• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

4 yr old is scared of Daddy's new girlfriend

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

B

Bandrews

Guest
What is the name of your state? What is the name of your state? co

My ex and I have been seperated since my son was 6 mo. He's used to his dad dating. The "lady" that he is currently living w/ is bipolar and has decided that she does not need to be medicated. My son has gone from adoring her (when she was taking medicine) to being terrified to see her. his dad has decided to force the child to try to develop a relationship with her. Today, I did not force my son to go w/ them. I know that she doesn't have any legal right to visit him but can I fight to keep him from any more trauma until he's ready to see her again? even my ex's mother thinks that this girls is dangerous to my son.
 


Grace_Adler

Senior Member
Before I can try to respond I need to know if you guys have ever been married or have a custody or visitation order from the court.
 
B

Bandrews

Guest
Sorry. Im new to this. Yes, we were married in 1998 seperated approx 6 months later. Divorce was friendly - parenting plan says he is supposed to have our son every other weekend from 8:30 am on sat until 7:30 pm on sun. and all other sundays from 8:30 am until 7:30 pm. All final decisions are mine to make regarding everything from education to religion. That was clockwork until 13 mo ago when he started dating this person. She (19) felt that she was better equipped to raise the child and then 1. attempted to have him baptised (we had decided before he was born not to do so) 2. Cut his hair so badly that I had to shave his head and so on, so we have butted heads severly several times. His girlfriend has caused so many problems that he is down to only seeing our son for 8 hours every other weekend. (His choice). A few months back, I had to explain to my ex that some of the punishments that she was doling out were borderline child abuse. (if he wet his bed, he was forced to sleep in it) and my ex has been very straight forward that they have huge, violent screaming fits in front of our son when he is there and that several times he has had to take the child and leave the apartment for safety reasons. In addition, DPD placed her on a mental health hold last year one week after her and her mother snuck into my daycare center without permission. (I had to move him to a locked center) My son also tells me that she throws things. There are additional concerns about her mental health, because 1 month after they started dating - she was pregnant but refused to stop drinking/smoking. Went into labor 3 months early and the baby died at 4 days. 3 months later she was pregnant again. Her uterous ruptured at 7 mo, but they were ablt to save the baby. So now, on top of it all, post-partum. I hope this wasn't too much info (and maybe even helped?). It's rather a soap opera. I hate soap operas. :)
 

Grace_Adler

Senior Member
I like some soaps but not real ones..LOL! My life has been like one as well and it starting to turn into one again unfortunately..but that's another story.

Anyway, right now you have to follow the court order or you could be held in contempt. I believe you have good reason to file for a modification of the order though. You need to document everything, subpeona witnesses and if it's possible to do this.. also her medical history and criminal background. I'm not sure but I think it would be possible for you to ask for supervised visitation and I would try to get a no contact order or something similar against her. I don't know if it's possible to get something saying she can't have contact with your son. Some visitation orders even state that the person who has visitation can't have the opposite sex spend the night. Don't know if this would fly with the courts in your case, but just a thought. She has NO RIGHTS to your son what so ever, even if she were to marry your ex, but even more so right now.

I take it you have joint custody. I'm not familiar with shared parenting plans but I gather that's what it is. I've heard them mentioned but not really sure what they are. You may want to try to file for sole. I would think that her behavior and you fearing for your child's safety would be grounds to do this.

I'm not saying deny the father his rights at all. He should still have a good relationship with his child but she has no rights in the eyes of the court.

If you can afford to get a consult with a lawyer or see if legal aid can help I would do so. You can even call the bar association and see if they have a referral program where you can get a consult with an attorney for a reduced fee. If you can't afford an attorney they can at least give you some helpful information.
:)
 
B

Bandrews

Guest
Thanks for the info. Colorado no longer uses "custody". To really screw everything up, it's called "parenting time" So instead of being able to file for sole custody, my understanding is that I would have to prove that his father is a danger to modify his parenting time since no where in our divorce papers is the girlfriend mentioned. I can't modify rights that she doesn't have, can I? :confused: The "no contact" order is a good idea; I may not be able to make it fly but I'm gonna try. Luckily I can show that I have made hundreds (literally) of concessions on visitation at his request (all of which would result in contempt of court if I had pressed the issue) because it was in my son's best interest. I'm not trying to keep my son away from him - his father has never been a threat. I'm already in contempt -I didn't force my son to go yesterday when he broke down in tears and begged me not to make him see her. I also emailed social services (cringe) scary as it is; they may be his best defense. <sigh>
 

JaneyS4

Member
You want to check this out, but I believe that you can ask for a restraining order on this woman on behalf of your son. Like I said, check it out. I'm not familiar with your state laws but here, if a child is in legitamite danger, it can be done, for the exact reason of parents girl/boy friends. You can call your local magistrate and he should be able to tell you if you have cause or not enough for one being issued.

