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16 and 20 year old sons smoking pot

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sllewdlac

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Georgia

I kicked my son out of the house when he was 19 for smoking pot. I tried a family intercession, a drug program etc. I realized I was enabling him by letting him stay here. I tried to get him to apply for jobs etc. He lied to me and stole money, nothing worked.

Now I found my 16 year old son has been smoking pot. I searched his room and found it. He said he promised he wouldn't ever do it again, but the same pattern is happening as with his older brother. He told me everyone at school does it etc. My parents and I talked with him and I told his father (we're divorced). His dad said I am being too hard on him and that he did it when he was in high school. The problem is I have heard that it's much more dangerous than it was when I was in school and college. I have never tried it so my sons say I don't understand how harmless it is.

I am at a loss of what to do. I've restricted my son, taken everything away from him but his right to eat and sleep. Nothing seems work. My question is this. I found out from a reliable source that after school, he and his brother and some friends meet and smoke pot at a local park. I was thinking of following him, he'll think I'm at work, and when I see them call the police and have the police come and arrest them. I don't know how this works or if they'll be taken to jail or what happens. Do you think this would be a wake up call? I don't want anyone driving or getting hurt or hurting someone while smoking pot. I hope this would really scare my 16 year old. Maybe my 20 year old would be taken to jail, which may sound mean, but I think he needs this to straighten out. Thank you!
 


smutlydog

Member
sllewdlac said:
What is the name of your state? Georgia

I kicked my son out of the house when he was 19 for smoking pot. I tried a family intercession, a drug program etc. I realized I was enabling him by letting him stay here. I tried to get him to apply for jobs etc. He lied to me and stole money, nothing worked.

Now I found my 16 year old son has been smoking pot. I searched his room and found it. He said he promised he wouldn't ever do it again, but the same pattern is happening as with his older brother. He told me everyone at school does it etc. My parents and I talked with him and I told his father (we're divorced). His dad said I am being too hard on him and that he did it when he was in high school. The problem is I have heard that it's much more dangerous than it was when I was in school and college. I have never tried it so my sons say I don't understand how harmless it is.

I am at a loss of what to do. I've restricted my son, taken everything away from him but his right to eat and sleep. Nothing seems work. My question is this. I found out from a reliable source that after school, he and his brother and some friends meet and smoke pot at a local park. I was thinking of following him, he'll think I'm at work, and when I see them call the police and have the police come and arrest them. I don't know how this works or if they'll be taken to jail or what happens. Do you think this would be a wake up call? I don't want anyone driving or getting hurt or hurting someone while smoking pot. I hope this would really scare my 16 year old. Maybe my 20 year old would be taken to jail, which may sound mean, but I think he needs this to straighten out. Thank you!
I don't think calling the police or following him around would be such a good idea. A relationship based on mistrust will only make matters worse. Besides the law will catch up to him sooner or later anyway.You son and his brother need to be assesed by a licenced LCDC counselor before anyone can tell you what might be wrong. In fact a professional phycologist might even be a better idea. Kicking the older one out was probably the best thing for him. It will make him grow up.

His dad said I am being too hard on him and that he did it when he was in high school.
What kind of a life does his father live? Is he a stable person? Is he responsible? Does he abuse drugs or alcohol and does he have a healthy relationship with his sons? It’s encouraging to hear that he believes in his son. My father was a verbally abusive alcoholic and never had anything positive to say about me. I could be wrong but it sounds like you have your head screwed on right.
The reason I ask is sometimes these problems are sometimes but not always cyclical. It’s possible that your children are going through a stage or possibly might be medicating some kind of emotional pain as I was which can snow ball into bigger problems as they age. In case your wondering I was addicted to pot for 27 and am currently working on my master's in counseling . When I graduate my specialty will be substance abuse.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Put the little druggie in jail and let him see where he's headed. Better now than in prison with Bubba.

Or are you advising this poster to put up with it until some night she get's a call from the police informing her that while high, her little angle crashed into a family of four killing them all and now their estate is suing the MOTHER for everything she has?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
But then she would say I didn't do anything....
The other thing is who says the kid is only doing pot. If he is selling pot or getting into other drugs, mom risks losing her house and everything else if sonny gets caught dealing. Its happened in Ohio to quite a few parents and grandparents whose children and grandchildren were dealing while living with them.
Do what BB said. Turn the kid in to the cops.
 

smutlydog

Member
I am not saying that a trip down to the station and being processed through the system wouldn't do this kid some good.At the same time her relationship with her son should be based on trust.Plus she has already tried getting tough.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
smutlydog said:
I am not saying that a trip down to the station and being processed through the system wouldn't do this kid some good.At the same time her relationship with her son should be based on trust.Plus she has already tried getting tough.
Let's see how tough she is when the sheriff arrives to move her out of the house the county now owns and will be selling on the courthouse steps.
 

xylene

Senior Member
Ohiogal said:
If he is selling pot or getting into other drugs, mom risks losing her house and everything else if sonny gets caught dealing. Its happened in Ohio to quite a few parents and grandparents whose children and grandchildren were dealing while living with them.
That is on the voters of Ohio isn't it. There are other forums to and websites to discuss if outcomes like those Ohiogal has mentioned are a sane(?) and required consequence of absolute drug prohibition, or are un-just, un-American, alienating, and just plain irrational. I suggest cato.org. Bunch of total hippie wastoids...:p

Mom should do what she has to keep herself and her family on the level. That said, their really is no legal question here other than "Can I report my sons?" The answer is yes. What will happen is a matter of family dynamics, history, personalities, and the extent of legal consequneces (if any).

