Guardianship

What is the name of your state? Indiana
My fiancée’s ex-girlfriend is buying a home and moving out of the school district that his child is presently in. She works in the town where the school district is and is planning on continuing to take her child to school there. In most cases a parent would have to pay tuition. His daughter told me that mom is planning on naming a friend of hers as legal guardian to her so that she can go to school in that school district. Is that legal and where does my fiancée stand in all of this. I know he is not going to be happy when he finds out. He is sick of the fact that his daughter is his and he is constantly not being allowed time with his daughter when the mother does not have her because her mother wants her to have her boyfriend watch her. He has a child of his own but does not get to have visitation with his son so he is constantly hindering my fiancée’s chances to have more time with his daughter. Can my fiancée object to her naming this so called relative as her guardian?

Q: His daughter told me that mom is planning on naming a friend of hers as legal guardian to her so that she can go to school in that school district. Is that legal and where does my fiancée stand in all of this.

A: Yes, this is a common practice in a lot of states.


Q: Can my fiancée object to her naming this so called relative as her guardian?

A: Yes; he should hire a lawyer and get involved in the guardianship action.

elaine60 said:

What is the name of your state? Indiana
My fiancée’s ex-girlfriend is buying a home and moving out of the school district that his child is presently in. She works in the town where the school district is and is planning on continuing to take her child to school there. In most cases a parent would have to pay tuition. His daughter told me that mom is planning on naming a friend of hers as legal guardian to her so that she can go to school in that school district. Is that legal and where does my fiancée stand in all of this. I know he is not going to be happy when he finds out. He is sick of the fact that his daughter is his and he is constantly not being allowed time with his daughter when the mother does not have her because her mother wants her to have her boyfriend watch her. He has a child of his own but does not get to have visitation with his son so he is constantly hindering my fiancée’s chances to have more time with his daughter. Can my fiancée object to her naming this so called relative as her guardian?

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Your fiance can check his court order to see if includes Right of First Refusal or stipulation of the like. If not, he can file to modify the custody/visitation to include this. That will give him first chance to have his daughter if/when the mother is gone or working etc.

If the order does not address the issue- it's within the mother's legal rights to appoint whomever to watch the child in her absence. (Theory being that each parent can make adequate decisions re; care for their child during their parenting time.)

Re; the school issue: Not only is this a trivial issue *IMO* it can backfire on your fiance if he fights it. This is why: If he succeeds in disallowing the guardianship (which is not custody) then that could mean the mother cannot use a residence in the school district for the child- which then means the child will have to go to school in another district (probably the mother's) and not keep her friends and the consistency she is trying to provide. Also the school she's now in may be better academically than the one in the district she moved to. Does the father live in the school district? Why does he not want his child to continue in the same school? I think it's fairly common for parents to do this when they move and they'd like to allow their children to continue in the district. I also think (again *IMO*) it will only occur to the courts that the mother is thinking of the child's best interest. (Not only to keep friends, consistency & possibly better academia~ but also she'll be close to Mom's work where she spends most of her day, in the event there is an emergency so she can get to her quickly.) Think the school thing through.

Concerned

Indiana
Your words about keeping the child in one school are well founded. Our concern is not the school but the fact of her moving out of that school district. This is the first school this child has spent more than one year in. She will soon be twelve. We are concerned that she will be caught and have to be transferred the child to the other school district. She has never done anything on the up and up and this would be a first.

elaine60 said:

Indiana
Your words about keeping the child in one school are well founded. Our concern is not the school but the fact of her moving out of that school district. This is the first school this child has spent more than one year in. She will soon be twelve. We are concerned that she will be caught and have to be transferred the child to the other school district. She has never done anything on the up and up and this would be a first.

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I don't understand why the father would contest the guardianship papers required to allow the child to stay in the same district then?

Is the mother moving out of the county?

Tuition

Yes the mother is moving into another county. She is fully aware that she will not be in the same school district and to make it even better one of the teachers at his daughters school will live next to her. He is afraid that they will realize that she is not living with this woman who is actually not related at all and then there will be even more problems. His solution find a home in the same school district so that maybe just maybe the child will be able to attend this school next year and not yet another one. She has been in a different school every year except for the last two. Her last grade card was all D's and F's except for one c. What would you do?

