stepmom2009
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? GA
I am the stepmother of a 3 year old girl. I hope it is okay that I am posting this rather than my husband.
My husband has joint physical and legal custody, with week on/week off visitation. Mother was designated as primary in the temporary consent order, but she denied some visitations and among other court order violations, so in the final order, neither parent is designated as primary and they are supposed to be considered equal.
Mother (M) is very possessive of my stepdaughter, to the point where it almost seems as if she feels like they are the same person. I'm not sure if you can understand that without being a part of the situation. Overall she is a good mother (caring and loving) but it seems as if the risk of losing her daughter has made her make some choices that could really hurt her daughter.
My husband was ordered to pay a small amount of CS since he makes more money than she does. Therefore, she went from full-time down to part-time. At the next hearing, he was ordered to pay a little more CS, so now she has decided not to work at all. She lives with family and they pay all of her bills and help her to take care of my stepdaughter (SD).
M has denied visitation for my husband on 7 different occasions in the past two years. After the first 3, he filed contempt, and she retaliated by claiming SD's diaper rash was herpes and blamed my husband. It all got resolved (tests came back negative and GAL felt there was no abuse going on), but not after my husband missed out on 6 weeks of his daughter's life. During this time, M also took SD in for surgery w/o telling my husband (tonsils and adenoid removal for ear infections).
This summer, SD came home from a visit at M's and claimed that M's relative was hurting her tee-tee. M lives with this relative (M does not work) and he pays all of her bills (lawyer fees included), food, and has bought her two cars. CPS would not really investigate since SD wasn't 3.
In the CO, M and my husband are supposed to split the tax benefit from SD. M refused to show my husband her taxes or give him any money, so he filed contempt against her again. In mediation it was agreed she was to pay him half of the money (almost $2000). On the day she was supposed to bring SD, she didn't and we found out that she made a claim to CPS that my 2 1/2 year old daughter was touching my SD's privates and forcing her to pull down her panties (my daughter and SD got a skin virus that they passed between the two of them - molluscum).
Of course the allegations were dismissed by CPS, but M is still bringing them up to this day (we go to court early January). They have taught SD to say her stepsister is hurting her tee-tee. Because of this, we were able to get it court-ordered that SD be put into play therapy, and recently SD has disclosed to her therapist that M's relative has been hurting her.
CPS is investigating, but M is not cooperating. She is in a different state 6 hours away (which has jurisdiction over the abuse since it happened there). We just found out that she has made 3 different appointments to brind SD in and has cancelled or not shown up. She was supposed to take her in yesterday, but we have not been able to confirm whether or not she did. If she didn't then my husband is probably going to drive up there next week once we have SD and take her in himself.
SD has also been saying things that make me feel as if M is trying to alienate us from us. SD told us that she likes her church in (M's state) better than our church and that she wants to ride a school bus in (M's state). She has also said that my husband spanks her, which is not true. She has told us that both the relative and M have told her my daughter has hurt her. She also said that the relative told her that we (my husband and I) didn't want her to go to M's state any more.
He tried to get an emergency hearing but it was denied since the court hearing is not that far away and the abuse has not been substantiated yet.
My husband does has a lawyer, and she wants to know what kind of custody we are asking for in our modification hearing. He has no idea what to ask for, and keeps asking me, but I don't know! I try to stay as uninvolved with all of this stuff as possible. Of course I love my SD and treat her like my own, but as far as the Mother, I leave all the communicating with her up to my husband.
My husband wants to ask for full custody because the hostility is so high that it is hard for him and M to agree on anything. SD's therapist does not want SD to have any visitation with M in her state since she is still living with the relative and refuses to believe any abuse is going on. My husband wants M to have as much visitation with their daughter as possible but doesn't know how to do that while protecting SD at the same time.
So what should he ask for? Will it make him look bad if he asks for full legal custody due to the fact that she refuses to consult with him before making decisions about the child? He is asking for primary custody of course but what visitation schedule should he propose? That M be able to visit the child EOWE but at our location - is it possible to ask for that? She does have a relative 5 miles from us that she could stay with, so all she would have to pay for is gas. Should he be more extreme and ask for supervised visits?
