11 year old kicking a 4 year old....

[Rushia]

NY. I apologize for the length and ask any questions that you need to....

Hi all. It has come to my attention that my ex's niece has been "kicking" my 4 year old daughter. The niece in question is almost 11, very big for her age and has been taking karate for the past 2 years. My DD is only 4 at this point and is very small for her age. The kicking incident was simply because the little one wanted to play with the bigger kids (My son 6 was also there).

The incident happened a few weeks ago, I noticed no "unusual" bruises due to the fact that my DD is a klutz. I am concerned because niece doesn't ever get "punished" for her actions. Her mother's idea of taking care of the matter was "Honey, you know that's not nice. Don't do it again." This is the mother's idea for any infraction that the child does. I know that it's only a matter of time before niece does some serious damage to my daughter. I find it disgusting that the mother allowed this 11 year old to beat on a 4 year old with no other consequence to her actions.

I plan to have a talk with the mother within the week concerning some other issues. I do plan to have a talk with her concerning her daughter abusing mine. I realize that suing her after it happens would most likely result in medical fees, possibly legal fees, theraputic fees etc... This would do nothing except result in the mother paying and a possiblity of it happening again because mom is angry at me and her daughter will continue doing what she does.

My question is....

What would legally happen to the daughter. Juvie? Restraining order? Therapy? What could a judge order? Just telling Mom that I will sue her will do nothing to alleviate the problem. I want to warn her what will happen to her daughter when the beating happens. I believe that this would be the ONLY way to get thru to Mom. I want to stop this before my 4 year old ends up in the hospital.

 

[xylene]

I want to stop this before my 4 year old ends up in the hospital

Do not allow your daughter to be with the bad neice? Could be a start.

 

[seniorjudge]

NY. I apologize for the length and ask any questions that you need to....

Hi all. It has come to my attention that my ex's niece has been "kicking" my 4 year old daughter. The niece in question is almost 11, very big for her age and has been taking karate for the past 2 years. My DD is only 4 at this point and is very small for her age. The kicking incident was simply because the little one wanted to play with the bigger kids (My son 6 was also there).

The incident happened a few weeks ago, I noticed no "unusual" bruises due to the fact that my DD is a klutz. I am concerned because niece doesn't ever get "punished" for her actions. Her mother's idea of taking care of the matter was "Honey, you know that's not nice. Don't do it again." This is the mother's idea for any infraction that the child does. I know that it's only a matter of time before niece does some serious damage to my daughter. I find it disgusting that the mother allowed this 11 year old to beat on a 4 year old with no other consequence to her actions.

I plan to have a talk with the mother within the week concerning some other issues. I do plan to have a talk with her concerning her daughter abusing mine. I realize that suing her after it happens would most likely result in medical fees, possibly legal fees, theraputic fees etc... This would do nothing except result in the mother paying and a possiblity of it happening again because mom is angry at me and her daughter will continue doing what she does.

My question is....

What would legally happen to the daughter. Juvie? Restraining order? Therapy? What could a judge order? Just telling Mom that I will sue her will do nothing to alleviate the problem. I want to warn her what will happen to her daughter when the beating happens. I believe that this would be the ONLY way to get thru to Mom. I want to stop this before my 4 year old ends up in the hospital.

I want to warn her what will happen to her daughter when the beating happens.

Yeah, stop it before it happens!

 

[Rushia]

Do not allow your daughter to be with the bad neice? Could be a start.

Thanks. The problem is that my x lives with his mother and I cannot deny him visits. His mother constantly has niece with her.

 

[Rushia]

I want to warn her what will happen to her daughter when the beating happens.

Yeah, stop it before it happens!

Thanks SJ. See my above answer on why I can't keep her away from niece at the moment. I believe the only way that I can stop it before it happens is to tell Mom what could happen to her daughter if she beats up mine. Mom isn't going to care about my daughter or her pocketbook, just the legal ramifications for her daughter.

 

[seniorjudge]

Thanks. The problem is that my x lives with his mother and I cannot deny him visits. His mother constantly has niece with her.

You do not deny him visits.

You tell him that HE must tell his mother about this; you will NOT allow your child to be assaulted.

Until that happens, he can visit all he wants on your turf.

I'm sorry, but I have never understood this attitude. If someone was hurting my kid, they would not leave my side until I was sure it wouldn't happen. If the cops wanted to arrest me for doing that, then I'd tell them to have it because I would not offer up my kid for sacrifice.

 

[Rushia]

You do not deny him visits.

