Am I required to bend on the Visitation Order?

[MommyMe]

I live in Virginia and have Primary Custody of my son who is 7 months old. His father has visitation every other weekend, alternate holidays and two weeks out of the summer. This is the arrangement we agreed on a few months back before the judge as I do want my son to have a relationship with his father. My son's father asked if he could have our son and I said no and was then threatened with court. My son's father is currently in a drug rehab, and has a suspended license. He's marrying his girlfriend of four months (we broke up 5 months ago) and is threatening to take me to court for custody since they will be married and will be a family. Does this actually happen? Since he's been having weekend visitation, my son has yet to be returned not sick. So I'm having trust issues with him and the care of our son. Am I required to allow him visitation whenever he wants? What is the purpose of a Visitation and Custody order? Sorry for rambling, but a reply to the few ?'s would be appreciated.

 

[jeanine]

You must adhere to the judge's order of visitation. 7 month olds get sick quite often, as do all children. Unless you can prove he's getting sick because of unsuitable living conditions, you don't have much of a gripe. Are they smoking and blowing smoke in the baby's face? Has their heat been turned off? If he has a suitable home environment for the child, then you have no reason to deny him visitation.

He can try for custody if he wants. It will be a long, drawn out process. Most likely, you will both have to see a psychologist who will determine who is the better parent. And yes, sometimes a home with a mom and dad as opposed to a mom might be seen as better for a child. I'd get an attorney if I were you. Doesn't sound though that you have grounds to deny visitation unless you've left out part of the story.

And being in drug rehab isn't terrible. He must know he has a problem and is taking the steps necessary to kick the habit.

 

[MommyMe]

I'm not denying him visitation during his times!!!

I have never denied him visitation during his scheduled visits. I meant when it's not his time. Does he have the right to threaten me if I'm adhering by the court order?

Also, he has 2 drunk in public, 2 possession of a controlled substance and driving while intoxicated. The Substance abuse program was court ordered.

I have every right to be concerned about my child !

Thanks for your input anyways.

 

[jeanine]

If it's not his time, it's not his time. As long as you adhere to the visitation schedule you are okay. And if he wants to schedule time to see his son and it's not his day, just kindly ask him to reread the visitation order and leave it at that.

Of course every mother is concerned for their child. Nothing wrong with that either. Just document any unusual behavior you see or if the child starts getting upset before seeing daddy. Then you'll know something's up and then have the courts look into it...

 

[smh33]

Your visitation/order is a guideline...if you choose to let ex have child at other times, that is pefectly fine. It is a fallback for structure, consistancy but, no agreement can address every single detail of life. If you had a special reason for wanting your ex to switch a weekend with you, do you not expect to be able to ask for this and for it to be considered by your ex?

We have all made our bad choices, mistakes in life...no one is perfect. I know people with 4 dui's but, they are great parents and thier bad judgement did not occur when child was with them. Can I just say, this is the man you chose to marry and have a child with..so if he is so bad,how does it reflect on your judgement? People change, things become different, some not in your control...I realize this but, I read moan/groan because 2nd parent not involved and yet when they try to be..it's not right either apparently. Yes, every parent has a right to be concerned for child. He probably makes threats out of anger, and it does not sound like a situation that a judge would change custody & ex's lawyer will probably advise him of same. You do not legally have to agree to anything outside of the set visit schedule but, if a visit request does not interfere with anything at your home and is not unreasonable..ie..last minute(always),disruptive to child's schedule remaining somewhat constant/structured,etc....why should you deny the request? Barring that anything harmful to the child is going on.

 

[crager34]

As the previous poster states, the order is a guideline. The specifics are spelled out with the every other weekend and so on... However, the order might have it worded something like:

Visitation in the best interest of the child. Specifically, Every other weekend....yada, yada, yada.

Meaning, he should be able to get the child more than what is specific, if it works well for you both. If he keeps asking for more time here and there, and you don't allow more time, other than the specific, he could have a case. In so far as getting the specifics increased, not a full custody change.

Read the order carefully. It's a legal document that is not open for interpretation. It is what it is, and nothing more or less.