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A little update from today…

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ProSeDadinMD

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? MD

...'cause I knew you'd be interested:D

Ok, so today was the “scheduling hearing” in front of the master. Yesterday, I filed my default motion, as well as amended(as an “addition to”) my current petition to request 50/50 physical custody. When …she:rolleyes: … showed up this morning with lawyer in tow, she had a “motion to dismiss”, all typed up nice and neat.
Her response:
1. She:rolleyes: … “denies” that any change of circumstance exists due to our current agreement not being specific about vacations, holidays, etc., and that I had “demanded, and I(…her…) agreed” that the current order had enough overnights for me to grant me shared physical custody, in an effort to reduce my “legal obligation” for CS.
2. That I had “failed to allege” enough facts to legally justify a change.
3. That my “demand” for 30 additional “overnights”(vacation) is made strictly to reduce my CS.

We have a 3hr hearing scheduled for April.:eek:
 


MrsK

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? MD

...'cause I knew you'd be interested:D

Ok, so today was the “scheduling hearing” in front of the master. Yesterday, I filed my default motion, as well as amended(as an “addition to”) my current petition to request 50/50 physical custody. When …she:rolleyes: … showed up this morning with lawyer in tow, she had a “motion to dismiss”, all typed up nice and neat.
Her response:
1. She:rolleyes: … “denies” that any change of circumstance exists due to our current agreement not being specific about vacations, holidays, etc., and that I had “demanded, and I(…her…) agreed” that the current order had enough overnights for me to grant me shared physical custody, in an effort to reduce my “legal obligation” for CS.
2. That I had “failed to allege” enough facts to legally justify a change.
3. That my “demand” for 30 additional “overnights”(vacation) is made strictly to reduce my CS.

We have a 3hr hearing scheduled for April.:eek:
So does she think that you are going to get 50/50 and then not take the child, thereby reducing your support but not having to have the child more of the time, or is she just trying to prevent her support from lowering, not really caring how much you have the child? How much of a reduction are we talking about?
 

ProSeDadinMD

Senior Member
MrsK, I get the impression that it is solely to keep from reducing CS. She wants me to give up my weekly Wednesday overnights in exchange for "30 days' vacation time" to be taken during alternating school breaks, and if I don't go anywhere, she wants "weekend visitation" during my vacation. this would have the effect of reducing the # of overnights with me below the state minimum for joint physical custody and would raise CS, as she points out in her motion. Personally, I'd be willing to pay her what I am now as long as I get my daughter more.

OG, it was mutually a agreed upon # of days from our original agreement. I don't really recall how we arrived at that number.
 
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ProSeDadinMD

Senior Member
Update #2

Ok, so I got ...her:rolleyes:...""Motion to modify". I will list her points, then make my remarks after each one. Tell me what you think, please.

1. That we are my daughters parents.
Ok, a given
2. That the court entered our consent agreement in '02, "pursuant to which" we agreed to allow me the "minimum number of overnights necessary to establish shared custody in order to reduce Defendants(me) legal obligation for" CS.
My thought is that the only part of this line that matters is that the court "entered" our agreement, and the rest is irrelevant, as well as being untrue.
3. That I have not "in fact, utilized all of his custody and visitation days in order to avoid having to pay his share of employment-related child care. Instead the child has been in the care of her maternal grandmother in New Mexico for 30 days during the summer. As a result, the defendant has the financial benefit of reduced obligation for child support without having to actually care for the child himself."
My thought is that this is irrelevant legally, again, as well as being untrue. I have an email from ...her:rolleyes: ...stating that my daughter was at her grandmothers in an effort to "foster" a good relationship with her extended family. As far as my "reduced obligation", I must have been out the day she offered me a refund for the daycare payments when she wasn't paying it during the summer.
4. That our prior agreement providing midweek overnights is "proving unworkable because of the adverse impact" on schoolwork, and having the "routine" interrupted by these visits is "interfering with her homework activities, which are closely supervised by her mother". She wants these to be eliminated.
Ok, after I got over laughing at that last line, this is the second time I've heard this, the first being when I mentioned that we should be getting our order "clarified": Again, I have emails from ...her:rolleyes: ...saying that my daughter should be doing her homework at daycare, and from the teacher that say how much improvement she sees.
5. That weekends are fine because no homework is given.
No comment.6. That I "refuses to accomplish his visitation" on any Wednesdays that my daughter is sick, thereby forcing ...her:rolleyes: ...to use up all her leave.
Again, aside form being untrue(I don't have her on Wednesday mornings, for example, but if she is sick on Thursday, or my EO Monday, I stay home with her), my thought is that this is irrelevant.
7. That I have "historically been able to get all the time he wanted for birthdays, Fathers Day, and the like", and that my recent "demand for vacation is disingenuous", and that I just want to have my daughter live at my house and "have his current girlfriend care for her, and further reduce his obligation to pay support". And also, that the reason that I do take vacations in the spring and fall is in order to take advantage of "off-peak, low fare periods of travel."
Ok, I'm not sure what being cheap has to do with anything, or how having my daughter with me for "vacation" would reduce my obligation to pay support. My thought is irrelevant. Oh yeah, the GF loved the "current" part(we've been together for 6 years)
8. That I should be "permitted to have vacation periods every summer"..."but not so she can live at his house and be cared for by a stranger". I should take "real vacations" wih my daughter, such as "taking her to the beach, to visit relatives, or on other outings."
Aside from the fact that she is now trying to tell me what to for my vacations, I don't know the relevance of any of this.
9. that I should be "provided 30 days vacation time" during school breaks every year, and that the "should be based on one week each in alternating years for Christmas and Spring breaks, as well as 3 weeks in the summer, and alternating years for Thanksgiving". Also, that AATB would have "weekend visitation" during 2 of the 4 weeks "unless he actually goes out of town" during "his vacation period."
So, I get 30 days vacation, but she gets to tell me when and where? Not sure how the court will take this one.
10. ...Her:rolleyes: ..."proposed visitation schedule would provide up to 4 weeks of overnights for vacation time, but would theoretically reduce" the total # of overnights "by elimination of the Wednesday overnight visitation. In practice, the actual number of overnights under Plaintiffs plan would be about the same"
Maybe I didn't go to college, but I do know how to use a calculator. Add 30, but take away 52 doesn't sound "about the same" to me.
11. "Since the number of overnights" would be(...She:rolleyes: ...states is) "less than the minimum required to support an order for shared physical custody, the parties should revert to" joint legal custody, and primary physical custody being ...hers:rolleyes: ....
This is about money, pure and simple.
12. That we should recalculate the CS.
Again, ok, I agree.
Ok, what do you folks think?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Ok, so I got ...her:rolleyes:...""Motion to modify". I will list her points, then make my remarks after each one. Tell me what you think, please.

