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Abuse

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

My son and his wife are divorced for 7 years now, they have three minor children together. My ex-daughter-in-law isn't fond of me, especially when it comes to my 7 year old grandson. I lived with my son from the time he was 6 mos old until he was 5, we have a special bond. They were divorced at the time, I was the steady rock, she wasn't, not my fault.


Now she is vicious. Anything I give the kids she discards. Recently, I asked my son what he thought of me getting my grandson a cell phone. His older sisters have one 10 and 13. My oldest granddaughter was 6 when she got her phone. My son said he thought it a great idea, but we agreed it should stay at his house, so as with everything, mom wouldn't throw it out. So I gave him the phone, now "mom" says if he uses it even at his dads she will punish him. Isn't this regarded as abuse?
 


LillianX

Senior Member
Not unless she actually physically harms the child. I would like to congratulate you on having the pleasure of living such an awesome life that you think punishing a kid over a cellphone is abuse. You, your son, and your grandchildren are very lucky!
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

My son and his wife are divorced for 7 years now, they have three minor children together. My ex-daughter-in-law isn't fond of me, especially when it comes to my 7 year old grandson. I lived with my son from the time he was 6 mos old until he was 5, we have a special bond. They were divorced at the time, I was the steady rock, she wasn't, not my fault.


Now she is vicious. Anything I give the kids she discards. Recently, I asked my son what he thought of me getting my grandson a cell phone. His older sisters have one 10 and 13. My oldest granddaughter was 6 when she got her phone. My son said he thought it a great idea, but we agreed it should stay at his house, so as with everything, mom wouldn't throw it out. So I gave him the phone, now "mom" says if he uses it even at his dads she will punish him. Isn't this regarded as abuse?
No, it's not. Crappy parenting, but not abuse.
 

Antigone*

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey

My son and his wife are divorced for 7 years now, they have three minor children together. My ex-daughter-in-law isn't fond of me, especially when it comes to my 7 year old grandson. I lived with my son from the time he was 6 mos old until he was 5, we have a special bond. They were divorced at the time, I was the steady rock, she wasn't, not my fault.


Now she is vicious. Anything I give the kids she discards. Recently, I asked my son what he thought of me getting my grandson a cell phone. His older sisters have one 10 and 13. My oldest granddaughter was 6 when she got her phone. My son said he thought it a great idea, but we agreed it should stay at his house, so as with everything, mom wouldn't throw it out. So I gave him the phone, now "mom" says if he uses it even at his dads she will punish him. Isn't this regarded as abuse?

Really this "contest" between you and the child's mom needs to stop. I am sure you would have never allowed your husband's mom to interject in your parenting methods.as you are interjecting yourself into her parenting methods.
 
I am def not interjecting into her parenting methods. I asked my son first, he said it was ok. If anyone else had given him the phone it would have been ok. It's not ok to use a child as a weapon and disgards gifts given to your children bc you don't like the person who gave them. I was divorced from my kids dad, sometimes our rules were the same, sometimes not. What he and his family did with my kids on his time was their business. I was not consulted, nor did I need to be, he was their father and was capable of making good choices for them and let me just say, it was an ugly divorce, but never once did either of us use the kids to get at each other or someone else.
 
@Lillian X....it's not the phone, it's been a mirage of other gifts from my son and his new wife, as well as myself, that have been discarded bc they came from us. A judge once told her, what the children do on your time is your business and what they do on their father's time is his business, unless there is abuse involved. To steal a child's joy and happiness and involve a child in an adults battle and mess with their heads, in my opinion is emotional abuse and it's wrong. Ashame it's not a felony offense to use your kids as weapons.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
@Lillian X....it's not the phone, it's been a mirage of other gifts from my son and his new wife, as well as myself, that have been discarded bc they came from us. A judge once told her, what the children do on your time is your business and what they do on their father's time is his business, unless there is abuse involved. To steal a child's joy and happiness and involve a child in an adults battle and mess with their heads, in my opinion is emotional abuse and it's wrong. Ashame it's not a felony offense to use your kids as weapons.
As you've been told several times, it's not abuse.

