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Alcoholic Business Partner Abusive Relationship - Looking to Sever Relationship

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journeyooba

New member
In Big Island, Hawaii.

Went into business relationship half a year ago. Little did I know he was an alcoholic with 2 DUIs.

It has been pretty bad. He often has a friend give him a ride because he cannot drive his car due to alcohol breath mechanism that locks down his car if he has alcohol in him. Therefore, he is constantly coming to work under the influence.

Our relationship has been more of a bully and alcoholic abusive kind of relationship where I was bullied and lost my voice to express myself.

Imagine a work environment where I can't get paid, my wife can't get paid, and I can't even get reimbursed for grocery/marketing expenses from my own pocket. On top of that, I am constantly harassed and bullying into doing all the work from someone who didn't even invest a dime into the company and is peeing all over my vision of farm to table healthy foods cafe.

A couple of weeks back, I sent him a text for heads up that I am going to finally reimburse myself, pay my wife for months of labor, and myself but said he would sue and take me to court if I take money because that it's stealing.

We have an operating agreement. We are 50/50. I made all the investments and he was supposed to have put in 20k of labor which he refuses to do because he claims I was stealing money.

He thinks I was stealing money because my wife would put the money in cash register in a safe at home until she had access to bank account to deposit as my wife was doing the accounting. However, she never received a bank card to deposit the money and I was to busy juggling all the tasks just to survive to the next day.

Additionally, I was spending money from my own pocket since I had lost my pin number and I was using my own personal card for the business before even opening since I was paying all the expense. After a month and a half, I withdrew money from the bank to reimburse myself 6k and when he got bank statement he was furious and accusing me of stealing. I showed him my bank statement and the money that was spent towards all the shopping but he doesn't believe it because I lost a lot of the receipts. He's saying those were my own personal shopping.

I then spent a month gathering all the receipts from target, walmart, costco etc... backtracking months of receipt I had lost to prove that there was no money stolen. However, before I could put in chronological order and add up the numbers for him, when tax season came he took the receipts for tax office.

When Covid-19 hit, we had PPP and EIDL Loan/Grant to sign up for. I needed tax documentation for PPP. I went to the tax office and found that he didn't do the taxes that he claimed he did do months ago. On top of that, the receipts I spent a whole month gathering were not there. I don't know if he's trashed it to hide the evidence or not.

So when he accused me of stealing in January, I submitted to him as I am from asian culture and avoid confrontation. He constantly harassed and put me down and bullied me into doing all the work. "What you do in 5 hours, I can do in 1" he constantly says. I started to think it was because he kept saying that. Therefore, he didn't have to work nearly as much. I work 12-14+ hours doing front of the house, back of the house, marketing, shopping, laundry, customer servicing, dish washing, prepping, order-taking, cleaning, etc... while he just spends a couple of hours a day prepping a small portion of the menu and then sitting down on his phone to look at facebook and watch soccer. Whenever I tried to voice myself, he would put me down and threaten to take me to court because I was "stealing." He would come to work late everyday, sometimes even after opening hours not helping at all with prep. and usually leave early. This left me to pick up the slack. After months, I started to burn out and asked for help with some prep. which then he silenced me again by threatening to take me to court and that I am a bad chef and everyone who comes to the cafe comes only for him and that he was the one who built the cafe. I could hardly work anymore.

Finally Covid-19 hit and I was finally relieved. I could close my store and renovate. But mostly, I could finally take a deep break. I then spoke with his friend and was shocked to learn that he was an alcoholic with 2 DUIs.

I then reflected on the situation and realized I was being greatly taken advantage of and bullied into a victim situation in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic.

