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Antigone*

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Today, 08:30 AM
Isis1
Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 8,725

Quote:
Originally Posted by achilders3
and I didn't even know you had to be 14 to be on facebook. I will recommend him call to get her removed. It just seems like the things he tries to do to change things just adds fuel to the ex's fire.

oh god. you bring up a CPS call from two years ago???

you are reaching. way off base.

maybe because dad is working against mom instead of working with her. maybe because dad isn't parenting but allowing the child to work him over against mom.

i suggest parenting classes for dad. i also suggest therapy for mom, dad and the child together.
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#17 Today, 08:31 AM
achilders3
Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 15

wow...do you realize that time has past? The incident occurred in August. It is now December.
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#18 Today, 08:35 AM
achilders3
Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 15

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isis1
oh god. you bring up a CPS call from two years ago???

you are reaching. way off base.

maybe because dad is working against mom instead of working with her. maybe because dad isn't parenting but allowing the child to work him over against mom.

i suggest parenting classes for dad. i also suggest therapy for mom, dad and the child together.

I am saying that she has had issues in the past...just to give you a background on her. That's it.

As far as dad working against mom. isn't he trying to work with her, but she refuses to work with him. She went from being supportive at 6:30, saying they need to stand together to fix it at 9:00 telling him he's never going to see his kids again. Nothing said in between that. She flipped a switch.

He told her he wasn't blaming her and that he just wanted to be able to try to fix her behavior together.
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#19 Today, 08:35 AM
Isis1
Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 8,725

Quote:
Originally Posted by achilders3
wow...do you realize that time has past? The incident occurred in August. It is now December.

better late than ever. so when does dad plan on acting like a parent? before or after the child gets pregnant?
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#20 Today, 08:38 AM
Antigone*of*Greece
Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Thebes
Posts: 6,182

https://forum.freeadvice.com/divorce-separation-annulment-36/everything-my-name-house-deed-included-there-any-way-get-him-out-473651.html

Is this the hubby you were so intent on gettin out???
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#21 Today, 08:39 AM
achilders3
Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 15

Why isn't anyone asking what the mother is doing? Dad is trying to stop her, now kid hates dad, cuz he's intervening. Doesn't hate mom cuz she's letting it happen.

I just don't understand any of you. People aren't perfect and you are attacking the dad on this one big time. he screwed up by not telling mom. We've established this. But how can make mom realize that she doesn't need to blame him for her actions and needs to start helping to fix it too. The child lives with her 90% of the time.
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#22 Today, 08:41 AM
Antigone*of*Greece
Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Thebes
Posts: 6,182

Quote:
Originally Posted by achilders3
Why isn't anyone asking what the mother is doing? Dad is trying to stop her, now kid hates dad, cuz he's intervening. Doesn't hate mom cuz she's letting it happen.

I just don't understand any of you. People aren't perfect and you are attacking the dad on this one big time. he screwed up by not telling mom. We've established this. But how can make mom realize that she doesn't need to blame him for her actions and needs to start helping to fix it too. The child lives with her 90% of the time.

Why do you care???


Quote:
He has left and stayed with his girlfriend for weeks at a time, but has basically come back to stay at the house because he gets HIS kids for a week at a time in the summer.

Quote:
but he's a piece of XXXX that deserves nothing!

Do you realize the picture you're painting here???
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Dang the Persephone for eating those pomegranate seeds. It is because of her urge to snack that we must suffer through the winter that will soon be upon us.

The OP decided to delete once she had been found out ~ it seems like the thing to do lately.:rolleyes:
 
I got the first page:

Today, 07:39 AM

achilders3
Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 5

Custody threat because of behavior problems with teenager
________________________________________
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI

My husband and I live in the state of WI and he has 3 children with his ex wife: The oldest is 13, the middle is 9, and youngest is 7. They have joint custody, with primary placement with the mother who lives an hour and 15 minutes away. They have been divorced since 2004 and it has never been easy with her. He is supposed to get the kids every other weekend during the school year and half of the summer. She has never really been great about the schedule and could definitely be held in contempt if my husband chose to go forward with that. The issues have gotten much worse recently, however.

