Afraid of losing my son

[ANREED246]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I'll try to keep this brief and not ramble or babble. After almost six years together, my marriage is reaching the point of being intolerable. The only reason I am still with my husband is because I am afraid of losing my son. My husband has made it clear several times that if I leave him, he'll take our son (who is 3, if that matters at all) and move away, and I'll see him once every other week or whatever the court orders. He's said several times that I have a snowball's chance in h*ll of getting custody of our son, and I'm afraid that he may be right.

My husband makes a good salary, I haven't worked outside of the home since our son was born, so I have no income at all. I don't have access to any money at all, as my name isn't on my husband's bank accounts, I haven't had a drivers license in several years (long story, but he basically said I don't need one so that's that), so my husband is the one with the car and all of the financial abilities.

Prior to our marriage I kept a job for my entire adult life, never have been in any legal trouble, I don't run around or party, etc. My entire life has centered around caring for my child. My husband isn't an abusive father or anything, no matter how much I dislike him, he's not like that, but I've always been the one who's spent the most time caring for our son. He swears that means nothing, that all that will matter in court is that he makes 5x as much money as any job I've ever had, that I don't have a car or a house in my name, and that I'd end up living with family at least for a while until I got a job and got my feet under me again.

I know that I need to contact a local attorney, but that's easier said than done right now as I don't have the means to pay for one yet. I'm going to see if one of my parents will loan me the cash for that, but would really like to know in the meantime if I have any shot of getting to stay in my son's life.

 

[ceara19]

Contrary to what you believe, your husband IS abusive. Physical force is not the only way a person can be abusive. It sounds like your husband is a mentally and emotionally abusive control freak. The fact that he has more money doesn't mean much in court, unless you are homeless and have no where to go. As far as money goes, just because you don't currently HAVE a job, doesn't mean you can't GET one. It will take a while to work your way up the pay scale, but child support can go a long way in helping ends meet is you budget well.

 

[GrowUp!]

I know that I need to contact a local attorney, but that's easier said than done right now as I don't have the means to pay for one yet. I'm going to see if one of my parents will loan me the cash for that, but would really like to know in the meantime if I have any shot of getting to stay in my son's life.

What makes you think any Judge is going to say "ok...since you're getting divorced, you now lose your child?" BOTH OF YOU will ALWAYS be in your son's life.

 

[ceara19]

What makes you think any Judge is going to say "ok...since you're getting divorced, you now lose your child?" BOTH OF YOU will ALWAYS be in your son's life.

It is normal for a person that has gone through years of emotional, verbal and mental abuse to REALLY believe that would happen if the abuser is the one telling them.

 

[Silverplum]

My husband has made it clear several times that if I leave him, he'll take our son (who is 3, if that matters at all) and move away, and I'll see him once every other week or whatever the court orders. He's said several times that I have a snowball's chance in h*ll of getting custody of our son, and I'm afraid that he may be right. .

That's what happens to most NCPs. Many caring, loving parents are relegated to this role in the lives of their own children. Sad, isn't it?

My husband makes a good salary, I haven't worked outside of the home since our son was born, so I have no income at all. I don't have access to any money at all, as my name isn't on my husband's bank accounts, I haven't had a drivers license in several years (long story, but he basically said I don't need one so that's that), so my husband is the one with the car and all of the financial abilities. .

Not a good series of moves on your part. I have an aunt in this position.

Prior to our marriage I kept a job for my entire adult life, never have been in any legal trouble, I don't run around or party, etc. My entire life has centered around caring for my child. My husband isn't an abusive father or anything, no matter how much I dislike him, he's not like that, but I've always been the one who's spent the most time caring for our son. He swears that means nothing, that all that will matter in court is that he makes 5x as much money as any job I've ever had, that I don't have a car or a house in my name, and that I'd end up living with family at least for a while until I got a job and got my feet under me again.

Usually, the one who spends the most time caring for the kid/s is named CP. And being a SAHP is quite a strong position from which to claim primary care. Of course, having the other parent working so that the SAHP can stay home is an intrinsic component of the SAHP concept.

I know that I need to contact a local attorney, but that's easier said than done right now as I don't have the means to pay for one yet. I'm going to see if one of my parents will loan me the cash for that, but would really like to know in the meantime if I have any shot of getting to stay in my son's life.

Many attorneys offer free initial consultations. Check the yellow pages; only consult with FAMILY LAW attorneys. Get your questions written down and answered all in one handy session, if possible. Google online calculators to estimate FL child support amounts. Use all that info to move forward in your decision-making.

Good luck to you.

 

[NotSoNew]

exactly the opposite of what your husband is telling you is true, what matters most to the court is who has been his primary caretaker for the majority of the time, not who makes the most money. your husband is telling you that in an attempt to further control you.

 

[acmb05]

Florida divorce laws call for an equitable distribution of property. So you could also be entitled to half of the equity in the home. It may not matter if it is just in his name.

Consult an attorney immediately, you may be entitled to a lot more than you think.

 

[LdiJ]

Florida divorce laws call for an equitable distribution of property. So you could also be entitled to half of the equity in the home. It may not matter if it is just in his name.

Consult an attorney immediately, you may be entitled to a lot more than you think.

If you have to borrow money to hire an attorney from family...then DO THAT.

 

[ANREED246]

Thank you to everyone for the advice and information. I'll be looking into the attorneys who offer a free consultation immediately, then moving on from there as soon as I'm able to borrow the money from one of my relatives to actually proceed.

As for the situation I've allowed myself to be placed in, it really isn't a good one, and I offer no excuses. All I want to do now is to get out of it without my husband moving my son to another city where I'll rarely get to see him. I know that it's possible for both parents to maintain a good relationship with their child following a divorce, my parents were able to do it and I'm hoping that we'll be able to do the same.

 

[acmb05]

Thank you to everyone for the advice and information. I'll be looking into the attorneys who offer a free consultation immediately, then moving on from there as soon as I'm able to borrow the money from one of my relatives to actually proceed.

As for the situation I've allowed myself to be placed in, it really isn't a good one, and I offer no excuses. All I want to do now is to get out of it without my husband moving my son to another city where I'll rarely get to see him. I know that it's possible for both parents to maintain a good relationship with their child following a divorce, my parents were able to do it and I'm hoping that we'll be able to do the same.

Whatever you do, DO NOT leave the marital home without the child if at all possible.

 

[GrowUp!]

Thank you to everyone for the advice and information. I'll be looking into the attorneys who offer a free consultation immediately, then moving on from there as soon as I'm able to borrow the money from one of my relatives to actually proceed.

A good place to start is your local Bar Association. They usually charge a mimimal fee for each reference, but at least you're getting referred by a reputable group.