Is smutly's suggestion to get a physcologist for the 16 year old and scrutinize the father so out of line? Spell out clear consequences (including the law) and then follow thru on violations.
 

Tempuser101

Junior Member
sllewdlac said:
What is the name of your state? Georgia

I kicked my son out of the house when he was 19 for smoking pot. I tried a family intercession, a drug program etc. I realized I was enabling him by letting him stay here. I tried to get him to apply for jobs etc. He lied to me and stole money, nothing worked.

Now I found my 16 year old son has been smoking pot. I searched his room and found it. He said he promised he wouldn't ever do it again, but the same pattern is happening as with his older brother. He told me everyone at school does it etc. My parents and I talked with him and I told his father (we're divorced). His dad said I am being too hard on him and that he did it when he was in high school. The problem is I have heard that it's much more dangerous than it was when I was in school and college. I have never tried it so my sons say I don't understand how harmless it is.

I am at a loss of what to do. I've restricted my son, taken everything away from him but his right to eat and sleep. Nothing seems work. My question is this. I found out from a reliable source that after school, he and his brother and some friends meet and smoke pot at a local park. I was thinking of following him, he'll think I'm at work, and when I see them call the police and have the police come and arrest them. I don't know how this works or if they'll be taken to jail or what happens. Do you think this would be a wake up call? I don't want anyone driving or getting hurt or hurting someone while smoking pot. I hope this would really scare my 16 year old. Maybe my 20 year old would be taken to jail, which may sound mean, but I think he needs this to straighten out. Thank you!

I seriously think you are blowing this out of proportion(sp?). If my mom did what you were thinking of doing we wouldnt even have a relationship to this day. My mom was pretty much in the same situation as you. Me and my brother were onto way harder drugs than weed. The one thing that helped me straighten myself out is when my mom was being more understanding of where I was coming from. You cant have a relationship based on mistrust and 'sneaky' tatics. You both will never trust eachother. Come forward with him, maybe tell him he can smoke if he does chores,school work, etc. I bet you anything he'll will straighten out then. I still smoke marijuana to this day, but ive managed to stay clean for more than 6 months. So to wrap this up you should be more focused/worried about harder drugs than marijuana. And please DO NOT call the police on them. IF they forgive you, it wont be for a while
 
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negligent

Junior Member
I smoke marijuana as well and it is no more "dangerous" than it was back in the 60's and 70's it is simply more potent. And when looked at in a realistic view that makes it safer because you have to inhale less smoke to feel the same effect, also, there is a limit to how high you can get from smoking and there has never been a marijuana overdose in history.


If you want to press charges against your sons feel free to, but be advised that this will be a drug charge on their record. And when you fill out financial aid forms for college they ask if you have had any drug charges, if you do you are automatically ineligible to get financial aid, so have fun paying for your kids schooling due to your ignorance.
 

Neal1421

Senior Member
negligent said:
I smoke marijuana as well and it is no more "dangerous" than it was back in the 60's and 70's it is simply more potent. And when looked at in a realistic view that makes it safer because you have to inhale less smoke to feel the same effect, also, there is a limit to how high you can get from smoking and there has never been a marijuana overdose in history.


If you want to press charges against your sons feel free to, but be advised that this will be a drug charge on their record. And when you fill out financial aid forms for college they ask if you have had any drug charges, if you do you are automatically ineligible to get financial aid, so have fun paying for your kids schooling due to your ignorance.

The mother does not have to pay for college. If the kid wants to screw his life up, that's on him. Call the police. If it is on his record, so be it.


By the way, are you on something righ now???
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
negligent said:
If you want to press charges against your sons feel free to, but be advised that this will be a drug charge on their record. And when you fill out financial aid forms for college they ask if you have had any drug charges, if you do you are automatically ineligible to get financial aid, so have fun paying for your kids schooling due to your ignorance.
So, your advice to this poster is to not worry about losing her home, her car, facing charges herself and just let junior break the current law?

Wonderful for you since you are NOT the one to pay the consequences. If the brat hates mom for turning his punk ass in then so be it. It's his loss.
 

dln115

Junior Member
^One senior member replied to this post to show their ignorance? :rolleyes:

Besides isn't this a forum? There are always two sides to a story.

I can't side with either side. Your mom brings you into this world and obviously you must respect her, especially if your still living at home. While I don't think that marijuana should be illegal, I do think that it should be treated as cigs and be illegal to those under 18. If the weed is being brought into your house then you have every right to be upset. Having the kid actually arrested isn't the greatest idea, because as stated before having that on the kid's record is not right. If you know a friend that's a cop or a friend of a friend that could help you "scare" him then that's different. As for the 20 yr old, I understand you kicked him out. If you are that serious that you kicked him out then you should let him live his life. That's what you chose, either straighten up or get out on your own. That would be very wrong to call the cops on him. As for the dope-heads name calling, some of the world's most influential people have smoked pot. Let's not be hypocritical when a lot of us have tried it at one point or another.
 
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