Closet addict

[KnottedUp]

Michigan
I am an adoring mother of one 6 year old son. Divorced shy of 5 years married for 9. I have joint custody with his father and I hold the physical custody. At every turn his father and step mother are doing anything to remove my voice from the well-being of my son. The step mother is controlling of their household refusing my ex and I to speak without her present, where never allowing his father to answer a question I have or simply giving me a minute to discuss any situation regarding our son. She is 13 years younger than both his father and myself always undermining all things I say or do regarding our son. My ex knows the mother I am and the joy I hold in the basic duties of daily life as our little boys mom. He's my passion and one true happy place. I do not receive any help such as child support or co parenting at all. Our son is completely uncomfortable and lonely often saying he's so lonely he could die always cries himself to sleep saying he wishes he didn't have a dad and it was just the two of us forever. Breaking my heart. I have tried for full custody and it was denied. Shattering my instinct to protect him from all things uncomfortable in his life I felt like I failed him. Not only did I fail him, I've completely failed myself and I've managed to soothe me anxiety on his weeks with his dad where I worry and ache longing to nurture him and hear his laugh with drugs. I became a here and there user on my off weeks almost 4 years ago and it rapidly progressed to daily using and chemical dependant 3 1/2 years ago. I have a clean record, never use in front of my son, I never have drugs on my person around him, and I recently sought help from my mother and she was shocked. No one knows I use and I must keep it from his dad at all cost as I couldn't risk losing my son and my babies disappoinment in me would eat my soul alive. But I can't control my substance use anymore and I'm terrified of what the next 6 months will entail for our lives if I don't get adequate treatment. I'm desperately seeking help and have a rehab all set up for the week after Christmas. I need to know how to keep my custody safe and if I can sign my mom as an advocate for myself and my son being she will be standing in as caregiver while I'm away, picking him up and dropping him off at school, where we switch for visitation never crossing paths with my ex. Can he swoop in applying for emergency custody while I'm away possibly for 90 days? Will the courts use my past and treatment against me if they find out? I'm so terrified of my son having to go to his dad's full time due to my horrid mistake of using which will ruin our lives, or to potentially ruin our lives by getting treatment for my addiction. Please help me I'm suffocating and desperately seeking help for myself and my son.

 

[Just Blue]

Michigan
I am an adoring mother of one 6 year old son. Divorced shy of 5 years married for 9. I have joint custody with his father and I hold the physical custody. At every turn his father and step mother are doing anything to remove my voice from the well-being of my son. The step mother is controlling of their household refusing my ex and I to speak without her present, where never allowing his father to answer a question I have or simply giving me a minute to discuss any situation regarding our son. She is 13 years younger than both his father and myself always undermining all things I say or do regarding our son. My ex knows the mother I am and the joy I hold in the basic duties of daily life as our little boys mom. He's my passion and one true happy place. I do not receive any help such as child support or co parenting at all. Our son is completely uncomfortable and lonely often saying he's so lonely he could die always cries himself to sleep saying he wishes he didn't have a dad and it was just the two of us forever. Breaking my heart. I have tried for full custody and it was denied. Shattering my instinct to protect him from all things uncomfortable in his life I felt like I failed him. Not only did I fail him, I've completely failed myself and I've managed to soothe me anxiety on his weeks with his dad where I worry and ache longing to nurture him and hear his laugh with drugs. I became a here and there user on my off weeks almost 4 years ago and it rapidly progressed to daily using and chemical dependant 3 1/2 years ago. I have a clean record, never use in front of my son, I never have drugs on my person around him, and I recently sought help from my mother and she was shocked. No one knows I use and I must keep it from his dad at all cost as I couldn't risk losing my son and my babies disappoinment in me would eat my soul alive. But I can't control my substance use anymore and I'm terrified of what the next 6 months will entail for our lives if I don't get adequate treatment. I'm desperately seeking help and have a rehab all set up for the week after Christmas. I need to know how to keep my custody safe and if I can sign my mom as an advocate for myself and my son being she will be standing in as caregiver while I'm away, picking him up and dropping him off at school, where we switch for visitation never crossing paths with my ex. Can he swoop in applying for emergency custody while I'm away possibly for 90 days? Will the courts use my past and treatment against me if they find out? I'm so terrified of my son having to go to his dad's full time due to my horrid mistake of using which will ruin our lives, or to potentially ruin our lives by getting treatment for my addiction. Please help me I'm suffocating and desperately seeking help for myself and my son.

