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2nd marriage issues

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Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Virginia

Data: 2nd Marriage-20 year age difference (me-42, him-62)
Children: His-3, Mine-1 (no ours)
Parents: His-mother, 91 y.o. with big bucks, no siblings
Mine-father with Moderate estate, one brother, i'm exect.

Do to large age differenc it is common sense that I will outlive both husband and his mother so all monies/property will come to me via husband's will (not in effect yet). His mother has currently left everything to my husband. But she and my husband want her assets to be passed onto his kids. My concern is that if we purchase assests (home, etc) with her inheritance, do the kids have claim? Also, do I have to leave anything to his children that I accumulate through the years? Especially if his mother's $$ is passed onto them via a trust, etc, I want to leave what's left to my son. This all sounds very selfish but his mother has an estate in excess of 1.25 million. So they have big bucks to pay via inheritance taxes since she won't "gift" any of it away. And silly me, guess what, all her $$ is in stocks!!!! So that 1.25 is significantly less (today anyway). I guess that's one way to avoid inheritance tax. But really how do you effectively deal with these issues. My husband is tap dancing between his mother and myself. AND his BEST FRIEND is our lawyer. I know I need to get an independent opinion but thought I would throw this out for some feedback.
Thanx :)


Senior Member
At age 62, your husband, if he is in decent health, has a 15 year plus life expectancy. And during 15 years things can change.

You resolve all this by talking it out, and not sounding or acting like a greedy grabber who married an older guy expecting him to kick off shortly.

His mother PROPERLY wants her assets to go to him or his kids -- her grandkids -- not his new wife -- if he's not around. She can leave some of them in HER will, and that may make sense. And if the stocks went down, there may never be any estate tax. If there might be she should see an estate planning lawyer and perhaps do a Family Limited Partnership. Similarly, you want much of your assets to go to your kid. Understandable.

You work this out by a post-nup agreement and preparing wills and/or trusts that cover it. Perhaps the deal is for you to have the right to continue to live in that new house you hope to buy as your principal residence until your remarriage or the equivalent (that's something different from a traditional life estate). And perhaps you each buy life insurance policies covering the other.


Junior Member
Thank you for your advice. Just wanted to clarify, contrary to how the post may have sounded to you, we have been together for over 20 years and I have help raise and educate his children (he had custody). I in no way want his mother's money and it should go to his children. However, at my dh's age of 62, I expect him to live a long healthy life as both parents live(d) to over 90 (mother is currently 91). His mother has been offered a signifcant amount of legal advice (trusts, etc) but only wants her son (my dh) to have the $$ as she perceives the "children" (ages 33, 35, 37) to be irresponsible (???) but at the same time questions dh's roll in the situation.(????) I suppose the main issue at this point is getting her to resolve her desires in a legal manner. Her indecision just causes more ambiguity and frustration. We both love her and want her to feel good about whatever she decides. Sometimes, it just really hard for her to make up her mind. So, I'm not sure even a dozen lawyers could resolve this situation, only she can decide to do that. Thanx again.

Another MsM

Our situations aren't really similar other than my stepmother is 90, is being a bit "difficult" about my father's trust and who has life estate in house. No issues about who gets what..that's clearly defined. She requested that trustee be changed, all was set up and then she changed her mind at the 11th hour.

However, I'm posting to "sympathize... dealing with elderly people is often a very "delicate" process.. and they need to feel comfortable and in control with what's happening to them and "their stuff" for the remainder of their lives.... all because of the often unspoken awareness of the inexorable fact that time is running out..

It's is frustrating-- you just have really to be aware of her "issues" and be empathetic, patient and understanding. We all end up in the same place - best argument for well-defined estate planning well in advance of the inevitable.


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