Thank you for the help, sorry this is so long.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
I am the stepmother of a 3 year old girl. I hope it is okay that I am posting this rather than my husband.
My husband has joint physical and legal custody, with week on/week off visitation. Mother was designated as primary in the temporary consent order, but she denied some visitations and among other court order violations, so in the final order, neither parent is designated as primary and they are supposed to be considered equal.
Mother (M) is very possessive of my stepdaughter, to the point where it almost seems as if she feels like they are the same person. I'm not sure if you can understand that without being a part of the situation. Overall she is a good mother (caring and loving) but it seems as if the risk of losing her daughter has made her make some choices that could really hurt her daughter.
My husband was ordered to pay a small amount of CS since he makes more money than she does. Therefore, she went from full-time down to part-time. At the next hearing, he was ordered to pay a little more CS, so now she has decided not to work at all. She lives with family and they pay all of her bills and help her to take care of my stepdaughter (SD).
M has denied visitation for my husband on 7 different occasions in the past two years. After the first 3, he filed contempt, and she retaliated by claiming SD's diaper rash was herpes and blamed my husband. It all got resolved (tests came back negative and GAL felt there was no abuse going on), but not after my husband missed out on 6 weeks of his daughter's life. During this time, M also took SD in for surgery w/o telling my husband (tonsils and adenoid removal for ear infections).
This summer, SD came home from a visit at M's and claimed that M's relative was hurting her tee-tee. M lives with this relative (M does not work) and he pays all of her bills (lawyer fees included), food, and has bought her two cars. CPS would not really investigate since SD wasn't 3.
In the CO, M and my husband are supposed to split the tax benefit from SD. M refused to show my husband her taxes or give him any money, so he filed contempt against her again. In mediation it was agreed she was to pay him half of the money (almost $2000). On the day she was supposed to bring SD, she didn't and we found out that she made a claim to CPS that my 2 1/2 year old daughter was touching my SD's privates and forcing her to pull down her panties (my daughter and SD got a skin virus that they passed between the two of them - molluscum).
Of course the allegations were dismissed by CPS, but M is still bringing them up to this day (we go to court early January). They have taught SD to say her stepsister is hurting her tee-tee. Because of this, we were able to get it court-ordered that SD be put into play therapy, and recently SD has disclosed to her therapist that M's relative has been hurting her.
CPS is investigating, but M is not cooperating. She is in a different state 6 hours away (which has jurisdiction over the abuse since it happened there). We just found out that she has made 3 different appointments to brind SD in and has cancelled or not shown up. She was supposed to take her in yesterday, but we have not been able to confirm whether or not she did. If she didn't then my husband is probably going to drive up there next week once we have SD and take her in himself.
SD has also been saying things that make me feel as if M is trying to alienate us from us. SD told us that she likes her church in (M's state) better than our church and that she wants to ride a school bus in (M's state). She has also said that my husband spanks her, which is not true. She has told us that both the relative and M have told her my daughter has hurt her. She also said that the relative told her that we (my husband and I) didn't want her to go to M's state any more.
He tried to get an emergency hearing but it was denied since the court hearing is not that far away and the abuse has not been substantiated yet.
My husband does has a lawyer, and she wants to know what kind of custody we are asking for in our modification hearing. He has no idea what to ask for, and keeps asking me, but I don't know! I try to stay as uninvolved with all of this stuff as possible. Of course I love my SD and treat her like my own, but as far as the Mother, I leave all the communicating with her up to my husband.
My husband wants to ask for full custody because the hostility is so high that it is hard for him and M to agree on anything. SD's therapist does not want SD to have any visitation with M in her state since she is still living with the relative and refuses to believe any abuse is going on. My husband wants M to have as much visitation with their daughter as possible but doesn't know how to do that while protecting SD at the same time.
So what should he ask for? Will it make him look bad if he asks for full legal custody due to the fact that she refuses to consult with him before making decisions about the child? He is asking for primary custody of course but what visitation schedule should he propose? That M be able to visit the child EOWE but at our location - is it possible to ask for that? She does have a relative 5 miles from us that she could stay with, so all she would have to pay for is gas. Should he be more extreme and ask for supervised visits?
Thank you for the help, sorry this is so long.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?