Was served a PFA "I am the wife"

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I am a woman, who was just, on Tuesday, served a PFA from my husband. the incident occured on our 14th anniversary, whene he refused to aknowledge it, and even open a card. Told him to leave, then, and pulled his arm, and kicked him in the buttocks on the way out the door. As he was leaving, I slammed the door, and apparantly, his finger was in it and got broke. I didn't know his finger was broke until a week later. I apologized of course. He spent the two weeks after the incident, at home, as he forgave me. Eating here, I bought him Fathers day lunch/dinner, and a gift. I signed his work van over to him, which was in my name and credit, but he did pay for. Two weeks after incident, I come home from work, with the house ransacked, many items removed that weren't just his. he soon walks in and throws PFA papers on the table. mind you, this man has been emotionally unavailable for years, has been very mentally cruel, and not like a husband/father, at all. in 14 years of marriage, there were only two times i vented my emotions, and ever approached him in an aggressive manner. i treat him like a king, and have been here for him through thick and thin, through his brothers suicide, IRS trouble, child support trouble from a step-child, and have always done my best. I was physically abused by me ex fiance, the only other relationship i ever had, and my husband "rescued" me from that. I sometimes feel i would rather be physically than emotionally abused, dumb as that sounds. BTW, my husband is a tae kwan Do blackbelt, and cannot say he was in fear from me. I think it was a spite filing, and that he had plans in the works long before the incident. i do love the man, and don't want to divorce, call me crazy. i had to seek legal help, but seems i have the crappy end of this stick as our house is in my parents name, and he has moved out. he never paid any house bills, and they are all in my name. he only payed bills for his "toys"

he is mentally cruel.

gee maybe getting kicked in the @$$ and having his fingers broke has made him a little testy over the years.

Ya THINK???

by the way YOU are a typical ABUSER. Hurting someone and then trying to make up for it with dinner and a movie??? you are disgusting.

someone else might want to help you. but I doubt it.

He has been mentally abusive for 14 years, only got the kick in the butt, and broken finger, two weeks ago. I went through physical abuse in my last relationship, when I was only 19-22 years old. by the way, this marriage is only my second relationship. What would you call a man who tells you to shoot yourself in the head, a year after his own brother did just that, or puts your head through drywall because when you are 24 years old with a 6 month old daughter, you want to take your child to your parents house because he is drunk, and he locks himself in the bedroom with her. I am 38 now. I never filed a PFA, but should have. If I was capable, or had any intention to, I would have hurt him long before this.

msleesa555 said:

If I was capable, or had any intention to, I would have hurt him long before this.

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You had me up until this statement. This is another CLASSIC line that abusers use.

Which means, I HAD no intention, during the 14 years or, when the broke finger happened.

What's the big deal about you being a female, a woman, the wife??

Do you think it makes some difference, somehow??

I don't think you folks are reading the entire posts. I am not a violent person, i honestly, would not hurt a fly. Years of heartbreak however, and emotional detachment by him from me, and our daughter, can cause frustration to come out. I wait on him hand and foot, rub his feet, with nothing in return over the years. He will not do minor home repairs, stopped paying rent 4 years ago. he just wants to drink with his friends, who, by the way, have many domestic disputes and violence. My incident is minor compared to what happens in his buddies relationships. I've seen it, and he's told me about ones I didn't see.

msleesa555 said:

I don't think you folks are reading the entire posts.

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I read through every one of your posts, and the only question I saw was "What is the name of your state?"

Unless you expect us to count "What would you call a man who tells you to shoot yourself in the head..."

If that's what you came here to ask, the answer is simple: Nothing. Do not call such a man ever again. Ever.

well, if I hadn't got caught up in the rudeness of some replies, I was going to continue. My husband has refused to pay/help with bills, I do work full time, but don't make near what he does, and i'm not after money. He had stopped paying rent four years ago, and will not do even small repairs on the home he has been living in for 10 years, rent free for four of them. My question was going to be, how can i defend against the PFA? I love the man, regardless.

I'm thinking I may be in the wrong forum, because everyone here is so angry, and as soon as they recieve a post under the heading, "domestic abuse". they are so very quick to condemn. You all realize , PFA's can be filed frivolously, or without real cause. i just believe the accused, be male, female, should have the right to explain their situation.

File for divorce.

if this man is and has done everything you laid out here, why in the hell do you love him and want to stay with him?

VeronicaLodge said:

if this man is and has done everything you laid out here, why in the hell do you love him and want to stay with him?

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Because there is much, MUCH more to this story...

Because most of my side of the family have long term marriages. I was raised that way. I know they say a person can't change, but if my husband were to show one inkling of care, a hug, an "i love you", that would be enough for me. At least for a start. I believe he is a good person, at heart, and I believe he does love me, even though he doesn't know how to show it. He has said that to me in the past, I'm not just pulling it out my butt. He said, "I don't know how to be a husband", and on another occasion said, he "wants to be a better father and husband" Well, I can't make him do that, or tell him how, and he never seemed to try. I think he's deeply depressed, I have some depression also. I hold mine in, where he don't and just acts miserable all the time. I try to do what I can to deal with him , and our daughter, and hold everything in, until, I can't. Then everything becomes my fault.

Ok, get a psychiatrist and psychological counseling and file for divorce (not necessarily in that order)

msleesa555 said:

Because most of my side of the family have long term marriages. I was raised that way. I know they say a person can't change, but if my husband were to show one inkling of care, a hug, an "i love you", that would be enough for me. At least for a start. I believe he is a good person, at heart, and I believe he does love me, even though he doesn't know how to show it. He has said that to me in the past, I'm not just pulling it out my butt. He said, "I don't know how to be a husband", and on another occasion said, he "wants to be a better father and husband" Well, I can't make him do that, or tell him how, and he never seemed to try. I think he's deeply depressed, I have some depression also. I hold mine in, where he don't and just acts miserable all the time. I try to do what I can to deal with him , and our daughter, and hold everything in, until, I can't. Then everything becomes my fault.

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you are a constant victim arent you