a strange situation

[worried101]

Okay, I am a single mother in New York. I had a baby almost 7 months ago. I'm not married nor have I ever been. "I don't know if that matters though." I have a weird situation going on. The situation was that the baby's father work during the day and come here to my home after and watch the baby so I could work, and so the baby would have a stable enviornment. Then I found out that while I was at work his father was paying little attention to the baby and looking at porn sites on the web, "while on my computer" Then when he is supposed to do things he blows them off and acts irresponsibly. Because of this I have quit my job to be home with the baby because, I feel I can not depend on his father to take care of him as he should. I am currently living with my boyfriend who is not the father of my child. He pays the bills and takes care of most of my son's expenses. His father pays about 1/4 of what I feel he should. A court date is set for this month and his father wants overnight stays with the baby. I don't think this is a good idea for many reasons. To name a few, he lives with his brother who is a drug addict, his house is not fiit for a human to live in, and he has proven to be irresponsible. Is there anyway that the courts may tell him he has to continue visitation here in my home or with me present"or a third party"

 

[crager34]

just remember....

No matter what you THINK, the father has rights. If the welfare of the child is in danger, when over at the fathers house, then you might have something. However, what you think might be going on, is almost of no consequence, without proof. If your at work when the father is over, how do you know he is not paying attention to the child? Maybe it's just not the attention you want. Looking at porn is not a crime. What you feel the father should pay is irrelevant, unless it is consistant with state guidelines. When the court date comes, express your feelings to the judge. Chances are he will get some sort of visitation that your not comfortable with. Again, unless the welfare of the child is is danger and can be proven, your going to have to live with some things you don't like or agree with.

 

[worried101]

I am sorry to say that looking at porn is not the only thing I don't like going on. Besides that his father is a reformed drug addict who resides with his brother who is currently a crack user. Idon't think that my son should be subject to being around people like this. There is also the fact that his house is not fit for him to live in let alone a baby. I was not so worried about the porn as the amount of hours he spent on the computer each day I don't think my son should view these images. And if his father spent 4 1/2 hours on the computer constantly chaanging pages how could he possibly have been paying attention to the baby or his needs. He only watched him for another 10 to 15 minutes per day. The reason I know this is I can track all of the files he downloads and every sight he goes to including the dates and times he viewed each page.

 

[crager34]

misunderstanding

Please don't misunderstand what I was trying to say. Yes, he may have done all those things...proving that your child has been hurt is someway is different. I am not advocating the practice of porn surfing...I would rather play 5 hours of mind numbing Nintendo with my 13 year old. You can't change someones personality through the courts. Going after him on these points would almost be fruitless.

 

[LadyLake Florida]

I can't give you legal advice, but can tell you that for an infant, overnight visits are not the usual. Usually, as the child gets older, the visitation period is graded to longer and longer until they become "old enough" for overnights.

In your case, since dad was taking care of the baby while you were working, I would suppose a judge might look at it as though you were trusting him to be responsible enough to care for your child for extended periods. To refute that perhaps you could produce documentation, ie billing records from your internet provider showing hours logged on the computer and printouts of times of downloads, etc during the periods when he had your child and you were at work (which could perhaps be in turn documented by your employers records??) Just a suggestion, you of course will need a lawyer if you want to pursue anything in a legal vein, and as always there is a 50/50 chance, depending on the law and the judge.