12yr old assaulted, now being threatened by assaulters parent

[Bnb0627]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?nj

my 12 year old daughter has been harassed by two girls for the past couple of months via text message and social media. Two days ago they, along with a group of people approached my daughter to instigate a fight. My daughter refused and she and her friend got on their bikes and started to ride away. One of the girls then ran after my daughter, punched her in the face and pulled her off her bike. When my daughter got up to defend herself the crowd ran away. The group recorded the so called fight and have been posting it all over social media. The police were called and they talked to the girl and she admitted everything but basically said you can press charges but most likely nothing will come of it (The cop is friends with the parents). Next day my daughter is frustrated with the constant posting of the images on social media that she logs into the girl who attacked hers instagram account and removes all pictures and videos. Her mother then sends a text message to my daughter saying "if you ever log into my daughter's account I will make sure you regret it for the rest of your life". This mother is the schools basketball coach and works for the state of NJ! I was going to let it all go but when I have an adult threatening my child I feel like I need to do something. What can I do???

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?nj

my 12 year old daughter has been harassed by two girls for the past couple of months via text message and social media. Two days ago they, along with a group of people approached my daughter to instigate a fight. My daughter refused and she and her friend got on their bikes and started to ride away. One of the girls then ran after my daughter, punched her in the face and pulled her off her bike. When my daughter got up to defend herself the crowd ran away. The group recorded the so called fight and have been posting it all over social media. The police were called and they talked to the girl and she admitted everything but basically said you can press charges but most likely nothing will come of it (The cop is friends with the parents). Next day my daughter is frustrated with the constant posting of the images on social media that she logs into the girl who attacked hers instagram account and removes all pictures and videos. Her mother then sends a text message to my daughter saying "if you ever log into my daughter's account I will make sure you regret it for the rest of your life". This mother is the schools basketball coach and works for the state of NJ! I was going to let it all go but when I have an adult threatening my child I feel like I need to do something. What can I do???

Your daughter committed a crime. She had no right to hack into someone's account. Teach your child not to break the law.

 

[LdiJ]

Your daughter committed a crime. She had no right to hack into someone's account. Teach your child not to break the law.

Huh? Where did it say it was a hack? She logged into the account, granted, and that probably wasn't a nice thing to do, but nothing indicated that it was a hack.

 

[Ohiogal]

Huh? Where did it say it was a hack? She logged into the account, granted, and that probably wasn't a nice thing to do, but nothing indicated that it was a hack.

Did she have the girl's permission? That in and of itself is a hack. The actual definition of hack: use a computer to gain unauthorized access to data in a system

She did not have permission to enter this girl's account after the assault and change things and access the Instagram. Now did she? Nope.

 

[CdwJava]

It could be a crime to log into an account that is not yours and to alter it. I'm not going to look up the law in NJ, but, it is likely a crime in any event.

That being said, the odds of a prosecution for such an offense would be slim. There are simply not enough resources anywhere to address all the mean things girls do to each other on social media and with threats. And, given the girls ages (assuming they are all 12 or so) the police were likely correct and nothing is likely to happen. Prosecuting mean girls at 12 years old is simply not a common event or a wise use of resources. Heck, I could lock up half the girls student body of my local junior high and high school if such actions were pursued.

You might be able to look into protective orders, and you should probably let the school know that this is going on so they can see about keeping the kids separated. You might also consider bringing the texted threat to your daughter to the school. Frankly, if this woman is a staff member, she should not be sending messages threatening students. It is childish and unprofessional and could be grounds for discipline even if not directly related to her school activities.

Do your best to keep the kids apart. And, tell your daughter to unfriend and ignore the idiots online. Better yet, consider keeping her offline entirely! She's 12!

 

[stealth2]

A 12yo shouldn't be on Instagram (minimum age is 13; same as FB, snapchat, tumblr, etc...). Whether she hacked in or knew the pwd, it's going to be she said/she said.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Huh? Where did it say it was a hack? She logged into the account, granted, and that probably wasn't a nice thing to do, but nothing indicated that it was a hack.

The account she logged into wasn't hers.

And how did she log in? Assuming there was a password - how did she get it? (Okay, some dim bulbs use the same password for everything.)

I'm predisposed to sympathize with the bullied, but this doesn't smell right.

CdwJ's advice is worth heeding.

In general, seek to avoid and not engage these people. De escalate the problem.

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?nj

my 12 year old daughter has been harassed by two girls for the past couple of months via text message and social media. Two days ago they, along with a group of people approached my daughter to instigate a fight. My daughter refused and she and her friend got on their bikes and started to ride away. One of the girls then ran after my daughter, punched her in the face and pulled her off her bike. When my daughter got up to defend herself the crowd ran away. The group recorded the so called fight and have been posting it all over social media. The police were called and they talked to the girl and she admitted everything but basically said you can press charges but most likely nothing will come of it (The cop is friends with the parents). Next day my daughter is frustrated with the constant posting of the images on social media that she logs into the girl who attacked hers instagram account and removes all pictures and videos. Her mother then sends a text message to my daughter saying "if you ever log into my daughter's account I will make sure you regret it for the rest of your life". This mother is the schools basketball coach works for the state of NJ! I was going to let it all go but when I have an adult threatening my child I feel like I need to do something. What can I do???

