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After 13 years, my 14 year old daughter wants to live with me (her mother).

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ashhollow

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Nebraska.

My oldest daughter, Brittney, is 14. Her father has had custody of her since we divorced in 1992. We started out with joint custody, but when Britt was 6 1/2 years old her I was charged with child abuse on her and had carried that since. I never really abused my daughter, I just scratched her on her cheek with my fingernail (on accident). On December 23 of 2004 I sent a letter to the Central Registry of Child abuse in Lincoln Nebraska, requesting that my child abuse charge be expunged. On January 19 2005 I received a letter from Steve ____ (Protection and Safety Program Specialist) out of Lincoln Nebraska stating, "I have reviewed the information in the case file. It has been determined that the report numbered ********* will be expunged from the Central Register effective, January 19, 2005, the date that your request was reviewed". (I have framed it and put it on my wall).
Now that I have conquered that, I just have just one more obstacle... Britt's father. My ex husband is very controlling, he always wants total control over the situation and my life. Ever since 3 months before our divorce, he's been very difficult. He planned our divorce and child custody for 3 months prior to our divorce (I didn't know a thing about it). It was a surprise to me. After the custody battle, we ended up w/joint custody with him having primary custody. The judge set the minimum amounts of time I could spend w/Britt and that's exactly what my ex husband stuck to... to him, that was also the maximum time I could spend her. For me, I could live with the arrangement we had until my ex husband got remarried. I was already remarried too and my husband was great with Britt. My ex husband's new wife, on the other hand, was kind of rude to my daughter. As time has gone on, her step mother has gotten worse with the way she treats Britt. She is very verbally abusive and threatens Britt. Her step mother won't let Britt help her with cooking or teach her how to do household chores that she will need to know how to do later in life. She no longer does Britt's laundry (which I understand that Britt is old enough to do it herself, but it's just the idea that her step mother didn't even try teaching her how to do it). She no longer drives her to school, takes her to her dentist appointments or takes her anywhere for that matter. She doesn't provide her with laundry detergent, dryer sheets, bleach, etc. and if Britt uses her step mother's laundry detergent, then Britt has to literally pay her for it. Her step mother won't even let Britt use her feminine napkins because she says that Britt wastes' them. So, I now provide Britt with laundry detergent, dryer sheets, bleach and even feminine napkins for her to take to her dad and step mother's house. Whenever her step mother gets mad at Britt, she tells Britt to leave and go live with her mother (that's me). Her step mother has even called up her mother and father in law (Britt's dad's parents) and told them to come and pick up Britt and have her move in with them (of course they told her no). My ex husband has recently found out that Britt wants to move in with me soon and now he tries to hold things over her head like telling her he won't give her the money he's been saving for her for college, and if she moves he won't pay for her braces that she already has on and if she moves she can't ever come back! There are numerous things that I can list that my ex husband and his wife do and say to Britt, but that would take forever. Britt has been doing laundry here every other weekend for the last 3 months, she's learning how to cook and she even has chores. And even though, she still would rather live here than there.
I have been keeping a book of things Britt tells me about her dad and her step mother, and Britt also keeps her own book at school in her locker. Britt has told her counselor at school about wanting to move in with me. I live 2 hrs west of Britt and her father but I am back there all the time because that is where my folks and siblings and grandparents live. My ex husband and I don't speak to each other, we meet each other to pick up or drop off Britt every other weekend, but never say a word to one another.
Does anyone have any helpful hints on helping my case? I haven't been to court or even talked to a lawyer yet and am not exactly sure what I should do. Britt wants to finish school there but she does want to move just as soon as school gets out.
 


deegis

Junior Member
This may or may not help you but I also have a daughter who is 15 almost 16 in May of 2005. I also have a very controlling ex-husband who has not remarried but is very mental abusing to my daughter. My daughter is now starting to runaway and skip school because of her home life with her dad. Her dad works 2nd shift for Disney World so he is never home to know what the 15 and 17 yr old girls are doing. In the state of Florida where my daughter lives; I have spoke to an attorney and he states that at 16 if she writes a letter to the court that she can be heard and usually the judge considers her move to the other parent. You may have to find out in your state the juvenile laws because some are 12 yrs. old and others are 14yrs. old but Florida is 16 yrs. old. I hate to say this; but if your daughter wants to be with you bad enough; she will find a way just like my daughter is doing to get juvenile courts involved instead of divorce judges. I know it is an extreme but sometimes judges wont listen. I don't really understand why we as moms can tell a judge about mental abuse and they won't listen but if sexual abuse is involved whether it has happened or not; they believe the child then. Why don't people listen to the childrens cry's for help whether it's physical, sexual or mental abuse? I hope you can get your daughter. There is one thing that no man will take from us and that is the bond between mother and child! Never in a million lifetimes. Thank you Jesus! Good Luck and you are more than welcome to write me and keep me updated. Dee
 

VeronicaGia

Senior Member
ashhollow said:
What is the name of your state? Nebraska.