A. He put no investment into the business. I put in all the money and most of the labor while he was drunk and partying. He made fun of me for eating only banana and peanut butter so that I can save money to invest into my dream company. I worked minimum wage my whole life and the 20k I put in has been years of savings.
B. He refuses to put in his 20k because he claims I was "Stealing."
C. I can't pay myself , nor my wife, nor reimburse myself fully for all my grocery shopping which would amount to over $13,000.
D. He constantly putting me down making me feel worthless and bullying me into all the work.
E. Under great stress from working in an environment where I'm always called useless, not hardworking (I work 12-14 hours 6 days a week), and a thief.
F. He's denying that he was paid $7500 in cash back when we had no checks. Therefore, he's saying that because he was never paid, he already put in his free labor... But this is ridiculous. I didn't even pay myself. I prioritized paying him so that he could pay his rent because I knew he had no money. There wasn't enough cash in the safe to pay me as well so I put my pay off for months.

Then when we finally got a checkbook, I finally wrote myself a check for all the months I didn't pay myself totaling to 13k. He got a check for 5.6k. He then said I was stealing money again because my check amount is higher and I told him I never paid myself and he was the only one who was paid which he doesn't believe. And now he's denying the $7500 he got paid claiming he was only paid 5.6k so far in the business because that's what's provable even though he knows he's lying...

G. He gave a key to an outsider friend of his. They teamed up and bullied me. His friend is saying he brings in a lot of knowledge and experience; therefore, he doesn't need to put in any labor. They brainwash me into believing this.
H. They are peeing all over my vision. My cafe is supposed to be 100% Local, Seasonal, Farm to Table Food. Yet they just buy the cheapest costco ingredient and calls it farm to table. They are making a mockery of my cafe!
I. He bullied one of our vegan volunteers making fun of her and that she should eat real meat, not vegan meat. Our volunteer was supposed to only work for a couple of hours in exchange for a meal. I could see that she was tired. But he kept saying, "You work hard and then I will make you good food." He ended up working her for 11+ hours just for a bite of spaghetti. It doesn't help that she's African American. But slavery? Wow. I wanted to voice myself but I could not. He would threaten me again if I did. .

I started gathering evidence and documents as much as I could so that I sever relationship with him. I added up all the Point of Sale money and deposits we received in bank subtracted by our total sales according to our Point of Sale system. This would give me an estimate of how much possible missing cash there was. I tried to remember off the top of my head where I spent that money. For example, each month, we paid $500 in cash to electric bills, about $200 to farmers market, we bought stuff off of craigslist in cash. Of the total 22k to 24k that was supposebly missing, I found that there was about 22k in cash unaccounted for that we spent towards paying farmers, utilities, contractors, etc... What I found was that maybe there may be a discrepancy in a thousand or 2 but it's nowhere near the amount he's claiming that I stole over 10k - 20k...

I know now we should have had an accountant but we were just getting started and didn't have a system yet. But to have him call me a thief for me reimbursing myself I think is ridiculous and him demanding that I pay it all back when he didn't even invest a dime is ridiculous. And then he took all my receipts away!

. I talked to him but was just yelling at me. I gave him option to buy out, or sell, or close business, separate asset, etc... It's been a month since then and I need to move on. I can't be dragged into his pace and energy. He said he was going to open May 15 and I told him we are not opening until this is settled. This leaves me with no choice.

I don't know how this looks from a legal standpoint.

Today is Sunday so everything is closed. But tomorrow, when everything opens, I'm going to:

1. Transfer all the money in bank account (21k) to a separate account to freeze money until this is settled.
2. Hire a locksmith and change lock on the cafe.
3. Temporarily suspending my point of sale, electricity, spectrum, etc...
4. Writing him a formal letter than everything is on a freeze until this is settled.
5. I may talk to landlord about the situation about my alcoholic partner and closing the business and opening a new business (similar name to current but with just my name on it) and if they would renew lease with me under the new business.

These are drastic measures than what I am going to do anything that it takes to get away from him and be free. I don't want to get in trouble for anything or be sued. But I can't let this drag on. I'm starting to lose a lot of hair and getting grey hair at just 20. I don't want this to affect my marriage and he shouldn't be able to get away with what he has done.

