A few questions on grandparents and a sociopathic ex

[gr8rn]

Open your PM's, please.

 

[flamesofmoe]

I don't owe your snotty self a detailed explanation of why and how you are offensive. Read your junk. Any self-aware, degreed person ought to know what's the matter with self-righteously mocking the mentally ill.

"Cuckoo for cocoa puffs," indeed. That, among other rude remarks, is how you view -- and categorize -- the mentally ill.

Of course, your "degree" is not in psychiatry. Or medicine. Thank GOD for small favors.

Again with the inflammatory posts. Why in the world would I pity my (opinion) insane ex? His problem is harming my child. Or should I sympathize and just hand over the reigns to custody because he might be "mentally ill" and that immediately deserves sympathy? Or is that too offensive a statement for you? Pathetic. Please, if you're going to try to sound self-righteous yourself don't ignore valid points.

You're looking just great here so I'll quit while I'm ahead. Most everyone else has something valid and worthwhile to say and you? Not so much, not worth my time any further. Clearly I already have enough to deal with.

 

[flamesofmoe]

Open your PM's, please.

I don't have any PMs

 

[gr8rn]

Go to your profile, edit options and allow or enable PM's

 

[flamesofmoe]

Medically Proven

In case anyone was wondering, I found this interesting article. I think this is great because mistakes can be made in evaluations and such. Now it can be medically proven instead of accusations flying around. Now how to get this prescribed? WikiAnswers - How do you prove someone is a sociopath

 

[gr8rn]

I think you are barking up the wrong tree, pursuing the Sociopath angle. It makes you sound nutty, yourself. You can't prove it, and it is highly unlikely that during a custody despute your ex will be diagnosed as being a sociopath. You should really stop with that.

What you need to do is to continue to document, and when he returns from deployment and wants to immediately return to the old court orders, you file for different visitation. It will have to change anyway, because he moved, so you need long distance parenting plans in place, unless he wants to visit in your home town. You are under no obligation to his parents or his wife, and if they try to contact you ignore it.

If your ex wants to visit onilne or speak with your son, by all means, encourage it. Talk positively about him to your son, who is just a little guy and needs to know that his dad loves him...his father is deployed, just not choosing to see him currently. Don't dwell on the past so much...just document and move on.

All of this stuff can't be dealt with while he is gone anyway. If he starts threatening or fighting with you, cut off the conversation...don't engage. Keep it professional, and don't get emotional yourself.

This is really good advise. As long as he is deployed, there is nothing to worry about, for now. You can deal with that when he gets back.

 

[gr8rn]

In case anyone was wondering, I found this interesting article. I think this is great because mistakes can be made in evaluations and such. Now it can be medically proven instead of accusations flying around. Now how to get this prescribed? WikiAnswers - How do you prove someone is a sociopath

There is a lot of information on how to spot a sociopath out there on the web. unfortunately, it doesn't help after you have met, married and had children with one. You do need to concentrate on what you can do and you have gotten a lot of good advise on what you legally can or cannot do. Have you enabled your PM's yet(I want to help).

 

[flamesofmoe]

gr8rn, thank you for the link. I'll try it out. Also, I dunno if you saw the other posts but his wife is handling his legal issues while he's out of town. I think the legality of this is up for debate right now? As for custody what I don't like is how he goes for 6 months to a year at a time (whether voluntary or not, but he DID voluntarily transfer from recruiting to MP, but that's besides the point) without visitation then flips out if I don't want to send our son for a week to see a stranger half the country away. I don't understand why he isn't held accountable for anything he does but things that I do are immediately under scrutiny.

 

[flamesofmoe]

There is a lot of information on how to spot a sociopath out there on the web. unfortunately, it doesn't help after you have met, married and had children with one. You do need to concentrate on what you can do and you have gotten a lot of good advise on what you legally can or cannot do. Have you enabled your PM's yet(I want to help).

I think if I wanted to I could prove something with the dozen diaries I have, regarding his behavior. Unfortunately I never filed anything with the police so I think it would be a toss up what would happen based simple on some diaries. I know he'd claim I forged them.

 

[Proserpina]

In case anyone was wondering, I found this interesting article. I think this is great because mistakes can be made in evaluations and such. Now it can be medically proven instead of accusations flying around. Now how to get this prescribed? WikiAnswers - How do you prove someone is a sociopath

Please tell me you're not serious...

