Need Advice!

What is the name of your state? Maine

Okay well here goes. About 9 months ago my ex girlfriend stopped me from seeing my son, I signed acknoledgement of paternity and birth certificate so she really had no right to do so. I proceeded to get a lawyer and then she filed a restraining order against me. Well the judge threw that out and surprisingly she agreed to half time with me in mediation. Now when she stopped me from seeing him, we were living apart and trying to reconcile, she thought that I was talking to women on the interent and that is why she stopped letting me see him. Fast Forward to the present, for the last 3 months she kept trying to get back together with me, trying to get me to kiss her when we exchanged my son. Asking me if I wanted to work things out etc. etc. I told her each and every time that it wouldnt work and that I just wanted to be friends. Well tonight I went over to see my son and drop of some medicine, again she asked me to kiss her and said "lets get back together, we have such a beautiful son". I said what I always do, I was trying to be nice because as you can tell, she is a bit erratic. Next thing she tells me that she cheated on me while I was out of town with her ex boyfriend (we had numerous arguments about him and its one of the reasons we first split). She now says she wants me to take a paternity test, I said that if I was court ordered I would but not voluntarily. I love this kid with all my heart, I stayed in Maine because of him instead of returning home when I got out of the Air Force. I fought for him when she stopped me from seeing him and won. I asked her why she didnt bring that up in court and she said she didnt want to hurt my feelings. I asked her why she would do that to her son if she didnt know for sure and her response was "well he wont remember you anyways"! He is 18 months old, can you believe that! Then she proceeded to ask me to leave or she would call 911. I never once raised my voice or got angry with her. I just wanted to know why she kept asking to get back together if she knew this all along and she said she just wanted to see what I would say. Now I know she is probably trying to hurt me and get a reaction to use against me but it isnt going to happen. My question is, should I go back to my lawyer or just wait and see what she does. Im a bit concerned about her mental stability at this point. She also has two daughters from a previous message and laid all of this on me in front of them. Sorry for the long post but it was either write this or go crazy! Im not saying I was ever perfect and I have done things but that was all in the past. I never hit her or anything like that, we just argued a lot. To be truthfull, I dont doubt that she cheated on me but I just dont want to lose my son. This person whom she claims could be the father has never asked her to have a paternity so again I think she is just talking out her a$$!

O.K. One Air Jockey to another. In all of that typing you failed to mention one thing about a custody and/or visitation order. So, get back here and tell this forum IF there is an existing custody and/or visitation order in place. That's ALL that matters.

Well I mentioned that I got a lawyer and in mediation she agreed to half / half custondy. So yes, I have a court order that states we have joint custody and I have him 3 nights one week and 4 the other. I realize that she cant stop me from seeing him again but what is going to stop her from making up more stories and trying to get another restraining order? I dont trust her as she has turned all of our friends against me and they believe that I am the one who has caused all of our problems. Not that I care what they think but I really feel she has mental problems. Should I ask for a evaluation? I know that I would have to then have one myself but I have nothing to hide. Like I stated earlier she already got a bogus restraining order, then proceeded to make up more stories when we went to court. The judge didnt buy it but I cant go through that again. She is erratic, that same day that we had court for the restraining order, we had mediation and she totally backed off not wanting me to see him and agreed to the above custody. I just want her to leave me alone and let me love my son in peace. Wishful thinking but can I get some type of order to stop her from talking about him not being my son? Maybe I will just go and talk to my lawyer and see what he thinks. I just dont want to ruin the 50/50 custody in place. Perhaps she is trying to make me snap but using our son as a pawn is totally unacceptable in my opinion.

blazers88 said:

Well I mentioned that I got a lawyer and in mediation she agreed to half / half custondy. So yes, I have a court order that states we have joint custody and I have him 3 nights one week and 4 the other. I realize that she cant stop me from seeing him again but what is going to stop her from making up more stories and trying to get another restraining order? I dont trust her as she has turned all of our friends against me and they believe that I am the one who has caused all of our problems. Not that I care what they think but I really feel she has mental problems. Should I ask for a evaluation? I know that I would have to then have one myself but I have nothing to hide. Like I stated earlier she already got a bogus restraining order, then proceeded to make up more stories when we went to court. The judge didnt buy it but I cant go through that again. She is erratic, that same day that we had court for the restraining order, we had mediation and she totally backed off not wanting me to see him and agreed to the above custody. I just want her to leave me alone and let me love my son in peace. Wishful thinking but can I get some type of order to stop her from talking about him not being my son? Maybe I will just go and talk to my lawyer and see what he thinks. I just dont want to ruin the 50/50 custody in place. Perhaps she is trying to make me snap but using our son as a pawn is totally unacceptable in my opinion.

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Since your son is only 18 months old there really is a reasonable chance that she could challenge your paternity....and if it turns out that you are not the biological father you could lose your legal fatherhood and parental rights. In this case the longer you are legally the father the stronger your position becomes.

