A few questions on grandparents and a sociopathic ex

[Proserpina]

Yes yes eye roll, right back at you. It's an interesting concept, don't you think? No one else has offered a better solution. Individuals with this disorder may show abnormal EEG results and neurological signs suggestive of minimal brain damage and MRI's have been shown to identify the neurobiological substance of the disorder. Are these better links for you? I liked the terminology in the Wiki Answers better but if it avoids a *GASP!* eye roll well then...

Antisocial Personality Disorder - Medical Disability Guidelines
http://www.behavior-analyst-today.com/IJBCT -VOL-3/IJBCT-3-1.pdf
http://college.cengage.com/psychology/sue/abnormal/8e/instructors/sue_irm.pdf
Impaired social response reversal: A case of `acquired sociopathy' -- Blair and Cipolotti 123 (6): 1122 -- Brain

I think the point being made was that you are not qualified to diagnose anything at all.

 

[flamesofmoe]

I get that you are angry, and I do understand it. Your attorney says wait, and that is very good advise now. The grandparents and the wife cannot file anything while he is deployed. In fact, someone can correct me if I am wrong, but you cannot file anything until he returns anyway since he is not able to be there himself.
So for right now just try to relax. Your son needs you to be calm and not stressed. I hope the little guy is ok with his medical issues. It is so hard when they are sick and need surgery, so scary for you as a Mom.
I think you were not received well because of the emphasis on the diagnosis that may or may not be correct. I know what you have been reading because believe me, I have read the same stuff. My son's father was diagnosed as a sociopath, I guess I am allowed to say that since I heard it from the source. He had me convinced that the diagnosis was wrong, but well, things changed after a while and I became very aware that it was the truth. But back to you, there is really nothing to be done now, so in the meantime, read up on everything, including old posts here. You will be shocked to find that many of us have dealt with pretty horrible exes (and their spouses and their parents, etc) Try not to worry about it now, there is NOTHING that can be done right now so try to relax.

Unfortunately the little one has a few surgeries ahead of him, but he's good for now. The situation was frustrating when his father was still in town and not visiting. I let him know that his son was in the hospital (for most of a month no less) and he never visited. I was there 24/7 of course, but I had just had my gallbladder out two days before he was admitted so I could have used someone's help. I think I'll switch over to that link you sent me. I'm just getting annoyed in here. I wish that this site made you post your credentials, otherwise it seems a bit like Yahoo Answers or something to me. I guess I was hoping for some lawyer-like advice or at least some answers.

It's hard to relax when he and his family cause problems when they're not in my little one's life at all. This is hard to explain without giving too many details that will likely just be criticized. But thank you for your input.

@Proserpina: Well again, I'm still waiting for an answer on how to prove (or, since everyone wants to play devil's advocate, disprove) my thoughts. Everyone has an opinion on MY opinion but nothing else to offer, which is very frustrating. 4 pages of flames, insults, and opinions but no real answer. I think I'm about done here =/ Thanks for your help so far.

 

[Nevergrowup]

Clearly you are frustrated. Clearly you are concerned. Clearly you are attempting to look out for your son.

However, I am still waiting for the point of all this. Lets say in some alternate universe you get someone to actually diagnose him as being a sociopath. What do you think is going to happen? Someone will say "Eee gads, he is a sociopath, he can never ever see his child." That is NOT going to happen. Those diagnosed with bipolar disorder for example are still allowed to be parents, and that seems like an easier diagnosis (not that I am an expert). The word "sociopath" itself is pretty subjective. I can go out and term anyone I want a "sociopath" or a "narcissist" or any other term I decide that they are...and I might even be right. THEN WHAT? In fact, I'm positive that my ex's wife is a raging SOMETHING mental. But I can't even keep her away from my child and she isn't even related.

Unless he commits some crime, NONE of this matters. You are obsessing over what is right now and might always be a moot point. You say his weird behavior showed up on the honeymoon. Well, then, you should not have chosen to procreate with the man! You chose him to father your child, and now you are dealing with the consequences.

You need to let this train of thought go. If it makes you feel better, call him a sociopath TO YOURSELF. Then focus on your child, not on your ex. You said yourself he proves his true colors to the court officials eventually...let him keep doing that! Just take care of your little man and STOP with this.

 

[janM]

I think she has power of attorney? I know his mother did as well. I'm not a lawyer, I don't know how that works, but she signs his name on everything and hers next to it.

POA just means she can act in his absence. It doesn't mean she can act as an ATTORNEY in court.

 

[Ohiogal]

Okies, thanks for disecting that lol.
1. He agreed to every other weekend visitation. I told him he can call or skype whenever he wants, but he does neither.