In fact, one could argue that you are at least as guilty as Mom. After all, Mom was doing what she is legally entitled to do. You and your son, OTOH, gave your child gifts to take to Mom's house knowing that she was going to throw it away in front of the child. That is probably more traumatic than if you had never given the child the gift in the first place - or kept it at Dad's house.

See how the mud-slinging can bounce back at you?
 
we do keep all gifts at my son's house. we didn't know this was going on until the kids told my son. It may not be physical abuse, but it's emotional abuse. My point is legally, she has no right to dictate the rules of my son's home, that is his time and his rules are his rules, she has no say and that came from a judge, many years ago.
 

LillianX

Senior Member
@Lillian X....it's not the phone, it's been a mirage of other gifts from my son and his new wife, as well as myself, that have been discarded bc they came from us. A judge once told her, what the children do on your time is your business and what they do on their father's time is his business, unless there is abuse involved. To steal a child's joy and happiness and involve a child in an adults battle and mess with their heads, in my opinion is emotional abuse and it's wrong. Ashame it's not a felony offense to use your kids as weapons.
It's my opinion that you are an emotionally abusive grandmother for providing your grandchild with gifts that you know will be thrown out, devastating them.

See how that works? I can turn it right back around on you, as well as show you that your opinion of what constitutes abuse doesn't matter.
 
Wow, abusive grandmother...that was a low shot...you must hate your mother-in-law. We don't buy them gifts except for holidays and they know to keep them at their dads. The mom throwing the gifts away was awhile ago and we all learned from that point on. The phone did not go to his mothers as does no other gifts that they receive from their dads side. I do not intentionally do anything...giving gifts at Christmas and Birthdays, would constitute normal, I would think? The phone was a birthday gift:)
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Wow, abusive grandmother...that was a low shot...you must hate your mother-in-law. We don't buy them gifts except for holidays and they know to keep them at their dads. The mom throwing the gifts away was awhile ago and we all learned from that point on. The phone did not go to his mothers as does no other gifts that they receive from their dads side. I do not intentionally do anything...giving gifts at Christmas and Birthdays, would constitute normal, I would think? The phone was a birthday gift:)
And mom can have rules regarding the phone -- such as she doesn't want HER CHILD having a cell phone. If he has one that he is using she can punish him for it. And yes, you are an abusive overstepping grandmother. That is a TRUE phrase based on what you have stated here. You insult the child's mother while trying to paint yourself as a saint. Gotta wonder what you say to the child.
 
"And mom can have rules regarding the phone -- such as she doesn't want HER CHILD having a cell phone. If he has one that he is using she can punish him for it. And yes, you are an abusive overstepping grandmother. That is a TRUE phrase based on what you have stated here. You insult the child's mother while trying to paint yourself as a saint. Gotta wonder what you say to the child."

AND HOW ABOUT DAD'S RULES, OR HE DOESN'T COUNT! Trust me, she doesn't care if he has a cell phone, her other kids have one, it's the point that it came from someone on "dads" side of the family, that is the problem. Overstepping would have been to just buy the phone without consulting the parent and I did not do that. The child's mother is mentally unstable has been for her whole life. She almost destroyed my son and now is working on his kids, it's really all very sad. AGAIN...she has no say as to what the children do on their father's time, if dad says its ok on his time, then that's his rule and he is within his rights....they have joint custody i should ad.

I don't talk to my ex-daughter-in-law and don't "sling mud", until she does yet another thing that is harmful to my grandkids or my son. Trust me, I would be happy to never have to give her another thought...we all try to keep peace with her, but that is impossible, she always finds something.
 
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Really...and please explain how I am unstable.....lol. I love my kids and grandkids, present daughter-in-law and we have fun together...it's just ashame that the kids mom seems to resent that to an obsessive degree! You people just attack posters and never answer the question.....WHAT ABOUT DAD'S RULES?
 
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