I HAVE A LAWYER THAT IS INVOLVED BUT HE IS TRYING TO GET MY STEPMOTHER TO AGREE TO COME TO THE TABLE AND DISCUSS THE JOINT TRUST AND WHAT CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE TO IT BUT SHE IS REFUSING TO DO SO. THAT IS BECAUSE I THINK THAT SHE KNOWS SHE HAS MADE CHANGES TO THE TRUST THAT MY FATHER DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT AND HE WILL BE UPSET AT THEM.

Assisted living is a good option for an elderly person. They do not need a large room or suite; fewer things to maneuver around is safer. They are generally well cared for (as long as their physical care is straightforward). They will not be lonely. Both mother and mother-in-law were in facilities. Both were reluctant to enter but adapted well and preferred it to being home mostly alone all day while child caregiver worked. The recreation (or forced fun as I called it) keeps them physically and mentally engaged. The receive a custom diet for their needs and medications as prescribed. In the event of a loss of utilities due to a weather crisis, these care facilities fare much better than personal residences. In my area, this can be a concern when the elderly person uses electrically powered medical equipment.

I COULD AGREE BUT MY FATHER IS NOT MENTALLY UNAWARE OF WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HIM AS SOME WITH DEMENTIA HAVE. HE IS VERY COGNIZANT AND UNDERSTANDS WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE PRESENT BUT IF YOU ASK HIM WHAT HE DID YESTERDAY, HE WOULD HAVE TO REFER TO HIS BLACK BOOK WHERE HE WRITES DOWN HIS APPOINTMENTS. SO PUTTING HIM ALONE IN A SMALL ROOM WOULD BE LIKE A JAIL CELL MORE OR LESS AS THE DOORS TO THE BUILDING ARE ALSO LOCKED DOWN (TO PREVENT WANDERING OFF) BUT HE IS NOT A WANDERER. HE GOES EVERY MORNING FOR BREAKFAST TO THE CENTER'S DINING ROOM ON HIS OWN AND, BECAUSE OF NEUROPATHY, ISN'T LIKELY TO WALK OTHER PLACES ON HIS OWN.

MY STEPMOTHER JUST WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE IN ASSISTED LIVING SO THAT IT WOULD FREE UP HER LIFE AS SHE HAS COMPLAINED THAT GOING TO DINNER WITH HIM AT THE CENTER'S DINING ROOM IS BORING FOR HER AS HE DOESN'T MAKE MUCH CONVERSATION. MY FATHER, ON THE OTHER HAND, SAYS THAT IS BECAUSE SHE IS SO OPINIONATED THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET INTO ARGUMENTS WITH HER OR WHERE SHE TELLS HIM THAT HE IS WRONG IN FRONT OF OTHERS. SHE HAS SAID THAT HE HAS BAD PHYSICAL HYGIENE BUT TWO TRIPS OUT THERE (ONE BY MYSELF AND ANOTHER BY MY WIFE) RECENTLY HAVE PROVEN THIS IS NOT THE CASE. MY DAD TENDS TO WHISTLE WITHOUT REALIZING IT FROM TIME AND THIS IRRITATES HER.

IT IS NOT A SITUATION WHERE SHE IS OVERLY-BURDENED BY HIS CARE. SHE HAS A BOOKKEEPER THAT COMES IN TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR FINANCES, A CAREGIVER THAT COMES IN A FEW DAYS A WEEK FOR HER, A LARGE GUIDE DOG THAT MOST OF THE TIME IS NOT WORKING, AND SHE GETS OUT QUITE OFTEN FOR DIFFERENT EVENTS SHE WANTS TO GO TO (HAPPY HOUR AT THE CENTER, LUNCHES OUT WITH HER DAUGHTERS, ETC.). MY DAD HAS NO TROUBLE BEING LEFT ALONE. WHEN SHE WENT TO GET TRAINING FOR GUIDE DOG, SHE LEFT MY FATHER BY HIMSELF FOR TEN DAYS. HE GOT ALONG FINE AND HAD A FEW VISITS BY OTHERS DURING THAT TIME (UNFORTUNATELY, AT THAT TIME WE COULD NOT GO THERE TO BE WITH HIM DUE TO ISSUES FOR US WITH MY AUTISTIC DAUGHTER).