Therefore if you want to maintain your legal fatherhood even if the biology is different...then not rocking the boat too much and not backing her into a corner for a few more years would more solidify your position.

Thank you for the reply but I guess my point is that she has a serious issue here! Just nine months ago she kept me from my son for 3 weeks because she thought I was hooking up with women over the internet and we werent even living together. Now who in their right mind would do that if they knew that their child might be somebody elses? And why wouldnt she have brought that up when we went in front of the family court judge? Honestly, I wont be surprised if she tries to claim I did or said something. Maine is a state where you can record without consent so you can be sure my recorder goes with me whenever we meet. Doesnt anyone believe that her irrational actions indicate some type of mental problem? As far as paternity, it would have to be done through the courts to be considered so thats up to her. Honestly, I have no doubt that he is mine, looks just like me. Im just scared that this is only the beginning of some other plot she is planning. Is there anything I can do to protect myself and my child from her actions? Would it look bad on her if she ordered the test and it came back that I was the father if I took her to court for full custody? I dont want my son being raised by someone who doesnt think it matters if Im not the dad, because our son according to her wont remember me anyways. I dont know, I just need some support I guess since I have no family out here. Thank you for the advice.

Ok I know this is a legal advice forum but since I am not an expert I am not going to comment on the legal side of this as its out of my arena. I will however applaud you for being a father who so obviously loves his child. I know right now it seems like the mother is a completely unreasonable person I dont know maybe she is. However, I do have a suggestion. Try approaching her in an understanding way. Tell her you are sorry she is hurting over your breakup and explain as bad as much as you dont want to cause her pain you more so dont want to cause the innocent on in this( your child) pain also. Humbling I know but it may work she is a female ( oh come on all you know us females can be emotional creatures) Play on that. Not in a bad way though. Always stay calm dont rise to the bait she may put in front of you. Its likely that she will get sick of constantly trying to fight someone who wont fight her back. Its worth a try for your childs sake. Make it seem like you are giving in if she says you cant see the child on tuesday say ok I am not trying to inconvience you what would be a good time for you? Make her think she is the one in control. Am I saying do this forever heavans no! But until such a time that you can get it it in a court order what times you are suppose to have the child. IF you already have that then file contempt keep a log of when and why she denies visitation keep filing contempt because in the long run a judge is going to see that she is trying to alienate the child from you and that could work in your favor towards joint and or full custody. Whatever you dont give up this is your child and worth fighting for tooth and nail or in a sickeningly sweet way lol Good luck and God bless you and your child

Every thing is spelled out in the Court Order and we do have to switch days around sometimes due to both of our work schedules but she has never denied me visitation ever since I took her to court. Does anybody believe I should be consulting a Lawyer at this point? Im just afraid this could be the beginning of her making false allegations against me again. Also, does anybody think I should order an evaluation at this point? Im just scared because I have fought so hard and I love my son so much and she only cares about hurting me. I wish she could just be happy that I am devoted to our son and leave her personal feelings for me out of it!

Then roll the dice. YOU petition the court for a paternity test. And, at the same time, you slap her with a show cause motion for contempt. That's what courts are for. Each and every time she denies you custody you do the same.

It's the only way you're going to stop this game and although you might lose in the long run, would you rather have this threat hanging over your head the rest of your life?

Well I dont have any grounds to go after her for contempt. She has followed the schedule ever since I took her to court and got the order. Besides from her constant comments of wanting to get back with me, I thought everything was fine. Then yesterday after I again informed her that I just wanted to be freinds, she dropped this story about how she cheated on me while I was out of town. Like I said, I dont believe her but for my own piece of mind, I am going to do a private test. Any suggestions?

blazers88 said:

Well I dont have any grounds to go after her for contempt. She has followed the schedule ever since I took her to court and got the order. Besides from her constant comments of wanting to get back with me, I thought everything was fine. Then yesterday after I again informed her that I just wanted to be freinds, she dropped this story about how she cheated on me while I was out of town. Like I said, I dont believe her but for my own piece of mind, I am going to do a private test. Any suggestions?

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you have to decide for yourself. Just make sure that if you have a private test done, it's at an accredited facility so that if you are found to be the father AND she tries taking this to court, you can 'whip it out' and show the court the finding.

Any suggestions on a company that is reputable? Cost doesnt matter, I just dont want to get ripped off!

blazers88 said:

Any suggestions on a company that is reputable? Cost doesnt matter, I just dont want to get ripped off!

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I don't give recommendations in this forum. It would be breaking the rules. Your best bet is to contact your local department of Human services to find out which company they use in child support/paternity cases. Or as the local court clerk if they have a list of such.

Okay, thank you. I did speak to my lawyer and basically he told me to just record our drop offs and to not worry about anything. He has met her and spoken with her in the past and knows how she is. Like me, he believes she is just trying to hurt me once again and doubts she will pursue anything. Our first go around, she didnt have an attorney (not due to money), so thats shows how much she was really concerned. I know I'm doing the right thing by staying calm and not engaging her because that is what she wants. Its hard but for my son its well worth it!