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Abused and nowhere to turn anymore.....

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BatteredMomof3

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? LA

This is my first post, so please bare with me. I really don't know where to start, so here goes. I have been physically abused by my husband for the last 5 years. He would threaten my life if I ever left him. During the last 2 years I have been reporting to the Womens Battered Shelter to make reports, have them take pics, and seek counseling. They have been wonderful.

I caught my husband with another woman last summer of 2007, and of course he threw me into my own car and imprinted my body on it after he denied cheating. This last April, he attacked me when I told him that I was going to have coffee with the girls that morning, and I defended myself and left. He called the police and I was arrested for domestic violence. The neighbors ran out to give statements (they are tired of seeing him get away with everything), and he was also arrested. We both were signed out on our own recognizance. The judge (his uncle) awarded him the restraining order and I lost everything that Monday. He took our 3 girls (11, 8, and 6), the house, and petitioned for a restraining order against me before I could get to the court first to do the same. My entire world ended in 1 day and I lost everything I ever worked for and loved.

Here is the problem, his dad is the Sheriff, and his uncle is the judge in my county. I have a report from 911 showing 54 phone calls from me to 911 for abuse within the last year and a half, and no arrests were made. He only let me see the girls every Sunday from 10am-6pm for 2 months since it took so long to get a court date. During those 2 months, I have my 11 year old and 8 year old hating me, daddy calling them on their phones ever half hour and he is perfect in their eyes. They have seen him beat the crap out of me, they have seen him with his mistress, and they hate me...... When I obtained my attorney, the judge quickly overturned his decision, gave me custody of the girls and my house back. Settlement was reached and I wrote my husband a check for $50,000 to keep the house. The girls stay with him for one week, and with me for one week, with neither of us paying child support. This was his idea, and I did not want to object because I am scared of him.

He broke into my home on 2 occasions, assaulted me while I was sleeping, and threatened my life the 2nd time after he threw me into the fireplace. The police arrested him for assaulting me and he walked out on his own recognizance (his uncle Mr Judge signed paperwork). That following weekend he pulled a gun on me and told me if I did not come home to him that he would make sure noone would have me. I filed a police report and they did not go pick him up. I can go on and on, but my point is, I am in fear of him right now. Every other day is a crappy day, because he constantly harrasses me on the phone, will show up at my office, the grocery, and he has me followed. My daughters have recently informed me that he has been allowing the mistress to sleep in the home with him while our daughters were there. We have 3 homes that we share. We sold one, I have one, and he has one.

Here are my questions. How do I seek justice when his entire family is politically connected in my county? Is it possible to go to the Attorney General? I have already been to the District Attorney's Office, and they can't help, however they will not drop 2 of the 4 felony charges on him. He has been released without bond for 4 offenses within the last month. I was informed that these charges are felony charges. How is it that he is released without bond? How do I seek a restraining order without his uncle being involved? We currently have a separation agreement in place. We just went to court 3 weeks ago. He is to not have any member of the opposite sex sleep over. I just learned that this has been happening and know that he is in contempt, however is it considered adultery since we are still married? Is he allowed to sleep around and have girlfriends while we are separated? I feel like 2 of our girls are being brainwashed and don't know what to do. Is it possible to go back to court and request full custody of our girls, with him having 2 days a week and every other weekend? I feel that the more he fills their little heads, the more I am losing them.

I am so at a loss for words. I never thought my beautiful babies would turn on me like this. They hate me and I have no idea what to do or who to go to in order to have a fair hearing. I am running out of money between getting locks changed on house every week, the car re-keyed every week, and the fees it costs to file restraining orders that don't stick.

Please anyone, advice?
 


I really feel for you and am sorry you have to go through this.

I am not experienced, but maybe you can get your daughters to counselling. Maybe they need someone neutral to talk to, and someone who would be able to testify in court that there is evidence of parental alienation. Maybe you can go to another city for counselling since it seems that your husbands family is tied to the community.

Would the shelter that you have been visiting be able to counsel the children? Also as far as restraining orders, the shelter that I visited (9 years ago) went to court for me to obtain the restraining order at no charge. Maybe you can check into that. I'm not sure how it works now.

Stay strong and focused.
 

BatteredMomof3

Junior Member
My attorney only represented for property settlement. She wants another $5,000 to represent me for child modification, and the District Attorneys are representing me for the 2 felony charges that they will not drop. Is it possible to inform the judge during my hearing in December that I feel my children are being brainwashed and that I am scared of him? I know the restraining order is supposed to last for 18 months, but he has violated several times, been arrested, walks free and still stalks and harrasses me. When does it end? When I am in a ditch face down????
 

onebreath

Member
Also, aside from a change of venue - my understanding of that is that would be a different judge, right? Of course that would help, but in addition, how can this mom go about getting uncle restricted from making the house calls when there is domestic viiolence?

