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Adult adoption, child guardianship

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The state is Arkansas.

A little background...I have been trying to obtain custody of my child (8 years old) for the past two years. The mother is not in the picture. Parents took guardianship when the mother became unfit (drugs, mental illness) because I was in college with assurance they would allow me to raise him when I was done with school. They changed their mind, so I've been fighting my parents for custody. I had enjoyed regular visitation with my son up until I filed for custody two years ago. Then my parent started making false accusations against me and between those accusations and my picking a bad attorney (in trouble with the bar for being intoxicated in court cases on multiple occasions) I was granted supervised visitation only. I did that for over a year and after getting a really good attorney we settled out of court just recently and I got full unrestricted visitation. The lawyer says I do this visitation for 12 months and then go back for custody.

Which brings me to my proposed scenario:

If I was adopted by someone (parental consent not required in Arkansas for adults), then it is my understanding that the adoption severs the existing child-parent relationship and as a consequence would severe the relationship between my parents and my son. In the eyes of the law, they would no longer be his grandparents. If this is done, would that by default terminate the guardianship, or is that still a separate matter of the best interest of the child? I'm interested in hearing your input. Thank you.
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
The state is Arkansas.

A little background...I have been trying to obtain custody of my child (8 years old) for the past two years. The mother is not in the picture. Parents took guardianship when the mother became unfit (drugs, mental illness) because I was in college with assurance they would allow me to raise him when I was done with school. They changed their mind, so I've been fighting my parents for custody. I had enjoyed regular visitation with my son up until I filed for custody two years ago. Then my parent started making false accusations against me and between those accusations and my picking a bad attorney (in trouble with the bar for being intoxicated in court cases on multiple occasions) I was granted supervised visitation only. I did that for over a year and after getting a really good attorney we settled out of court just recently and I got full unrestricted visitation. The lawyer says I do this visitation for 12 months and then go back for custody.

Which brings me to my proposed scenario:

If I was adopted by someone (parental consent not required in Arkansas for adults), then it is my understanding that the adoption severs the existing child-parent relationship and as a consequence would severe the relationship between my parents and my son. In the eyes of the law, they would no longer be his grandparents. If this is done, would that by default terminate the guardianship, or is that still a separate matter of the best interest of the child? I'm interested in hearing your input. Thank you.

Fortunately, that's not going to work.

They already have custody - if you decide to be adopted by someone else, that's not going to change anything (and it may well annoy a judge to no end to see you trying to sidestep so blatantly. And yes, it's blatant)

They've already proven to the court that they're stable and the court has acted accordingly. They started off as a third party, and they'll continue to be a third party. Perhaps you should consider the best interest of the child.

Hang on - do they have custody or guardianship, and why have you been fighting for two years?

Well, my, my, my. The post history is important here, folks:

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/ex-parte-guardianship-hearing-my-rights-noncustodial-parent-584026.html
 
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Fortunately, that's not going to work.

They already have custody - if you decide to be adopted by someone else, that's not going to change anything (and it may well annoy a judge to no end to see you trying to sidestep so blatantly. And yes, it's blatant)

They've already proven to the court that they're stable and the court has acted accordingly. They started off as a third party, and they'll continue to be a third party. Perhaps you should consider the best interest of the child.

Hang on - do they have custody or guardianship, and why have you been fighting for two years?

Well, my, my, my. The post history is important here, folks:

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/ex-parte-guardianship-hearing-my-rights-noncustodial-parent-584026.html
They have guardianship. Thank you for clearing up my question. I figured it would be a separate issue, but this had been on my mind and I wanted to run it by someone on here before I see my attorney in a few months to strategize for the custody case.

As far as the previous court hearnings, I'm not interested in anyone's opinion so what you think does not matter to me. The facts are that I am now 1. Gainfully employed as a RN 2. Married. 3. Raising my new 5 month-old son and a 10 yearold stepson and my wife and I are perfectly fit parents. I think this changes things. My son is with us every other weekend and is very attached to his brothers and his step-mother who is home full time. I see no reason to believe that my son, once adjusted, would be any less happier in my home. As far as the previous court hearings mentioned in the link, none of that matters now. I got a top-notch attorney, got all my ducks in a row, and when it came down to going to court in May of this year for me to get my unrestricted visitation restored, my parents settled two days before court because they did not have a reasonable case to make agaisnt my having unsupervised visitation. I got everything I wanted. I believe I have a very reasonable chance of getting custody given my circumstances, and given the fact that I have my father recorded on tape admitting to making the false accusations against me because he knew if he could keep me from getting regular visitation, that I didn't have a chance for custody. This did not come out in the last hearing because my parents settled, but it will for the custody case. I will exhaust every legal process to raise my son. I want it more than anything.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
They have guardianship. Thank you for clearing up my question. I figured it would be a separate issue, but this had been on my mind and I wanted to run it by someone on here before I see my attorney in a few months to strategize for the custody case.

