Almost over!

[Custodynitemare]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

My long 15 year custody battle nightmare is almost over. My youngest twins just graduated from high school, but they still have three months before they turn 18. My ex-husband and I have joint legal custody, but the twins have been living with him and his wife. Last month, my ex was called up to go to Iraq. He apparently believes that he has the rights to sign over his legal responsibilities to our children to his wife. She is taking my children to register for college, signing all the documents, etc. I have raised objections, stating that I am the only other person who can legally sign for my children, but my ex and his wife are ignoring that and the children (as always) say just let it go so as not to cause a problem. Is it worth it for me to fight yet one more battle? Are there any legal ramifications for myself or for my children in having this woman, who has no legal custody rights, sign documents for my children. Short of going to court, how do I stop her?What is the name of your state?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

My long 15 year custody battle nightmare is almost over. My youngest twins just graduated from high school, but they still have three months before they turn 18. My ex-husband and I have joint legal custody, but the twins have been living with him and his wife. Last month, my ex was called up to go to Iraq. He apparently believes that he has the rights to sign over his legal responsibilities to our children to his wife. She is taking my children to register for college, signing all the documents, etc. I have raised objections, stating that I am the only other person who can legally sign for my children, but my ex and his wife are ignoring that and the children (as always) say just let it go so as not to cause a problem. Is it worth it for me to fight yet one more battle? Are there any legal ramifications for myself or for my children in having this woman, who has no legal custody rights, sign documents for my children. Short of going to court, how do I stop her?What is the name of your state?

Your husband probably gave her a power of attorney...which means that she can sign on his behalf. Its questionable whether that would fly if you challenge it...but if you don't it probably will.

 

[ezmarelda]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin

My long 15 year custody battle nightmare is almost over. My youngest twins just graduated from high school, but they still have three months before they turn 18. My ex-husband and I have joint legal custody, but the twins have been living with him and his wife. Last month, my ex was called up to go to Iraq. He apparently believes that he has the rights to sign over his legal responsibilities to our children to his wife. She is taking my children to register for college, signing all the documents, etc. I have raised objections, stating that I am the only other person who can legally sign for my children, but my ex and his wife are ignoring that and the children (as always) say just let it go so as not to cause a problem. Is it worth it for me to fight yet one more battle? Are there any legal ramifications for myself or for my children in having this woman, who has no legal custody rights, sign documents for my children. Short of going to court, how do I stop her?What is the name of your state?

Why prolong the aggony? You have been at this for 15 years...can't you just *let it go* for 3 months and be glad that you are not battling anymore.

 

[Custodynitemare]

Absolutely. Although it is insulting, I would rather let it go, which I normally do. My real issue is whether or not I will be liable for something that she agreed too without consulting with me.

 

[Mbarr77]

So your concern is not that you would like to be the one to be there during this very important step in your childs life?!? It is that you do not want to be held responsible for any decisions made?

 

[ezmarelda]

Absolutely. Although it is insulting, I would rather let it go, which I normally do. My real issue is whether or not I will be liable for something that she agreed too without consulting with me.

Is she signing your name? If not I would ASSume that she is agreeing to "something" not you.

 

[Custodynitemare]

Thank you Mbarr... that has exactly been what has been going on. Even for the graduation ceremony the step mother raised objections to me being there. After years of this, my children just roll there eyes when she causes drama like this. We just ignore her as best we can and continue to build our own relationships with each other, just as they build on the relationship they have with her, without my interference.

To everyone else reading this..... I know how painful it is to go through Parental Alienation when your children are young, and how difficult it is to keep the bond with them when you have someone trying everything to break that bond. Now, that I am at the end of the nightmare, I can only tell you what I did to get through it. I refused to allow them to keep me from my children. I ignored their bullying and kept my focus on my relationship with my kids. It has been very tough, the children would go back and forth in believing the lies about me. Now that they are adults and having children of their own, they are seeing a broader view of the picture and I have an excellent relationship with each of them. Yes, I lost part of the childhood, but I continued to say the Serenity prayer and accepted things that I could not change, but I changed the things I could, and I continue to ask for the wisdom to know the difference.