I am SHOCKED at the police not pressing charges when your ex held a gun to you. Perhaps its because there is no proof, I don't know. Still, I am shocked.

When you go to the shelter, do they have groups? Are they the one's supplying you with an attorney? I ask as some domestic violence centers, within the groups of the domestic violence victims, you can hear what other people have done to take care of themselves.

Document what you know of of the gf sleeping over...however you would need proof. Frankly, not that it doesn't suck...I would put the domestic violence first...according to your story this man sounds very dangerous and keep doing what you can to defend yourself, and then your kids.
 

BatteredMomof3

Junior Member
Here is the problem. I have a new judge, but my husband's uncle has been the judge on duty everytime he has been arrested. He has not been convicted of anything yet. I was informed that once he violated the order first time, it is a misdemeanor, and 2nd time he violates it is a felony and he has to sit until his court date. My fear is that everytime he gets arrested, he walks with the help of his uncle leaving him to come after me more and more. Most of the time he is not arrested because his dad is the Sheriff. I can write a book of the mis-treatment I have received.

I have 2 of my girls telling me how my youngest is sleeping in between her dad and the mistress during his visitation with them. I have my oldest telling me that mistress has been around alot, and I have to deal with it.

I am in process of moving about 2 hours away and was wondering if it is possible for me to keep my address anonymous from him. I know he is good to the kids, but it is not good for him to tell them that this is all of my fault that he is not with us as a family, and that I don't love them which is why were are in separate homes. That is not healthy for our girls, so this every other week situation that was agreed to in property settlement will come to hault after next court date.

I guess my next move is to hire a bodyguard? I mean do I need to get the FBI involved? I just don't know how to go over judge's head for allowing my husband to walk scott free 3 times in a row within a month's time span!!
 

onebreath

Member
I would go back and read CourtClerks advice to you....why has no one filed for a change of venue? Where is your attorney in all this?

I agree, you need all the help you can get, keep posting...but also please answer the above questions...as that is the first basic legal step to take.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
On criminal charges why hasn't the prosecutor FILED for a change in venue? They are the ones with standing? If not, then the judge needs reported to the ethics board as the judge cannot hear a relative's case.
 

BatteredMomof3

Junior Member
Okay, I do not think you guys are understanding me. I DO NOT have an attorney for any of this. I only had an attorney for property settlement. My problem is that the judge on duty everytime my husband has been arrested is his uncle. The judge that has been assigned to the 4 outstanding charges is not his uncle. My fear is that from now until Dec, how do I stay out of harm's way, and how do I get his uncle to but out if he goes back to jail? The only person representing me is from the District Attorney's office for 2 offenses, 1) when he broke in and assaulted me in my home, 2) when he threw me into my car.

Do I need to ask District Attorney to change venue??? This all happened AFTER the property settlement.
 

onebreath

Member
OK, so you don't have an attorney? Can you get one?

It sounds like the previous post to you DID listen to your needs....your uncle should not be hearing your case. I cannot imagine it matters whether or not he was the judge assigned to hear the case or not, he was the one presiding over it. Perhaps thats how its slipped through the cracks of the prosecutor.

Do what Ohiogirl says....she knows.
 

BatteredMomof3

Junior Member
Thank you all! I am sorry for the confusion. I really do not want to end up on Nancy Grace! well if he gets put away for a long long time, maybe, but I don't want to be a missing person! Thanks again!!
 

BatteredMomof3

Junior Member
I forgot one thing. If he has been allowing his mistress to stay overnight in the presence of our 3 children isn't he in contempt? This was part of our separation agreement that was already signed in June 2008. The verbage is, "No member of opposite sex is to stay overnight, or stay for an extended period of time in the presence of the 3 minor children."

Also, is this considered adultery although we are married, but legally separated? Is there any chance that a judge would grant an immediate divorce instead of making us wait until June 2009, due to his violent history?

Thanks.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Call an attorney okay? YOur case is somewhat complex from all the different things going on. You also need to report his uncle to the bar for his unethical conduct if he is hearing his NEPHEW's cases (any part of them).
 

momofcch

Junior Member
Ok I'm a little new at all of this but here it goes..... If you can afford one get an attorney. ABSOLUTELY call the board on your husbands Uncle the "judge" He has absolutely no right overseeing these cases and it is unethical. I would be in constant contact with the shelter and look into if they have an attorney who can represent you free of charge....many of them do. It doesn't hurt to ask anyway. Also get your kiddos into counseling. I know you said your relationship with them has suffered but kids are smart and keep loving them....as they get older they will see the truth for themselves
 

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