Am I out of line?

[Newlydivmomto4]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky

Refresher, 4 kids, I have full custody, dad lives 10+hours away, visitation is as agreed upon by both parties.
So the kids had their visit to their dad and have been home for a few weeks now. Well, kids have to go to camp because I am working. Court order says we both pay 50/50. Ex has complained that I did not give him any money for their expenses while they were there so he is now broke and cannot afford to pay his half of the daycare bill. I want to send him the following:

Well this is going to have a bearing on next time they come visit you. If you cannot afford to have them visit and still pay your bills after they leave then you are going to have to show me that you can afford it before they come visit again.

Am I out of line or is this reasonable? According to what he told me, yes with a grain of salt, he had to borrow money to afford the gas to meet me half way to get the children home. In the past he has gotten behind on childcare by almost $1000, I do not want to get put in that situation again.

 

[ecmst12]

I think its out of line. Don't even play the game. Simply, this is what you owe, and if he doesn't pay in reasonable time, file for contempt.

 

[Isis1]

The only reason i think you are out of line to ask that, is because i don't believe dad's excuse. It's the only thing he's got to whine about since he is ordered to pay. So, if he isn't paying he's in contempt.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

He's trying every excuse in the book from, you aren't working you don't need childcare (I am), you are making up invoices (if I was making up invoices I would make them up for a whole heck of a lot more), to well you didn't support them while they were here.
What is a reasonable amount of time? He is military, so I was thinking about sending him certified mail the bills from childcare with a note that if its not paid by XXX then the same mail will be sent to his command.

 

[sometwo]

if its not paid by XXX then the same mail will be sent to his command.

why not just file in court instead of making "threats"

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

why not just file in court instead of making "threats"

Because court is out of state for both of us, why bother the courts when commands take care of their own?

 

[Isis1]

Have you considered changing jurisdiction to you state?

 

[neopandora]

why not just file in court instead of making "threats"

And while addressing the contempt in Court why not ask for a clause something along the lines of "you will submit all bills to him within xx days with his payment to you to be within xx days of receipt."

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky

Refresher, 4 kids, I have full custody, dad lives 10+hours away, visitation is as agreed upon by both parties.
So the kids had their visit to their dad and have been home for a few weeks now. Well, kids have to go to camp because I am working. Court order says we both pay 50/50. Ex has complained that I did not give him any money for their expenses while they were there so he is now broke and cannot afford to pay his half of the daycare bill. I want to send him the following:

Well this is going to have a bearing on next time they come visit you. If you cannot afford to have them visit and still pay your bills after they leave then you are going to have to show me that you can afford it before they come visit again.

Am I out of line or is this reasonable? According to what he told me, yes with a grain of salt, he had to borrow money to afford the gas to meet me half way to get the children home. In the past he has gotten behind on childcare by almost $1000, I do not want to get put in that situation again.

In my opinion, that's out of line. If he isn't paying what he is supposed to be paying you take him back to court for contempt.

However you have to honor the visitation orders no matter what.

 

[CJane]

In my opinion, that's out of line. If he isn't paying what he is supposed to be paying you take him back to court for contempt.

However you have to honor the visitation orders no matter what.

AND while the visitation is "as agreed" ... I would NEVER connect "agreement" to finances. He doesn't have to PROVE to you that he can "afford" to have the kids. Any more than YOU have to prove that YOU can afford them.

Best thing (and I know it's easier said than done) is to find a program you can afford w/out his help if he can't be counted upon to pay his half.

Never, in 6 1/2 years have I requested "half" of a co-pay, Rx cost, rent for a musical instrument, fees for sports, etc. It's just not worth it to me. If I can't afford it on my own, the kids don't do it on my time. End of story.

There HAS to be SOMETHING in the area that would be affordable.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

AND while the visitation is "as agreed" ... I would NEVER connect "agreement" to finances. He doesn't have to PROVE to you that he can "afford" to have the kids. Any more than YOU have to prove that YOU can afford them.

Best thing (and I know it's easier said than done) is to find a program you can afford w/out his help if he can't be counted upon to pay his half.

Never, in 6 1/2 years have I requested "half" of a co-pay, Rx cost, rent for a musical instrument, fees for sports, etc. It's just not worth it to me. If I can't afford it on my own, the kids don't do it on my time. End of story.

There HAS to be SOMETHING in the area that would be affordable.

The only thing I ask for half on is the childcare. I pay all their Rx copays, sports etc. I agree, if I put them in sports it is my responsibility to pay. I do my best to let the kids do one activity each when I can afford it. The boys' Rx copays are not cheap but to me it is not worth the time it takes to get the money. Unfortunately the cost for summer childcare quadruples because it is 4 rather than 1, so I have to ask for help. When school starts again I won't be asking for it. He has a new baby to worry about, I can do the childcare on my own.

 

[LdiJ]

AND while the visitation is "as agreed" ... I would NEVER connect "agreement" to finances. He doesn't have to PROVE to you that he can "afford" to have the kids. Any more than YOU have to prove that YOU can afford them.

Best thing (and I know it's easier said than done) is to find a program you can afford w/out his help if he can't be counted upon to pay his half.

Never, in 6 1/2 years have I requested "half" of a co-pay, Rx cost, rent for a musical instrument, fees for sports, etc. It's just not worth it to me. If I can't afford it on my own, the kids don't do it on my time. End of story.

There HAS to be SOMETHING in the area that would be affordable.

I dunno...daycare is just plain expensive no matter what area you are in.

I understand what you mean about the rest of the things you mentioned, but daycare can be really tough to cover without some kind of help.

My daughter and I always worked opposite shifts (until she recently got daycare assistance), or she co-opted daycare with the mother of my granddaughter's sister, because we just couldn't afford daycare.

 

[Newlydivmomto4]

Its not even that much, I applied for financial aide and got it. I pay 30/child/week, which isn't didddly compared to what I used to pay. But when you are making minimum wage, I am working to pay for childcare. I did start a much better job today that I make 2x what I was, so that will make a huge difference. I will be self sufficient so that will be a lot better for us. However, I just started so I won't get paid til next month.

 

[CJane]

I dunno...daycare is just plain expensive no matter what area you are in.

I'm not necessarily disagreeing -- but Mom said camp, not day care. I KNOW I'm totally spoiled because my older kids are old enough to be home alone FINALLY and Twain's sitter lives up the road and charges me less than I'm sure it costs her just to FEED him 2 meals/day. But if I got that lucky, someone else has to be able to find someone who would essentially keep the kids for nearly nothing in the summer. Right?

 

[sometwo]

Never, in 6 1/2 years have I requested "half" of a co-pay, Rx cost, rent for a musical instrument, fees for sports, etc. It's just not worth it to me. If I can't afford it on my own, the kids don't do it on my time. End of story.

I agree. I went back to school and had to put stepson and daughter in daycare PLUS we had to pay for my schooling (no help student loans etc) I was a stay at home mom.

Mom doesn't pay child support for stepson or anything. My husband has never counted on anything from her.

Even now on the days I work I have to pay for childcare for both kids. It might be tough but you shouldn't count on anything from anyone. Even if they should or supposed to. people are people and nothing is guaranteed.