I'm looking for any advice out there from more experienced business owners. This is my business venture; yet, I poured my whole savings, soul, sweat, blood, and tear into this. Please let me know if you can help.
 
Last edited:


quincy

Senior Member
In Big Island, Hawaii.

Went into business relationship half a year ago. Little did I know he was an alcoholic with 2 DUIs.

It has been pretty bad. He often has a friend give him a ride because he cannot drive his car due to alcohol breath mechanism that locks down his car if he has alcohol in him. Therefore, he is constantly coming to work under the influence.

Our relationship has been more of a bully and alcoholic abusive kind of relationship where I was bullied and lost my voice to express myself.

Imagine a work environment where I can't get paid, my wife can't get paid, and I can't even get reimbursed for grocery/marketing expenses from my own pocket. On top of that, I am constantly harassed and bullying into doing all the work from someone who didn't even invest a dime into the company and is peeing all over my vision of farm to table healthy foods cafe.

A couple of weeks back, I sent him a text for heads up that I am going to finally reimburse myself, pay my wife for months of labor, and myself but said he would sue and take me to court if I take money because that it's stealing.

We have an operating agreement. We are 50/50. I made all the investments and he was supposed to have put in 20k of labor which he refuses to do because he claims I was stealing money.

He thinks I was stealing money because my wife would put the money in cash register in a safe at home until she had access to bank account to deposit as my wife was doing the accounting. However, she never received a bank card to deposit the money and I was to busy juggling all the tasks just to survive to the next day.

Additionally, I was spending money from my own pocket since I had lost my pin number and I was using my own personal card for the business before even opening since I was paying all the expense. After a month and a half, I withdrew money from the bank to reimburse myself 6k and when he got bank statement he was furious and accusing me of stealing. I showed him my bank statement and the money that was spent towards all the shopping but he doesn't believe it because I lost a lot of the receipts. He's saying those were my own personal shopping.

I then spent a month gathering all the receipts from target, walmart, costco etc... backtracking months of receipt I had lost to prove that there was no money stolen. However, before I could put in chronological order and add up the numbers for him, when tax season came he took the receipts for tax office.

When Covid-19 hit, we had PPP and EIDL Loan/Grant to sign up for. I needed tax documentation for PPP. I went to the tax office and found that he didn't do the taxes that he claimed he did do months ago. On top of that, the receipts I spent a whole month gathering were not there. I don't know if he's trashed it to hide the evidence or not.

So when he accused me of stealing in January, I submitted to him as I am from asian culture and avoid confrontation. He constantly harassed and put me down and bullied me into doing all the work. "What you do in 5 hours, I can do in 1" he constantly says. I started to think it was because he kept saying that. Therefore, he didn't have to work nearly as much. I work 12-14+ hours doing front of the house, back of the house, marketing, shopping, laundry, customer servicing, dish washing, prepping, order-taking, cleaning, etc... while he just spends a couple of hours a day prepping a small portion of the menu and then sitting down on his phone to look at facebook and watch soccer. Whenever I tried to voice myself, he would put me down and threaten to take me to court because I was "stealing." He would come to work late everyday, sometimes even after opening hours not helping at all with prep. and usually leave early. This left me to pick up the slack. After months, I started to burn out and asked for help with some prep. which then he silenced me again by threatening to take me to court and that I am a bad chef and everyone who comes to the cafe comes only for him and that he was the one who built the cafe. I could hardly work anymore.

Finally Covid-19 hit and I was finally relieved. I could close my store and renovate. But mostly, I could finally take a deep break. I then spoke with his friend and was shocked to learn that he was an alcoholic with 2 DUIs.

I then reflected on the situation and realized I was being greatly taken advantage of and bullied into a victim situation in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic.

