Absent father now claims he wants custody

[candigo]

I live in Florida; my son's dad is in Alabama...My 5 yr old son's dad refused to meet his son until paternity results came in last year, so then he decided he wanted to be a part of his life. Since then, they've spent about 4 hours total together.

I tried to be accommodating and let them see each other, offering to meet him places, have him over, go to his house - but I wouldn't let him take our son for the day by himself or overnight. So instead of compromising he'd just cancel the whole visit (he didn't want to have to see me as part of the deal).

Several months ago I accepted a job that is in another part of the state - same state but over 400 miles way, and I made sure I offered to let him see his son before we left (he kept stalling and didn't).

Now he is calling out of the blue saying he wants custody, is 'entitled' to visitation since he pays child support (a whole $15 in the last 6 months), and that I wasn't allowed to move more than 150 miles from him.

Is all of this true, and does it look like I'll need to hire a lawyer soon?

The fact that he doesn't pay child support is a whole other issue, I know, and not why I'm slightly freaking out. My concern is that if he gets visitation, will the court really send a child to go stay for days at a time with a virtual stranger??

Thanks for any advice...I just want to know what I should expect.

 

[tornado88]

Has dad been legally declared so by the courts? Is the child support court ordered or just money he is handing you? If it's not court ordered then he doesn't have to give you anything. If it is ordered then take him to court for contempt.

If there are no court orders for visitation then you do not have to let him see the child until he goes to court to file for visitation time.

If and when he goes to court for visitation he will get overnight visits at his home eventually. You can ask for a introduction period berfore that happens, but you may as well start getting ready because unless you can PROVE that he is unfit then Dad has the right to private time with his son.

 

[ecmst12]

He's entitled to visitation because he's the father, regardless of whether he's current on support or not. If he files for it in court, he'll get it.

However, since it's already been several months since your move, it's not likely he'd be successful in making you move back or anything like that. Since he hasn't visited much, most likely a court would order supervised, short visits at first and overnights once they became more aquainted with each other.

 

[candigo]

Yes, paternity was established, court order was established for support, but I have to go through first Florida then Alabama to get it enforced and nothing happens.

No orders for custody or visitation....yet. I like the idea of an introduction period...but not sure how it would work as we're 400 miles apart!

I'm not saying he would be unfit - no reason to, but I just don't know him that well anymore and my son sure doesn't either. I worry that he'll get tired of dealing with me and decide to take off with him....But maybe I've just been watching too many Lifetime movies about parental abductions or something.

 

[Isis1]

Yes, paternity was established, court order was established for support, but I have to go through first Florida then Alabama to get it enforced and nothing happens.

No orders for custody or visitation....yet. I like the idea of an introduction period...but not sure how it would work as we're 400 miles apart!

I'm not saying he would be unfit - no reason to, but I just don't know him that well anymore and my son sure doesn't either. I worry that he'll get tired of dealing with me and decide to take off with him....But maybe I've just been watching too many Lifetime movies about parental abductions or something.

First off, i love lifetime. stop staking it seriously. i also love law & order, all three of them, but that is not where i get my legal experience,


if dad wants visitation, he'll file for it. if dad files in AL, request a dismissal based on incorrect jurisdiction. he needs to file in FL. dad will have to come to FL for visitation, for an introduction period, then eventually he will be able to take the child to his state.

 

[Proserpina]

Now he is calling out of the blue saying he wants custody, is 'entitled' to visitation since he pays child support (a whole $15 in the last 6 months), and that I wasn't allowed to move more than 150 miles from him.

Paying child support isn't a ticket to see his child and unless there is a court order saying otherwise you can move wherever you want to move...just be aware that should you do so he may be able to cause a fuss and have the court order that your child be returned to Dad's locale.

Let him file. If he does, come back, and we'll go from there. But don't let him threaten or bully you.

 

[candigo]

Let him file. If he does, come back, and we'll go from there. But don't let him threaten or bully you.

Thanks...It's hard for me to stand up to him sometimes because I know my son wants to get to know him, and I don't want to deny that to either of them. He just refuses to compromise, and when I suggest compromise he acts like I'm "keeping him from his son"...I just want to take it slow.

But at this point I'd almost prefer there was a custody arrangement so at least it's settled.

Is it possible for me to just go ahead and file, and would that make it any more in my favor? (as in, getting to request an 'introduction period', which holidays, etc)

 

[Isis1]

Thanks...It's hard for me to stand up to him sometimes because I know my son wants to get to know him, and I don't want to deny that to either of them. He just refuses to compromise, and when I suggest compromise he acts like I'm "keeping him from his son"...I just want to take it slow.

But at this point I'd almost prefer there was a custody arrangement so at least it's settled.

Is it possible for me to just go ahead and file, and would that make it any more in my favor? (as in, getting to request an 'introduction period', which holidays, etc)

you can file. i think it would be fantiastic if you filed.

just one small modification. you are requesting the introduction period not in YOUR favor, but for the CHILD'S benefit.

 

[candigo]

just one small modification. you are requesting the introduction period not in YOUR favor, but for the CHILD'S benefit.

LOL, point taken. I just consider "my favor" IS his benefit because I'm trying to do what's best for him...I'm the only one who can speak for him until he's older...does that make sense? I'd much rather never speak to this guy again for the rest of my life, but I will, as civilly as possible, for my son's benefit.

 

[Isis1]

LOL, point taken. I just consider "my favor" IS his benefit because I'm trying to do what's best for him...I'm the only one who can speak for him until he's older...does that make sense? I'd much rather never speak to this guy again for the rest of my life, but I will, as civilly as possible, for my son's benefit.

i understand you. but i want you to walk into court, prepared. using the terms me, mine, I, will kill you. it's always, the child.