My oldest daughter, Brittney, is 14. Her father has had custody of her since we divorced in 1992. We started out with joint custody, but when Britt was 6 1/2 years old her I was charged with child abuse on her and had carried that since. I never really abused my daughter, I just scratched her on her cheek with my fingernail (on accident). On December 23 of 2004 I sent a letter to the Central Registry of Child abuse in Lincoln Nebraska, requesting that my child abuse charge be expunged. On January 19 2005 I received a letter from Steve ____ (Protection and Safety Program Specialist) out of Lincoln Nebraska stating, "I have reviewed the information in the case file. It has been determined that the report numbered ********* will be expunged from the Central Register effective, January 19, 2005, the date that your request was reviewed". (I have framed it and put it on my wall).
Now that I have conquered that, I just have just one more obstacle... Britt's father. My ex husband is very controlling, he always wants total control over the situation and my life. Ever since 3 months before our divorce, he's been very difficult. He planned our divorce and child custody for 3 months prior to our divorce (I didn't know a thing about it). It was a surprise to me. After the custody battle, we ended up w/joint custody with him having primary custody. The judge set the minimum amounts of time I could spend w/Britt and that's exactly what my ex husband stuck to... to him, that was also the maximum time I could spend her. For me, I could live with the arrangement we had until my ex husband got remarried. I was already remarried too and my husband was great with Britt. My ex husband's new wife, on the other hand, was kind of rude to my daughter. As time has gone on, her step mother has gotten worse with the way she treats Britt. She is very verbally abusive and threatens Britt. Her step mother won't let Britt help her with cooking or teach her how to do household chores that she will need to know how to do later in life. She no longer does Britt's laundry (which I understand that Britt is old enough to do it herself, but it's just the idea that her step mother didn't even try teaching her how to do it). She no longer drives her to school, takes her to her dentist appointments or takes her anywhere for that matter. She doesn't provide her with laundry detergent, dryer sheets, bleach, etc. and if Britt uses her step mother's laundry detergent, then Britt has to literally pay her for it. Her step mother won't even let Britt use her feminine napkins because she says that Britt wastes' them. So, I now provide Britt with laundry detergent, dryer sheets, bleach and even feminine napkins for her to take to her dad and step mother's house. Whenever her step mother gets mad at Britt, she tells Britt to leave and go live with her mother (that's me). Her step mother has even called up her mother and father in law (Britt's dad's parents) and told them to come and pick up Britt and have her move in with them (of course they told her no). My ex husband has recently found out that Britt wants to move in with me soon and now he tries to hold things over her head like telling her he won't give her the money he's been saving for her for college, and if she moves he won't pay for her braces that she already has on and if she moves she can't ever come back! There are numerous things that I can list that my ex husband and his wife do and say to Britt, but that would take forever. Britt has been doing laundry here every other weekend for the last 3 months, she's learning how to cook and she even has chores. And even though, she still would rather live here than there.
I have been keeping a book of things Britt tells me about her dad and her step mother, and Britt also keeps her own book at school in her locker. Britt has told her counselor at school about wanting to move in with me. I live 2 hrs west of Britt and her father but I am back there all the time because that is where my folks and siblings and grandparents live. My ex husband and I don't speak to each other, we meet each other to pick up or drop off Britt every other weekend, but never say a word to one another.
Does anyone have any helpful hints on helping my case? I haven't been to court or even talked to a lawyer yet and am not exactly sure what I should do. Britt wants to finish school there but she does want to move just as soon as school gets out.
First off, you have no proof. You are getting second hand hearsay. Secondly, the step mother is under no legal obligation to do anything for your child. She cannot abuse her, but she is under no obligation to teach her anything.

Finally, the other poster gave you such bad advice I can't even believe it. Go ahead and tell your daughter to keep running away and become truant from school. She'll end up in a juvenile home with both you and your ex footing the bill and neither of you having custody.
 

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