From experience, I would not recommend assisted living for a person needing more advanced physical care. Both mother and mother-in-law were physically frail at end of life; mother in nursing home had much better care than mother-in-law in assisted living. Nursing homes are more strictly regulated. There should be an independent social worker/nurse who can assist in determining the most appropriate placement. Check the credential of the advocate. A geriatric psychiatrist or psychologist is better suited to assess an elderly person's mental capacity. As I discovered the hard way, an elderly person can be adversely affected by some regularly prescribed medications; one in particular made her totally loopy. My parent was much improved once the offending ones were discontinued by the psychiatrist; it took a hospital stay to get her stabilized without some she had used long term.

THANKFULLY, MY FATHER DOESN'T TAKE ANY MEDICATIONS AS HIS HEALTH -- OTHER THAN THE NEUROPATHY AND ALZHEIMER'S (AND SAID EARLY DEMENTIA) -- IS PRETTY GOOD FOR SOMEONE WHO IS NINETY. HE KEEPS HIS MIND GOING WELL WITH READING SEVERAL NEWSPAPERS DAILY AND WATCHING THE NEWS ON TV.

Good luck with the legal and financial issues. Don't wait too long to address them as things become far more difficult after the person dies.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY AND FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.

 

[ALawyer]

The situation you describe is, unfortunately, not at all uncommon. A current spouse frequently wants more -- or all of it -- for him/herself or his/her children and works on the very dependent spouse to cut out or reduce the share that goes to his or her own children.

The legal issue that you would face should you seek to contest any changes would be whether or not your father had "testamentary capacity" -- essentially the ability to understand what his assets are, who his family is, and how he wanted the assets to pass -- at the time he made the changes to his estate plan, or whether or not he was under "undue influence."

That a person may have had early stage dementia does not necessarily mean he/she may not have had a period of lucidity during which s/he had testamentary capacity. Further, if the changes were prepared by a lawyer -- as any competent lawyer should take pains to document the person's testamentary capacity at the time (whether by having had him examined just before he signed or ideally having a physician present, and/or asking questions and videotaping the execution of the document -- it may be hard to reverse the changes.

 

[Zigner]

I don't understand why you (OP) think that you have any right to be notified of changes to the trust at this time.

 

[SadSon]

I don't understand why you (OP) think that you have any right to be notified of changes to the trust at this time.

Because I am named as a beneficiary of the original Joint Trust created in 2005. Then, at some point in 2010, it was changed and I was not notified of it. Then in 2017, my father signed a Letter of Resignation which he doesn't remember doing at all due to his Alzheimer's and I believe he may not have realized at the time what he was doing or was just given some excuse at that time that sounded good but he certainly doesn't remember it. In other words, taking advantage of his mental state to sign papers, in my opinion.

When talking with my father and my lawyer, my father fully understood what we were talking about but finds it hard to believe that his wife of fifteen years would be changing things on him as he has trusted her for many years. I don't trust her though as she has made these changes to the Joint Trust without telling me and had him sign that Letter of Resignation, again without telling me -- essentially putting her in charge of the entire thing.

My father doesn't see the sense of all his money going eventually to her two daughters who are financially very well off compared to his only grandchild who is autistic and mentally challenged and will not be able to earn a good income in her lifetime. He does feel this is wrong but still thinks he's in charge as, of course, she hasn't told him otherwise.

 

[Zigner]

Because I am named as a beneficiary of the original Joint Trust created in 2005. Then, at some point in 2010, it was changed and I was not notified of it.

There is NO requirement that you be notified.

Then in 2017, my father signed a Letter of Resignation which he doesn't remember doing at all due to his Alzheimer's and I believe he may not have realized at the time what he was doing or was just given some excuse at that time that sounded good but he certainly doesn't remember it. In other words, taking advantage of his mental state to sign papers, in my opinion.

Proof?

When talking with my father and my lawyer, my father fully understood what we were talking about but finds it hard to believe that his wife of fifteen years would be changing things on him as he has trusted her for many years. I don't trust her though as she has made these changes to the Joint Trust without telling me and had him sign that Letter of Resignation, again without telling me -- essentially putting her in charge of the entire thing.

There is absolutely no legal obligation, nor (in my opinion) a moral obligation, to tell you.

My father doesn't see the sense of all his money going eventually to her two daughters who are financially very well off compared to his only grandchild who is autistic and mentally challenged and will not be able to earn a good income in her lifetime. He does feel this is wrong but still thinks he's in charge as, of course, she hasn't told him otherwise.

Then tell him to create a new trust.