Then until it changes he is entitled to every other weekend visitation.

2. He told her she was biased and she was fired. He said he had another parenting coordinator. This was all in an email that she forwarded to me. Since then I haven't heard from the "old" PC or "new" one.

The court normally has to appoint the parenting coordinator. Dad doesn't have a right to fire one.

3. Well like I said, I'm no doctor but it's easy enough to google all the problems he has. Again, how do I prove this? How do I MAKE him go get tested? I mean, someone has to suspect it (which is what I'm doing here) for something to be investigated. I've heard there are EEGs and MRIs that show the difference in brain patterns between psychopaths and "normal" people.

If you believe he has issues then you present all of your evidence and request a psychological evaluation -- for both of you. That way if there is NOT a lot of evidence the court is more likely to order one. However you have to be willing to pay the cost.

4. Of course he has. Thinks I'm making it all up. Even accused me of having Munchousins (or however it's spelled -- didn't hold up when I brought in medical records that he also had access to).

Munchausen by Proxy? That is a psychology issue as well.

5. THANK GOD.

6. Again, THANK GOD.

7. Not at all, but that's a different issue. You know what? I overshared here and I'm editting it. Don't worry about but we'll just say it wasn't voluntary.

Thank god he is deployed and visitation is not transferable? And yes you did allow yourself to be alienated from your family.

8. Not so much. But again, I overshared here and I'm editting it. The internet is forever and I don't think I want my details on points 7 or 8 posted. I know you'll think that's a cheap way out, and that's fine. I know what's what and so do the courts.

The courts only know what is PROVEN with admissible evidence.

9. Our current court order states that he will see him in our current state, not where he moved. It was written when he knew he was moving but still had it written up to be every other weekend since he wanted his parents to have visitation.

So it states specifically that he is only allowed to see the child in Ohio? Because if not then he can see the child at HIS (the father's) residence.

10. So why isn't he held in contempt or losing visitation for not taking visitation? That double standard doesn't make sense.

As a custodial parent you have responsibility for providing the child for visitation> Visitation is a right not an obligation. Child support is an obligation for him. Yet if your income changes you are not expected to immediatley get a job and can more easily adjust your budget than he can.

11. That's no problem.

12. Okay.

13. We have both had evaluations by FCS, but we were both found as having "guarded answers." Well duh. It was a custody dispute. From what I've read a sociopath will change themselves to fit what they need to be, hence how I wound up with him in the first place. So what would be next? The physical exams like EEG and MRI? I'd happily undergo things if it meant I had the chance to prove my suspicions. He already lost his temper in court and with the PC. It shouldn't be TOO hard to prove.

So why don't you believe that YOU are a sociopath? You were guarded as well. Why do you believe you are capable of diagnosing him? If it is not too hard to prove then PROVE IT.

14. His father was NEVER a part of his life to begin with. As I said he didn't even bother to come home at night when we were together. His male role model has always been my dad.

Sorry but no. According to you, you were alienated from your entire family.

15. It's not doing him much good because he can't answer any questions, which is all the sessions are.

You can not know that.

16. True.

Okay.

 

[Ohiogal]

And the very second you obtain your Psychiatry degree, you'll be qualified to wantonly throw around such terms.

But it would be unethical for her to diagnose someone she is/was romantically involved with.

 

[Ohiogal]

Have you bothered to read this thread all the way through, or just the points you're interested in Prosperina? Everything I've said about my ex has been the truth, and everything I claim I can back up with recordings, emails, and pictures. My lawyer told me to "do the right thing" so I refuse to lie. So far that's worked for me.

I asked in the first post how to get information on proving what I suspect. But people seem more interested in pointing out petty things or making little comments like "you can't say that!" That's not helpful. As I said in a previous post, I have never once said that he's sociopathic in court. But if he were to, say, read this and claim it was about him and sue me for, what., libel because it's in writing? Then what would happen? I'd gladly say "Hey, have him evaluated and scanned and prove me wrong!"

I'll let this go a couple more posts but it looks like nothing helpful is going to come out of this except people trying to prove personal issues =/

Actually you have called him a sociopath/psychopath with NO PROOF that he was EVER diagnosed as such. That is defamatory. YOu cannot state that he is because he has NEVER been diagnosed. He doesn't have to prove you wrong. YOU have to have a foundation to back up what you are saying. Unless he is already diagnosed, you are making defamatory statements.

 

[Ohiogal]

lol I love people like you.

It's actually a MA, but I didn't want to sound pretentious, just prove a point. I did mention I'm a teacher, genius. All teachers in Ohio need a MA within 5 years of certification. Congratulations on making yourself look, well, just fantastic.