1. That we are my daughters parents.
Ok, a given
2. That the court entered our consent agreement in '02, "pursuant to which" we agreed to allow me the "minimum number of overnights necessary to establish shared custody in order to reduce Defendants(me) legal obligation for" CS.
My thought is that the only part of this line that matters is that the court "entered" our agreement, and the rest is irrelevant, as well as being untrue.{/QUOTE]

Don't automatically downplay that, prepare to defend against it. There ARE parents who insist on shared custody in order to reduce child support. Make sure that you can demonstrate that you are not one of them.


3. That I have not "in fact, utilized all of his custody and visitation days in order to avoid having to pay his share of employment-related child care. Instead the child has been in the care of her maternal grandmother in New Mexico for 30 days during the summer. As a result, the defendant has the financial benefit of reduced obligation for child support without having to actually care for the child himself."
My thought is that this is irrelevant legally, again, as well as being untrue. I have an email from ...her:rolleyes: ...stating that my daughter was at her grandmothers in an effort to "foster" a good relationship with her extended family. As far as my "reduced obligation", I must have been out the day she offered me a refund for the daycare payments when she wasn't paying it during the summer.
Did that reduce your daycare cost during what would have normally been your parenting time? Again, don't downplay, be prepared to defend.

4. That our prior agreement providing midweek overnights is "proving unworkable because of the adverse impact" on schoolwork, and having the "routine" interrupted by these visits is "interfering with her homework activities, which are closely supervised by her mother". She wants these to be eliminated.
Ok, after I got over laughing at that last line, this is the second time I've heard this, the first being when I mentioned that we should be getting our order "clarified": Again, I have emails from ...her:rolleyes: ...saying that my daughter should be doing her homework at daycare, and from the teacher that say how much improvement she sees.
Ok, respond and provide evidence of that.

5. That weekends are fine because no homework is given.
No comment.6. That I "refuses to accomplish his visitation" on any Wednesdays that my daughter is sick, thereby forcing ...her:rolleyes: ...to use up all her leave.
Again, aside form being untrue(I don't have her on Wednesday mornings, for example, but if she is sick on Thursday, or my EO Monday, I stay home with her), my thought is that this is irrelevant.
Again, don't discount or downplay this. If it can be inferred that Wednesday is your's that can work against you.

7. That I have "historically been able to get all the time he wanted for birthdays, Fathers Day, and the like", and that my recent "demand for vacation is disingenuous", and that I just want to have my daughter live at my house and "have his current girlfriend care for her, and further reduce his obligation to pay support". And also, that the reason that I do take vacations in the spring and fall is in order to take advantage of "off-peak, low fare periods of travel."
Ok, I'm not sure what being cheap has to do with anything, or how having my daughter with me for "vacation" would reduce my obligation to pay support. My thought is irrelevant. Oh yeah, the GF loved the "current" part(we've been together for 6 years)
I believe that you are in a state that gives CS credits for overnights....she is clearing trying to set the stage that you want to increase parenting time in order to reduce CS. Again, don't downplay this, respond and be prepared to defend against this.