You tell him that HE must tell his mother about this; you will NOT allow your child to be assaulted.

Until that happens, he can visit all he wants on your turf.

I'm sorry, but I have never understood this attitude. If someone was hurting my kid, they would not leave my side until I was sure it wouldn't happen. If the cops wanted to arrest me for doing that, then I'd tell them to have it because I would not offer up my kid for sacrifice.

Don't worry SJ. This is the plan. I want this stopped NOW, before it happens. I just found out about her kicking my daughter on Friday. I'm just looking for the legal backing on what could happen to the daughter when I have a discussion with the mother and gma concerning some slanderous remarks concerning hubby. Nothing will get thru the mother's thick head unless it affects her perfect child. You may not remember but I'm going thru a Gp suit at the moment and ex SIL and her mother are backing the suing gp's. They may say that I'm making this up to get even with them. I don't believe that my ex should be punished because they don't want to control this child.

 

[fairisfair]

unless this child is causing your daughter visible injuries, that cannot be attributed to anything other than the assault by this other child, and unless you have witnesses to the act, your chances of any legal ramifications are slim at best. To heck with the crap about not punishing your ex, how about not punishing your child? It is your EX's responsibility to ensure your daughter's safety when she is with him. So you would rather send your daughter off with the hopes that some legal threat will persuade your niece to back off, rather than have her own parents take responsibility for her safety. How about if this was some stranger on the playground? would you expect him to step in then?

 

[Rushia]

unless this child is causing your daughter visible injuries, that cannot be attributed to anything other than the assault by this other child,

I simply was not notified at the time it happened and I contributed the bruises to my daughter's clumsiness.

and unless you have witnesses to the act, your chances of any legal ramifications are slim at best.

Witnesses would be Dad and Stepmom.

To heck with the crap about not punishing your ex, how about not punishing your child?

Please explain how it would not be punishing our child. She loves going to her father's house and should not be restricted to visiting with her father at MY home because this child cannot keep her hands to herself and her mother's parenting skills leave something to be desired.

It is your EX's responsibility to ensure your daughter's safety when she is with him.

He alerted the mother to the fact and her response was "Now, *child* you know that's not nice. Don't do it again." Would you suggest that dad had slapped the 11 year old? His butt would have been in jail faster than you could blink. Had my ex attempted any disiplinary action, mother would have told child not to listen. Child has NEVER suffered any consequences for her actions and believes that she does no wrong. Mother believes child does no wrong.

So you would rather send your daughter off with the hopes that some legal threat will persuade your niece to back off, rather than have her own parents take responsibility for her safety.

It would be the only way to make the mother understand that her perfect daughter would have to face the consequences of her actions. That she isn't going to stop unless she is forced to face those consequences.

How about if this was some stranger on the playground? would you expect him to step in then?

Some stranger on the playground? I (as would my ex) would chase the little snot down, grab him/her by the scruff of their nasty little neck, haul them home and make sure the parent took care of the brat and then made sure all medical bills were paid. As this is family with some other legal issues going on at the time, I am hoping to stop it before it happens.

 

[fairisfair]

obviously, you have it set in your mind how to handle the situation. good luck with it. Nobody suggested physical intervention on your husbands part and the suggestion that I did is ludicrous.

 

[Rushia]

obviously, you have it set in your mind how to handle the situation. good luck with it. Nobody suggested physical intervention on your husbands part and the suggestion that I did is ludicrous.

I did not suggest that you said it, I asked you what more he could have done besides what he did. Perhaps I worded it badly. You weren't here when I started my original thread in the GP and I had to delete in under legal advice. In today's society, we can't "handle" other people's children without ramifications for ourselves. I plan to have a talk with this mother concerning several issues concerning her daughter. I don't want this child around mine. My childrens GAL has even made this a concern of his. He can't do anything because she isn't a party to the case at hand. It was the GAL's suggestion to do this. I've known this woman for several years and I know how she handles her daughter. A legal threat is the only way she'll get her daughter to stop. I was never in (legal) trouble as a child and I have NO idea what would happen to the daughter. I want to explain this to her as clearly as I can.

 

[Silverplum]

Rushia, I am terribly sorry this is happening to your daughter and to you.

The first thing I thought of when I read your posts was Lionel Tate. He's the older, bigger kid who stomped a smaller younger kid to death, supposedly "imitating wrestling moves." Here's the fastest link I came up with:
http://www.sptimes.com/2006/05/19/State/Child_killer_Lionel_T.shtml

Maybe the beast's mother could understand LIFE IN PRISON for her little beast. And charges for herself. When dealing with them, remember their position: self-interest, self-interest, self-interest.