Here is a link to New Jersey's computer crime laws from the New Jersey State Police: http://www.njsp.org/divorg/invest/pdf/computer-crime-statutes.pdf

I agree with Ohiogal that accessing another's account without authorization is a computer crime.

Here is a link to New Jersey's Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights Act, which includes cyber bullying: http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/2010/Bills/PL10/122_.PDF

With the assault of your daughter captured on video and published online, I think there is good support for taking action against the girls who instigated the fight. In addition, I think there is good reason to report the mother/coach to the school over her threat.

There is a problem with any reporting you do or action you take, however, and the problem stems from your own daughter's illegal act in accessing another's account without authorization, to delete the video and other objectionable content. While perhaps understandable, your daughter could experience legal fallout for having done so.

What you decide to do is ultimately up to you but you need to balance the pros and cons carefully.

 

[Ohiogal]

Here is a link to New Jersey's computer crime laws from the New Jersey State Police: http://www.njsp.org/divorg/invest/pdf/computer-crime-statutes.pdf

I agree with Ohiogal that accessing another's account without authorization is a computer crime.

Here is a link to New Jersey's Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights Act, which includes cyber bullying: http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/2010/Bills/PL10/122_.PDF

With the assault of your daughter captured on video and published online, I think there is good support for taking action against the girls who instigated the fight. In addition, I think there is good reason to report the mother/coach to the school over her threat.

There is a problem with any reporting you do or action you take, however, and the problem stems from your own daughter's illegal act in accessing another's account without authorization, to delete the video and other objectionable content. While perhaps understandable, your daughter could experience legal fallout for doing so.

What you decide to do is ultimately up to you but you need to balance the pros and cons carefully.

And this is both sides. I went to the hacking because OP needs to realize that her daughter is not an angel and has issues. And the threat can be dismissed as nothing more than the mother threatening legal action for the illegal activity. COULD BE. The fight and the hacking are both serious however the kids are 12 ... If OP wants the other side treated harshly, her daughter could be treated harshly as well.

 

[quincy]

And this is both sides. I went to the hacking because OP needs to realize that her daughter is not an angel and has issues. And the threat can be dismissed as nothing more than the mother threatening legal action for the illegal activity. COULD BE. The fight and the hacking are both serious however the kids are 12 ... If OP wants the other side treated harshly, her daughter could be treated harshly as well.

I agree that there would be difficulties in taking legal action, the difficulties arising from the daughter's response to the assault and the cyber bullying.

New Jersey takes cyber bullying seriously, though. New Jersey was the first state in the country to enact an anti-bullying law, primarily to combat the exact type of situation described here.

CdwJava suggested a restraining order to keep the girls apart - and that might be an option worth considering.

What bothers me most about what has been described is not the assault or the video taping of it but rather I am disturbed mostly by the reaction of the coach-mom. Even if the police do not become involved, I think the school should be made aware of her threat against the 12 year old. A disciplinary action seems warranted.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree that there would be difficulties in taking legal action, the difficulties arising from the daughter's response to the assault and the cyber bullying.

New Jersey takes cyber bullying seriously, though. New Jersey was the first state in the country to enact an anti-bullying law, primarily to combat the exact type of situation described here.

CdwJava suggested a restraining order to keep the girls apart - and that might be an option worth considering.

What bothers me most about what has been described is not the assault or the video taping of it but rather I am disturbed mostly by the reaction of the coach-mom. Even if the police do not become involved, I think the school should be made aware of her threat against the 12 year old. A disciplinary action seems warranted.

I don't think OP knows the whole story. How did the child get the password of the girl who assaulted her? That is a big piece. Who started harassing who? OP assumes the others started on his child. But that might not be. There are a lot of questions OP needs answered before attempting to get "anyone" in trouble or this could backfire majorly.

 

[quincy]

I don't think OP knows the whole story. How did the child get the password of the girl who assaulted her? That is a big piece. Who started harassing who? OP assumes the others started on his child. But that might not be. There are a lot of questions OP needs answered before attempting to get "anyone" in trouble or this could backfire majorly.

Agreed.

There is almost always more to the stories told by pre-teens and teens to their parents.

 

[Bnb0627]

And this is both sides. I went to the hacking because OP needs to realize that her daughter is not an angel and has issues. And the threat can be dismissed as nothing more than the mother threatening legal action for the illegal activity. COULD BE. The fight and the hacking are both serious however the kids are 12 ... If OP wants the other side treated harshly, her daughter could be treated harshly as well.

Thanks for your response. I am fully aware that my daughter is not an angel and that what she did was wrong. I do not, however, understand your statement that my daughter has issues? This seems quite judgmental and presumptuous from the brief statement I made.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thanks for your response. I am fully aware that my daughter is not an angel and that what she did was wrong. I do not, however, understand your statement that my daughter has issues? This seems quite judgmental and presumptuous from the brief statement I made.

It is fact. Children do not normally hack into other people's accounts and delete things. That is a legal issue. Quite judgmental? It is a fact. Your daughter committed a crime. I can't be any clearer than I was. How did your daughter get the password of the alleged bully? Bullies don't normally provide that to their victims. So how did she get it? What role did your child play in the assault? Was she just riding along innocently? What history does she have with these girls? Were they friends? Did your daughter badmouth them before the assault? Is your daughter a bully? She scared off a crowd by getting up to fight? Really? That says a lot if that is what happened.

 

[HRZ]

I would be concerned about a school coach who sends out those kind of threatening texts to a child ?