8. That I should be "permitted to have vacation periods every summer"..."but not so she can live at his house and be cared for by a stranger". I should take "real vacations" wih my daughter, such as "taking her to the beach, to visit relatives, or on other outings."
Aside from the fact that she is now trying to tell me what to for my vacations, I don't know the relevance of any of this.
Again, she is setting a stage...

9. that I should be "provided 30 days vacation time" during school breaks every year, and that the "should be based on one week each in alternating years for Christmas and Spring breaks, as well as 3 weeks in the summer, and alternating years for Thanksgiving". Also, that AATB would have "weekend visitation" during 2 of the 4 weeks "unless he actually goes out of town" during "his vacation period."
Well, the one week at Christmas and the every other Spring break is totally normal. However, you should be getting 1/2 of the summer....assuming that the child wouldn't be in daycare during your time when the child could easily be spending that time with mom.

So, I get 30 days vacation, but she gets to tell me when and where? Not sure how the court will take this one.
Again, she is setting a stage....pay attention.

{QUOTE]10. ...Her:rolleyes: ..."proposed visitation schedule would provide up to 4 weeks of overnights for vacation time, but would theoretically reduce" the total # of overnights "by elimination of the Wednesday overnight visitation. In practice, the actual number of overnights under Plaintiffs plan would be about the same"
Maybe I didn't go to college, but I do know how to use a calculator. Add 30, but take away 52 doesn't sound "about the same" to me.[/QUOTE}

Again, specifically respond and refute that.

11. "Since the number of overnights" would be(...She:rolleyes: ...states is) "less than the minimum required to support an order for shared physical custody, the parties should revert to" joint legal custody, and primary physical custody being ...hers:rolleyes: ....
This is about money, pure and simple.
12. That we should recalculate the CS.
Again, ok, I agree.
Ok, what do you folks think?

What I think is that you are not taking this whole thing seriously enough. Mom is clearly setting a stage here and you need to properly respond to refute that. Unfortunately there ARE ncps who do exactly what mom is trying to accuse/imply that you are doing...so again, you need to refute that.
 

ProSeDadinMD

Senior Member
Don't automatically downplay that, prepare to defend against it. There ARE parents who insist on shared custody in order to reduce child support. Make sure that you can demonstrate that you are not one of them.
What I "insisted" on was an easy to follow schedule, Wednesdays and EOW. At the time ...she:rolleyes: ... wanted me to lose 2 days somewhere(to take me below the threshold of "shared physical custody")How do I "demonstrate" something that I didn't do? I do know that she has nothing from me stating any of that, because I never did.

Did that reduce your daycare cost during what would have normally been your parenting time? Again, don't downplay, be prepared to defend.
The cost of daycare is figured in to our CS. I've not been informed of any change, either way, for summer daycare, whether my daughter is there or not. again, how do I prove something I didn't do.

Ok, respond and provide evidence of that.
I am prepared for that. Emails printed and ready

Again, don't discount or downplay this. If it can be inferred that Wednesday is your's that can work against you.
I can probably get a letter from my job saying the dates that I took off sick for my daughter. Also, we have always worked on the concept of "wherever she wakes up" is responsible, although we have never put that down in writing.

I believe that you are in a state that gives CS credits for overnights....she is clearing trying to set the stage that you want to increase parenting time in order to reduce CS. Again, don't downplay this, respond and be prepared to defend against this.
Wouldn't she have to prove any of this? The only thing I can say on this is that last year('05) was the first time that I took any vacation with my daughter, it was taken during the school year, and no issues were ever brought up, and all school work(home and classwork) was completed.

Again, she is setting a stage...
I rarely leave my daughter alone with anybody else when she is in my custody(I have her seldom enough as it is). Maybe 10 hours total in the last 5 years(mostly leaving her with her "step"-brother while I run to the store for a few minutes)

Well, the one week at Christmas and the every other Spring break is totally normal. However, you should be getting 1/2 of the summer....assuming that the child wouldn't be in daycare during your time when the child could easily be spending that time with mom
She would be in daycare if she is at ...her:rolleyes: ...house, just as she would with me. Again, we live less than a mile apart.

Again, she is setting a stage....pay attention.
To what, her telling me what to do?

Again, specifically respond and refute that.
Ok, I can take a calender and calculator showing the difference between 52 and 30

What I think is that you are not taking this whole thing seriously enough. Mom is clearly setting a stage here and you need to properly respond to refute that. Unfortunately there ARE ncps who do exactly what mom is trying to accuse/imply that you are doing...so again, you need to refute that.[/QUOTE]
I am serious about this. Again, how do you prove something that never happened?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Basically, what I am saying is don't go into this with a "rolling your eyes" attitude.....an attitude that mom is full of it therefore you don't have to dispute anything.

