abusive stepmother

[dajester]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois
I've got twin boys with a prior boyfriend.I have had sole custody for throughout there entire life of 4 years.There is a order for child support against the father but the payments are sporadic leaving him in arreages.He had recently gotten married and we started letting them have them for the weekends (there is no order for this as of yet).Keep in mind before the marriage we would fight tooth and nail for him to come visit them.Now he hired a lawyer and is trying to gain joint custody.His intentions are clear he's trying to get out of paying child support.Now the children are starting to complain about having to go over there.Saying that its boring,no friends to play with,and going outside is a rarity.They recently moved into a 2 bedroom house.1 bedroom is for both of my children and the other is for the father,his wife, and a new born.Now that they hired a lawyer there stepmother started to throw her weight around,for instance she let a friend of hers cut there hair which was totally butchered,we took them to the barber afterwards to straighten it out.Just this last weekend she trimmed there nails so far down that they were complaining about them when they came back on Monday(we have pictures of them almost bleeding).We called her and politely ask her not to do this at which point she claimed that we are incapable of doing so and negligent and added "I am there stepmother and I can do what ever I want to them".The order for visitation hasn't even gone through yet.If they gain joint custody what is to be expected of this woman!!!.is there someway to protect my children from this.My children have everything they ever wanted in this household even a jungle gym outside and to think I have to send them to there fathers house half the time, AGAINST THERE WILL to be mistreated by this woman so daddy wouldn't have pay child support.makes me cry (seriously)
questions
1.Is what she say true that she can do anything she wants since she's there stepmother.If not how should I handle these sort of situations Tell my lawyer and hope it gets brought up in court??or can I get some sort of order of protection against her?
2.The living situation they have is that suitable? 3 children 2 bedrooms both my boys sleeping in 1 bedroom and a newborn and both of them in the other.
3.If my children object to going to there fathers do I have to force them to go??? I desperately feel if this joint custody goes through that it is a great INJUSTICE
Keep in mind they been only married for 4 months.
suddenly I must bend to her will.

 

[Isis1]

stop talking to stepmother.

don't converse with her AT ALL.

talk to dad. if there is a problem, talk to dad. request your attorney to put in a no third party interference clause.

if a court order says, kiddies have to go, they have to go. if you want them to not eat sugar, do you get their approval first? brush their teeth? they don't get to decide. especially at the age of four.

 

[Perky]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois
I've got twin boys with a prior boyfriend.I have had sole custody for throughout there entire life of 4 years.There is a order for child support against the father but the payments are sporadic leaving him in arreages.He had recently gotten married and we started letting them have them for the weekends (there is no order for this as of yet).Keep in mind before the marriage we would fight tooth and nail for him to come visit them.Now he hired a lawyer and is trying to gain joint custody.His intentions are clear he's trying to get out of paying child support.Now the children are starting to complain about having to go over there.Saying that its boring,no friends to play with,and going outside is a rarity.They recently moved into a 2 bedroom house.1 bedroom is for both of my children and the other is for the father,his wife, and a new born.Now that they hired a lawyer there stepmother started to throw her weight around,for instance she let a friend of hers cut there hair which was totally butchered,we took them to the barber afterwards to straighten it out.Just this last weekend she trimmed there nails so far down that they were complaining about them when they came back on Monday(we have pictures of them almost bleeding).We called her and politely ask her not to do this at which point she claimed that we are incapable of doing so and negligent and added "I am there stepmother and I can do what ever I want to them".The order for visitation hasn't even gone through yet.If they gain joint custody what is to be expected of this woman!!!.is there someway to protect my children from this.My children have everything they ever wanted in this household even a jungle gym outside and to think I have to send them to there fathers house half the time, AGAINST THERE WILL to be mistreated by this woman so daddy wouldn't have pay child support.makes me cry (seriously)
questions
1.Is what she say true that she can do anything she wants since she's there stepmother.If not how should I handle these sort of situations Tell my lawyer and hope it gets brought up in court??or can I get some sort of order of protection against her?
2.The living situation they have is that suitable? 3 children 2 bedrooms both my boys sleeping in 1 bedroom and a newborn and both of them in the other.
3.If my children object to going to there fathers do I have to force them to go???
Keep in mind they been only married for 4 months.
suddenly I must bend to her will.

Since you don't have a court order yet, you don't have to send them. However, I wouldn't stop altogether. You want the judge to see that you're facilitating a relationship with the father. I sure wouldn't send them every weekend though. Every other is enough IMO, especially without a court order for visitation.

The stepmother has no rights to the children. Make sure your lawyer knows about her antics and continue to document (photos or journal) any problems.

I would be quite surprised if the father is able to get joint physical custody after 4 years of limited visitation. What does your lawyer say about that?

 

[wileybunch]

1.Well, not ANYTHING she wants, not literally, but the things you are complaining about she can do.

2. Yes, it is suitable.

3. Yes, they have to go to their Dad's if you have a court order that says so. I realize the parenting styles are different, but if the shoe was on the other foot and they started to like being at Dad's more than your home, they would still have to live at your home and only visit Dad, per the court order.

P.S. Who is the "we" that's called s'mom to ask her not to cut their nails and hair?

 

[MominCarolina]

The step mother has no rights, although what Dad does on his time (having friends cut the children's hair) is his choice/rights.

Since visitation has been limited it is expected for the children to have a hard time adjusting. As the CP you should be encouraging the children to enjoy their visit with the father.

As long as the newborn is in the room with the parent's I do not see how the courts would find that unsuitable living conditions. Asking for them to live in a 3 bedroom so the infant can have their own room is putting your nose in their business as they have the right to parenting the child they have together how they see fit.

