Am I in contempt??

[cherliquidair]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Sunny FL

OK, long story short... When my daughters father and I seperated in 2001, papers were drawn up and signed, official. There was a stipulation in the order stating "The child will not be held to this agreement and may see the non-custodial parent as often as she wishes." (exact wording) This is at the end of the section outlining custody.

Now, flash forward 8 years....my daughter refuses at this point to go to her fathers. This all happened after her diagnosis of being ADHD and the bad feelings (which have been made known) by her father and his family about it. She is not comfortable being with him, 3 hours away, and refuses to go.

Now, I guess the question is....Am I in the wrong with not forcing her to go and see him? He is taking me infront of a magistrate on the 21st, claiming the I am a monster mother and I have manipulated her to not go. He also is claiming that I am blocking all contact when he is the one that calls every two weeks to see if she wants to come and see him. The conversations never last more than 2 minutes, and that is the only time he calls. Am I protecting the right that he afforded her in 2001, or am I truely in contempt?

BTW...she is 11 going on 17

 

[Silverplum]

As you were already told on another legal site, yes, you are in the wrong.

Also, your little throwaway about "11 going on 17" tells the ENTIRE story.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Sunny FL

OK, long story short... When my daughters father and I seperated in 2001, papers were drawn up and signed, official. There was a stipulation in the order stating "The child will not be held to this agreement and may see the non-custodial parent as often as she wishes." (exact wording) This is at the end of the section outlining custody.

Now, flash forward 8 years....my daughter refuses at this point to go to her fathers. This all happened after her diagnosis of being ADHD and the bad feelings (which have been made known) by her father and his family about it. She is not comfortable being with him, 3 hours away, and refuses to go.

Now, I guess the question is....Am I in the wrong with not forcing her to go and see him? He is taking me infront of a magistrate on the 21st, claiming the I am a monster mother and I have manipulated her to not go. He also is claiming that I am blocking all contact when he is the one that calls every two weeks to see if she wants to come and see him. The conversations never last more than 2 minutes, and that is the only time he calls. Am I protecting the right that he afforded her in 2001, or am I truely in contempt?

BTW...she is 11 going on 17

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Sunny FL

OK, long story short... When my daughters father and I seperated in 2001, papers were drawn up and signed, official. There was a stipulation in the order stating "The child will not be held to this agreement and may see the non-custodial parent as often as she wishes." (exact wording) This is at the end of the section outlining custody.

Now, flash forward 8 years....my daughter refuses at this point to go to her fathers. This all happened after her diagnosis of being ADHD and the bad feelings (which have been made known) by her father and his family about it. She is not comfortable being with him, 3 hours away, and refuses to go.

Now, I guess the question is....Am I in the wrong with not forcing her to go and see him? He is taking me infront of a magistrate on the 21st, claiming the I am a monster mother and I have manipulated her to not go. He also is claiming that I am blocking all contact when he is the one that calls every two weeks to see if she wants to come and see him. The conversations never last more than 2 minutes, and that is the only time he calls. Am I protecting the right that he afforded her in 2001, or am I truely in contempt?

BTW...she is 11 going on 17

Sigh..well, if that's actually been signed by a judge, no you're not in contempt if she decides she doesn't want to go. But Dad's got a VERY good chance of having that order modified to include specific dates/times for visitation.

But I have to ask - what on earth were you both thinking? Why is a child being allowed to make these decisions?

 

[Proserpina]

As you were already told on another legal site, yes, you are in the wrong.

Also, your little throwaway about "11 going on 17" tells the ENTIRE story.

Is she really? Much as I think that order is utterly ridiculous if it's become part of the actual court order, Mom isn't in contempt, surely? Help me out Silvy!

Or is there more to this?....

 

[Silverplum]

Is she really? Much as I think that order is utterly ridiculous if it's become part of the actual court order, Mom isn't in contempt, surely? Help me out Silvy!

Or is there more to this?....

I'm going with this theory: The clause was to provide the NCP (Dad) with MORE time if Daughter wants. Not less. Mom is trying to work it both ways.

IMO.

On the other hand, the info about Dad merely calling and not attempting a physical pick-up is new (to me). THAT is more in Mom's favor than the C.O.

I take my "advice" back...if Dad hasn't attempted physical pick-up, Mom is (likely) not in contempt. Yet.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm going with this theory: The clause was to provide the NCP (Dad) with MORE time if Daughter wants. Not less. Mom is trying to work it both ways.

IMO.

On the other hand, the info about Dad merely calling and not attempting a physical pick-up is new (to me). THAT is more in Mom's favor than the C.O.

I take my "advice" back...if Dad hasn't attempted physical pick-up, Mom is (likely) not in contempt. Yet.

Ah - ok, yep, I can go with that theory. Makes sense, though I'm still utterly baffled as to why exactly an 11 year old is being allowed to call the shots here.

 

[Silverplum]

Ah - ok, yep, I can go with that theory. Makes sense, though I'm still utterly baffled as to why exactly an 11 year old is being allowed to call the shots here.

Because she's not really 11? She's 11 going on 17, you know!

 

[cherliquidair]

That is the exact writing in the agreement. When my lawyer (who is now a circuit judge in my county) sent it to him to be signed, he had one thing added to it, and then signed the agreement. He claims that he had it looked over by a lawyer of his choosing, and that he agreed to it. IF I am truely in contempt, then I will eat crow....

LOL....doesn't hurt to get a second opinion, silverplum...

 

[sometwo]

my daughter refuses at this point to go to her fathers

And if daughter refuses to come home one night and wants to stay with a friend and live with them would you also let her make the choice?

If daughter refuses to go to dentist, dr or school would you also be letting her make that choice?

If daughter chose father over you and wanted to stay there would you be letting her make that choice?

This is why children have parents. They make the rules not the kids. Until they are 18 the parents are supposed to be in charge. If your letting her be in charge then that 's bad parenting on your part.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

I'm going with this theory: The clause was to provide the NCP (Dad) with MORE time if Daughter wants. Not less. Mom is trying to work it both ways.

IMO.

I concur, go figger...

Anyway, as an NCP, that's EXACTLY how I would be interpreting it, and because it's so vague, I think that Dad could make a reasonable argument to that effect.

If I was Dad in this instance, I would file for contempt if my 11(going on 17)y.o. was being allowed by Mom to make that decision.

 

[haiku]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Sunny FL

OK, long story short... When my daughters father and I seperated in 2001, papers were drawn up and signed, official. There was a stipulation in the order stating "The child will not be held to this agreement and may see the non-custodial parent as often as she wishes." (exact wording) This is at the end of the section outlining custody.

whats in the beginning of that custody section? This reads ot me as if child can have MORE time than outlined with dad, not LESS.

And thats how dad should approach it.

And this child is 11, period.

 

[ecmst12]

You should be encouraging your daughter to work out her issues with dad, not indulging her desire to hide from him.