I present to you, MAEd in Mild to Moderate Developmental Delays/Educational Needs. My God, have you ever even heard of special ed or intervention specialist? But I'm SURE there couldn't possibly be a diploma for THAT right?

B-W: MAEd in Mild/Moderate Educational Needs

Nice for you. I have a JD so what is so pretentious about a Masters? Not impressive.

 

[Ohiogal]

In case anyone was wondering, I found this interesting article. I think this is great because mistakes can be made in evaluations and such. Now it can be medically proven instead of accusations flying around. Now how to get this prescribed? WikiAnswers - How do you prove someone is a sociopath

Wikipedia is NOT a CREDIBLE source.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes yes eye roll, right back at you. It's an interesting concept, don't you think? No one else has offered a better solution. Individuals with this disorder may show abnormal EEG results and neurological signs suggestive of minimal brain damage and MRI's have been shown to identify the neurobiological substance of the disorder. Are these better links for you? I liked the terminology in the Wiki Answers better but if it avoids a *GASP!* eye roll well then...

Antisocial Personality Disorder - Medical Disability Guidelines
http://www.behavior-analyst-today.com/IJBCT -VOL-3/IJBCT-3-1.pdf
http://college.cengage.com/psychology/sue/abnormal/8e/instructors/sue_irm.pdf
Impaired social response reversal: A case of `acquired sociopathy' -- Blair and Cipolotti 123 (6): 1122 -- Brain

No court is going to order him to do an MRI or EEG just because you don't like him anymore.

 

[Ohiogal]

No no no, I mean I wrote the diaries. We had a similar issue earlier in the divorce and because it was computer related evidence and I am computer proficient it was immediately tossed out as irrelevant. Awesome.

Your diaries will not mean much if anything. Why? Because you could have made them up. Do you have any corroborating evidence for anything that you wrote in them?

Unfortunately I'm running short on money for this case but because of his behavior he's been responsible for everything the court has had officially done so far, so we'll see when he comes back.

It takes two to tango.

Yes, we were supposed to be working with the PC on a new schedule but he went and fired her so we're back to square one. Last time I talked to my lawyer about it she said to just wait. Her opinion is that he won't want visitation when he comes back, but I think history will repeat itself. The situation with his family representing him is odd, though.

The family cannot represent him. The family can hire an attorney for him. He can NOT fire a PC that was appointed by the court. Sorry but it doesn't happen that way.

 

[Zephyr]

Actually you have called him a sociopath/psychopath with NO PROOF that he was EVER diagnosed as such. That is defamatory. YOu cannot state that he is because he has NEVER been diagnosed. He doesn't have to prove you wrong. YOU have to have a foundation to back up what you are saying. Unless he is already diagnosed, you are making defamatory statements.

does anonymity have any sway on defamation cases?

 

[Ohiogal]

A better question Z....

Did he become sociopathic before or after the Army refused to do anything about the adultery?

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I just found out that my Army recruiter ex-husband knocked up his mistress in January 2008. We didn't get divorced until September 2008 and he kept it hidden until now. We had no official separation agreement. He says that it wasn't adultery because we were separated. Which is funny, because that year he still claimed my son and myself on his tax return (and forged my signature and didn't give me my half of that or the stimulus check).

I have read that unless there's something else to go along with the adultery charges, it's usually not very severe punishment. So what can he look forward to? Considering he lied about having other kids, our taxes, and the adultery.

The Army command has been ridiculously unsupportive up here. In fact, after investigating his improper relations with DEPs they promoted him! Nothing about the adultery at all. I would leave this alone if he hadn't been harassing me, insulting me, and shoving his illegitimate child in my face. In fact, he says that I don't deserve so much money and he can't afford it with the new kid so we're going back to court. I know that holds no bearing in court (in fact, I will be getting more money for day care), but it still makes me mad!

So who do I contact about the adultery? I mean, can't ask for more proof than a baby. If I keep getting the same results from the army I will just go straight to the media. I'm sure they'll love the story about the dishonorable recruiter, right?

Guess the media didn't pay off for her. So now she is back over a year later screaming that he is sociopathic and a danger. She forgot to mention the mistress's (now apparently wife's) baby.

 

[cyjeff]

Wow.

So you think that because you have a masters in education that you are now able to diagnose a complicated psychological disorder?

Well, it could be worse.

You could have decided that you are now able to perform surgery.

As long as you have the "Big Book of Wacky Mental Issues" out on the coffee table, look up "Delusional".

 

[Zephyr]

I'm not sure that harping on her calling her ex a sociopath is necessary. She has been told try to go that path in court could hurt her more than help her. Many many people think and call their exes all sorts of names.