Recognize that she is attempting to set the stage that this is all about you paying less child support, rather than about more serious issues and a sincere desire to spend more time with your child.

Focus on the benefits that you believe that this arrangement would provide to your child, and be prepared to demonstrate those, and at the same time think through very carefully what you can say or demonstrate to make mom's stage setting seem less than credible.

Right now your focus is too much on "mom's the problem"....let the focus be on the benefits to the child of the arrangement you are proposing.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Focus on the benefits that you believe that this arrangement would provide to your child, and be prepared to demonstrate those, and at the same time think through very carefully what you can say or demonstrate to make mom's stage setting seem less than credible.
Exactly. Remember that the court is going to be looking for 'best interests of the child' and not 'which parent is more full of ****'. Also... custody/more parenting time often goes to the parent who shows that they are the most likely of the 2 to foster a 'continuous and positive relationship' with the other parent. You need to be perceived as that parent.

Make a list of all of the benefits to your daughter of a schedule change. Respond to the homework issue w/ a plan to allay mom's 'fears'. Make sure you can show that you're involved w/the chid's education - know her teachers, her strenghts, her weaknesses, etc.

If you're serious about not caring if your CS doesn't change, make sure everyone knows that.

Right now your focus is too much on "mom's the problem"....let the focus be on the benefits to the child of the arrangement you are proposing.
Yup. Keep on focusing on mom, and you'll lose. It's really that easy. She's clearly a fit parent, and it's also clear that y'all don't like each other much. But you HAVE to co-parent, and too much of this crap is going to 1) wear thin 2) affect the child and 3) make the judge think that not sharing custody is the best - because if you can't even reach a grown-up compromise on a homework issue or who is responsible when the kid is sick, you can't share custody. It just won't work.
 

ProSeDadinMD

Senior Member
I do see what you both are saying. I already have most of my “evidence” together with regards to “defending” myself against …her:rolleyes: … accusations. As far as us co-parenting, I’m all for it, and have made that position clear.

How do I make sure that everyone knows how I feel about CS. Like I’ve said, I’ve not brought it up in any of this, and my original petition did not include anything at all about it.

Also, do I have to answer her Motion to modify? There was no court document attached.

Thanks for the replies.
 
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LdiJ

Senior Member
I do see what you both are saying. I already have most of my “evidence” together with regards to “defending” myself against …her:rolleyes: … accusations. As far as us co-parenting, I’m all for it, and have made that position clear.

How do I make sure that everyone knows how I feel about CS. Like I’ve said, I’ve not brought it up in any of this, and my original petition did not include anything at all about it.

Also, do I have to answer her Motion to modify? There was no court document attached.

Thanks for the replies.
I would strongly recommend that you answer the petition.
 

CJane

Senior Member
I would strongly recommend that you answer the petition.
Yup, me too.

I'd recommend answering it in the following manner (just based on MY experience)...

Use the same format as her document.
Number your responses to correspond w/hers.

Phrase things as follows:

1) Petitioner (or respondent, whichever you are) admits to item #1.
2) Petitioner partly admits and partly denies item #2. (Elaborate on this to say what it is you admit or agree with and what you don't)
Etc.

If you want an easy way to illustrate to the judge that the time she's recommending is not 'about the same', use Excel and make a pie chart showing the time you each spend w/the child now, your proposal, and her proposal. Worked wonders in my case because our current order sounds a lot like 50/50 and it's really not.
 

ProSeDadinMD

Senior Member
Thanks for the replies

Ok, I understand. Should I include any evidence that refutes her claims?

Also, should I put a line in at the end something to the effect of “Since money seems to be an overriding factor in the aforementioned petition, I would like to offer, as a show of good faith, to continue to pay the current support amount of 350.00 per month, should my petition to modify, which was previously filed, be approved.”
 

CJane

Senior Member
Ok, I understand. Should I include any evidence that refutes her claims?

Also, should I put a line in at the end something to the effect of “Since money seems to be an overriding factor in the aforementioned petition, I would like to offer, as a show of good faith, to continue to pay the current support amount of 350.00 per month, should my petition to modify, which was previously filed, be approved.”
No, you shouldn't add that. And no, don't include evidence - that's to be presented at court, not sent in w/motions and the like.

In your response, simply ask that child support be awarded pursuant to (enter statute # here) and include the amount you would be paying if your plan is approved.

IMO, this is going to get to the point that you need an attorney, and sooner is always better than later.
 

ProSeDadinMD

Senior Member
Do I need to respond to the "Motion to Dismiss" that was given as ...her:rolleyes: ...response(which was late) to my original petition?
 

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