Need Opinions

What is the name of your state? Indiana

Here is the situation (not mine, a mother I am advising)

The child is one. The mother is remarried. They separated before the child was born.

There have been some fairly serious medical issues with the child. The child had pnemonia and the doctor ordered that the child wasn't to leave the mother's home (for any reason) for two full weeks. Dad filed contempt because he didn't get his visitation (even though mom offered visitation in her home) and the mother recieved a small fine.

The child also had chronic problems with ear infections and the primary doctor recommended tubes and it was scheduled. (neither parent smokes) The father insisted that the tubes could not be done without his approval..and threatened all the doctors...and then wasn't cooperative about appointments to talk to the doctors. Things were delayed for several months. The child's eardrums ruptured as a result and emergency care was necessary and the child suffered horribly. Dad in turn claimed through his attorney that he never denied necessary medical care. All of the doctors are willing to testify to dad's threats.

In addition, dad appears to be a "control freak" to a great extent. Dumb stuff. For example he threw a "hissy" because he wasn't getting back the socks that he had purchased for his parenting time. Mom bought him a new package of 6 pairs of socks. That wasn't good enough for him he wanted HIS socks. Mom then asked that he re-dress the child in the clothes she sent the child in...that wasn't acceptable either. She then asked that he examine the diaper bag on exchange and to sign a reciept saying that his belongings were returned..again he refused.

I am recommending that this mom file for at least full control over medical issues and possibly full custody.

Does anyone else have any other suggestions?

LdiJ said:

Does anyone else have any other suggestions?

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My response:

Yes. Unless this woman is paying you an exorbitant fee, then drop her like a hot rock and start dealing with adults instead of children.

IAAL

LdiJ said:

There have been some fairly serious medical issues with the child. The child had pnemonia and the doctor ordered that the child wasn't to leave the mother's home (for any reason) for two full weeks. Dad filed contempt because he didn't get his visitation (even though mom offered visitation in her home) and the mother recieved a small fine.

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A FINE! Was the fine for this one denial? Did the mother have proof of the doctors orders?

If I were the mother of this child I would definetly be pursuing sole legal custody. What were the father's reasons for not agreeing to the ear tubes? (My son had them, it's very minor simple procedure, and he never had another infection)

Gather all evidence from the doctors and what dad's threats were, go to the attorney and request for full custody for mediciations, yeah I would try for that. If can't afford an attorney try legal aid?? Goodluck!!!!!!

snostar said:

A FINE! Was the fine for this one denial? Did the mother have proof of the doctors orders?

If I were the mother of this child I would definetly be pursuing sole legal custody. What were the father's reasons for not agreeing to the ear tubes? (My son had them, it's very minor simple procedure, and he never had another infection)

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Yes, the mother had a letter from the doctor. However the judge specifically stated that despite the doctors orders it was still a denial of visitation, found her in contempt, and ordered her to pay a small fine. (From what I gathered the judge was generally in a very bad mood that day)

The father's reasons for refusing to have to tubes put in weren't because he objected to them. It was because the doctors hadn't personally explained to HIM the reasons and details. He had to make an appointment to speak with the family doctor and the specialist, and refused to do so. He kept stopping by their offices when HE was free...and of course the doctors were never free to see him then. He would then call their offices and threaten legal action if they put in the tubes without getting his permission first.

He is just a pure control freak. Some of the letters he has sent her have been truly unbelieveable....petty, picky details of instructions on what she is or isn't to do.

I am curious, how much was the fine?

Yes, the mother had a letter from the doctor. However the judge specifically stated that despite the doctors orders it was still a denial of visitation, found her in contempt, and ordered her to pay a small fine. (From what I gathered the judge was generally in a very bad mood that day)

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And the judge is correct.

The father's reasons for refusing to have to tubes put in weren't because he objected to them. It was because the doctors hadn't personally explained to HIM the reasons and details. He had to make an appointment to speak with the family doctor and the specialist, and refused to do so. He kept stopping by their offices when HE was free...and of course the doctors were never free to see him then. He would then call their offices and threaten legal action if they put in the tubes without getting his permission first.

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and, of course, that is also his right.

this mother can ask for anything she wishes, however, it's very doubtful that the judge, already hearing the case and ruling against the mother on the contempt citation, is going to bend the order.

