another baby on the way

[onmytime]

What is the name of your state? AZ
My child's father and I have been very civil going through the court process and we were working on repairing our relationship. Today I was attempting to discuss some issues with him when he stated he was about to break. I asked him what he meant and he said he just couldn't take it any more. I told him I was going to call his mother & tell her how he was acting. (Not to be a tattle tale but his older brother killed his girlfriend & committed suicide. I felt his mother should know how her son was feeling).

Out of concern I asked him to tell me what he couldn't take and he informed me that he had gotten another woman pregnant. A woman he knew from college came into town on business and he slept with her. My child's father is free to do whatever and do whoever he wants. It's obvious he & I's problems weren't really our problems but his own. I am not so much hurt as angry that he has taken such irresponsible actions. I firmly explained to him regardless of our differences that he is still our son's father & it would be nice for him to be around and not take such risk with his life as well as not try to single handedly populate the world (he has two other children from a previous marriage). He himself is devasted at what he has done.

My child's father is an educated man & genuinely a good person who has made some bad decisions. I can't not understand his actions & will not try. What's done is done. I know what is best is to move on, focus on my children & myself. When we initially decided to part ways we established he would have visitation every other Saturday until the court order was established (at this time he only visits when his work schedule allows him to see our child, which may be once a month sometimes). He is wanting overnights when his work schedule permits it. He stated that he was not thinking about taking his own life. However I am concerned that his irrational behavior coupled with the inability to cope and 50-60 hour work weeks is not the ideal situation for overnigth visitation. Although I am worried, is this something my attorney should know (my child's father's feelings & the new pregnancy)? Would anything become of it as a result of me discussing this with my attorney? I'm just concerned for my child & his father.

 

[Ambr]

Your attorney needs to know absolutely everything.

Let me ask you this ---- when he was telling you about his feelings why did you feel the sudden urge to call his mom? Concern for what he might do?

Where are his visits to take place?
Who will be there?
His brothers mental health isn't an issue, his is -- has he had problems in the past with violence to himself or others?
Do you think he will harm your child?

 

[onmytime]

Your attorney needs to know absolutely everything.

Let me ask you this ---- when he was telling you about his feelings why did you feel the sudden urge to call his mom? Concern for what he might do?

Where are his visits to take place?
Who will be there?
His brothers mental health isn't an issue, his is -- has he had problems in the past with violence to himself or others?
Do you think he will harm your child?

I felt the urge to call his mom because when his brother committed suicide she was unknowing of his feelings and she didn't have the opportunity to talk with him.

He is welcome to visit at my home or take our son to his house where he lives alone and his daughters occassionally visit.

He is not violent and has not had any problems. He has never hurt me or my children. He does own a gun, which has always made me feel uncomfortable. Personally I just don't like guns. I would like to think that he would never hurt our child. However I have read too many stories where the dad or mom kill the family or the children because they were depressed or couldn't handle the stress. I don't feel my child's father is at that point but then again considering the news of the pregnancy I'm unsure about anything he does. I just don't know.

 

[Ambr]

If he hasn't ever shown signs of depression or suicidal tendencies or violence towards you or the children --- what's changed to make you wonder now?

Lots of people work 50-60 hour weeks without snapping. 50 is a usual for me. Shoot --- most of the ones that snap are the good ones, you know the ones they describe as the perfect neighbor, never knew anything was wrong. Being frustrated and knowing that you need to unplugged and rejuvenate is a healthy thing (IN MY OPINION). Knowing you need to talk and help is a good thing --- denial is the nasty critter that gets you in trouble.

Without a history of these things -- I don't think a judge would have a problem granting him over night visitations (which you have given him before) or weekend visitations.

Of course, my opinion doesn't mean alot. With that and a couple of bucks you could buy a cup of coffee. LO!!!

 

[onmytime]

If he hasn't ever shown signs of depression or suicidal tendencies or violence towards you or the children --- what's changed to make you wonder now? What has changed is the irrational behavior. He already told me he wasn't able to afford child support and is very upset over our court process. I don't think he will shoot me, his coworkers or family tomorrow, maybe his private since that is what keeps getting him in trouble.

Lots of people work 50-60 hour weeks without snapping. 50 is a usual for me. Shoot --- most of the ones that snap are the good ones, you know the ones they describe as the perfect neighbor, never knew anything was wrong. Being frustrated and knowing that you need to unplugged and rejuvenate is a healthy thing (IN MY OPINION). Knowing you need to talk and help is a good thing --- denial is the nasty critter that gets you in trouble.

Without a history of these things -- I don't think a judge would have a problem granting him over night visitations (which you have given him before) or weekend visitations. He has never had overnights with our child. His schedule has not permitted him the luxury of spending the kind of time he would like with our child.
Of course, my opinion doesn't mean alot. With that and a couple of bucks you could buy a cup of coffee. LO!!!

Thank you for the input, I will at least bring it up to my attorney and let him decide what route is best.

 

[lonelyandsad]

i miss you kasey and jay!

id try to get him professional help.if possible.almost 3 years ago,my sister went to her husbands workplace,shot him,then turned the gun on herself,she was a month away from her 22nd birhtday.she and her husband were having legal problems,but we never thought it would come to this,she never told anyone she was thinking about this.now their children are being raised by our aunt and uncle.if it was me,id take any threat seriously,especially since he has a gun,you just never know.

 

[kat1963]

id try to get him professional help.if possible.almost 3 years ago,my sister went to her husbands workplace,shot him,then turned the gun on herself,she was a month away from her 22nd birhtday.she and her husband were having legal problems,but we never thought it would come to this,she never told anyone she was thinking about this.now their children are being raised by our aunt and uncle.if it was me,id take any threat seriously,especially since he has a gun,you just never know.

Damn Kelly don't you feel horrible they didn't let you raise them?? I mean what with the 15 other kids you have already?

Your friend;

Alice

 

[LdiJ]

Damn Kelly don't you feel horrible they didn't let you raise them?? I mean what with the 15 other kids you have already?

Your friend;

Alice

Ok...that was uncalled for. She simply made the point that people who we believe are ok sometimes snap and do unbelieveable things. It happens all the time...we see it on the news all the time. Taking a posters VALID point and using it to slam them is wrong.

A good friend of mine is divorced. Her ex didn't take the divorce well but he certainly didn't seem in any way suicidal. He stuck a shotgun down his throat and committed suicide while the children were with him for Christmas visitation. Do you think those kids will ever get over that?