A. He put no investment into the business. I put in all the money and most of the labor while he was drunk and partying. He made fun of me for eating only banana and peanut butter so that I can save money to invest into my dream company. I worked minimum wage my whole life and the 20k I put in has been years of savings.
B. He refuses to put in his 20k because he claims I was "Stealing."
C. I can't pay myself , nor my wife, nor reimburse myself fully for all my grocery shopping which would amount to over $13,000.
D. He constantly putting me down making me feel worthless and bullying me into all the work.
E. Under great stress from working in an environment where I'm always called useless, not hardworking (I work 12-14 hours 6 days a week), and a thief.
F. He's denying that he was paid $7500 in cash back when we had no checks. Therefore, he's saying that because he was never paid, he already put in his free labor... But this is ridiculous. I didn't even pay myself. I prioritized paying him so that he could pay his rent because I knew he had no money. There wasn't enough cash in the safe to pay me as well so I put my pay off for months.

Then when we finally got a checkbook, I finally wrote myself a check for all the months I didn't pay myself totaling to 13k. He got a check for 5.6k. He then said I was stealing money again because my check amount is higher and I told him I never paid myself and he was the only one who was paid which he doesn't believe. And now he's denying the $7500 he got paid claiming he was only paid 5.6k so far in the business because that's what's provable even though he knows he's lying...

G. He gave a key to an outsider friend of his. They teamed up and bullied me. His friend is saying he brings in a lot of knowledge and experience; therefore, he doesn't need to put in any labor. They brainwash me into believing this.
H. They are peeing all over my vision. My cafe is supposed to be 100% Local, Seasonal, Farm to Table Food. Yet they just buy the cheapest costco ingredient and calls it farm to table. They are making a mockery of my cafe!
I. He bullied one of our vegan volunteers making fun of her and that she should eat real meat, not vegan meat. Our volunteer was supposed to only work for a couple of hours in exchange for a meal. I could see that she was tired. But he kept saying, "You work hard and then I will make you good food." He ended up working her for 11+ hours just for a bite of spaghetti. It doesn't help that she's African American. But slavery? Wow. I wanted to voice myself but I could not. He would threaten me again if I did. .

I started gathering evidence and documents as much as I could so that I sever relationship with him. I added up all the Point of Sale money and deposits we received in bank subtracted by our total sales according to our Point of Sale system. This would give me an estimate of how much possible missing cash there was. I tried to remember off the top of my head where I spent that money. For example, each month, we paid $500 in cash to electric bills, about $200 to farmers market, we bought stuff off of craigslist in cash. Of the total 22k to 24k that was supposebly missing, I found that there was about 22k in cash unaccounted for that we spent towards paying farmers, utilities, contractors, etc... What I found was that maybe there may be a discrepancy in a thousand or 2 but it's nowhere near the amount he's claiming that I stole over 10k - 20k...

I know now we should have had an accountant but we were just getting started and didn't have a system yet. But to have him call me a thief for me reimbursing myself I think is ridiculous and him demanding that I pay it all back when he didn't even invest a dime is ridiculous. And then he took all my receipts away!

. I talked to him but was just yelling at me. I gave him option to buy out, or sell, or close business, separate asset, etc...

... 1. Transfer all the money in bank account (21k) to a separate account to freeze money until this is settled.
2. Hire a locksmith and change lock on the cafe.
3. Temporarily suspending my point of sale, electricity, spectrum, etc...
4. Writing him a formal letter than everything is on a freeze until this is settled.
5. I may talk to landlord about the situation about my alcoholic partner and closing the business and opening a new business (similar name to current but with just my name on it) and if they would renew lease with me under the new business. ...

I'm looking for any advice out there from more experienced business owners. This is my business venture; yet, I poured my whole savings, soul, sweat, blood, and tear into this. Please let me know if you can help.
You really need the personal attention of an attorney, and an accountant, in your area. A forum cannot assist you in the way assistance is needed.

An attorney can help you dissolve your partnership and salvage whatever can be salvaged of your business. An accountant can go over your business records to see where you stand financially.

I like your “farm to table” cafe business idea. Detroit has a very successful restaurant - “Marrow” - based on a similar concept.

Good luck.
 

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