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Advice for court date, no attny, want to go home?

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scrapbooking

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?NY
Hi again ladies and gentlemen. Okay, I posted earlier about having the TRO dismissed early, and this is the current situation. My husband (the only person I know in this state) is an alcoholic, and has been quite verbally abusive to me more so lately than ever. And I'm just tired of it, it's affecting my whole family not just me. So a week or so ago I called the police, he was arrested, I recieved a TRO the next day at family court along with Temp. Physical Custody of our daughter. Now, after a week or so went by our daughter was missing him alot, and he was her, so he wanted to "try his hardest" to work things out. The judge that dealt with his arrest made him go to AA, which he's due to start. So I requested the TRO be dropped, so he could see our child. Well, now that he's seeing her, he's getting angry with me and trying to start fights about me calling the cops and being a "tattle tale" blah blah blah. I basically say look, we are either going to do the counseling, and try to work things out, or I'm going to go home where my parents are and let them help me. But decision must be made quick, school is starting here soon, and I don't want to take the other kids out in the middle of school. (they are not his bio-kids) So when we go to court how can I keep the physical custody to me? Or will the judge think I'm playing games b/c I requested the TRO dropped? I wouldn't say I'm afraid for my life, but I don't feel comfortable living with him, and he refuses to move out (which was another condition if I dropped it) and I have no where to go. I do not have money for an attorney and his mother is paying for his, so he's got a good named family attorney. But, with his severe alcoholism, verbal abuse, etc...can I still leave the state and just go home where I have help, so I can get a job (I'm a nurse) have some child care, and have them help me get an apartment? He just keeps telling me I have no choice but to do as he wants, and I can't do anything without his okay.? :confused:
 


scrapbooking

Junior Member
I also wondered, if I stayed here in this house we rent, how can I have the judge order him to move since he has family and friends around here, he grew up here, and I know no one. Instead of having me and 3 kids move our stuff to a 2 bedroom apartment?
 

BL

Senior Member
Ok , yes the Judge WILL NOT be too happy with you AT ALL , and you will most likely be getting an ear full , so be prepared .

Now , if you would have not dropped the restraining order , ( by the way wasn't communicating with you a violation ? ) , then you could stay in the rented house with the kids , and He wouldn't have legally been able to come around there .

Now you've dropped the restraining orders , and are now back to the same ole same ole . Couldn't you have waited until he had a few months sobriety behind his belt , and let a Court decide maybe supervised visits .

Also , you dropped the TRO , then gave him an ultimatum ?

Ya better start putting the Horse in front of the wagon , you can explain alcoholism to the kids , and If need be get them counseling .

Which brings up another issue , you state they are NOT his biological Children .

Is He considered the Legal Father ?

If not he has no rights to visitations , if you do not allow it .
Plus you can move anywhere on gods green earth you want to .

Now ,what more do you need to know ?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Girl... It is entirely likely that your stbx is on this site. You're playing with fire, getting TRO's, dropping TRO's, and whatnot.
 

scrapbooking

Junior Member
What is stbx?

I have 3 kids, 2 are not his, 1 is. That is what I meant by that. I do not know if the TRO was dropped, I requested that it be. I only faxed that paperwork after he agreed to the marriage counseling, and he was already ordered to AA, etc...I can't pay rent here alone. I felt trapped really, I am the stay at home mom, he's the one working and paying the bills. Rent is due the 1st and I got 2 kids starting sschool and they need supplies. I was desperate to make things work out. But now he's changing his tune. I know the judge will be unhappy and I will have to just be truthful with him. Right now I have full physical custody of our daughter. but when we go to court next week, he is filing for me to stay in the state of NY. But I think I will be keeping custody until his substance abuse stuff works out. (he hasn't began yet) I just feel trapped. I have no funds, no credit cards, 3 kids here that need me, no food, etc....I dont want to sound woe as me, but I need help, and he's all I know here.
 

singlemomoftwo

Junior Member
hmmm

Well, as you said you have custody! So take the kids and move! Don't wait around on him to file his papers to keep you there. You should not even be discussing anything with him.
 

scrapbooking

Junior Member
I have temp. custody, we have a hearing the end of the week. And that is where I have to go to family court and see the judge who gave me the TRO and the emergency custody a couple weeks ago. And this is where my spouse is bringing his attny. So I can't leave then come back in a couple days, I want to go 4 states away from here.
 