My next suggestion is basically the same as Graces. Go back to court and get modification of the visitation. I have heard of cases where the courts rule that bio-parents must remove themselves and their children from the offender on visitation or the offender must be out of the house.

Grace, if this child is in serious danger, can't she file an ex parte motion for suspension of visitation?
 
B

Bandrews

Guest
I tried to get a restraining order against her previously (when she snuck in the daycare). I still say that there is just something creepy about that. They were scheduled to pick him up for two days the next morning but she and her mother snuck in to my daycare 'cause she HAD to see him???? For me to get a restraining order keeping her away from him, I have to prove that she has either injured or threatened to injure our son. To the best of my knowledge, she has not physically injured him. That was my reason for contacting Social Services. I need to find out if they will investigate the home so that I can possibly move on the restraining order based on verbal and/or emotional abuse or injury.
 

JaneyS4

Member
Was there some reason the daycare didn't press charges against her for trespassing?

Sounds like you're going the best route with social services then, if there hasn't been any threats of physical harm. YOu might also consider taking her to see a counseler. If one documents her fear and reasons why it could help you to have an expert testifying on this later.
 
B

Bandrews

Guest
The daycare didn't even notify me. I found out when my son showed me a little plastic baggie with candy in it. When I asked him where he got it, he told me that "Barbie and Grandma Robin (the girlfriends mother) gave it to me at school". I called my ex at work (who knew nothing about it) and he called her at home. At first she denied it and then, when Mike threatened to call the daycare center and ask them, she admitted that they had "dropped in because they were in the neighborhood and missed him so much". My ex did put his foot down and told her that if she ever did that again, he would call the police on her. I immediately transferred him to a locked daycare and provided them with my divorce papers which state that he is with me during the week and a picture of her with information that if she ever attempts to see my son, they are to call the police. I also taught my son that if she ever shows up there, he needs to tell the teacher. When I approached the old daycare center with it; they claimed that they had no way to confirm or deny that she'd been there. If they had admitted that they let her in, they could lose their license. I did file a complaint with the state.

By the way - THEN I had to spend 5 hours convincing his father that his son should not be calling her family grandma etc in case the relationship doesn't work.
 

Grace_Adler

Senior Member
I'm glad you reported the daycare. That's not cool. I can't believe they either let your son go and lied to you about it, or they were not even paying attention to who picked him up. I would ring someone's neck for that! Here it's against the law for them to let someone pick them up who's not on the list.

Janey, I do think you are right about the ex parte motion for suspention. Actually I was wondering the same thing. That might be of help too.
 
B

Bandrews

Guest
I don't know what that is? In your experience, under what circumstances is it likely to be granted?
 

JaneyS4

Member
I'm sorry, I meant emergency ex parte. What it means is that you can have an attorney request an emergency hearing that you are not required to serve the other party. Got to have your ducks in a row to get any results from it though. Mental health records of this woman, any witnesses, a counselers testimony stating your daughters genuine fear would be good. With sufficient reason to believe this woman is a danger, a judge might be willing to grant a suspension of visitation until you and dad could have a court hearing to work it out.

I am still baffled about the day care. I was under the impression that daycares were required to report any trespassers to police and parents. Jeeze, if she'd have taken him what would they have said? :mad:
 
B

Bandrews

Guest
Thanks. I'll give it a try. I was absolutely dumbfounded when I found out that they let her in. I know in Colorado that they are requierd to have someone sign visitors in and out and require picture ID. Nutjob girl admitted they were there; the daycare was unable to locate the sign-in sheet for that day...Could it be because they had previous knowledge that she might be dangerous and let her in anyway? Hmmm... The part of that situation that really creeped me out was that as I was reading his father the riot act over it and threatening him with the police (he's in law enforcement in a different county so he didn't take that lightly - he was clueless!) not only did she not even clear it with the childs father (her boyfriend) but denied it until he threatened to call them. (Good thing that she didn't know that they had "misplaced" the sign in sheet, huh?) This is one of those people where you know at some point she'll be the central character in an after-school special....you just try to ensure that your family isn't in the cast of characters...:)
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top