So, remember, another point about Tate is that his mommy refused to admit reality and was a big reason why her kid ended up in prison, the youngest person in the US to receive a "life sentence." (Of course, he got out after several years and promptly reoffended, IIRC. SO surprising.)

"'The death of Tiffany Eunick would never have occurred if there had been proper parental guidance and control,' (defense attorney) Williams said." This is precisely what you want to avoid -- injury or worse to your precious daughter.

All that to tell you sorry, and to give you an idea of one juvenile that went way, way too far. Maybe Dad will understand better with a real-life example.

 

[Rushia]

Rushia, I am terribly sorry this is happening to your daughter and to you.

The first thing I thought of when I read your posts was Lionel Tate. He's the older, bigger kid who stomped a smaller younger kid to death, supposedly "imitating wrestling moves." Here's the fastest link I came up with:
http://www.sptimes.com/2006/05/19/State/Child_killer_Lionel_T.shtml

Maybe the beast's mother could understand LIFE IN PRISON for her little beast. And charges for herself. When dealing with them, remember their position: self-interest, self-interest, self-interest.

So, remember, another point about Tate is that his mommy refused to admit reality and was a big reason why her kid ended up in prison, the youngest person in the US to receive a "life sentence." (Of course, he got out after several years and promptly reoffended, IIRC. SO surprising.)

"'The death of Tiffany Eunick would never have occurred if there had been proper parental guidance and control,' (defense attorney) Williams said." This is precisely what you want to avoid -- injury or worse to your precious daughter.

All that to tell you sorry, and to give you an idea of one juvenile that went way, way too far. Maybe Dad will understand better with a real-life example.

Thank you! I will print this story off for the mother. My ex is very angry about this whole thing. He cannot afford to move anywhere else at the moment and this child steals his and his wife and their childs stuff. He isn't allowed to say one word to her. Mother just tells child to ignore him. I just couldn't believe that she would tell her child "That's not nice" and leave it at that. My son punched another child in the nose once and I was ALL OVER him. Dad would happily come over here to visit. I just do not believe he and our children should suffer cause this child cannot be nice to my daughter.

 

[CandiceH]

Thank you! I will print this story off for the mother. My ex is very angry about this whole thing. He cannot afford to move anywhere else at the moment and this child steals his and his wife and their childs stuff. He isn't allowed to say one word to her. Mother just tells child to ignore him. I just couldn't believe that she would tell her child "That's not nice" and leave it at that. My son punched another child in the nose once and I was ALL OVER him. Dad would happily come over here to visit. I just do not believe he and our children should suffer cause this child cannot be nice to my daughter.

With the other situation and this one, things are escalating. It is time that YOU confront ex SIL and tell her that it stops NOW. If her child wants to continue to beat on a 4 yr old (and to all others - yes, the 11 yr old is vicious), then scare the tar out of her with a call to the police.

I was in a similar situation with a neighbor child, same age difference too. He was beating on my son - picked him up and body slammed him to the ground (my son was 30lbs - neighbor kid about 100 lbs). The first time it happened, I went to the parents. Nothing was done. The second time, I called the cops. The officer brough the child over to my house to apologize to my son and was told if they were called again in regards to physical violence that he would be shown what an inside of a jail looked like. These were empty threats - but worked. Do you know any officers in your town? Knowing someone on the force can be very helpful.

You need to do what you have to to protect DD - though she is a tough cookie, she is soooo tiny - and breakable!

 

[Rushia]

With the other situation and this one, things are escalating. It is time that YOU confront ex SIL and tell her that it stops NOW. If her child wants to continue to beat on a 4 yr old (and to all others - yes, the 11 yr old is vicious), then scare the tar out of her with a call to the police.

I was in a similar situation with a neighbor child, same age difference too. He was beating on my son - picked him up and body slammed him to the ground (my son was 30lbs - neighbor kid about 100 lbs). The first time it happened, I went to the parents. Nothing was done. The second time, I called the cops. The officer brough the child over to my house to apologize to my son and was told if they were called again in regards to physical violence that he would be shown what an inside of a jail looked like. These were empty threats. Do you know any officers in your town? Knowing someone on the force can be very helpful.

You need to do what you have to to protect DD - though she is a tough cookie, she is soooo tiny - and breakable!

She may be tiny, but that mouth of hers. All of this because she wanted to play with her brother and her cousin and they told her no. Well, YOU know the Peanut....You can't tell her what to do. She decided to play and cousin decided to kick her.