This past summer, my husband found some very inappropriate pictures on the oldest's phone of herself that she had sent to another boy. Honestly, it was even worse than I imagined. When I talked to her about it, she was very upset and she indicated the she has been realy bad lately because her mother has been doing cocaine. Of course, that was not an excuse for her actions, but he was torn on whether or not to tell her mother because she begged the both of us not to tell her mother because she was afraid her mother would physically hurt her. I thought he should tell her, but my husband decided to wait and see how things went because he was also afraid of how her mother would react.

Since then, the oldest has stopped coming to our house for her scheduled weekends for over two months. She finally came this past weekend and he noticed that she has not learned from her mistakes. She spent the entire weekend talking on the phone and texting boys. After looking on her facebook account, she has 21 yr old guys and guys from all over the place on there as friends. She also has some very "sexy" pictures on her facebook page to make herself look older than she is. I found some "friends" of hers that appeared to have inappropriate pics as well. Before leaving for the weekend, she deleted her call log and all her texts and deleted the names of many of the boys she had been texting. She also had texts coming in last night from 2 different boys (who knows how old or how she knows them...they dont' live near here) telling her how much they love her and how sexy she is. My husband and I felt like something needed to be done to stop her from continuing down this destructive path.

He told his ex that they needed to talk about the oldest, and she basically felt like there wasn't a problem (because she didn't know about the naughty pics). So he told her to ask their daughter about it. When she found out she realized that this was not ok, but then quickly turned on him and blamed him for it. She takes no responsibility for her daughters actions who lives with her 90% of the time. Which, by the way, they live above a bowling alley/bar that her husband owns and she works in, and the kids are either left upstairs by themselves or are down in the bar most of the time. When they are with us...they are WITH us. Rarely are they left alone to "get themselves into trouble". So, my husband tried to say...hey, I'm not trying to blame either one of us for this...I just want to try to fix it. And her response (which is very typical of her...she has threatened this many times) is that she is going to spend every dime she has making sure he never sees his kids again. Of course, the oldest is all for this and doesn't want to see him anymore...now that he told her mother about the pics.

So, my question is...what can he do??? The oldest needs help, as I feel that she has some very serious issues with needing attention from men. She is constantly taking pics of her self and has done so for a very long time. And what can he do about her keeping the kids from him and potentially taking him back to court? The sad thing is that he really cannot afford a lawyer. Can he do this himself? And what actions can he start taking to make sure that she doesn't turn this around on him? I am not exaggerating when I tell you that his ex is very controlling and it's her way or no way. There is always drama where she is involved. And it just really is hard to not be able to do anything about how these kids are being parented by her.

CPS has been called on her multiple times, but nothing was ever found against her. He can't prove that she has been doing drugs, unless she would be tested and we don't know if she's still using right now. That was August when we heard about it. I told my husband to save his texts, but beyond that...what does he have? Right now, she has their daughter on her side because she is mad at her dad and her mother is apparently doing nothing to stop her from going down the wrong path.

I could go on and on with details and stories, but I tried to summarize it as best I could. HELP!!! He just feels so helpless.
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#2
Today, 07:48 AM

Antigone*of*Greece
Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Thebes
Posts: 6,178

Quote:
Originally Posted by achilders3
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI

My husband and I live in the state of WI and he has 3 children with his ex wife: The oldest is 13, the middle is 9, and youngest is 7. They have joint custody, with primary placement with the mother who lives an hour and 15 minutes away. They have been divorced since 2004 and it has never been easy with her. He is supposed to get the kids every other weekend during the school year and half of the summer. She has never really been great about the schedule and could definitely be held in contempt if my husband chose to go forward with that. The issues have gotten much worse recently, however.

This past summer, my husband found some very inappropriate pictures on the oldest's phone of herself that she had sent to another boy. Honestly, it was even worse than I imagined. When I talked to her about it, she was very upset and she indicated the she has been realy bad lately because her mother has been doing cocaine. Of course, that was not an excuse for her actions, but he was torn on whether or not to tell her mother because she begged the both of us not to tell her mother because she was afraid her mother would physically hurt her. I thought he should tell her, but my husband decided to wait and see how things went because he was also afraid of how her mother would react.

