50/50 custody, mother wants to move out of state

[readytofight]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I have 50/50 custody of my 6 year old son. The custody agreement requires both mom and dad to live within county lines. My son's mom/my ex-wife wants to move out of state.

I had an initial consultation with a couple of attorneys but I am fairly unsure about the process. I will do what I can to keep my son here in California. I am willing to take full custody and allow her to see him during vacations/holidays/etc. She wants to take our son and wants me to be the one visiting him.

She has lost employment due to the recession. The state she wants to move in has some guy there she is dating and her parents live there. My family is not in California, but I have lived here for years. My son has been going to kindergarten here and now elementary school is pending.

I have not received written notification about the move yet. I know her intent is to move and so far I am trying to negotiate an out of court solution, but it's looking increasingly like court is going to be my next step. I feel like all I'm hearing is about how the courts are stacked up against men. What are the chances I can actually win this thing? Any success stories on this board?

I'd like to add there is no history of abuse, drugs, anything from either party. I have been a wonderful dad. The only downside is this darn economy is killing me. I am a business owner and although I've made all applicable payments for my child, showing income is tough right now. Does that even matter?

Thank you in advance for your help.

 

[meanyjack]

I have not received written notification about the move yet.

I would suggest you "formally mention" that you are to receive written notification -- THAT IS IF your court order states that. SHE can go wherever she wants; she can not take the children with her.

I know her intent is to move and so far I am trying to negotiate an out of court solution, but it's looking increasingly like court is going to be my next step.

Keep in mind YOU are not the one who needs to agree to any offer that YOU FEEL is NOT reasonable. SHE is the one who needs to prove how this move in the best interest of the children (and "getting a new job" is not a slam-dunk by any means). You can offer her what you feel is reasonable and stick to it.

How far is this move (i.e. miles and commute time)? If you feel that negotiating is getting nowhere (or she's starting to become more difficult/unreasonable), that is where you tell her that we can not agree, therefore the current order stands and that you vehemently are against the child(ren) from relocating, and that she should consult the court order accordingly.

I feel like all I'm hearing is about how the courts are stacked up against men. What are the chances I can actually win this thing? Any success stories on this board?

There are plenty of successes and it is NOT stacked against men. She has to prove how this is in the best interest of the children, but you have to put up a fight as well. How involved are you w/the kids in schools/activities, etc.? How often do you see them? How aggressive has she been looking for similar work in the area? Demand proof (if it goes to court, but not beforehand). Has she been unreasonable during these talks about a move? Also, ask for a GAL.

 

[readytofight]

The move is several states away. Full day flight.

Her employment situation is recent. She does not have a new job yet. She has a boyfriend in the new state. She does not like living here and has been looking for an excuse to leave. I have a feeling this will be an ongoing issue.

I am very hands on with my son. He sleeps at my home 2-3 nights per week and I have him every other weekend. It's true 50/50 down the middle custody through the courts. I cook for the kid every night. I go to all school events. I'm very active with him. So active that I'm willing to fight for full custody if necessary.

I don't know anyone who has gone through this recently. I hear horror stories from friends, unfortunately. I have two friends who have lost their children due to court battles regarding their spouse moving away. I will do whatever it takes to keep my son here. I am concerned about the evaluation and such because my financial picture isn't great. I am a business owner and I stopped taking a salary due to the economy (although I have savings and provide for my son very well).

 

[MichaCA]

She does not even have a job in the new state. Court is always a crap shoot, however my opinion is her chances are slim.

She DOES have to be the one showing how the move is in the childs' best interests - in CA thats not so easy as CA wants both parents involved in the childs life as much as possible. That you already exercise 50/50 schedule about makes her wants mute. Her moving would hurt your on-going relationship with son, and have the 'precedence' of lots of bonding and time with your son.

However, the attorneys you talked to...were they discouraging or just being cautious about the outcome?

Also, don't forget, your ex-wife MUST submit that letter of intent to move first. But keep doing your leg work and be ready. Find an attorney who is experienced with moveaway cases.

And lastly, not that you are obliged to consider this...but since times are tough for both of you in CA...is it possible your work would be more successful in the state she's wanting to move to?

 

[readytofight]

I cannot move at this time, unfortunately. A myriad of reasons including the fact that I own a business and employ people here.

Okay, say she marries this guy that lives there. Does that do anything? Say, if he claims he'll be supporting her and the child? I do know they are talking marriage. Would that help her prove "best interest" of the child?

