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Alzheimers

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coconutpalm

Junior Member
My Mom is in the first stages of Alzheimers we believe. She has not been diagnosed by her doctor as of yet or else she won't tell us if she has. (Do people even suspect when they are in the first stages?)

We as family members know that she is. Her mother had it at this age as well. She can't remember her pin number to her bank card or where she puts things. It is too pronounced to be just an age thing. She came for a visit in Sept. and we went clothes shopping. She bought $65 worth of clothes then came out the next day wearing something old. I asked her why didn't she wear one of her new outfits and she said she didn't have any clothes. When I told her she bought $65 dollars worth the day before she acted like she was shocked! That is just one example. There are more.

What I am getting at is that she is very adamant about not coming to stay with anyone whenever we have asked her. She has even said she will make us miserable if we make her go ever, because she wants to die in her own home. ( We haven't told her we believe she has Alzhimers, we just asked her if is she ready to come stay with one of us so things wouldn't be so hard for her.)

I can understand her feelings of wanting to be independent, but it is getting to where that is not an option. She is diabetic and is stubborn about taking her medicine (even before this stage). She often forgets as well. She is in a hoveround and can barley walk on her own.

She is still cable enough to live with one of us children at this point so I do not wish to have her put in a nursing home.

The thing I am getting at is what are my legal options of getting her out of her home to live with one of us? Especially since she will most likely fight us on this.

I don't feel I have an option to go with her to see her doctor and talk to her doctor because it is a government assisted program she is in. I don't feel they even know her enough to be able to tell. She is just another one of their many patients.

Plus my mom is very suspicious of ones motive. She will wonder why I want to go with her to her doctor. I don't know if she would even let me go in with her.

What are my legal options to make her leave her home and come live with me or a sister, so she can live as easy as she can during this time?

Thanks! State of FloridaWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
My Mom is in the first stages of Alzheimers we believe. She has not been diagnosed by her doctor as of yet or else she won't tell us if she has. (Do people even suspect when they are in the first stages?)

We as family members know that she is. Her mother had it at this age as well. She can't remember her pin number to her bank card or where she puts things. It is too pronounced to be just an age thing. She came for a visit in Sept. and we went clothes shopping. She bought $65 worth of clothes then came out the next day wearing something old. I asked her why didn't she wear one of her new outfits and she said she didn't have any clothes. When I told her she bought $65 dollars worth the day before she acted like she was shocked! That is just one example. There are more.

What I am getting at is that she is very adamant about not coming to stay with anyone whenever we have asked her. She has even said she will make us miserable if we make her go ever, because she wants to die in her own home. ( We haven't told her we believe she has Alzhimers, we just asked her if is she ready to come stay with one of us so things wouldn't be so hard for her.)

I can understand her feelings of wanting to be independent, but it is getting to where that is not an option. She is diabetic and is stubborn about taking her medicine (even before this stage). She often forgets as well. She is in a hoveround and can barley walk on her own.

She is still cable enough to live with one of us children at this point so I do not wish to have her put in a nursing home.

The thing I am getting at is what are my legal options of getting her out of her home to live with one of us? Especially since she will most likely fight us on this.

I don't feel I have an option to go with her to see her doctor and talk to her doctor because it is a government assisted program she is in. I don't feel they even know her enough to be able to tell. She is just another one of their many patients.

Plus my mom is very suspicious of ones motive. She will wonder why I want to go with her to her doctor. I don't know if she would even let me go in with her.

What are my legal options to make her leave her home and come live with me or a sister, so she can live as easy as she can during this time?

Thanks! State of FloridaWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Have you considered an assisted living facility? She could have her own apartment and have a measure of independence, but still have assistance around her.

Or, another option would be to hire someone to spend a few hours with her every day, to make sure that she is taking her meds and taking care of herself.

One thing that I will tell you, is that generally its better not to move someone who is in the early stages of Alzheimers. What happens is that the move disorients them, and generally makes them move more quickly from the early stages to the middle stages. However, sometime the move is necessary.