 

[Custodynitemare]

Mbarr,
It is very upsetting that she is the one that gets to share in this special step in my childrens life. In this case, my daughter made the decision to have her stepmother go with her. The kids believe that they do not have a choice, even though I try to tell them that they do. But they fear rejection from their father and stepmother. Especially my youngest daughter. Now, her twin brother comes to me when he needs parental help and advice, and I was the one there for the birth of our first granddaughter. So, somethings I have had to learn to let go, and I am grateful for the things that I can be a part of.

 

[Custodynitemare]

Is she signing your name? If not I would ASSume that she is agreeing to "something" not you.

Your words are very angry and bitter.... what's that all about? Are you a burned out attorney, or perhaps an angry dad who is relating to the other side of the fence? Either way, I'm sorry that you appear to be in so much pain.

 

[ezmarelda]

Your words are very angry and bitter.... what's that all about? Are you a burned out attorney, or perhaps an angry dad who is relating to the other side of the fence? Either way, I'm sorry that you appear to be in so much pain.

I never ment for any of what I said to be bitter or angry. I am none of what you have asked. I think your reading WAY more into what I wrote than I ever intended. Sorry if you missunderstood.
I am sorry you have had to struggle to keep a relationship with your children I know how hard that can be. It takes a lot of *hutspa* to hang in through the sh*t for your children. It sounds like all the battles have been worth winning the war of making sure your childdren know you love them and letting them love others too....now I am rambling sorry Again I was not trying to be mean sorry if it came accross the wrong way

 

[Mbarr77]

Mbarr,
It is very upsetting that she is the one that gets to share in this special step in my childrens life. In this case, my daughter made the decision to have her stepmother go with her. The kids believe that they do not have a choice, even though I try to tell them that they do. But they fear rejection from their father and stepmother. Especially my youngest daughter. Now, her twin brother comes to me when he needs parental help and advice, and I was the one there for the birth of our first granddaughter. So, somethings I have had to learn to let go, and I am grateful for the things that I can be a part of.

Have you suggested that maybe both you and stepmom can get along for one day so that you can both experience this day?!?

 

[Custodynitemare]

I never ment for any of what I said to be bitter or angry. I am none of what you have asked. I think your reading WAY more into what I wrote than I ever intended. Sorry if you missunderstood.
I am sorry you have had to struggle to keep a relationship with your children I know how hard that can be. It takes a lot of *hutspa* to hang in through the sh*t for your children. It sounds like all the battles have been worth winning the war of making sure your childdren know you love them and letting them love others too....now I am rambling sorry Again I was not trying to be mean sorry if it came accross the wrong way

Ok... big group hug!! OMG! I do sound so pollyannish, but finding peace in this bitterness has been such a blessing. After reading everyone else's post, and remembering what it is like to be in the middle of all that pain and drama..... Today is my 41st birthday, and frankly I'm glad to be older and not having to deal with all of that ugliness anymore. Thank you eme for your kind words. You are right, it did take a lot of courage and sacrifice and committment to my children in order to make the best of a bad situation.

 

[Custodynitemare]

Have you suggested that maybe both you and stepmom can get along for one day so that you can both experience this day?!?

Oh yes, several times. I was told that they did not want anything to do with me. In counseling I had said that I just wanted to create a partnership in parenting, and my ex said very clearly that he didn't want to partner in anything with me. It's really sad when one side refuses to cooperate and get along, but I've had to learn how do deal with their unreasonableness in order to make everything as good as it can be for my kids. It's not perfect, it isn't even just ok, but it is what it is and we deal with it.

 

[texastepmom]

What kind of legal documents do your parents sign when you go to college? I'm wraking my brian trying to remember if my mom had to sign anything for me, and i really can't remember her doing that... I even worked as an aide during orientations for two summers and can't think of anything a parent would have to sign for... but i could totally be forgeting something.

I do understand about wanted to go to orientation and registration, are you helping to pay? is this for a formal orientation? do they have more than one session? maybe you could get the course catalogs and orientation material early from the college and go over it with your kids before they sign up for classes... if you are helping to pay, my vote (yes, it doesn't count of course) would be you should play that card and insist on tagging along for part of it at least... do the kids know what they are going to study, etc.? they might not have a lot of choices in classes, my major only had a couple electives, everything was very structured and their weren't many choices to be made.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with PAS, that is a tragedy, but like you said it's almost over, hang in there, and Happy Birthday!