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advice on locating son

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D

deperate father

Guest
What is the name of your state? Florida
My ex-girlfriend and I broke up shortly after we found out she was pregnant. She moved back with her parents (local) and completely cut me off. She wouldn't take my calls, answer the door - NOTHING. Finally my sister was able to get her mother on the phone and had a lenthly converstation which resulted in my ex finally calling me shortly thereafter. She told me to never call her again that she had lost the baby and if I were a "real man" I would send her money to cover her doctor bills. I mailed her $950 in hopes this would help. I was absolutely devistated. This was 2 years ago. I received a call last week from an unidentified man who told me she didn't loose the baby, she in fact moved to Ohio and had my son up there. She is supported by her family who still lives here in Florida (they all have mental problems but no point in going into that but just to let you know there is no reasoning with them). I was able to verify that she did give birth in Cincinnati to a boy on Sept 15, 2000 (which is the correct timing) and I have his full name. I have her socail and her FL DL but she hasn't transfered anything to Ohio. She doesn't work, own a home or car and she lives with relatives. No phone in her name - nothing. I was told my a local lawyer this could easily cost me $100K to find my son, force DNA testing and get visitation and that even this would take a very long time. I am desperate. Can anyone advise me on what to do?? Thanks for any replys
 


N

njmom

Guest
I'm so sorry!

I wish I could help with you're situation, I feel really bad for you! That is a horrible thing to do to somebody!.....I think I could only agree with the attorney, but I can't really see it taking that much money......Have you filed for paternity?....I am sure there are ways to find her, maybe RADDADTHOMAS could help, he is very helpful with locating an individual, he is on this forum quite often!
Keep on going, and don't stop, eventually things will work out for you!........Good Luck and keep us all posted!
 
Here I go again, playing that same old tune....

Contact 1 800 THE LOST
That is the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. They are the single best resource for you. At the very least, they will be able to help you find local (FL and OH) resources. And any help you do get from them is free.

A couple issues you need to be aware of and discuss with an attorney...

If she has applied for or is receiving any kind of government aid, there is the possibility that once you are proven to be the father, the state may want to come after you for back support...you need to talk to an attorney so that you aren't held responsible for a child you did not know existed. Contrary to what some other's may state here, I don't think it is reasonable to "charge" a father for a child he didnt know he had. Particularly if you were told this child didn't even exist.

Your attorney would be correct that if you were to hire a private investigator, it could cost thousands or tens of thousands of dollars. I wonder though, have you tried contacting a group called "Big Hugs" or another national group like that? They specialize in locating long lost relatives, are reasonable, and can give you an estimate on what you would be incurring. It may be worth the investment to prove later that you made every effort to locate this woman if she does go for government aid at some point. There seem to be a lot of women who think they can raise a child by themselves or with the help of their families. Years go by, they decide they can no longer do it, go for aid and then when she names you as the father (which is required in a lot of states in order to get aid) the state will find YOU. And that is when you get charged with support. After, of course, you have been proven to be the father, which is what you want. But, you want to do it as soon as possible so that you can have a relationship with this child that extends beyond genetics and a support check.

You state the child is about two...don't delay. It is not too late to get involved in the child's life. I hope you are successful.
 

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