I honestly am at a loss for words. You are saying that, despite having primary custody, you missed your son so much while he was visiting his father, that you became a drug addict?

Every word you posted shows an unhealthy attachment to your son. If your son has really said that he is suicidal because he is away from you for visitation that also is indicative of an unhealthy attachment. It would be in your son's best interest to be in his fathers care and receive therapy to overcome the damage you have inflicted on him emotionally.

You need to focus on kicking your addiction and intense psychological help for your mental illness.


I am basing my advice on what you have posted.

 

[LdiJ]

I tried to read your post but it was nearly impossible with the big block of text with no paragraphs. If you want to get the best advice I would suggest that you edit your original post to add white space and paragraphs.

 

[Just Blue]

I tried to read your post but it was nearly impossible with the big block of text with no paragraphs. If you want to get the best advice I would suggest that you edit your original post to add white space and paragraphs.

Really?

 

[Just Blue]

Michigan
I am an adoring mother of one 6 year old son. Divorced shy of 5 years married for 9. I have joint custody with his father and I hold the physical custody. At every turn his father and step mother are doing anything to remove my voice from the well-being of my son. The step mother is controlling of their household refusing my ex and I to speak without her present, where never allowing his father to answer a question I have or simply giving me a minute to discuss any situation regarding our son. She is 13 years younger than both his father and myself always undermining all things I say or do regarding our son.

My ex knows the mother I am and the joy I hold in the basic duties of daily life as our little boys mom. He's my passion and one true happy place. I do not receive any help such as child support or co parenting at all. Our son is completely uncomfortable and lonely often saying he's so lonely he could die always cries himself to sleep saying he wishes he didn't have a dad and it was just the two of us forever.

Breaking my heart. I have tried for full custody and it was denied. Shattering my instinct to protect him from all things uncomfortable in his life I felt like I failed him. Not only did I fail him, I've completely failed myself and I've managed to soothe me anxiety on his weeks with his dad where I worry and ache longing to nurture him and hear his laugh with drugs.

I became a here and there user on my off weeks almost 4 years ago and it rapidly progressed to daily using and chemical dependant 3 1/2 years ago. I have a clean record, never use in front of my son, I never have drugs on my person around him, and I recently sought help from my mother and she was shocked. No one knows I use and I must keep it from his dad at all cost as I couldn't risk losing my son and my babies disappoinment in me would eat my soul alive.

But I can't control my substance use anymore and I'm terrified of what the next 6 months will entail for our lives if I don't get adequate treatment. I'm desperately seeking help and have a rehab all set up for the week after Christmas. I need to know how to keep my custody safe and if I can sign my mom as an advocate for myself and my son being she will be standing in as caregiver while I'm away, picking him up and dropping him off at school, where we switch for visitation never crossing paths with my ex.

Can he swoop in applying for emergency custody while I'm away possibly for 90 days? Will the courts use my past and treatment against me if they find out? I'm so terrified of my son having to go to his dad's full time due to my horrid mistake of using which will ruin our lives, or to potentially ruin our lives by getting treatment for my addiction. Please help me I'm suffocating and desperately seeking help for myself and my son.

@LdiJ ..................

 

[Eekamouse]

Michigan
I am an adoring mother of one 6 year old son. Divorced shy of 5 years married for 9. I have joint custody with his father and I hold the physical custody. At every turn his father and step mother are doing anything to remove my voice from the well-being of my son. The step mother is controlling of their household refusing my ex and I to speak without her present, where never allowing his father to answer a question I have or simply giving me a minute to discuss any situation regarding our son. She is 13 years younger than both his father and myself always undermining all things I say or do regarding our son. My ex knows the mother I am and the joy I hold in the basic duties of daily life as our little boys mom. He's my passion and one true happy place. I do not receive any help such as child support or co parenting at all. Our son is completely uncomfortable and lonely often saying he's so lonely he could die always cries himself to sleep saying he wishes he didn't have a dad and it was just the two of us forever. Breaking my heart. I have tried for full custody and it was denied. Shattering my instinct to protect him from all things uncomfortable in his life I felt like I failed him. Not only did I fail him, I've completely failed myself and I've managed to soothe me anxiety on his weeks with his dad where I worry and ache longing to nurture him and hear his laugh with drugs. I became a here and there user on my off weeks almost 4 years ago and it rapidly progressed to daily using and chemical dependant 3 1/2 years ago. I have a clean record, never use in front of my son, I never have drugs on my person around him, and I recently sought help from my mother and she was shocked. No one knows I use and I must keep it from his dad at all cost as I couldn't risk losing my son and my babies disappoinment in me would eat my soul alive. But I can't control my substance use anymore and I'm terrified of what the next 6 months will entail for our lives if I don't get adequate treatment. I'm desperately seeking help and have a rehab all set up for the week after Christmas. I need to know how to keep my custody safe and if I can sign my mom as an advocate for myself and my son being she will be standing in as caregiver while I'm away, picking him up and dropping him off at school, where we switch for visitation never crossing paths with my ex. Can he swoop in applying for emergency custody while I'm away possibly for 90 days? Will the courts use my past and treatment against me if they find out? I'm so terrified of my son having to go to his dad's full time due to my horrid mistake of using which will ruin our lives, or to potentially ruin our lives by getting treatment for my addiction. Please help me I'm suffocating and desperately seeking help for myself and my son.

