15 year old NY girl needs advice.

[DesperateLover]

Hi, I'm Michelle. I'm a 15 year old lesbian from New York. I've tried coming out to my parents three seperate times over the past two years and each time I've either been laughed at, yelled at, or grounded. Please don't tell me that I may be confused with my sexual orientation at this point in my life because I have been in therapy for a year now, and I've gone from thinking I'm bisexual to realizing I'm a lesbian. A while back I fell in love with an 18 year old girl from Connecticut. My mom recently found out about her, and is not happy at all. She wants me to tell her this girl's last name, and how old she is, when she already knows because she saw the girl's profile on the website we met on.

My question is, what can I do to leave my house? I can't live here anymore, with my parents constantly telling me how I am alienating myself from society by calling myself homosexual, saying I'm tearing the family apart, and how hugely disappointing this is for them. It's making me completely miserable, and as terrible as it is to say it, the only time I'm ever happy is when I talk to this girl. She wants to get married, and so do I.

I know we can wed in Massachusetts if I have parental consent, correct? And if we get married, our age difference won't matter any longer, right? I don't want to rebel against my parents, I just want to go off on my own and do what I feel is right for my life and me. Once I get married, I can become an emancipated adult. The problem is, I don't know how to get parental consent. Get adopted by my grandmother, maybe? Or maybe this girl's mother [or even herself] could become my legal guardian... But my parents would have to agree with that, wouldn't they?

I'm sorry what I'm asking isn't too clear, I'm just very upset and this whole ordeal is giving me a huge headache. I can't give up on this girl, we're in love. Please help me. Also, I'm sorry this is cross-posted, I'm just not sure where to put it.

~Michelle

 

[CdwJava]

My question is, what can I do to leave my house? I can't live here anymore, with my parents constantly telling me how I am alienating myself from society by calling myself homosexual, saying I'm tearing the family apart, and how hugely disappointing this is for them. It's making me completely miserable, and as terrible as it is to say it, the only time I'm ever happy is when I talk to this girl. She wants to get married, and so do I.

To a great degree I can understand the attitude of your parents - it's a natural reaction.

However, you have to understand that first, the marriage issue is WAY in doubt. And even if you were a male and female you are still a minor and therefore could not get married. You cannot enter into a contractual arrangement in any state until you are legally emancipated or 18 years of age. So being under 18, marrieag is out of the question. And in most states, marriage at 15 is not permitted I believe.

I know we can wed in Massachusetts if I have parental consent, correct?

And how likely is that? Not to mention that the marriage may not even be recognized in Mass., and still won't be anywhere else.

And if we get married, our age difference won't matter any longer, right?

Again, a big "if".

I don't want to rebel against my parents, I just want to go off on my own and do what I feel is right for my life and me. Once I get married, I can become an emancipated adult.

You have it backwards ... emancipation must come before marriage unless you have permission.

The problem is, I don't know how to get parental consent. Get adopted by my grandmother, maybe?

First, a court would have to remove your parents' rights to custody. And nothing you have said here would convince a judge to do that. If you are being beaten and abused, you need to report it to CPS and let things fall where they may. But disagreeing with your sexual preference is NOT a compelling argument for abuse.

Or maybe this girl's mother [or even herself] could become my legal guardian... But my parents would have to agree with that, wouldn't they?

Yep.

From the mistaken impressions here, I would say that you have not looked to deeply into the subject and are probably not yet prepared to be out on your own - much less enter into a committed relationship of the sort you want to enter in to. It will be a hard enough path to follow for even a mature adult ... but, you are still a child (sorry, but that's the truth), and at 15 none of us really knows what we are doing. And I'm not saying that because you're a lesbian, but because that's just the nature of being a teenager.

Wait a few years. You will be grown up for a very long time. Enjoy being a child - or a teenager - for just a little longer. Don't rush it.

- Carl

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

And even if you were a male and female you are still a minor and therefore could not get married.

My response:

Carl, she said she's a lesbian, not a hermaphrodite.

IAAL

 

[CdwJava]

My response:

Carl, she said she's a lesbian, not a hermaphrodite.

IAAL

Oops ... well, this darn English language just doesn't differntiate well between the plural 'you' and the singular 'you'.

Time for another cup of coffee.

- Carl

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Oops ... well, this darn English language just doesn't differntiate well between the plural 'you' and the singular 'you'.

Time for another cup of coffee.

- Carl

My response:

How about - - "And even if you both were a male and female . . ."

IAAL

P.S. I did enjoy your response. Have you thought about changing your middle name to "Abby"?

 

[CdwJava]

P.S. I did enjoy your response. Have you thought about changing your middle name to "Abby"?

Nah ... a first name of "Dear" would require too many change of name forms.

- Carl

 

[cbg]

Michelle, I'm in Massachusetts and there are a couple of things you need to know.

Massachusetts will NOT allow non-residents to marry if their marriage would be illegal in their home state.

So you cannot get married in Massachusetts for two reasons:

1.) A 15 year old cannot get married in MA, resident or not
2.) Since your marriage would not be recognized in your home state, EVEN IF YOU COULD legally marry at your age, MA will not allow you to marry.

 

[stephenk]

you want to marry a girl you only know through the internet?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

you want to marry a girl you only know through the internet?

My response:

Isn't anyone even remotely interested in finding out which of these two girls wears the Pendleton and has real short hair?

IAAL

 

[HomeGuru]

Yes, I am, remotely of course.

 

[candi4687]

What the heck are you thinking?!!?!?!? YOU ARE 15!!! I would kick your butt for messing around or falling in "love" on the internet no matter with a boy or girl. You can't say you are a lesbian right now because you have not experienced life yet! Besides one day you will want to be a grown up and so why don't you spend more time on learning and getting a good education so that you can pay for things like panties for your girlfriend. Or maybe even a pair for your boyfriend if that turns you on. Sorry I know I am immature on this one but geez!!!! GROW up You have all the time in the world for love. Besides the first few hundred times you fall in "love" the other person usually just falls asleep or hops in bed with the next best thing. Get YOUR life together before you make a commitment to join anothers!
*~*~*NEWS FLASH*~*~* IT's NOT SAFE to meet people on here. o0oh yeah.... do you even know for sure that this chick is real or who she claims to be?!?!?

 

[nanaII]

Here! Here!! I totally agree! Kids try to grow up way too fast! A couple of years ago I ran across a sort of diary I kept when I was a junior in high school... what a hoot! I can't believe the things that seems so important back then. Please don't rush into growing up so fast. Give yourself time to be a kid! You have plenty of time to be an adult. Enjoy this time of your life. It goes by too quickly. I was married by the time I was 19, simply so I could get out of the house. What a mistake! I had two children by the time their father died, and I was only 25.