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A dad in need of advice....

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tater_tot

Member
What is the name of your state? Virginia
I have been on this forum for awhile and I'm one of the unfortunate ones that is still in court battle. I'll try to explain as much as possible, but also try to make it as short as possible. My ex-wife and I have been separated for over 4 years now, and divorced for over 2 1/2 years now, and I have 2 children from that marriage. I am remarried now and have 1 child from this marriage. My ex and I have been fighting over custody/visitation the whole time. My ex got remarried 2 years ago and since then they have been separated 4 times. Whenever my ex's husband moves out, she doesn't buy my kids birtday presents, school supplies, take them on vacation and God knows what Christmas will be like if he's not there then, and she moves people in and out of the house left and right (guys and girls). My children are so confused that they are even beginning to believe the way things go with their moms relationships is normal, and that scares me. Believe me, I'm not trying to say my life is perfect, but when my kids are with me (and my wife) they never have to worry or wonder whos going to be living with them next week or if their step parent is moving out next month or if they'll be left alone for how long come tomorrow? I have custody during the summer and I get 3 weekends per month, but I feel like I could offer them so much more. I mean a stable life. I'm not talking about material things, but they do deserve birthday and Christmas presents and vacation and school supplies wether their step parents are around or not, because that is our (mine and hers) responsibility not anyone elses. I pay child support 10 months out of the year (I don't have to pay 1/2 of June, all of July and 1/2 of August, while I have custody which equals 2 months), and I pay $579.00 a month faithfully. My ex also has a decent job at the local hospital, and I don't see why she can't provide for our children? I want my children to live with me, but they sometimes say they want to live with me and sometimes they say they want to live with their mom, but they always say they don't want to choose. Does anyone out there think I have a chance of getting custody of my kids? Their grades have also went down since our separation/divorce. My wife and I do what we can when they're here with us, but the majority of the school year they stay with their mom and step-dad (when he's around). Also, now since the step-dad moved back in (beginning of August) their not even allowing the kids to see his family, because they don't want them to get attaced again and have to be ripped away again. They kind of forced the issue before now they're avoiding it. Anyone with any advice or similar situation please reply. Thanks. Oh by the way, ex-wife and kids step-dad are both on probation, because of domestic violence and the kids told me they watched their mom run in the house and lock the doors to get away from step-dad, and whenever he leaves/she kicks him out the kids say he comes to their house and runs friends of hers off and also rides past the house constantly(they have even said he stalks their mom).
 
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grammageorgia

Guest
You may have a chance....

It sounds, to me, that you may have a "chance" at custody. You're definetly going to need a GOOD family law attorney. Also, I would think that you'd need to have proof of everything you have said. If you could document events, dates, times that is a big plus in a court of law. If you have witnesses to these things without putting the children thru having to speak against their mother, that would be a help too. You know that kids love their parents no matter what they do. Having documentation of the probation on, both, your ex-wife and her current husband would be a great help. If you can show and prove the instability of the home atmosphere that would be in your favor but all of this falls on having 100% proof.

You need a good lawyer who will walk you through this and a good lawyer wants to be paid good money. If you get all of this together and have it all organized and presented in a professional manner to a Judge you just might win custody.

Good luck! :)
 

imxoz

Member
How old are your children you share with your ex? Children want their parents to be together, of course they can't make up their minds (unless much older) and don't put them in that position. Just make an adult decision concerning what is best for them and go after it. Document document document! I'll bump that comment! Children are generally always loyal to both parents, no matter what they have done.
 

tater_tot

Member
grammageorgia- thank you for replying. Well, I do have what I consider a pretty good lawyer, I'm just on here for advice and to learn from other peoples experiences, and to help when I can. Also, I have everything documented for about 2 1/2 years now. My in-laws could testify to things that we are told by the kids. Also, as far as my kids loving their mom I don't want that to change. It just breaks my heart to see her lie to them every time they turn around and to put them in the situations she does. I also have all of the times we call and the step dad answers or brings the kids or comes and gets them and I believe that his family would testify to the instability of the home maybe not voluntarily but if court ordered to. As far as the probation goes our lawyer is the one who found this out and told us, so I don't think it would be to hard to prove it.

imxoz- the kids are 9 and 11. Like I said I don't want to ruin my kids relatonship with their mother, but I want them to live the lives they deserve and to have a chance at a normal future.
 

tater_tot

Member
Just wanted to let you all know I go to court either 10/31/2002 or 11/14/2002!! Unfortunately it's over some past issues. Not able to go over change in custody until after this is all settled, because we have to go to circuit and once that is closed go to Juvenile. I will let you know what happens. Thanks to all who have helped.
 
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angel_face16

Guest
I'm sorry, I don't have any advice on the subject but I just wanted to wish you the best of luck. My husband was in the SAME situation (his case ALSO filed in VA) and the judge only gave him visitation every other weekend instead of the joint custody that he was sueing for and he was ordered to pay $ 550/mo. His ex-girlfriend should have gotten an oscar for her courtroom performance and I WISH they kept polygraphs on hand. There are enough men trying to run from their responsibility and then you have father's like you who want their kids and have a hard way to go. Good luck!!!
 

tater_tot

Member
angel_face16

Thank you for the kind words, but let me say if I don't win (and I do realize that could happen) I will keep trying until both my kids are 18, and I will continue to be there for them and fight for them every step of the way. I do believe what goes around comes around and every dog has his/her day, so maybe it's finally came back around and maybe that dog is about to have her day. Thanks!
 

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