There is something seriously wrong with you if you are blaming your drug addiction on missing your son when he goes to his dad's for visitation. SMH
His father is in his life. That's a good thing. Trying to cut him out of your child's life because you don't like him or his wife is reprehensible. You didn't have this child alone. He has every right to know his father. Butt out of his time with his dad. It's not your concern.
Blue is right. You need psychological help along with drug treatment.

 

[stealth2]

FIRST, I will commend you on admitting that you have a problem and seeking help. That is important for both you AND your son.

Having said that... I must echo what Blue & Eek said - your attachment is unhealthy for both of you. Now, that doesn't mean we don't understand the desire to keep our children's lives happy at all costs and how empty the days can feel when they're not with us daily. But.... wrapping them and ourselves in a bubble isn't healthy - as you are seeing in yourself and your son.

You, as a person and as a parent, have many years of life ahead of you. If you get yourself straight and rid of this monkey on your back. Youur son, too, has many years ahead of him. IF he gets help himself. Because you must understand that his talk of loneliness and dying is not healthy at any age, but especially not at 6.

Dad is going to have to know what is going on - because he will find out that kiddo's staying with Grandma. You cannot expect a 6yo to keep this kind of secret. I'm going to bet that Dad & SM already know something is not right, just not what. Yet. And yes, that may well mean that your son needs to live with his Dad for now. Your focus now needs to be on getting healthy, not on continuing keeping this secret, continuing to burden your son with this problem.

Because he, too, knows that you have a problem, even if he doesn't know what it is. But he is well aware that your life revolves around him and is part of what is causing his anxiety. He should not bear the weight of ensuring your happiness. He should not have to take care of your emotional well-being. All that is doing is crippling him and his future. He should not have to fear being happy with his Dad for your sake.

Now, given that Dad will find out what's going on, you're better off talking to him & trying to enlist his/their cooperation. Will he file for custody? It's possible. But it is almost guaranteed when he discovers that you've been lying about where you and your son are - and a court won't think twice about granting him custody & likely strictly supervised parenting time for you. You will be more likely to get a friendlier arrangement if you are upfront. You can - and should - request that your son get counseling, both to counteract the unhealthy relationships he has with both you and Dad, as well as to learn coping skills.

Wishing you success with your treatment.

 

[commentator]

"He's my passion and one true happy place."

This is very unhealthy. I hope that when you do your treatment, they will help you deal with it. This is like holding your child's head underwater (demanding that he be your end all and be all, one true happy place) and is not at all good for either one of you. This poor little boy has been elected to be the sole source of your well being, and that is a terrible place for any child to be.

If I were a judge and heard all these silly excuses about how you got on drugs because you weren't hearing his laughter and feeling his little heartbeat during his father's visitation, I'd be thoroughly convinced that the two of you needed to be separated for HIS well being. If you talk this way in court, and if the dad portrays himself in any way as more normal, he's got a really good chance of getting full custody. Honest mature adult conversation about what is about to happen is the way to go, as has been suggested above.

"I do not receive any help such as child support or co parenting at all."

So you are saying that your ex husband does not pay any child support? Or that you won't accept it? What is the situation here? As for co parenting, I'm not sure the term means exactly what you are looking for here, you indicate that your ex husband will not allow you to explain your philosophies, etc. and that he sees the child, but will not cooperate with your ......?