Rushia

Senior Member
scrapbooking said:
What is stbx?

stbx: soon to be ex.

scrapbooking said:
I have 3 kids, 2 are not his, 1 is. That is what I meant by that. I do not know if the TRO was dropped, I requested that it be. I only faxed that paperwork after he agreed to the marriage counseling, and he was already ordered to AA, etc...I can't pay rent here alone. I felt trapped really, I am the stay at home mom, he's the one working and paying the bills. Rent is due the 1st and I got 2 kids starting sschool and they need supplies. I was desperate to make things work out. But now he's changing his tune. I know the judge will be unhappy and I will have to just be truthful with him. Right now I have full physical custody of our daughter. but when we go to court next week, he is filing for me to stay in the state of NY. But I think I will be keeping custody until his substance abuse stuff works out. (he hasn't began yet) I just feel trapped. I have no funds, no credit cards, 3 kids here that need me, no food, etc....I dont want to sound woe as me, but I need help, and he's all I know here.
As Stealth has told you, it is entirely likely that your husband has been to this site. On your thread in domestic violence, you were warned about it. Your story coincides with another poster. I'm curious in the fact that you never responded to the questions on that thread. Are you the same person trying to tell the story from the other perspective to see what kind of answers you will get?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
singlemomoftwo said:
Well, as you said you have custody! So take the kids and move! Don't wait around on him to file his papers to keep you there. You should not even be discussing anything with him.
Well, that's pretty piss-poor advice. She can't just up and leave the state and take the kids. Not until the court tells her she can.

OP - I'll repeat what I've said before. If you're not doing what Rushia asked (i.e. posting the same story from different sides to see what response you'll get), it is entirely likely that your husband is on this site. You've been warned about it several times - the stories match up too closely.
 

scrapbooking

Junior Member
I have reviewed all the posts from that other person, and there are things that don't match up, the city's for one. Next is that he is not on computers, this is my laptop (my father's old one) so he doesn't even have the password to log on. And where he stays sometimes, his friend doens't have internet. And the times and dates don't match up with my "stbx" either, he's working during those hours.

I do not think at all that it's him. I'm 100% sure it is not. And it's certainly not me, I would never waste your time like that guy does. And furthermore, I wouldn't do that b/c I need your help.
 

scrapbooking

Junior Member
Rushia said:
I'm curious in the fact that you never responded to the questions on that thread.
I don't remember responding to anyone's threads. I can't give any advice on here, I'm new to all this and have no clue what I'd be talking about. :)
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
Please print out or copy to disc those threads and takr to court. There are no cities listed but everything including the dates match up. Don't count on the time posting with the post matching the exact time, they are all more than an hour off and posters often find access to computers during work or from friends.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=269858
scrapbooking said:
What is the name of your state? New York.
Hello everyone. My name is Julie, and I have a question. I have been married for 2 years, we live in New York and have one child. Last week we got into a horrible arguement, and I had to call the police. He was drinking some and instead of leaving me alone he continued to come into the room I was in and saying horrible things. Some threatening, some not. So I called the police to remove him from the house. Now, after they came, he left, the officer in charge suggested I go to a hotel in case he came back and i did do that. He also said before I went home I needed to get a restraining order; and I wanted to go home, so I went to family court and told the judge that I had called the PD because he was threatening me and at that moment I was scared. So he gave a restraining order for me and our child until Sept. 7th. Now I will be honest and say our marriage has been on the rocks for a few months now, but we have a nice family, and I think that we need some counseling for one. He despretely misses our child, and he's a GREAT father, I have no complaints there. Can I request this be dropped before Sept. 7th? Or do we have to wait until that court date, and if so at that time, what will happen? Thank you for any help, this site is a wonderful place I think for the public to learn about laws. I got alot of help here on car accident a year ago. So I think that most people on here are a real help to people like me. Thank you for your time.
A wife/mom trying to make it work.
Julie,
Why are you starting duplicate threads?
Why are you ignoring our advice?
Please see and print out your STBX threads and take them to court.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=269773
rmet4nzkx said:
This man is never going to change, dropping the RO will only lead to someone you and your children getting hurt. Let his family take care of him.
You need to think of your children first and being around a drunk who is scamming you, isn't in their best interest.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
Then maybe you should go back and read the responses in your other thread https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=269773
Interesting, as soon as we advise her to check out the other threads, she logs off :confused:
I just checked and seeingheragain didn't long on when she logs off.
I wonder if it isn't the other way around. Seeingheragain has been Julie/Scrapbooking all along trying to get our response? Seeingheragain is just too far out there but could be Julie's perception of him.
 
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