16-17 year old daughter dating a 22 year old man

[Faja]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington State
Here is the situation,
My daughter who is currently 16 and will turn 17 in November is "internet dating" a 21 year old man who lives in Virginia.
Iam divorced from her mother for 16 years and my daughter lives with me.
My ex wife, daughter and this internet man planned a trip for him to fly to washington state to "visit" my daughter and stay at my exes house as did my daughter. ( I do not deny her to see her mother) I did not know this was happening until I discovered it the following Monday.
The RCW's are way too confusing, so I cant make sense of it.
Im applalled that a mother would actually do this with a complete starnger.
Thank you in advance.

 

[ecmst12]

It's happening on mom's time and with mom's blessing. I think a SUPERVISED visit is certainly a wiser alternative to the secret visit which would have taken place had mom NOT agreed to the arrangement.

 

[Faja]

That maybe so, as far as the moms time.
My daughter moved in with me last year because she had finally realized that her mother, will never change from her confirmed drug addiction (heroine, meth, coke)who does not have a real place to call home, bounces around from friends house to friends house every few months, had her car repo'd so she drives her friends car on a suspended license.
When I say " I wont deny her time with her mother, its not court mandated time, her mother is still the legal custodial "parent" on paper. I cannot physicaly stop my daughter from seeing her mother who unfortunately lives 1.5 miles from us at this time. fortunately its not often. She tends to go to her mother when I disallow certain things in her life, like smoking, older guys etc.

 

[Tallrat]

If what you say about ex is true then you need to file for custody for child's sake.

 

[Faja]

If what you say about ex is true then you need to file for custody for child's sake.

Sure I could do that, but you cant shackle a 16 year old down. She will just "visit" her mother anyways when i say NO. She has already told me that she will always take her mothers side. Why not? she can do whatever it is that she wants when shes with her mom, but get the good stuff from us, like getting a nice roof and bed. Thats getting old.

 

[Yertle8]

You have custody of the child. If you do not approve of your minor child seeing this guy, tell him to stay away. If he doesn't respect that, file for a restraining order.

 

[mommyof4]

You have custody of the child. If you do not approve of your minor child seeing this guy, tell him to stay away. If he doesn't respect that, file for a restraining order.

OP does NOT have custody of the child. Mom is just allowing Daughter to remain primarily at Dad's.

That said, I see very clearly from the OP's statements that he has a much bigger problem than Mom allowing Daughter and Internet Guy to meet.

Dad hasn't figured out how to control his child. Until he does that, it doesn't matter what he says. Of couse, now that Daughter is 16, it's a little late to expect to gain control. I see lots of excuses as to why he won't parent his child. I see no action to actually parent his child.

 

[mommyof4]

Sure I could do that, but you cant shackle a 16 year old down. She will just "visit" her mother anyways when i say NO. She has already told me that she will always take her mothers side. Why not? she can do whatever it is that she wants when shes with her mom, but get the good stuff from us, like getting a nice roof and bed. Thats getting old.

You're correct. YOU can't 'shackle' your child because you have no legal right to keep her from her mother. Mom is the custodial parent.

 

[Faja]

^^ is crazy like my ex

 

[mommyof4]

^^ is crazy like my ex

Why? Because I stated the legal truth?

You don't like that truth? Then go to court to modify custody. The fact is that you would rather spend the time complaining and maligning your ex and whining about how old it is getting to be used by your 16 year old bratty kid (not to mention hoping to avoid ticking off your 16 year old bratty kid, thus resulting in her moving back in with Mom).

The ONLY ones responsible for your child's behavior are you and Mom. You have NO RIGHT to keep Daughter from Mom because MOM IS THE PARENT WHO HOLDS LEGAL CUSTODY PER ORDER OF THE COURT.

When I say " I wont deny her time with her mother, its not court mandated time, her mother is still the legal custodial "parent" on paper

If you can't understand that, then I don't know what else to tell you.

As far as Internet Guy meeting and visiting Daughter all the while under Mom's supervision, I don't see you having much luck in any legal action. It's not like Mom is putting Daugher on the plane to travel across the country to have a week of 'expereinces' with a perfect stranger.

 

[CdwJava]

If mom is the tweaker/doper you say she is, then it is very likely that your daughter and this stranger will end up bumping uglies with mom's blessing.

Your daughter has managed to figure out a way to play both of you. She goes to mom when she wants freedom (perhaps including drugs, alcohol, and even sex) and you when she wants stability and toys. If you want to save your daughter from herself, and assuming you are telling the truth, then go back to court and get full custody. If mom is couch surfing, doing dope, and allowing a teenage daughter to have a romantic interlude with an adult stranger, then you should have little problem in this regard.

If you do not take some kind of action, then you tacitly approve of mom's decisions and your daughter's actions. If you want to be dad, then BE dad and take control of your child for her own sake. Or, let it go and continue business as usual ... and don't be surprised if you are called "Grandpa" some time next year.

- Carl