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Meggers77

Guest
What is the name of your state? NY

Hey there...

I have a 5 yo daughter.

I got pregnant in March 96, I was going out with this guy S...found out he cheating on me and I left him the end of April 96...the first week of May I slept with his friend K...his friend knew I was already pregnant (in fact he joked that at least he wouldn't get me pregnant). I ended up starting a relationship with K. after my daughter was born, he said he wished he had a daughter blahblahblah....we were together, so he took the "father" role. S. never questioned anything about it...and stayed in her life as Uncle S. I never put K or S's name on the Birth Cert.

ANYWAY....last year, I lost custody of my daughter to K and his mother due to some mental health issues that I was having. Both my doctor and therapist said that I am fine and that if I wanted to go for custody of my daughter that my mental health would no longer be a factor.

If I can not get her back based solely on material changes, can I bring up the "father" issue??
 


Grace_Adler

Senior Member
This is just an opinion but I don't see why not. I don't have a clue as to how he got custody anyway because there is nothing proving he's the dad! I would definitely check all this out.
 

JaneyS4

Member
I bet I know Grace...

Want to bet me that DFC (I think they call it CPS there) was involved? In some states (Florida is one, and NY may be also) they don't even require a DNA for them to submit someone is dad. All he has to do is say he is and they will take him at his word. If they were involved in this case at all, he could very easily take a child that is not his, if mom was incapacitated at the time and no one disputed him.
 
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Meggers77

Guest
You are right!

That is exactly what happened!

Since I was the only one who fought against them...they got her!

CPS also does not believe that they have any reason to be concerned about my daughter's safety with me.

Do you think the fact that he is not her bio. father will matter??
 

JaneyS4

Member
I thought so...

Well, DFC, or CPS or whatever you want to call them (I prefer to call them names that shouldn't be typed on this board but thats another story) are people you have to watch carefully. Be nice to them, keep on their good side, but don't nessasarily believe everything they say to you.

Yes, him not being the bio-father helps you alot. What sort of custody has he got? Permanent or temporary? He hasn't adopted the child or anything, has he? And is CPS still involved in the case? Also, would S be willing to help you, or do you at least know where he is so you can supeona him if you have to?

If you can answer these questions for me, I may be able to give you some advise. I am not a lawyer, but we are involved in a case with my niece right now that involves CPS so I may be able to point you in the right direction.
 
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Meggers77

Guest
Here is the scoop...

He has permanent joint custody with his mother.

S. would be willing to have a DNA test but would like to sign off his rights.

I know where S. is we talk a lot, and he is in my daughter's life as Uncle S.

My fiance is willing to adopt her to relieve S. of any financial obligations.

I BEGGED the CPS to come to my home to have a meeting with my fiance and I and they officially closed MY file with them. They are however involved with them as my daughter has had 2 broken arms in 6 months.
 
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pthalo

Guest
In new york your parental rights can be terminated on grounds of mental illness.. Is this the case? Just curious..

If S does take a genetic test then he can't just sign off his rights, he can choose not to exercise his rights, but he can't get rid of his responsibilities...

There are three grounds for termination in NY

1. Abandonement
2. Surrender to authorized agent
3. Mental illness or mental retardation that renders parent incapable...
 
M

Meggers77

Guest
My rights were not terminated

I still have my parental rights, it is just at the time I was suffering from depression and not on proper medication for it.

I have a letter from my doctor explaining my treatment over the last year and why it was successful.

My fiance wants to adopt my daughter, therefore S. would not be held finacially responsible for her.

He would be willing to take a DNA test.
 
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pthalo

Guest
S can't just give up his rights and responsibilities.. Your fiance just can't adopt them.. That is what I was trying to tell you.. One of the three above things needs to be true.. And no neither S nor your fiance qualify as an authorized agent....
 
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Grace_Adler

Senior Member
Thanks Janey and Meggers that clears things up alot. I agree, I have some colorful words about CPS too. I really don't know what to tell you though. If you can try to get a consult with an attorney or legal aid I would do so ASAP.
 

JaneyS4

Member
Ok, this is a little complicated.

Meggers77 said:
He has permanent joint custody with his mother.

S. would be willing to have a DNA test but would like to sign off his rights.

I know where S. is we talk a lot, and he is in my daughter's life as Uncle S.

My fiance is willing to adopt her to relieve S. of any financial obligations.

I BEGGED the CPS to come to my home to have a meeting with my fiance and I and they officially closed MY file with them. They are however involved with them as my daughter has had 2 broken arms in 6 months.
If so called dad has permanent custody, that means it will be a little harder. Usually, something has to be happening for a judge to change a permanent custody order. BUT, since you say CPS is involved due to what I am assuming is suspision of abuse or neglect? that can work in your favor. I. E. "dad" isn't really doing the job he should, and mom's all better. See what I mean?

Secondly, if your fiance becomes your husband, and CPS or whomever does the home study for adoption says he is acceptable, then he can adopt your daughter.(the difference in the advise here being that it would be an approved voluntary termination instead of an involuntary one) BUT I wouldn't even get into that until all this is cleared up and you have your daughter home. Ask S to help you by disputing K as father, and then when it's all over start talking about adoption. (going to insert a personal opinion here: All this jumping around of dads is not good for your daughter. You need to settle this permanently and once and for all. You can't change your childs father as you change husbands or boyfriends. Not insulting you, please don't take it that way, just reminding you to think of what this does to her mentally)

Basically, this is what I would advise you. Remember, I am not a lawyer, this is just based on what I know of the ins and outs of CPS from my dealing with them.

Get yourself a lawyer. CPS is at best complicated and you need someone who specializes in this sort of thing. CPS screwed up by letting someone who is not dad have your daughter and if nothing else, that alone could be basis for an appeal of custody.

Try to make sure you have CPS on your side. IF they have signed off on you as fit, and they have suspisions of "dad" and "g'ma" then it shouldn't be too hard to get in their good graces.

Make absolutely sure that everything they may have on you and your mental state, living conditions, everything, is in proper order and no one can look at it cross ways, if you get my meaning.

Ask S to be willing to dispute K's paternity. Don't bring up your fiance adopting her at this point. Just get S recognized as legal father. Later on, if you still want to let your fiance adopt her, do it but for now, concentrate only on getting her home. (also, I hope you do realize you and your fiance will have to be married and stable before the court will consider an adoption)

YOu have the means to get your daughter home in your hands with the right attorney. I know they can be expensive but truely, based on what I have seen of CPS, a good one can win this for you.
 
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Grace_Adler

Senior Member
Damn ... that was some really good advice. I'm not being smart either, I'm totally serious.

Meggers, You really should give this a shot! Good Luck!
 

JaneyS4

Member
*takes bow*
:D

Thanks, it helps that I think DFC, CPS, and any other initals they go by are a bunch of low-life hipocrites. If they did their job properly and used a little common sense, crap like this wouldn't happen.
 

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