As far as the previous court hearnings, I'm not interested in anyone's opinion so what you think does not matter to me. The facts are that I am now 1. Gainfully employed as a RN 2. Married. 3. Raising my new 5 month-old son and a 10 yearold stepson and my wife and I are perfectly fit parents. I think this changes things. My son is with us every other weekend and is very attached to his brothers and his step-mother who is home full time. I see no reason to believe that my son, once adjusted, would be any less happier in my home. As far as the previous court hearings mentioned in the link, none of that matters now. I got a top-notch attorney, got all my ducks in a row, and when it came down to going to court in May of this year for me to get my unrestricted visitation restored, my parents settled two days before court because they did not have a reasonable case to make agaisnt my having unsupervised visitation. I got everything I wanted. I believe I have a very reasonable chance of getting custody given my circumstances, and given the fact that I have my father recorded on tape admitting to making the false accusations against me because he knew if he could keep me from getting regular visitation, that I didn't have a chance for custody. This did not come out in the last hearing because my parents settled, but it will for the custody case. I will exhaust every legal process to raise my son. I want it more than anything.
But they have - and will continue to have - status quo on their side. The fact that you would even for a moment consider severing their relationship via an adult adoption screams how little you actually care about your son's well-being.

<spit>
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
After a two-year absence, the prodigal son returns, ready and willing to do what's best for himself.
Or what makes the new wife happy. Who thinks her hubby is just the best Daddy ever, and the grandparents are Satan's spawn.

-Says the parent of a young women whose b/f is in a similar sitch (but his parents do not have custody - Mom does.)
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
They have guardianship. Thank you for clearing up my question. I figured it would be a separate issue, but this had been on my mind and I wanted to run it by someone on here before I see my attorney in a few months to strategize for the custody case.
If you haven't been able to get custody in 2 years, you need either a new attorney or an immediate reality check. Or perhaps both.

As far as the previous court hearnings, I'm not interested in anyone's opinion so what you think does not matter to me.
Neither does your child, apparently.

The facts are that I am now 1. Gainfully employed as a RN 2. Married. 3. Raising my new 5 month-old son and a 10 yearold stepson and my wife and I are perfectly fit parents. I think this changes things.
You would be wrong.

My son is with us every other weekend and is very attached to his brothers and his step-mother who is home full time. I see no reason to believe that my son, once adjusted, would be any less happier in my home.
What you're not getting is that at this point it doesn't matter. Kind of like your son doesn't matter to you.

As far as the previous court hearings mentioned in the link, none of that matters now. I got a top-notch attorney, got all my ducks in a row, and when it came down to going to court in May of this year for me to get my unrestricted visitation restored, my parents settled two days before court because they did not have a reasonable case to make agaisnt my having unsupervised visitation. I got everything I wanted. I believe I have a very reasonable chance of getting custody given my circumstances, and given the fact that I have my father recorded on tape admitting to making the false accusations against me because he knew if he could keep me from getting regular visitation, that I didn't have a chance for custody. This did not come out in the last hearing because my parents settled, but it will for the custody case. I will exhaust every legal process to raise my son. I want it more than anything.
And yet here you are.

We totally believe your story. Totes. Fer realz.
 
But they have - and will continue to have - status quo on their side. The fact that you would even for a moment consider severing their relationship via an adult adoption screams how little you actually care about your son's well-being.

<spit>
I understand your concern but even if I did the adoption it would merely be a legal formality. I would never keep my son from his grandparents. From his perspective nothing would change. Matter of fact when I get custody I want my son to have regular visitation with them. It is my belief that it is in my son's best interest to be raised by me. Nothing you say will change my opinion on that. If anything asking about the adoption strategy shows how much I want to raise my son.
 
Or what makes the new wife happy. Who thinks her hubby is just the best Daddy ever, and the grandparents are Satan's spawn.

-Says the parent of a young women whose b/f is in a similar sitch (but his parents do not have custody - Mom does.)
You mean the woman my son has known for the past 4 years? She is 29 so not young in the sense I think you are trying to imply. Before we were even married my son started calling her "mom" and it was sad to explain to him that he doesn't need to call her that.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I understand your concern but even if I did the adoption it would merely be a legal formality. I would never keep my son from his grandparents. From his perspective nothing would change. Matter of fact when I get custody I want my son to have regular visitation with them. It is my belief that it is in my son's best interest to be raised by me. Nothing you say will change my opinion on that. If anything asking about the adoption strategy shows how much I want to raise my son.

Then feel free to pay your attorney to tell you what you want to hear.