 

[>Charlotte<]

Please tell me you're not serious...

Well, User ID3277657412 of WikiAnswers has weighed in.

 

[gr8rn]

I think if I wanted to I could prove something with the dozen diaries I have, regarding his behavior. Unfortunately I never filed anything with the police so I think it would be a toss up what would happen based simple on some diaries. I know he'd claim I forged them.

Nothing can be done when he is deployed. Not with the wife or the grandparents either. Here is what you need to do.. As Isis said, "but since it's been over six months, i'd definitely consider filing a modification on visitation. such as a newly graduated schedule. something letting the court know of all the child's disabilities and complications"

and at the same time I would bring up the fact that HE fired the parenting coordinator, and ask the court to facilitate obtaining another one. This is where your documentation can help.

And who wrote the diaries you refer to him or you? You are correct, that if they were written by him he could just say that he didn't write them, so I don't think they can help.

When you do go to court, you can ask for psychiatric evaluations for both of you. OG says you may have to pay for them yourself. But it may well be worth it in your case.

 

[flamesofmoe]

Yes yes eye roll, right back at you. It's an interesting concept, don't you think? No one else has offered a better solution. Individuals with this disorder may show abnormal EEG results and neurological signs suggestive of minimal brain damage and MRI's have been shown to identify the neurobiological substance of the disorder. Are these better links for you? I liked the terminology in the Wiki Answers better but if it avoids a *GASP!* eye roll well then...

Antisocial Personality Disorder - Medical Disability Guidelines
http://www.behavior-analyst-today.com/IJBCT -VOL-3/IJBCT-3-1.pdf
http://college.cengage.com/psychology/sue/abnormal/8e/instructors/sue_irm.pdf
Impaired social response reversal: A case of `acquired sociopathy' -- Blair and Cipolotti 123 (6): 1122 -- Brain

 

[flamesofmoe]

Nothing can be done when he is deployed. Not with the wife or the grandparents either. Here is what you need to do.. As Isis said, "but since it's been over six months, i'd definitely consider filing a modification on visitation. such as a newly graduated schedule. something letting the court know of all the child's disabilities and complications"

and at the same time I would bring up the fact that HE fired the parenting coordinator, and ask the court to facilitate obtaining another one. This is where your documentation can help.

And who wrote the diaries you refer to him or you? You are correct, that if they were written by him he could just say that he didn't write them, so I don't think they can help.

When you do go to court, you can ask for psychiatric evaluations for both of you. OG says you may have to pay for them yourself. But it may well be worth it in your case.

No no no, I mean I wrote the diaries. We had a similar issue earlier in the divorce and because it was computer related evidence and I am computer proficient it was immediately tossed out as irrelevant. Awesome.

Unfortunately I'm running short on money for this case but because of his behavior he's been responsible for everything the court has had officially done so far, so we'll see when he comes back.

Yes, we were supposed to be working with the PC on a new schedule but he went and fired her so we're back to square one. Last time I talked to my lawyer about it she said to just wait. Her opinion is that he won't want visitation when he comes back, but I think history will repeat itself. The situation with his family representing him is odd, though.

 

[gr8rn]

I get that you are angry, and I do understand it. Your attorney says wait, and that is very good advise now. The grandparents and the wife cannot file anything while he is deployed. In fact, someone can correct me if I am wrong, but you cannot file anything until he returns anyway since he is not able to be there himself.
So for right now just try to relax. Your son needs you to be calm and not stressed. I hope the little guy is ok with his medical issues. It is so hard when they are sick and need surgery, so scary for you as a Mom.
I think you were not received well because of the emphasis on the diagnosis that may or may not be correct. I know what you have been reading because believe me, I have read the same stuff. My son's father was diagnosed as a sociopath, I guess I am allowed to say that since I heard it from the source. He had me convinced that the diagnosis was wrong, but well, things changed after a while and I became very aware that it was the truth. But back to you, there is really nothing to be done now, so in the meantime, read up on everything, including old posts here. You will be shocked to find that many of us have dealt with pretty horrible exes (and their spouses and their parents, etc) Try not to worry about it now, there is NOTHING that can be done right now so try to relax.