Q: He is afraid that they will realize that she is not living with this woman who is actually not related at all and then there will be even more problems.

A: Who is they?


Q: His solution find a home in the same school district so that maybe just maybe the child will be able to attend this school next year and not yet another one.

A: An even better solution than guardianship.

Tuition

Indiana They is the school district officials. He is afraid that they will find out that she is living outside of the school district and that she will be yet again uprooted. This the fifth school she has been in because her mother choose to move around. Her mother knows that this home is in another county and outside of her present school district but thinks as always that she can do as she pleases. The only thing that I know is everything is a lot different then it was when I was raising my two on my own. If I would have moved my children continually like she has my ex-husband would of taken me into court and said that I was not raising my children in a stable atmosphere. I too had to move outside of my kids school district due to my job and named my mother as their guardian, since at the time she moved into the home I owned within that school district. I owned the home she lived in a paid taxes on that home. The school found out that the kids were not living with my mom but with me. I still has to pay 1900.00 in tuition to keep them in the same school. I know that my stepdaughters mother will not be able to pay the tuition if the situation arises. She is playing russian roulette with a loaded gun and at the expense of her daughter but then I will have to say that from what I have seen so far its what she wants in life and not what affects everyone else. We have been to an attorney because the child recently told us that she wanted to move in with us and the lawyer said short of her being arrested for drugs the outcome would not be good. Currently we have joint custody and have her 6 days and nights out of 14. He said more than likely if we even attempted it they would probably take away vistiation and then we would only get her on weekends. This seems crazy to me considering her father has remained in the same emplyment for 16 years, lived in the same home for 15 years and has always provided for her. He has been the only stedfast thing in her life. What ever happened to being able to provide a child with a more stable atmosphere. I think that they need to revise their outlook on child custody. In the summer we alternate every two weeks and two years ago when I first met my fiancee his ex dropped his daughter off and said she was moving out of where she was living, breaking up with the man she had been living with since she had left my fiancee. She had been seeing him for over a year before she left. Then she said she would be back to get her when she figured everything out. She never called or came to see her and never gave her daughter an explanation as to what was going on. I was foolish in the fact that I should of told him to go into court then and get custody but I had just moved in with him and felt that it was not my place to tell him what to do where his child was concerned. She finally came to get her just before school started and when she told her daugher that they had moved and that she was going to a different school and that she had to leave her pets behind the girl was devastated. But then why should she not have been she thought she was going back to what she thought was home with her mother. Like I said I wish I would of spoke up. She has been an emotional basket case every since then. I feel like I have failed as a mother because thats how I feel about her like I am her second mom. Maybe when she gets alittle older she can come and live with us if she chooses I just hope that its not too late then to help her heal from all the crap.

elaine60 said:

Indiana They is the school district officials. He is afraid that they will find out that she is living outside of the school district and that she will be yet again uprooted. This the fifth school she has been in because her mother choose to move around. Her mother knows that this home is in another county and outside of her present school district but thinks as always that she can do as she pleases. The only thing that I know is everything is a lot different then it was when I was raising my two on my own. If I would have moved my children continually like she has my ex-husband would of taken me into court and said that I was not raising my children in a stable atmosphere. I too had to move outside of my kids school district due to my job and named my mother as their guardian, since at the time she moved into the home I owned within that school district. I owned the home she lived in a paid taxes on that home. The school found out that the kids were not living with my mom but with me. I still has to pay 1900.00 in tuition to keep them in the same school. I know that my stepdaughters mother will not be able to pay the tuition if the situation arises. She is playing russian roulette with a loaded gun and at the expense of her daughter but then I will have to say that from what I have seen so far its what she wants in life and not what affects everyone else. We have been to an attorney because the child recently told us that she wanted to move in with us and the lawyer said short of her being arrested for drugs the outcome would not be good. Currently we have joint custody and have her 6 days and nights out of 14. He said more than likely if we even attempted it they would probably take away vistiation and then we would only get her on weekends. This seems crazy to me considering her father has remained in the same emplyment for 16 years, lived in the same home for 15 years and has always provided for her. He has been the only stedfast thing in her life. What ever happened to being able to provide a child with a more stable atmosphere. I think that they need to revise their outlook on child custody. In the summer we alternate every two weeks and two years ago when I first met my fiancee his ex dropped his daughter off and said she was moving out of where she was living, breaking up with the man she had been living with since she had left my fiancee. She had been seeing him for over a year before she left. Then she said she would be back to get her when she figured everything out. She never called or came to see her and never gave her daughter an explanation as to what was going on. I was foolish in the fact that I should of told him to go into court then and get custody but I had just moved in with him and felt that it was not my place to tell him what to do where his child was concerned. She finally came to get her just before school started and when she told her daugher that they had moved and that she was going to a different school and that she had to leave her pets behind the girl was devastated. But then why should she not have been she thought she was going back to what she thought was home with her mother. Like I said I wish I would of spoke up. She has been an emotional basket case every since then. I feel like I have failed as a mother because thats how I feel about her like I am her second mom. Maybe when she gets alittle older she can come and live with us if she chooses I just hope that its not too late then to help her heal from all the crap.

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I don't see how the mother's past re; moving around will help you in this instance~ because now the mother is buying a home, which will only add to the chances of her staying in one place. Also, the father never objected in the past when the mother moved (or the mother moved within an allowed distance) so it could be a hard point to prove relevant. It appears the mother is making attempts at providing a more stable home- not the other way around.

The fact that the move won't affect the visitation/custody agreement between the parents, also means that you'd have a hard time proving in court it would be detrimental.

Your situation with your Xhusband has nothing to do with this case.

I think your fiance should follow the advice of his attorney.

Tuition

Indiana I guess what it comes down to is the fact that yes the mother is buying a home which means she will stay somewher maybe for once. Although just because you buy a home does not mean stability considering she is purchasing it with her current boyfriend. Nothing to say that if they split she will not leave the home and move again. As far as him objecting to the move, he has in the past but was told that as long as she stays in her 100 mile radias that there nothing he can do. It is just hard to stand back and know that your hands are tied. He was told when they split that the likelyhood of a father getting custody was probably slim to none, just because of the fact that he was not the female in the situation. I do not believe that just because your female that makes you a better parent. I know that my own situation has nothing do with this one. But I truly believe that if a parent loves their child they want whats best for them and it takes a big person to admit that maybe they are not whats best. If allowing the other parent the chance to take the child and see if they can help that child to be all they can be and to not live in a world of constant fear and depression is wrong I do not understand why. When you have a child in your care and they constantly show signs of depression due to the loss of friends and anything constant it is very hard to take. I think we will take the advice of the attorney on one thing though, he told us to have evaluated by a qualified phycologist and she what they think. He said that if it could be proven that she needs help due to all of the changes in her life maybe the judge would at least interven and make sure that she gets help. You only have one chance in life to take care of your children and I believe that we need to do all that we can to make sure that she is as happy as anyone can be taking all in to consideration.

elaine60 said:

Indiana I guess what it comes down to is the fact that yes the mother is buying a home which means she will stay somewher maybe for once. Although just because you buy a home does not mean stability considering she is purchasing it with her current boyfriend. Nothing to say that if they split she will not leave the home and move again. As far as him objecting to the move, he has in the past but was told that as long as she stays in her 100 mile radias that there nothing he can do. It is just hard to stand back and know that your hands are tied. He was told when they split that the likelyhood of a father getting custody was probably slim to none, just because of the fact that he was not the female in the situation. I do not believe that just because your female that makes you a better parent. I know that my own situation has nothing do with this one. But I truly believe that if a parent loves their child they want whats best for them and it takes a big person to admit that maybe they are not whats best. If allowing the other parent the chance to take the child and see if they can help that child to be all they can be and to not live in a world of constant fear and depression is wrong I do not understand why. When you have a child in your care and they constantly show signs of depression due to the loss of friends and anything constant it is very hard to take. I think we will take the advice of the attorney on one thing though, he told us to have evaluated by a qualified phycologist and she what they think. He said that if it could be proven that she needs help due to all of the changes in her life maybe the judge would at least interven and make sure that she gets help. You only have one chance in life to take care of your children and I believe that we need to do all that we can to make sure that she is as happy as anyone can be taking all in to consideration.