I'm just not sure if that matters in the courts. After all, if this is for the good of my son - would them showing an immediate "stable, married environment" do anything? I am not married, although I have a long term girlfriend whom my son loves.

Thank you so much for your help. All of this information is really great.

 

[LdiJ]

I cannot move at this time, unfortunately. A myriad of reasons including the fact that I own a business and employ people here.

Okay, say she marries this guy that lives there. Does that do anything? Say, if he claims he'll be supporting her and the child? I do know they are talking marriage. Would that help her prove "best interest" of the child?

I'm just not sure if that matters in the courts. After all, if this is for the good of my son - would them showing an immediate "stable, married environment" do anything? I am not married, although I have a long term girlfriend whom my son loves.

Thank you so much for your help. All of this information is really great.

None of that makes any real difference. Honestly, when its a 50/50 situation the moving parent has very little chance at being able to move the child with him or her. In the vast majority of cases the moving parent is going to end up being the one with holiday and summer visitation.

The downside of that, is the the moving parent usually ends up getting the bulk of the child's holidays and summer vacation (when the situation has been 50/50) which leaves very little holiday and summer time for the non-relocating parent.

 

[birdbrain53]

I'm in California. I am not a lawyer but have some experience with the situation you are in.

You can petition the court to stop a move away even if you have only received verbal notification. You can put into your motion the fact that she has not notified you in writing.

From a custody website:
Regarding notice of in a relocation or move away case, California Family Code Section 3024 states, "In making an order for custody, if the court does not consider it inappropriate, the court may specify that a parent shall notify the other parent if the parent plans to change the residence of the child for more than 30 days, unless there is prior written agreement to the removal. The notice shall be given before the contemplated move, by mail, return receipt requested, postage prepaid, to the last known address of the parent to be notified. A copy of the notice shall also be sent to that parent's counsel of record. To the extent feasible, the notice shall be provided within a minimum of 45 days before the proposed change of residence so as to allow time for mediation of a new agreement concerning custody. This section does not affect orders made before January 1, 1989."

Check your local rules since that may vary. Depending on the county and judge, a move away might be granted, but that's usually when the moving party has the bulk of the custodial time. In your case you might have a good shot at proving 1. you have a stable job 2. you live in the neighborhood where your child goes to school and can provide a continuation of the child's stability.

Your Ex might have to pay child support if you gain primary custody. Since she is unemployed the best that can be hoped for is that minimum wage is imputed to her as income for the California dissomaster calculation. There is a dissomaster online or one in the law library at your local courthouse.

You should be prepared to show dissomasters, timeshare, long distance parenting plans including web cam time etc in your motion so that the judge will not have to ask for them. Most likely the judge will ask you to go down the hall to mediation before having the hearing and making orders to see if you and your ex can come to an agreement.

Right now CA courts are strapped for cash and they are not interested in having long drawn out hearings or multiple hearings for cases. They are also under the gun because a study by the Elkins Task Force came out with recommendations that cases be resolved within certain time frames, which is likely to be implemented.

There is also a Family Law Facilitators office in each county courthouse that can help you find the right forms. They cannot give legal advice but they are helpful to point you in the right direction.

 

[readytofight]

Does anyone have any information on hardship?

I mean, what shape would she need to be in to prove hardship? She is being laid off from a job that paid very well. Would she have to prove to the state that she attempted to look in California before taking a job elsewhere?

I have to be honest. What worries me is even a 10% chance I would lose this child. I'm sorry if I'm asking too many questions. I meet with another attorney tomorrow to also get more information.

 

[nextwife]

You can make the argument that there is no need to disrupt the CHILDREN'S school and friends, or relationsip with the father. It is mom's choice to move - there is no job, it is not furthering her career. Additionally, she has not proved any effort to find employment where she is now.


Additionally, personally, I don't get why any woman would move her kids under the roof of some guy she hasn't known a long time, nor really knows well.

 

[readytofight]

Additionally, personally, I don't get why any woman would move her kids under the roof of some guy she hasn't known a long time, nor really knows well.

Well, that goes without saying. The question is, does the court care about that.

 

[Proserpina]

Well, that goes without saying. The question is, does the court care about that.

Actually..yes.

The court does care.

The court cares about what's in the best interests of the children...and moving them away from one parent in order to reside with a new stepparent/partner is rarely going to cut it.