Not a legal question But I need help

What is the name of your state? California

Sorry this is a little off topic but you all are so resourceful I could us some help. Someone in another thread suggested I find a book for my SD to help her deal with the sexual abuse she endured. I thought it was a great idea since she really relates well to books and has a hard time talking about her feelings. I was going to look for a book to help her with her feelings about her mom too. She has lived with us for 3 years and her mom has made no effort to see her . She goes back and forth between anger, sadness, and then she goes through phases where she pretends her mom is actually a really good mom. Does anyone know of any books to help children deal with having a messed up parent. (I would never describe her that way to my step daughter but you guys get the idea)

I am also still looking for books on sexual abuse, if anyone knows any of those. She is 12 yrs old. Also if anyone knows of any sexual abuse forums?

Maybe I can help you...

Hi! First off Im so sorry to hear about your stepdaughter and the sexual abuse. My daughter was sexually abused by her stepmoms dad, at the age of 8, she is now 16, will be 17 in 6 months. She is doing Wonderful! Im saying this just to let you know, it will get better. When my daughter was abused, her dad, more or less abandoned her, he didnt believe her, then he went and bailed his father in law out of jail. 6 years ago, stepmoms dad, went and hung himself and left a confesson note. Since then stepmom admitted that he did it to her when she was little also. But they blamed my daughter for years, for him killing himself...saying if she wouldnt of exposed him, he wouldnt of commited suicide. Her dad, would call and act like to me, he was sorry, and wanted to talk to her, then he would say all these type things to her. Its been a LONG hard road. To this day her dad has never apologized, he acts like nothing happened. In Feb of 04 stepmom told me, she would commit suicide if I didnt go to court and say he didnt have to pay child support. I did it! They have 4 kids between them, and I knew they needed it, and I at that time, thought maybe they would see we were good people and try to be nice to us. Its been over a year, since she has talked to her dad, he dont try to see her, stepmom would never allow them to have any time alone, saying it wasnt fair to the other kids. I know this is long and drawn out, but, I can say, one thing that my daughter said that helped her the very most....I went and got her like 3 notebooks, when she was 9 years old, One was to her sexual abuser, one was to her dad, and one was to me and her stepdad. She keeps a journal and has written her feelings down, letters (that she will never send) but it helped her SOO much! The counselor, I took her to told me that was wonderful therapy. Some pages just have sentences on them, or statements she is thinking others have letters...For mothers day she gave me mine, it was the most precious gift, She has been writing in these for 7 years, and I never looked or read them, thats one thing that I promised her, when I got them for her. She wrote in mine, the way I handled things when her dad and stepmom called her, 6--7 years ago, how I was kind and how I hugged her and told her I loved her. She had dates and times. If they have the notebooks with all the negative, then they are lifted up when they have a postive one to post in also. My daughter and I are so close, and she said these notebooks were her rescue at times. She said someday she will burn the others but she still writes in them at times. I do know libraries have sexual abuse books for children, they usually have them locked up, child advocacy places have tons, we used to check them out all the time.
I hope this helped some...
Im here for you..

Thanks for the kind words and advice. Sometimes I get so caught up in the anger towards her mom and the rest of the family; I forget my main purpose is to help my Step Daughter heal and become a caring loving adult. Right now she is still an angry child. I can't blame her, when I asked her why she never told her mother this man (an older 2nd cousin) had been molesting her. She said her mother would not have done anything any way . She does not see her mother anymore, since after this man got out of jail, they moved him back into their home. She was allowed to have phone contact, however her mother let the guy get on the phone with my SD and he proceeded to tell her he was maturbating . I was so pissed I have not let them talk since; her mom does have supervised visits, but chooses not to come.

I am definatly going to try the journal thing. I think having different ones is a great idea. I would not want to have all those different feelings mixed up in one place. I think it is hard enough for her deal with her feelings around one thing, to get all of them together would probably over-whelm her. I went to the library today and found a book called "Telling" its a fiction book about a girls experiance being molested by a family friend and how she tells and then recovers. Hopefully my SD will read it.