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It's not impossible for father's to get custody. That's a mistaken assumption- I think you are confusing that with the fact that a judge won't remove custody from a mother just because a father (stepmother even moreso!) doesn't 'like' the way a mother is. Obviously if they could agree, they'd still be married.

If you've been 'concerned' all along- why didn't you get the child in counseling? A therapist would be able to discern if the child is suffering emotionally, as you say. Most times the distress a child exhibits is because of the conflict between the parents.

Evaluations are always helpful~ but you need to convince a court one is necessary, and since your fiance is requesting it he needs to be prepared to pay for it. I don't know that "Your honor, she's moving within the allowed radius and buying a house" is going to cut it.

Tuition

Indiana Misassumption on the part of the attorney that he hired. She told him that it was highly unlikely. His whole problem stems from that fact that he came home one day to find out that his girlfriend was having an affair and had been for a year. She also became involved with a man who was doing crack. She told him she was leaving and then in turn left his daughter of two with him until she got settled for two weeks. His mistake was that he thought maybe it was a wim as she has been known for in the past and he did not seek the an attorney at the time. He could of got custody due to her abandonment of their child. With the sudden surprize of all that was happened his main concern was that he take care of his daughter until he found out for sure what was going to happen. He was never married to her. He could not prove the drug use due to the fact that most courts will not order a drug test unless the parent has been arrested or placed in a center for drug abuse. Yes it was bad on his part to not notice changes in there relationship and to realize that she was straying. As far as her and I relationship in the beginning I tried to look at it from both sides considering I had been in her shoes with my own kids. But never would I have left my child of 6 home alone for two hours to wait for the school bus. I would not of placed my children in harms way for nothing. He called family services and they told him that unless something happened nothing could be done. His lawyer also told him that after a parent has custody its almost impossible for the other parent to receive custody. I am sure you think that I am just a meddling step mother but in all actually I did not think at 45 that I would be helping raise another child. My children are grown. My concern is for the welfare of his child. If I really thought that her mother was what was best I would leave well enough alone. She has taught this child to lie and the sad thing is she has come to me and told me her mother told her to do so. She has had her daughter urinate into a cup to avoid loosing her job and just so she could continue to do drugs. How would you feel if your step child asked you why her mother would ask this of her? I can see that from your responses that the upmost concern in your eyes is the rights of a woman and shame on you for placing supposed motherhood above the healthy physcological well being of a child. As far as paying for the treatments or help he does not have a problem with that. His ex receives child support based on her having her all but the weekends, he could have it lowered but he chooses not to. If he were to get custody he would not ask her to pay child support. He takes his daughter every six months for her dental check ups and also anytime she is sick to the doctor. Ironically she calls him on the phone to tell him to come get the child to take her if she is sick. She has her own insurance to cover their child but does not want to make the effort when he is so willing. She does not provide clothes for her daughter so we always go out and buy her all new school and summer clothes. About the only thing that she does do is prevent him from having her more than he does. The woman has been a stedfast lyer from day one even to the point that she did not tell him she was not taking her birth control to finally telling him she was pregnant at 5 months to not even telling him that she has a tubal ligation and him coming home to finding out that she had it done. My overall evaluation of her is that she had it in her mind what she wanted in life. To produce one child that she could remain supreme over and completely control the child and the father. She was smart enough to pick a man who places that child above all things. She was also smart enough to conceive a child with a man that she knows will always be stable in his employment as to provide for her and her child. She also has known that the men that she chooses to share her life with are not such kind of men. She is presently living with the cousin of the last man she lived with. Well I have been long winded enough all we can do is hope that his daughter will be ok and provide treatment for her if needed. But I will say this much I would pretty much bet that you are female and shame on you for not trying to look at things with the child best interest. You know it takes to people to produce a child and just being female does not necessarily make you the best parent.