I agree with IAAL. Tell this mother to either grow up or give up custody.

next time a doctor tells her the kid can't leave the house, she would be wise to file an emergency modification of visitation. Thats the only LEGAL way to deny visitation.

IMO, If the father's lack of responsiblity lead to permanent damge to the child's hearing (if that is the case) as a mother, I would ABSOLUTELY file for sole legal custody regardless of one contempt charge.

As for ceasing to advise this woman, only you can make that determination.

Playing Devil's Advocate here. I'm somewhat experienced with ear infections and outpatient surgical concerns. It may not be as clear cut as implied that holding back on the proposed surgical plan was reckless. Remember, you are likely only hearing the story through the mom's interpretation of events.

It may be possible that Dad objected to the PARTICULAR surgical plan, or having surgery before allowing the antibiotics to run it's full course. My daughter came to us at 25 months old with a history of UNTREATED ear and upper respiratory infections at the orphanage. She had thickened mucous behind her ear drum as a result and reduced hearing ability (and NO language concept).

WE have had two tube surgeries (and two other), and there were SEVERAL concerns I had before agreeing to go ahead and have tube surgery. Remember, a child must be COMPLETELY under, using a General Anesthetic. That brings it's own risks, especially for a fragile child. My child had two "stop breathing" episodes under general during the first surgery. but it was done at Children's Hospital utilizing a very experienced staff. I may not have agreed to have it done at, say, just a local hopital or a surgi-center. Also, were the tubes being done by her pediatrian, or an experienced children's ENT? All these factors can affect one's comfort level in agreeing to have surgery done. Especially as this child had a history of being sickly and perhaps faced greater surgical risk.

Has the father been included in the medical appointements so he has the opportunity to discuss concerns with the child's physician? Even if he couldn't ultimately attend, has he been notified when they were scheduled so he could at least try to be there? Or was he phoned and told THIS is what we are doing? A parent does have the right to question physican recommendations. (We had an early misdiagnosis of an unrelated issue with our daughter and sought another opinion, which ultimately showed Dr. #1 to be - gasp - wrong).

snostar said:

I am curious, how much was the fine?

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$250.00................

BelizeBreeze said:

And the judge is correct.



and, of course, that is also his right.

this mother can ask for anything she wishes, however, it's very doubtful that the judge, already hearing the case and ruling against the mother on the contempt citation, is going to bend the order.

I agree with IAAL. Tell this mother to either grow up or give up custody.

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So you see nothing wrong with the fact that the child's eardrums ruptured because the tubes didn't get put in in a timely fashion?....and that the only reason why this happened is because the father refused to make the appointments he needed to make to speak to the doctors?

The father's attorney didn't agree with you. The father's attorney made him immediately agree to any proceedures necessary, including the tubes, to resolve the problem. The mother's attorney had filed a petition to get the judge to order that the tubes be put in after the child's eardrums ruptured.

I just found out more this morning. The child also has a re-occuring yeast problem. The doctor has also instructed that the child absolutely must be bathed daily to help control the problem. Dad refuses to give the child a bath during his overnight parenting time, and therefore the problem usually re-occurs after his time.

nextwife said:

Has the father been included in the medical appointements so he has the opportunity to discuss concerns with the child's physician? Even if he couldn't ultimately attend, has he been notified when they were scheduled so he could at least try to be there? Or was he phoned and told THIS is what we are doing? A parent does have the right to question physican recommendations. (We had an early misdiagnosis of an unrelated issue with our daughter and sought another opinion, which ultimately showed Dr. #1 to be - gasp - wrong).

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Their court order requires her to inform the father of every medical appoint so that he has the opportunity to attend (that is standard in Indiana's guidelines) and she does. He chooses not to attend. He isn't willing to accept the information from the mother, therefore if he wants information from the doctors he has to make an appointment with them to get it. He also refuses to do that either. Instead, he stops by the doctors office at his own convenience and gets irate when the doctor can't drop everything to see him then.

In this particular case the family doctor had already previously recommended extensive courses of antibiotics to try and resolve the problem and avoid tubes. Unfortunately that failed and the doctor felt the surgery was needed, and needed quickly. The ear problem was also what precipitated the child's pnemonia.

LdiJ, don't forget you asked for opinions, that is what you got. You knew who you were asking.

snostar said:

LdiJ, don't forget you asked for opinions, that is what you got. You knew who you were asking.

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I know...LOL. However I didn't think that either one of them would actually have that kind of opinion in a case like this. I should have known better.