Since then, the oldest has stopped coming to our house for her scheduled weekends for over two months. She finally came this past weekend and he noticed that she has not learned from her mistakes. She spent the entire weekend talking on the phone and texting boys. After looking on her facebook account, she has 21 yr old guys and guys from all over the place on there as friends. She also has some very "sexy" pictures on her facebook page to make herself look older than she is. I found some "friends" of hers that appeared to have inappropriate pics as well. Before leaving for the weekend, she deleted her call log and all her texts and deleted the names of many of the boys she had been texting. She also had texts coming in last night from 2 different boys (who knows how old or how she knows them...they dont' live near here) telling her how much they love her and how sexy she is. My husband and I felt like something needed to be done to stop her from continuing down this destructive path.

He told his ex that they needed to talk about the oldest, and she basically felt like there wasn't a problem (because she didn't know about the naughty pics). So he told her to ask their daughter about it. When she found out she realized that this was not ok, but then quickly turned on him and blamed him for it. She takes no responsibility for her daughters actions who lives with her 90% of the time. Which, by the way, they live above a bowling alley/bar that her husband owns and she works in, and the kids are either left upstairs by themselves or are down in the bar most of the time. When they are with us...they are WITH us. Rarely are they left alone to "get themselves into trouble". So, my husband tried to say...hey, I'm not trying to blame either one of us for this...I just want to try to fix it. And her response (which is very typical of her...she has threatened this many times) is that she is going to spend every dime she has making sure he never sees his kids again. Of course, the oldest is all for this and doesn't want to see him anymore...now that he told her mother about the pics.

So, my question is...what can he do??? The oldest needs help, as I feel that she has some very serious issues with needing attention from men. She is constantly taking pics of her self and has done so for a very long time. And what can he do about her keeping the kids from him and potentially taking him back to court? The sad thing is that he really cannot afford a lawyer. Can he do this himself? And what actions can he start taking to make sure that she doesn't turn this around on him? I am not exaggerating when I tell you that his ex is very controlling and it's her way or no way. There is always drama where she is involved. And it just really is hard to not be able to do anything about how these kids are being parented by her.

CPS has been called on her multiple times, but nothing was ever found against her. He can't prove that she has been doing drugs, unless she would be tested and we don't know if she's still using right now. That was August when we heard about it. I told my husband to save his texts, but beyond that...what does he have? Right now, she has their daughter on her side because she is mad at her dad and her mother is apparently doing nothing to stop her from going down the wrong path.

I could go on and on with details and stories, but I tried to summarize it as best I could. HELP!!! He just feels so helpless.
I'd like to know two things: why on earth didn't Dad confiscate her phone during his weekend when he saw the inappropriate behaviour? Why did Dad allow use of the comupter during his weekend where she continued her bad behaviour?

Since he feels so helpless, I might suggest some parenting classes so he can learn to effectively parent his children instead of acting like a friend.
__________________
Dang the Persephone for eating those pomegranate seeds. It is because of her urge to snack that we must suffer through the winter that will soon be upon us.
________________________________________
Last edited by Antigone*of*Greece; Today at 07:52 AM.
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#3
Today, 07:52 AM

Isis1
Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 8,715

wow. just wow.

okay. so dad finds out that daughter is involved in illegal activity by sending inappropriate pictures of her self to other boys. daughter does the "mom is doing cocaine" fingerpointing so mom can take the blame. and dad doesn't talk to mom about it, because the child is scared.

and dad FELL for it?? dad got played BIG time. mom is controlling? looks like the daughter is the one with all the cards. shame on dad.

dad hasn't contacted facebook to have the child's facebook removed? how does anyone spend all day on the phone without a parent LETTING them? it's very simple. TAKE THE PHONE AWAY FROM THE CHILD!!!!.

the child doesn't come for visitation? dad allows it? shame on dad again. no one can control someone unless they let them.

CPS finds nothing. so dad doesn't even know if mom is doing drugs. he is going by his lying daughter for proof?

dad needs to start parenting.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by ecmst12
The advice is free. The opinions are a gift with purchase. You don't get one without the other.
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#4
Today, 07:53 AM

CourtClerk
Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Sitting at the computer probably rolling my eyes at your post
Posts: 9,142

Quote:
Originally Posted by Antigone*of*Greece
I'd like to know two things: why on earth didn't Dad confiscate her phone during his weekend when he saw the inappropriate behaviour? Why did Dad allow use of the comupter during his weekend where she continued her bad behaviour?

And why didn't dad tell mom THE FIRST TIME there were inappropriate pictures and texts? Why did dad allow no visits for 2 months?
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Someone else sees it too:
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandyclaus
CourtClerk is right.
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