elaine60 said:

Indiana Misassumption on the part of the attorney that he hired. She told him that it was highly unlikely. His whole problem stems from that fact that he came home one day to find out that his girlfriend was having an affair and had been for a year. She also became involved with a man who was doing crack. She told him she was leaving and then in turn left his daughter of two with him until she got settled for two weeks. His mistake was that he thought maybe it was a wim as she has been known for in the past and he did not seek the an attorney at the time. He could of got custody due to her abandonment of their child. With the sudden surprize of all that was happened his main concern was that he take care of his daughter until he found out for sure what was going to happen. He was never married to her. He could not prove the drug use due to the fact that most courts will not order a drug test unless the parent has been arrested or placed in a center for drug abuse. Yes it was bad on his part to not notice changes in there relationship and to realize that she was straying. As far as her and I relationship in the beginning I tried to look at it from both sides considering I had been in her shoes with my own kids. But never would I have left my child of 6 home alone for two hours to wait for the school bus. I would not of placed my children in harms way for nothing. He called family services and they told him that unless something happened nothing could be done. His lawyer also told him that after a parent has custody its almost impossible for the other parent to receive custody. I am sure you think that I am just a meddling step mother but in all actually I did not think at 45 that I would be helping raise another child. My children are grown. My concern is for the welfare of his child. If I really thought that her mother was what was best I would leave well enough alone. She has taught this child to lie and the sad thing is she has come to me and told me her mother told her to do so. She has had her daughter urinate into a cup to avoid loosing her job and just so she could continue to do drugs. How would you feel if your step child asked you why her mother would ask this of her? I can see that from your responses that the upmost concern in your eyes is the rights of a woman and shame on you for placing supposed motherhood above the healthy physcological well being of a child. As far as paying for the treatments or help he does not have a problem with that. His ex receives child support based on her having her all but the weekends, he could have it lowered but he chooses not to. If he were to get custody he would not ask her to pay child support. He takes his daughter every six months for her dental check ups and also anytime she is sick to the doctor. Ironically she calls him on the phone to tell him to come get the child to take her if she is sick. She has her own insurance to cover their child but does not want to make the effort when he is so willing. She does not provide clothes for her daughter so we always go out and buy her all new school and summer clothes. About the only thing that she does do is prevent him from having her more than he does. The woman has been a stedfast lyer from day one even to the point that she did not tell him she was not taking her birth control to finally telling him she was pregnant at 5 months to not even telling him that she has a tubal ligation and him coming home to finding out that she had it done. My overall evaluation of her is that she had it in her mind what she wanted in life. To produce one child that she could remain supreme over and completely control the child and the father. She was smart enough to pick a man who places that child above all things. She was also smart enough to conceive a child with a man that she knows will always be stable in his employment as to provide for her and her child. She also has known that the men that she chooses to share her life with are not such kind of men. She is presently living with the cousin of the last man she lived with. Well I have been long winded enough all we can do is hope that his daughter will be ok and provide treatment for her if needed. But I will say this much I would pretty much bet that you are female and shame on you for not trying to look at things with the child best interest. You know it takes to people to produce a child and just being female does not necessarily make you the best parent.

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Your assumption about me only caring about Mothers is incorrect. I have advocated for children to live with fathers as well as mothers, I also know of several single fathers, so yes it is possible for a father to have custody. What I am telling you is what you CAN do now (ie; therapy)...and some insight into the way the legal system works. I understand your emotions are in full swing over this, it's never easy in a custody battle.

The bottom line is your fiance picked this woman to have a relationship and child with. If he wants to remove custody from that parent- he needs to follow the appropriate channels. Complaining about the mother personally instead of focusing on what you can do for the child will only spin your wheels.

If the child is negatively affected by the situation- a professional will be able to determine that. Their opinion will weigh more heavily in court than yours.