I am sorry that you have to deal with this. I lost my dad to Alzheimers this past April, so I have been where you are now.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Have you considered an assisted living facility? She could have her own apartment and have a measure of independence, but still have assistance around her.

Or, another option would be to hire someone to spend a few hours with her every day, to make sure that she is taking her meds and taking care of herself.

One thing that I will tell you, is that generally its better not to move someone who is in the early stages of Alzheimers. What happens is that the move disorients them, and generally makes them move more quickly from the early stages to the middle stages. However, sometime the move is necessary.

I am sorry that you have to deal with this. I lost my dad to Alzheimers this past April, so I have been where you are now.
the problem with your advice LD is that unless they have POA to make health decisions over mom or they have her declared incompetent legally, they have no right to move her to assisted living or hire someone to see her a few hours every day. I agree however that those are definitely options that they should consider. But unless mom agrees to having someone come in daily, they need to look at forcing the issue if they can have her declared incompetent.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
the problem with your advice LD is that unless they have POA to make health decisions over mom or they have her declared incompetent legally, they have no right to move her to assisted living or hire someone to see her a few hours every day. I agree however that those are definitely options that they should consider. But unless mom agrees to having someone come in daily, they need to look at forcing the issue if they can have her declared incompetent.
Yes of course, mom does have to agree. I was trying to come up with ideas that mom might agree to.

It doesn't sound to me like mom has actually reached the point of incompetence yet.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Yes of course, mom does have to agree. I was trying to come up with ideas that mom might agree to.

It doesn't sound to me like mom has actually reached the point of incompetence yet.
And that is the major issue. If mom doesn't agree, the children have no real choices here except to hope mom agrees with something. Sad but true.
 

Gracie3787

Senior Member
My Mom is in the first stages of Alzheimers we believe. She has not been diagnosed by her doctor as of yet or else she won't tell us if she has. (Do people even suspect when they are in the first stages?)

We as family members know that she is. Her mother had it at this age as well. She can't remember her pin number to her bank card or where she puts things. It is too pronounced to be just an age thing. She came for a visit in Sept. and we went clothes shopping. She bought $65 worth of clothes then came out the next day wearing something old. I asked her why didn't she wear one of her new outfits and she said she didn't have any clothes. When I told her she bought $65 dollars worth the day before she acted like she was shocked! That is just one example. There are more.

What I am getting at is that she is very adamant about not coming to stay with anyone whenever we have asked her. She has even said she will make us miserable if we make her go ever, because she wants to die in her own home. ( We haven't told her we believe she has Alzhimers, we just asked her if is she ready to come stay with one of us so things wouldn't be so hard for her.)

I can understand her feelings of wanting to be independent, but it is getting to where that is not an option. She is diabetic and is stubborn about taking her medicine (even before this stage). She often forgets as well. She is in a hoveround and can barley walk on her own.

She is still cable enough to live with one of us children at this point so I do not wish to have her put in a nursing home.

The thing I am getting at is what are my legal options of getting her out of her home to live with one of us? Especially since she will most likely fight us on this.

I don't feel I have an option to go with her to see her doctor and talk to her doctor because it is a government assisted program she is in. I don't feel they even know her enough to be able to tell. She is just another one of their many patients.

Plus my mom is very suspicious of ones motive. She will wonder why I want to go with her to her doctor. I don't know if she would even let me go in with her.

What are my legal options to make her leave her home and come live with me or a sister, so she can live as easy as she can during this time?

Thanks! State of FloridaWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Because of the HIPPA laws, you really can't talk to her Dr without her permission.

There are a couple of things that you can try though.
One thing would be to talk to her about having a sitter hired, or maybe she can talk to her Dr about getting home health care. Even if the nurse comes only once a week, and a CNA comes 3 days a week, it would help her now, and it really helps prepare the person for eventual assiting living, or nursing home if needed.
I can fully understand her feelings of not wanting to live with any of you- to her it would be like losing all of her freedom.

The other thing you can do should be getting a consult with an attorney. It doesn't sound like she has reached the incompetent stage yet, but an attorney will be able to tell you what you'd need to prove incompetence.