Congradulations to your daughter. It gives me great hope. I have never experianced abuse personally, it seems devistating to me; is hard to belive people recover from it. Your daughter must be amazing, thanks for relaying her courage. I will keep working with my SD she is a great kid and a survivor I am sure she can make it too!

There is an excellent book that I know of called The Courage to Heal which helps victims of sexual abuse. It is a difficult book to get through because it really gets to the heart of the matter, but once she does it will have been worth it. Good luck.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?WRD=courage+to+heal&userid=WQ4Eh1YBQi&cds2Pid=946

I'll see if I can find any books on her other issue.

Veronica1228 said:

There is an excellent book that I know of called The Courage to Heal which helps victims of sexual abuse. It is a difficult book to get through because it really gets to the heart of the matter, but once she does it will have been worth it. Good luck.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?WRD=courage+to+heal&userid=WQ4Eh1YBQi&cds2Pid=946

I'll see if I can find any books on her other issue.

Click to expand...

Please do not get this book for a child or read this book and try to use this book to help a child. It was written at the height of the mania about repressed memories and can create additional problems. Each child is unique and no one book can replace evaluation and therapy by a competent, licensed therapist. While self help books may serve a purpose, this is not the time to rely on a book to replace competent professional help.

I agree that a book should not take the place of a licensed therapist, but I was given that book by my therapist and it along with sessions helped me to work through a very difficult childhood tragedy. I still stand behind my recommendation as a survivor of sexual abuse!

DsmithAsmith said:

What is the name of your state? California

Sorry this is a little off topic but you all are so resourceful I could us some help. Someone in another thread suggested I find a book for my SD to help her deal with the sexual abuse she endured. I thought it was a great idea since she really relates well to books and has a hard time talking about her feelings. I was going to look for a book to help her with her feelings about her mom too. She has lived with us for 3 years and her mom has made no effort to see her . She goes back and forth between anger, sadness, and then she goes through phases where she pretends her mom is actually a really good mom. Does anyone know of any books to help children deal with having a messed up parent. (I would never describe her that way to my step daughter but you guys get the idea)

I am also still looking for books on sexual abuse, if anyone knows any of those. She is 12 yrs old. Also if anyone knows of any sexual abuse forums?

Click to expand...

There is an excellent book titled:

"Art Therapy with Young Survivors of Sexual Abuse- Lost For Words" by Jenny Murphy.

It's especially effective for children who aren't very good at verbalizing their feelings related to the abuse. It's somewhat of a journal, with child appropriate direction.

Another good book is:

"Just Because I Am" a child's book of affirmations by Lauren Murphy Payne, M.S.W. This simple book covers how it's OK to have various feelings and touches on the subject of feeling OK with having emotional & physical boundaries.

Good Luck to you

My SD does see a therapist and goes to art therapy however it has been 3 years and she is still having problems expressing to other people her feelings-about anything. She has started writing her father and I notes-explaining how she is feeling and why. It has been a major breakthrough for her to be able to express love and anger towards her dad and I. She has not been able to express her feelings about her mom or the perp. yet I am hoping a jouranal and some books might help her.
Thanks for everyones advice. I really appriciate the input!

If you need to email me...

If you need or want to email me, maybe I can help you somehow. I know how painful it is, what you are going through.
I never thought a heart could ache as bad as mine did at that time, and I never could even begin to imagine how my daughter felt. My daughter did the same thing, she would not express, or talk about it, after 2 years of counseling. The notebook (journals) were a lifesaver. I made a promise to her, that she could spill her heart out in those and it wouldnt be read, unless she wanted it read....after about awhile she did open up to her counselor then to me. Now she wants to go to college and be a counselor.
There is hope...I know it doesnt feel like it but there is...Im here...I will be here for you if you need me...
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