here we go again...

What is the name of your state? California

I just noticed I posted this under CS not custody/visatation...I am a dork!

A bit of back story https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=349607 has been MIA since Aug '06 and has had no contact with child since May '06. He also has multiple warrants (both fed. & missdem.) I have physical cust. he has visatation for a few hrs eow joint legal. CS has been ordered but in 4+ yrs I've recieved aprox $375. Now comes the issue... I have contemplated a TPR but decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Now all the sudden I am getting letters and pkgs from DuffX's Mother and Brother. They are pleeding to see me and daughter..."we miss you soooooo much" etc. I have not had contact with Bro since before my divorce from DuffX and have only had a few encounters with Mom, things like her screaming at me (in my front yard w/daughter on porch) about what a horrible person I am :( I have not let daughter know about the letters, she has has a VERY hard time with DuffX dissapearing and it reopens the wounds every time someone mentions any of his family. Also I have found out that they are doing the same sort of things to my daughter's 1/2 Brothers Mother too. I DO NOT trust these people to have daughter's best intrest in mind at all. I spent 10+ yrs as part of their "family" and know they all believe they are above the law. Ok novela over...question time: Should I go ahead and persue the TPR to protect daughter? Or just keep putting the crap they send in a box at the back of the closet? [B]**just noticed the time and I probably won't be back on till Mon...I'll check up on this then**[/B]

YOu can try to pursue it but can you meet the requirements for abandonment and adoption? Sorry eme but i cannot remember off the top of my head.

Eme...

Similar situation...when sleeping dogs wake they can bite and bite hard...consider a suspension/termination of visitation while you explore TPR. I let things go for a long time and then SNAP a great big bite. My lesson, it is better to be proactive than to be reactive

You owe the extended family nothing.

Best of luck to you and I hope all works in your daughters best interest.

You should consider sending the letters a gifts back , if they are not sent by the Parent .

It sounds like a tactic for the X to see the child via 3rd party .

Ohiogal said:

YOu can try to pursue it but can you meet the requirements for abandonment and adoption? Sorry eme but i cannot remember off the top of my head.

Click to expand...

Yep we meet the requirements for abandonment and silly 'ol Cali is one of those states that adoption is not necesary.

Blonde Lebinese said:

You should consider sending the letters a gifts back , if they are not sent by the Parent .

It sounds like a tactic for the X to see the child via 3rd party .

Click to expand...

I thought about returning them then I decided I didn't want daughter to resent me at some point later for it. I figure this way at some point later she can read them if she wants to.

I agree about it all being a tactic to see DuffX...sometimes I can't believe they think I am stupid enough to fall for it

sorry...eme said:

I thought about returning them then I decided I didn't want daughter to resent me at some point later for it. I figure this way at some point later she can read them if she wants to.

I agree about it all being a tactic to see DuffX...sometimes I can't believe they think I am stupid enough to fall for it

Click to expand...

Why would you want to even expose her to that hurt 5, 10, 15 years down the line. Send everything back which will also send them a message. If they truly missed and cared about your daughter, they'd get the father to pay his support!!!

sorry...eme said:

I thought about returning them then I decided I didn't want daughter to resent me at some point later for it. I figure this way at some point later she can read them if she wants to.

I agree about it all being a tactic to see DuffX...sometimes I can't believe they think I am stupid enough to fall for it

Click to expand...

Well.... I'm a little bit odd when it comes to things like this, but if the family is THAT much of a negative influence - even if it's just POTENTIAL negative influence, I wouldn't want their stuff sitting around my house. Even if it's crammed in a closet.

I'd send it back... in fact, I'd contemplate getting a PO box so it doesn't even come to my house. If I didn't send it back, I'd shred the letters/cards and any gifts/toys/etc would be donated in daughter's name to TfT at Christmas time.

As for attempting a TPR... he's not likely to return, so it's probably doable. HOWEVER, isn't CA also one of those crazy states that allows for 3rd party visitation? Tread carefully.

I toy w/the idea of a 'someday' TPR against Asshat... but I know it'd be like poking a tiger with a stick. He might not want anything to do with his son, but I'm betting he doesn't want anyone ELSE being dad either.

CJane said:

Well.... I'm a little bit odd when it comes to things like this, but if the family is THAT much of a negative influence - even if it's just POTENTIAL negative influence, I wouldn't want their stuff sitting around my house. Even if it's crammed in a closet.

I'd send it back... in fact, I'd contemplate getting a PO box so it doesn't even come to my house. If I didn't send it back, I'd shred the letters/cards and any gifts/toys/etc would be donated in daughter's name to TfT at Christmas time.

As for attempting a TPR... he's not likely to return, so it's probably doable. HOWEVER, isn't CA also one of those crazy states that allows for 3rd party visitation? Tread carefully.

I toy w/the idea of a 'someday' TPR against Asshat... but I know it'd be like poking a tiger with a stick. He might not want anything to do with his son, but I'm betting he doesn't want anyone ELSE being dad either.

Click to expand...

I already have a PO box and I guess I would shred the stuff but Auntie usualy sends pics of Cousin 1 & 2 and stuff they made for Daughter (she needs a name...lets see, uummmm, oh I know Fancy...don't ask)

As for DuffX returning...not gunna happen And if he does he is going to jail anyway. And yep Ca alows for 3rd party visatation, however they would have to show that it would be detramental to Fancy for them not to have visatation. The up side is I can do a TPR w/o a step-parent adoption...good thing too b'cuz there is no step in the pic anymore...

sorry...eme said:

I already have a PO box and I guess I would shred the stuff but Auntie usualy sends pics of Cousin 1 & 2 and stuff they made for Daughter (she needs a name...lets see, uummmm, oh I know Fancy...don't ask)

As for DuffX returning...not gunna happen And if he does he is going to jail anyway. And yep Ca alows for 3rd party visatation, however they would have to show that it would be detramental to Fancy for them not to have visatation. The up side is I can do a TPR w/o a step-parent adoption...good thing too b'cuz there is no step in the pic anymore...

Click to expand...

Then go for it and then get ROs against his crazy-ass family.

CJane said:

Then go for it and then get ROs against his crazy-ass family.

Click to expand...

Thanks!
I just wish they werent that bad unfortunatly they really are skeery!...At least I have the "young & dumb" excuse for being involved w/DuffX in the first place. I'm not sure what my excuse is for the lying, cheeting (whores & men) freak I just got rid of...too trusting I guess

Of course now I have Mr. Perfect (I've known him a long time and always had thought "If only I could have that" but thought he was outta my legue. Guess that's what I get for thinkin')