I would also cut back to every other weekend visitation with one weeknight dinner, as when this goes to courts they will take into account what visitation you have been giving them when they consider custody/visitation.

 

[Proserpina]

I would also cut back to every other weekend visitation with one weeknight dinner, as when this goes to courts they will take into account what visitation you have been giving them when they consider custody/visitation.

I understand there's no order in place; but I can't help but wonder if doing this would actually paint Mom in a worse light? If they've been going every week, and she suddenly drops it to every other week, would that not be seen as retaliating against Dad?

 

[stealth2]

I'd like to know who "we" might be.

 

[dajester]

We include my mother she is who I currently live with

 

[MominCarolina]

I understand there's no order in place; but I can't help but wonder if doing this would actually paint Mom in a worse light? If they've been going every week, and she suddenly drops it to every other week, would that not be seen as retaliating against Dad?

There would be a lot of variables that would have to be known in this situation.

With them being so close to school age (if they are not in a pre-k program now) the mother is also entitled to non school time, so with that reasoning as long as it is explained to the father, and the judge/mediator then no I do not see how this would affect the mother negatively.

 

[CJane]

PS Mom never said that the kids are going over there EVERY weekend, or half the time.

She said "for the weekends". We don't know what the actual time frame is.

Also, Mom says Smom is ABUSIVE and then mentions bad hair cuts and too-short fingernails? Dramaqueen much?

 

[Proserpina]

PS Mom never said that the kids are going over there EVERY weekend, or half the time.

She said "for the weekends". We don't know what the actual time frame is.

Also, Mom says Smom is ABUSIVE and then mentions bad hair cuts and too-short fingernails? Dramaqueen much?

Yep - OP needs to clarify a few things.

And heck, if bad hair cuts and dodgy fingernails are classed as abusive then every single female in my family going back to...oh, I don't know...Eve? would have cause to sue our parents for damages!

 

[Isis1]

Yep - OP needs to clarify a few things.

And heck, if bad hair cuts and dodgy fingernails are classed as abusive then every single female in my family going back to...oh, I don't know...Eve? would have cause to sue our parents for damages!

my two older kids dad, ALWAYS lets his stepfather (the pothead) cut(shave) my kids hair. as soon as they come home, i march to the barbar shop. once, my son came home with "simple jack" haircut. it was awful!! i'd love to sue my mom for all the haircuts she gave me. not all girls look great with a bald head.

 

[dajester]

They are in a prekindergarden classes 4 days a week.They come and get them everyThursday evening and returns them late Sunday(they claim this 50 percent of the time,there pursuing half custody).I am not a drama queen I use that title to catch attention to this thread.(obviously it worked)
I don't believe that this is extreme abuse.But I really needed to know when exactly she is crossing the line.In my opinion she had(saying she can do what ever she wants to them).I also don't want to come across as petty in a courtroom or at the lawyers office.
P.S. anything to protect my beloved children

 

[AHA]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois
I've got twin boys with a prior boyfriend.I have had sole custody for throughout there entire life of 4 years.There is a order for child support against the father but the payments are sporadic leaving him in arreages.He had recently gotten married and we started letting them have them for the weekends (there is no order for this as of yet).Keep in mind before the marriage we would fight tooth and nail for him to come visit them.Now he hired a lawyer and is trying to gain joint custody.His intentions are clear he's trying to get out of paying child support.Now the children are starting to complain about having to go over there.Saying that its boring,no friends to play with,and going outside is a rarity.They recently moved into a 2 bedroom house.1 bedroom is for both of my children and the other is for the father,his wife, and a new born.Now that they hired a lawyer there stepmother started to throw her weight around,for instance she let a friend of hers cut there hair which was totally butchered,we took them to the barber afterwards to straighten it out.Just this last weekend she trimmed there nails so far down that they were complaining about them when they came back on Monday(we have pictures of them almost bleeding).We called her and politely ask her not to do this at which point she claimed that we are incapable of doing so and negligent and added "I am there stepmother and I can do what ever I want to them".The order for visitation hasn't even gone through yet.If they gain joint custody what is to be expected of this woman!!!.is there someway to protect my children from this.My children have everything they ever wanted in this household even a jungle gym outside and to think I have to send them to there fathers house half the time, AGAINST THERE WILL to be mistreated by this woman so daddy wouldn't have pay child support.makes me cry (seriously)
questions
1.Is what she say true that she can do anything she wants since she's there stepmother.If not how should I handle these sort of situations Tell my lawyer and hope it gets brought up in court??or can I get some sort of order of protection against her?
2.The living situation they have is that suitable? 3 children 2 bedrooms both my boys sleeping in 1 bedroom and a newborn and both of them in the other.
3.If my children object to going to there fathers do I have to force them to go??? I desperately feel if this joint custody goes through that it is a great INJUSTICE
Keep in mind they been only married for 4 months.
suddenly I must bend to her will.

First off all, not all single parents in the world are rich enough to have everyone of their kids in their own rooms (not every single parent moves back in with their mom for cheap rent). Second, there are probably millions of siblings that share rooms without turning out "damaged", so I would put that lame objection back in toilet where it belongs.

 

[wileybunch]

You have been letting Dad have the children every weekend/50%-ish of the time of your own volition. The horse has already left the barn. Why shouldn't Dad get 50/50 physical custody in a court order? Why did you do it in the first place if you didn't want that to be the case? I don't get it.

Also, who is the "we" you refer to in your posts? That's been asked a few times and not answered.