5 children in question

[brenau]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I'm looking for some information they may help clarify certain things for me. I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man that I love very much and hope to be married to someday soon, however.....he has a rather rocky history with a woman who claims to have had 5 children by him.

To provide background, the woman imo, is very disturbed and treated my boyfriend very badly over the course of approximately 8 years. For starters, she was married to another man the entire time she was claiming to have children with my boyfriend, who also signed the children's birth certificate's. This woman told my boyfriend Mike, that the husband had a vasectomy and was impotent. The first child in question, allegedly was conceived the first time they slept together. She told Mike she was going to have an abortion, and didn't contact him again.....until she called him up while he was at work one day and says "you have a 6 month old daughter." He made an attempt at a relationship with this woman so they could raise a family together, but history appears to have repeated itself over the course of 8 years....she'd show up, get pregnant, disappear....etc. Although he doesn't seem to really question paternity for the oldest two children, he does the younger three. Certainly there's no question he could have fathered these children.

Now that he's finally finished playing games with this woman, and has met me....she has been messaging him constantly threatening to pursue DNA tests and child support. The very idea of having to deal with this woman makes me ill. My questions are, what exactly can me and Mike expect as far as establishing paternity and DNA testing? She has been married to another man, who's signed all of the children's birth certificates, and has been raising these children as their father. At one point apparently Child Protective Services removed the children from her custody, (don't know what basis) and went with the husband to court to get the kids back. Mike now lives here with me in Texas, and she lives in Florida. Will we have to travel to Florida for DNA testing? If these children all turn out to be his, will his child support amounts be fixed or based on his income? How will this, if at all, effect things should we want to have children later when we are married?

Thanks in advance. What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

 

[stealth2]

If the kids are his, he'll be paying support based on his income. That's going to be a chunk of his paycheck.

Personally speaking? Run. Quickly. Find someone a bit more intelligent in his personal choices. No one fathers 5 kids (even potentially) by accident. Your children will come after the other 5. Run.

 

[moburkes]

If the kids are his, he'll be paying support based on his income. That's going to be a chunk of his paycheck.

Personally speaking? Run. Quickly. Find someone a bit more intelligent in his personal choices. No one fathers 5 kids (even potentially) by accident. Your children will come after the other 5. Run.

You're not kidding, ESPECIALLY since it makes OP physically ill thinking about dealing with her. The father will be dealing with the woman until his youngest turns 18. And, in any case, what man "potentially" gets a woman pregnant 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 times, but doesn't think about birth control, and it doesn't even cross his mind to see if she's being truthful?????

 

[Silverplum]

Google a child support calculator for FL, run the numbers, and see for yourself. Mike is in for some serious cash outlay. You're in for whatever you lock yourself into. Your choice.

 

[CJane]

This woman's husband is the children's legal father. It's possible Mike - though apparently quite dim - isn't ever going to be on the hook.

 

[Bear44857]

My question is why would you want a man who has 5 children and doesn't even know if they are his or not?

My son's father is a walking, talking, advertisement for birth control, much like your soon to be hubby is. My son is the oldest of 15 kids.

If he had 5 kids with this other woman and didnt bother to establish if he was the dad or not. That tells me that he doesnt much care for his own possible flesh and blood. I dont understand why women want kids with a man who doesnt even seem to care about kids he already has or even possibly has?

Will someone explain this to me?

 

[CJane]

I dont understand why women want kids with a man who doesnt even seem to care about kids he already has or even possibly has?

Will someone explain this to me?

Because when you're in lurve with the guy, no matter how intelligent you usually are, you can rationalize anything.

The woman is crazy.
She used him.
He had no options.
He loved her.
He was high.
He was drunk.
He found god after.
She chased him off/wouldn't let him have a relationship.
He was scared of her family.
She was scared of his family.

I don't actually think it's that 'bad'. Women choose to have babies all the time for a billion stupid reasons... after all, this stellar woman had 5 kids with a guy and SHE doesn't know if they're his or her husband's... she's no peach.

It's stupid, and it's gross, but it doesn't mean he's a terrible person.

 

[brenau]

Because when you're in lurve with the guy, no matter how intelligent you usually are, you can rationalize anything.

The woman is crazy.
She used him.
He had no options.
He loved her.
He was high.
He was drunk.He found god after.
She chased him off/wouldn't let him have a relationship.
He was scared of her family.
She was scared of his family.

I don't actually think it's that 'bad'. Women choose to have babies all the time for a billion stupid reasons... after all, this stellar woman had 5 kids with a guy and SHE doesn't know if they're his or her husband's... she's no peach.

It's stupid, and it's gross, but it doesn't mean he's a terrible person.

I think you nailed 7 points that I can count. I'm not going to defend Mike. I routinely tell him I think he was nuts dealing with her and can't figure out how he could have got this woman pregnant 5 times. His past weighs very heavy on my shoulders, espically when it comes to starting a family of our own. When he first told me 5 kids, I almost didn't become involved. But he's not a bad person. She manipulated him for years, saying she was going to leave her husband and that she really loved Mike...etc....The woman is of very poor character. She's hounding us routinely at the moment threatening child support. At this point, I'm concerned about how this will affect our relationship. Emotionally on my part and financially as a couple. If all 5 children prove to be his, will he be granted visitation? For a long period of time she refused to let him see his kids unless he was sleeping with her. He's tried to be a part of the kids life, she's just made it nearly impossible.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

she was married to another man the entire time she was claiming to have children with my boyfriend

Her husband is the presumed father unless WHEN they divorce, he tries to disestablish himself, which in of itself is probably not probable due to the age of the children.

 

[brenau]

Her husband is the presumed father unless WHEN they divorce, he tries to disestablish himself, which in of itself is probably not probable due to the age of the children.

I don't think she's trying to get a divorce. I could be wrong, but I think her plan is to stay married to her husband and collect child support from Mike, my boyfriend. That way she can receive financial benifit from both men, even though the husband is allegedly not the father.

Doesn't the husband have to agree to allow her to seek Mike out as the father?

 

[CJane]

I don't think she's trying to get a divorce. I could be wrong, but I think her plan is to stay married to her husband and collect child support from Mike, my boyfriend. That way she can receive financial benifit from both men, even though the husband is allegedly not the father.

Doesn't the husband have to agree to allow her to seek Mike out as the father?

Since the husband is the presumed father of the children, MIKE would have to file to disestablish paternity. Not mom, not the husband... MIKE.

Until he actually receives papers, he needs to tell this woman to stop contacting him. Those are not his kids and she's continuing to cause drama in his life... even worse? He's continuing to LET her.

 

[Gracie3787]

Since the husband is the presumed father of the children, MIKE would have to file to disestablish paternity. Not mom, not the husband... MIKE.

Until he actually receives papers, he needs to tell this woman to stop contacting him. Those are not his kids and she's continuing to cause drama in his life... even worse? He's continuing to LET her.

Perfect advice. OP, explain to your fiance that he really needs to have no more contact whatsoever with this woman. If she continues to contact him and he is truly trying to avoid the contact he should do the following:

1. Write her a letter, very short, stating that he wants no more contact, and that any further contact must be made by the filing of legal papers to establish paternity. That if she continues her hharassment he will be forced to take legal action. Very short, and to the point with no accustaions, no denials, nothing except what I suggested. He should send the letter certified return reciept. Then, if she continues to try to make contact he should file for a protective order immediatley.

IF he doesn't want to do those things, I would have to agree with the others- run as fast as you can. But, as the others have pointed out, if you do stay with him you'll need to be careful because the possibility (if not probability) exists that he can end up with a HUGE CS order for 50% to 60% of his income.