(You're not quite understanding the issue to begin with - we can't help you there)
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I understand your concern but even if I did the adoption it would merely be a legal formality. I would never keep my son from his grandparents. From his perspective nothing would change. Matter of fact when I get custody I want my son to have regular visitation with them. It is my belief that it is in my son's best interest to be raised by me. Nothing you say will change my opinion on that. If anything asking about the adoption strategy shows how much I want to raise my son.
Right - "nothing" wpuld change except where he lives. :rolleyes:

You mean the woman my son has known for the past 4 years? She is 29 so not young in the sense I think you are trying to imply. Before we were even married my son started calling her "mom" and it was sad to explain to him that he doesn't need to call her that.
Yo, Goober - the "young woman" I am writing of is MY kid! I KNOW she is not married to you. Reading (comprehension) is fundamental.

Not only does your son not "need" to call his stepMom "Mom" - he shouldn't. Because she's - you know - not. Does he call your parents Mom and Dad? Or his Mom's SO "Dad"? How well would that go down with you?
 
Right - "nothing" wpuld change except where he lives. :rolleyes:



Yo, Goober - the "young woman" I am writing of is MY kid! I KNOW she is not married to you. Reading (comprehension) is fundamental.

Not only does your son not "need" to call his stepMom "Mom" - he shouldn't. Because she's - you know - not. Does he call your parents Mom and Dad? Or his Mom's SO "Dad"? How well would that go down with you?
Whooptie doo! So I misread it. Apparently you have a reading comprehension problem as well; what part of my telling her not to call him "mom" did you not understand? My son doesn't know his biological mother, and probably never will. He has very few memories of her. In the past, whenever his mother was brought up, it reminded him of her husband abusing him, and this really upset him. So we (me and my parents are in agreement on this) don't mention her. So far he has not asked about her on his own. If he wants to contact her when he is older and able to make mature decisions than that will be a different matter. But as far as I'm concerned, my wife is the closest thing he has to a mother. And now that we're married, if my son chooses to call her mom, I've no issue with it. So far, he hasn't done that.

How's this for my "responsible" parents...He was allowed to keep his SHOTGUN in his room, and a few days after last Christmas he was going through his stocking gifts which included the shells for his gun. He had access to his gun and ammunition at the same time! He was 7. I was outraged. I don't even believe a child of his age should be shooting a gun, but that is a separate issue. Unfortunately, some of Arkansas' laws are not as progressive, and what happened was not a crime. There was little I could do.
 
After a two-year absence, the prodigal son returns, ready and willing to do what's best for himself.
All of you make huge assumptions without much real knowledge of the situation. There never was an absence. I was in his life the whole time, much of that time living with my parents while in school and I was (imagine this, gasp, shock) doing most of his parenting. He slept in my room. I rocked him to sleep. If he woke up at night and was crying, I tended to him.
 
If you haven't been able to get custody in 2 years, you need either a new attorney or an immediate reality check. Or perhaps both.



Neither does your child, apparently.



You would be wrong.



What you're not getting is that at this point it doesn't matter. Kind of like your son doesn't matter to you.



And yet here you are.

We totally believe your story. Totes. Fer realz.
No, my attorney is not telling me what I want to hear. He is very experienced and realistic. Everything he has said has been correct so far. Will I get custody of my son? No one knows, but there is a good chance I will. When I was going to court this year to get visitation restored, he told me I had a 70% of winning. Fortunately, my parents settled.

I started off with a bad attorney which is why the process has taken so long. Filed for custody initially in April 2012 whith a courdate in June, that got moved to October. In rural Arkansas the judge travels to several court houses and it can take a long time to get a cour date. There is no separate family court. After I fired the attorney, and represented myself in court that September (in hindsight I should not have done this, I think even that lawyer would have been better than no lawyer), my visitation rights were restricted to supervised visits, with the exception that I could take him to any public place within the city limits by myself. In Janaury 2013, I hired my new lawyer, who said I needed to wait at least a year under supervised visitation without any issues before I file for unsupervised. So around September 2013, we filed to go to court for the visitation issue, and I was issued a court date in May 2014 so that a full day could be devoted to the trial. My parents settled right before the court date. I was of course pleased with this outcome, but for them to fight me for so long and then suddenly give me what I wanted, $10,000 later, was frustrating. There are a lot better things that money could have been spent on. That's neither here nor there. My attorney says I need about 9-12 months of unsupervised visitation before I go for custody. That's where I am now. When I began this process, my child had not been with my parents nearly as long. It's unforunate that it has taken this long, but getting my unsupervised visitation back so that I could develop a better, more normal relationship with my son was worth the hard fight and every penny I spent. If I never get custody, I can live with the current arrangement. I firmly believe that it is in the best interest of my son to be raised by me and my wife. I'm sorry, but his grandaprents shouldn't be raising him when there is a capable parent in the picture. They need to be grandparents, end of story. And it may surprise you that many people in my extended family, my friends, and my coworkers agree with me. So if you don't agree, I don't care. I know what I would like to say to you, but I will remain civil and avoid the use of profanity:) Thank you all for your input and your candid opinions.
 

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