It might be just a matter of waiting for her to reach the next stage if she does have alzheimers.
 

coconutpalm

Junior Member
Thank you to those who replied to my post. All that was offered helped and it confirmed some of what I thought.:( I will see if I can talk to my mom about getting some help for a couple of hours a day or at least 3-4 times a week? I will also check to see what I need to do to prepare with an attorney, for when the time comes that she needs to be removed for her safety.:(

Right now she is at my sisters and will be there through Thanksgiving. I have asked her if she would like to come back with me and stay until Christmas. I live 4 hours away from the family.

She has accepted. At least she will be with me 3 1/2 weeks.:) Then we will travel back together at Christmas to spend time with the rest of the family.

Thanks again!
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Thank you to those who replied to my post. All that was offered helped and it confirmed some of what I thought.:( I will see if I can talk to my mom about getting some help for a couple of hours a day or at least 3-4 times a week? I will also check to see what I need to do to prepare with an attorney, for when the time comes that she needs to be removed for her safety.:(

Right now she is at my sisters and will be there through Thanksgiving. I have asked her if she would like to come back with me and stay until Christmas. I live 4 hours away from the family.

She has accepted. At least she will be with me 3 1/2 weeks.:) Then we will travel back together at Christmas to spend time with the rest of the family.

Thanks again!
Good luck with everything. Its truly hard and it won't get easier...however its also very possible that you will have lots of good years with her without too much "fuss". Its also possible that it will move very rapidly.

If you and your sister are in accord on things, it will be easier.
 

janed54321

Junior Member
Doesn't the HIPPA laws just stop the doctor from talking to OP?

Couldn't the OP call the doctor and say something like: my mother mary jones is a patient of yours. We are concerned she may be suffering from early stages of Alzheimers. These are the behaviors that leads us to think this way: 1, 2, 3. It may be she is over or under medicating causing confusion, forgetfulness, but although we realise you can't say anything to us, we felt as her doctor you should be made aware of our concerns. Thank you.

At least this way the doctor will be more observant and tuned in to any slightly off behavior. They can go back over her medications to see if all is working as it should etc.

The doctor, I am sure, has faced this situation before. Your mother may take questioning and suggestions better from the doctor than you. The doctor may also have some creative ideas he can suggest to your mother to help her remember things.

I'm sorry your family is dealing with this. I hope you enjoy your holiday time together. Remember this is probably a very frightening time for her as well.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Doesn't the HIPPA laws just stop the doctor from talking to OP?

Couldn't the OP call the doctor and say something like: my mother mary jones is a patient of yours. We are concerned she may be suffering from early stages of Alzheimers. These are the behaviors that leads us to think this way: 1, 2, 3. It may be she is over or under medicating causing confusion, forgetfulness, but although we realise you can't say anything to us, we felt as her doctor you should be made aware of our concerns. Thank you.

At least this way the doctor will be more observant and tuned in to any slightly off behavior. They can go back over her medications to see if all is working as it should etc.

The doctor, I am sure, has faced this situation before. Your mother may take questioning and suggestions better from the doctor than you. The doctor may also have some creative ideas he can suggest to your mother to help her remember things.

I'm sorry your family is dealing with this. I hope you enjoy your holiday time together. Remember this is probably a very frightening time for her as well.

Yes they can talk to the doctor. The doctor cannot talk to them without a release. However the issue with that is mom may deny everything.
 

Gracie3787

Senior Member
Doesn't the HIPPA laws just stop the doctor from talking to OP?

Couldn't the OP call the doctor and say something like: my mother mary jones is a patient of yours. We are concerned she may be suffering from early stages of Alzheimers. These are the behaviors that leads us to think this way: 1, 2, 3. It may be she is over or under medicating causing confusion, forgetfulness, but although we realise you can't say anything to us, we felt as her doctor you should be made aware of our concerns. Thank you.
OP could try that, my experience has been that Dr.s won't even listen without a release, usually because they are so worried about possible law suits. But it is worth a try.
 

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