17 yr old and 35yr old Aunt

[cwydra]

Indiana

My 17yr old daughter left our house 2 weeks ago after she was told she needed to do her chores (dishes, take trash out and clean her room) before she can go out with her boyfriend, well she took off out the front door, called her aunt who has 2 kids off her own. She has been staying there for the last 2 weeks and the aunt wont tell me anything about my daughter...wont call me, email me, etc. I am talking to my daughter but she is happy as a lark since there are no rules to follow there and she can have free reign of the trailor she is staying in.

I have contacted the sherriff dept and was told to visit my daughter at work, which I did then try to sit down with the Aunt to see why and what is going on....I have asked for a meeting with the Aunt..still no response. I would go to the trailor and pull my daughter out of there but the Aunt is extremely confrontational and law enforcement tells me to try to settle it civily..so i am.

Anybody on the forum skilled in Indiana law? I am needing to pick someones brain before I go crazy myself. My daughter turns 18 in 6 months and its still my responsibility to raise her..btw the Aunt just enrolled her into some Adult Alternative school...without my consent...HELP!!

 

[cyjeff]

Okay... here is what you do.

You tell your daughter that you expect her home by 6 o'clock tonight for supper. If she is not there, you will...

Call her boss and tell her that you no longer give your permission for her to work.
Call her new school and tell her that her aunt defrauded the system.
Call the police and report her as a runaway.
Call the police and report auntie for harboring a runaway and defrauding a school system by saying she was your mother or guardian (because she HAD to say something like that to get enrolled).

Then, turn off your phone. Don't answer email.

If she wants to be treated as an adult, treat her like one. Actions have consequences.

If she is not in your home by 6:15, do everything outlined.

I really don't understand why this stuff is hard... auntie is confrontational? Show her what the word means.

by filing for a restraining order against her tomorrow.

Time to nip this crap in the bud.

 

[Indiana Filer]

Go to the police station right now and file a runaway report. If the officer you talk to won't take the report, ask to speak to the shift commander. Keep going until you get the report taken. Tell them where she is. Once she is arrested for runaway, tell the officer you want her detained until a detention hearing is held in Juvenile Court. Because runaway is a status offense*, the hearing will need to be held in 24 weekday hours. If they pick her up today, the detention hearing should be on Tuesday. The Court could order her released to you, taken to a youth shelter, released on home detention with electronic monitoring, or, if they believe you are neglectful or abusive, placed elsewhere.

Don't take her home immediately when she is picked up. Let her spend a night in a detention center. It's jail. Maybe that will be the wakeup call she needs.

Oh, and ask the officer if the aunt could be arrested for Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor.

*Status offense= offense that is illegal because of the offender's status of being under the age of 18. No one over 18 can commit a status offense.

I'm an Indiana juvenile probation officer.

 

[chrismiles]

You should just go and physically drag her home. If that doesn't work, let her know that you have given everything she owns to the goodwill and/or sold it and kept the cash. It is funny that she lives in a trailor now, ask her if that's where she wants to be five years from now, preggo with her third kid, flipping burgers at McDonalds and living in a ran down trailor. What am I saying, she'll be on welfare. Tell her that welfare is not a great lifestyle. Oh well, sounds like she is on the road to nowhere.

 

[Adalaide78]

As a parent I have to question why there is even a post on this. Without a doubt I would have filed a police report 2 weeks ago. Have her arrested. Have her aunt arrested. She might be 6 months away from 18 but right now she is still a CHILD, and she is your child. The fact that you let her get away with this for 2 weeks says a lot about who runs your household.

 

[Nicoleasm]

I agree with what everyone is saying...file a runaway report..she is under 18, and not yet an adult..so you're right, it is your responsibility. The aunt is committing a crime by harboring a runaway and enrolling her in a program in which she would otherwise need a guardian consent...and the aunt is not legally a guardian.
I know it's hard when everyone, even your daughter seems against you..don't give up though..keep doing what you can until you just can't do anymore..You'll have to do some deep soul searching first to understand when your child is just too far gone.

 

[Zigner]

While I don't disagree with the advice above from a legal standpoint, I'd like to make sure our OP realizes the ramifications of the above actions.

Your child will be an adult in the blink of an eye (definitely less than 1 year). If you perform the actions above, your child will not forgive you for a long long time. Even at that, she'll NEVER forget. You will likely be destroying your chances for a normal relationship for a LONG time, if ever.

Your child is being cared for, is going to school, has a job. Is this the power-play REALLY something you want to dig in so deeply about?

Yes, you should have a sit-down with the aunt and the daughter. Not to drag her home, but rather to work out things, such as periodic reports on what is going on at home and at school. Furthermore, you can take that opportunity to make it more official by actually giving your permission and, perhaps, giving a power of attorney document to the aunt so that she can legally make certain decisions (school, medical, etc).


I know that not everyone will agree with this, but when you look at it in a "big-picture" way, you can see that it makes a lot of sense.

 

[outonbail]

I agree with Zigner. Pressing your authority simply because you legally can, doesn't make it the best approach for your daughters sake or yours.

You have had control over her, taught and raised her for the last seventeen years, yet this unfortunate situation has risen in spite of the fact that this was never your goal or expectations. Some of the blame may fall on you and some on your daughter, as this situation is certainly not uncommon with children in their mid teens.

So I don't know what you believe you will accomplish in the next six months to a year, that you were not able to do for the previous seventeen. But as Zigner pointed out, you may do more damage to the relationship between you and your daughter than good.

It does sound like she is being taken care of, and you know where she is. She has a job and is attending school, which are two positive influences that I assume you would approve of and encourage if she were at home.

You shouldn't look at this like her aunt is doing a better job raising her or that she is more fit do to so, because your daughter will probably be more agreeable to do what her aunt tells her to do, (such as chores and going to school) than if you were telling her to do these same things. For a while anyway.

I think you may find that she wants to come back home after this new experience of being away from your home wears off and she realizes that she is going to have to be responsible wherever she hangs her hat. Or when the aunt discovers that she is more trouble than she is worth or cleaning up after her grows old.