Absent father for 9 yrs thinking custody

[VSPeck1]

You need to establish paternity and make sure you are a decent father to the child. Apparently the child has already had a fairly rough road and while you cannot make up for the loss the child has endured to date, it is not too late to establish a healthy father/child relationship. I would suggest, if you get custody, to get family counseling with the child and try to get over this reluctance to deal with the authorities, as that is the only way this will work (By the way, my brother fathered a child out of his marriage, the woman did not tell him until the child was 3 or 4 and she decided she wanted child support. She fought the paternity test but the judge made her cooperate (and he lived in Indiana). Long story short, he was the dad, he paid child support, he exercised regular visitation (and his wife cooperated as well even thought he had cheated on her and made this baby) and now the young man is in his early 20s, married and a baby on the way and has his dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. You made a terrible mistake years ago, but try to correct it. Do the right thing. Man up. Do not give up.

 

[SelfmadeShorty]

Well perhaps if you had manned up and established paternity she would had some financial help from you and lived in better conditions.

I am a man i been trying to do the right thing so me asking y'all for advise is not where it's at so I'm thinking ain't to much they can do I'm not on the birth certificate so if I do get on child support it should start from that day maybe want have to pay nothing if I get full of joint custody

 

[SelfmadeShorty]

You need to establish paternity and make sure you are a decent father to the child. Apparently the child has already had a fairly rough road and while you cannot make up for the loss the child has endured to date, it is not too late to establish a healthy father/child relationship. I would suggest, if you get custody, to get family counseling with the child and try to get over this reluctance to deal with the authorities, as that is the only way this will work (By the way, my brother fathered a child out of his marriage, the woman did not tell him until the child was 3 or 4 and she decided she wanted child support. She fought the paternity test but the judge made her cooperate (and he lived in Indiana). Long story short, he was the dad, he paid child support, he exercised regular visitation (and his wife cooperated as well even thought he had cheated on her and made this baby) and now the young man is in his early 20s, married and a baby on the way and has his dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. You made a terrible mistake years ago, but try to correct it. Do the right thing. Man up. Do not give up.

i am

 

[Just Blue]

I am a man i been trying to do the right thing so me asking y'all for advise is not where it's at so I'm thinking ain't to much they can do I'm not on the birth certificate so if I do get on child support it should start from that day maybe want have to pay nothing if I get full of joint custody

Well! Aren't you just the next father of the year! By all means seek to gain custody just so you don't have to pay support. Lets us know how that works out for you shorty.

 

[stealth2]

I am a man i been trying to do the right thing

No, you have not. You chose yourself, your weed and your fear of the courts over this child. That is not what a man does.

so me asking y'all for advise is not where it's at so I'm thinking ain't to much they can do I'm not on the birth certificate so if I do get on child support it should start from that day maybe want have to pay nothing if I get full of joint custody

If you think you've got a shot in hell of time with this child, let alone any sort of custody, you are fooling yourself. You are a total stranger. At least foster parents get some sort of screening. With any luck, this child will be placed with decent people, and the state comes after you - gets you tested, declared the father and has you pay your portion of the child's support (because the taxpayers shouldn't have to pay).

Oh, btw.... if Mom has been receiving state aid and it turns out that you're Daddy Dearest? You may find yourself paying THAT back, too. Have a lovely weekend.

 

[SelfmadeShorty]

They would rather see a parent have theyre child then a stranger or not I pay taxes to u make me out to b a bad guy I ain't if I never knew to go to the juvenile center just found that out not even 2 weeks ago cause I'm accountable doing what I got to do to b there tanf they only giving like 13 dollars welfare about 50 or 60 a month weed is a b.s. Charge so it don't matter about my criminal past so thanks for your advise and XXXX with your comments

 

[stealth2]

They would rather see a parent have theyre child then a stranger or not I pay taxes to u make me out to b a bad guy I ain't if I never knew to go to the juvenile center just found that out not even 2 weeks ago cause I'm accountable doing what I got to do to b there tanf they only giving like 13 dollars welfare about 50 or 60 a month weed is a b.s. Charge so it don't matter about my criminal past so thanks for your advise and XXX with your comments

YOU are a stranger to this child, sir.

And.... that language will get you banned.

 

[Just Blue]

They would rather see a parent have theyre child then a stranger or not I pay taxes to u make me out to b a bad guy I ain't if I never knew to go to the juvenile center just found that out not even 2 weeks ago cause I'm accountable doing what I got to do to b there tanf they only giving like 13 dollars welfare about 50 or 60 a month weed is a b.s. Charge so it don't matter about my criminal past so thanks for your advise and XXX with your comments

Literacy is your friend. And your post is being reported for language. Cursing at people is a sign of stupidity.

To this child you are a total stranger. So yes! Foster care is a better place than with a "man" who placed drugs and not supporting him above childs needs for 9 years. You are only interested now to avoid getting a support order. It won't work.

 

[xylene]

I don't like dealing with law enforcement at all even courts so including them was never a option

I'm sorry if this truth hurts: The above makes you sound like a total degenerate.

You conduct in this emerging situation appears to cement that appearance as a solid fact.

The court will see that.

 

[xylene]

And, to be perfectly clear, I have quite a bit of understanding of how the drug war, particularly the criminal penalties for marijuana has had on society and people of color.

I know that marijuana prohibition has done incalculable harm to county, and in particular to people of color.

The need to overcome your discomfort and go to court was and is on you.

 

[Just Blue]

And, to be perfectly clear, I have quite a bit of understanding of how the drug war, particularly the criminal penalties for marijuana has had on society and people of color.

I know that marijuana prohibition has done incalculable harm to county, and in particular to people of color.

The need to overcome your discomfort and go to court was and is on you.

Prohibition never has and never will work. But as you said...OP has had 9 years to establish paternity and did nothing ...I believe more out of callous disregard for this childs need ($$) rather than an fear of courts.