undefinedWhat is the name of your state?
New Jersey.
My boyfriend has been incarcerated for a lengthy jail term, more than ten years. He will be released shortly and we will be getting married next year. He fathered children prior to being incarcerated who he has tried to keep in contact with via letters and phone calls, as well as, help the mothers with support through literally harassing his siblings to help him by pitching in to help take care of the children, which they have done freely from the kindness of their hearts not so much because of their brother's whining! Anyhow, the one mother has been on public assistance for the child's entire life, about 14 years. She has never worked and just last week, he recieved a letter from the NYC courts pertaining to paternity/child support. My questions are these:
1. Can he be responsible to pay for the past 14 years, eventhough he has had no means to support himself or the child due to the incarceration?
2. When we get married, will the courts use my income/assets to determine his payments...or even worse, in the event that it is at first difficult for him to find gainful employment, can they require me to pay?
3. Since we live in a different state from them, how will visitation work, is it common that children are allowed to go across state borders to visit their non-custodial parent?
4. I have a child of my own, whom my boyfriend did not father, and I own my home and have a retirement fund, I have willed both of these to my child in the event that anything should happen to me, can that be in anyway overturned once I get married, eventhough my boyfriend will not have contributed any parts in acquiring the home or saving the money in my fund?
5. Is it ok to keep my business with my home/retirement fund the way I have it set aside for my child and establish a new savings, etc with my "husband" to which he and any children that we have together may be the beneficiaries of?
Thank you so much in advance for your consideration and advice!
(I posted this question sometime ago and it was answered effectively by a senior member, to whom I am very grateful for the expertise and advice! I did not ask the qusetion because I am a young, dumb airhead without any common sense...Granted this is not the ideal situation but due to my concerns I inquired about the possibilities I may be facing. Can I get that much credit from you guys?! I'm being treated like I waited outside the jail yard at the gate to meet this guy! We actually had a relationship prior to his incarceration when we were in college and he's a decent guy, he just made some really bad choices in friends and it has come at a great price! Whether I decide to become his wife or not, he will never cease to be a good friend of mine because despite the mistakes he's made, he's still a person that deserves to be cared for and encouraged. And by the way, a law abiding, hard working man fathered my child and then divorced me and skipped town! His family is very much a part of my son's life despite his absence, and they help me in more ways than I ever imagined they would...above and beyond what grandparents should have to do! Their son however avoids and shirks his responsibility unless he's backed up against the wall! So I guess, like you guys, I judged a book by it's cover too.
I do not mean to sound ungrateful for your advice, but not everyone that's in a situation that you find less the acceptable needs professional therapy. One's experiences shape their future decisions...and based on my past, I'd rather be with a man who listens to me and responds with sincerity, who has always treated me with respect but made a mistake for which he is deeply remorseful than a man who has been educated, does financially and looks like the perfect man in all aspects but doesn't even have enough character to help take care of his only child. So if I sound just plain dumb...sorry!
And just for the record, we have made an arrangement..he will not be released to my home but to his mom's...and that hasn't changed our intentions, we are just taking our time...that was my decision, it was my thought even before I posted anything on here...I thought I was doing my homework but I got just alittle more than I bargained for!
So if you continue to respond to this post, please stick to the facts and keep the nasty comments to yourself!
Thanks,
Mechie311
New Jersey.
My boyfriend has been incarcerated for a lengthy jail term, more than ten years. He will be released shortly and we will be getting married next year. He fathered children prior to being incarcerated who he has tried to keep in contact with via letters and phone calls, as well as, help the mothers with support through literally harassing his siblings to help him by pitching in to help take care of the children, which they have done freely from the kindness of their hearts not so much because of their brother's whining! Anyhow, the one mother has been on public assistance for the child's entire life, about 14 years. She has never worked and just last week, he recieved a letter from the NYC courts pertaining to paternity/child support. My questions are these:
1. Can he be responsible to pay for the past 14 years, eventhough he has had no means to support himself or the child due to the incarceration?
2. When we get married, will the courts use my income/assets to determine his payments...or even worse, in the event that it is at first difficult for him to find gainful employment, can they require me to pay?
3. Since we live in a different state from them, how will visitation work, is it common that children are allowed to go across state borders to visit their non-custodial parent?
4. I have a child of my own, whom my boyfriend did not father, and I own my home and have a retirement fund, I have willed both of these to my child in the event that anything should happen to me, can that be in anyway overturned once I get married, eventhough my boyfriend will not have contributed any parts in acquiring the home or saving the money in my fund?
5. Is it ok to keep my business with my home/retirement fund the way I have it set aside for my child and establish a new savings, etc with my "husband" to which he and any children that we have together may be the beneficiaries of?
Thank you so much in advance for your consideration and advice!
(I posted this question sometime ago and it was answered effectively by a senior member, to whom I am very grateful for the expertise and advice! I did not ask the qusetion because I am a young, dumb airhead without any common sense...Granted this is not the ideal situation but due to my concerns I inquired about the possibilities I may be facing. Can I get that much credit from you guys?! I'm being treated like I waited outside the jail yard at the gate to meet this guy! We actually had a relationship prior to his incarceration when we were in college and he's a decent guy, he just made some really bad choices in friends and it has come at a great price! Whether I decide to become his wife or not, he will never cease to be a good friend of mine because despite the mistakes he's made, he's still a person that deserves to be cared for and encouraged. And by the way, a law abiding, hard working man fathered my child and then divorced me and skipped town! His family is very much a part of my son's life despite his absence, and they help me in more ways than I ever imagined they would...above and beyond what grandparents should have to do! Their son however avoids and shirks his responsibility unless he's backed up against the wall! So I guess, like you guys, I judged a book by it's cover too.
I do not mean to sound ungrateful for your advice, but not everyone that's in a situation that you find less the acceptable needs professional therapy. One's experiences shape their future decisions...and based on my past, I'd rather be with a man who listens to me and responds with sincerity, who has always treated me with respect but made a mistake for which he is deeply remorseful than a man who has been educated, does financially and looks like the perfect man in all aspects but doesn't even have enough character to help take care of his only child. So if I sound just plain dumb...sorry!
And just for the record, we have made an arrangement..he will not be released to my home but to his mom's...and that hasn't changed our intentions, we are just taking our time...that was my decision, it was my thought even before I posted anything on here...I thought I was doing my homework but I got just alittle more than I bargained for!
So if you continue to respond to this post, please stick to the facts and keep the nasty comments to yourself!
Thanks,
Mechie311
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